(http://i.imgur.com/hINj1xf.png)
YES!!!
Despite their size and strength, the two frontal appendages of the human end in articulated tentacles. These tentacles are dextrous enough to operate all known control units. These tentacles are also tipped with a clawlike bone structure and can cause great bodily harm.
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 04:23:12 AM
YES!!!
Despite their size and strength, the two frontal appendages of the human end in articulated tentacles. These tentacles are dextrous enough to operate all known control units. These tentacles are also tipped with a clawlike bone structure and can cause great bodily harm.
Humans can survive extremes of temperature without an environment suit.
They first went into space in a tin can tied to a giant chemical rocket.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 20, 2013, 04:28:15 AM
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 04:23:12 AM
YES!!!
Despite their size and strength, the two frontal appendages of the human end in articulated tentacles. These tentacles are dextrous enough to operate all known control units. These tentacles are also tipped with a clawlike bone structure and can cause great bodily harm.
Humans can survive extremes of temperature without an environment suit.
They first went into space in a tin can tied to a giant chemical rocket.
Human infants can breathe on their own within seconds of birth.
They eyes of humans have what is called a 'focusing' ability. This allows them to see both near and far with great clarity.
Humans constantly carry around a 3d map of their local environment, just so that they can calculate (by instinct, mind you) the perfect trajectory to beam you in your head with this 2 lb rock. Evolving from the forests of their ancestors (which they later burned to the ground) has given them the most powerful fastball in the primate family.
Humans invented ferret-legging. For fun.
Mildly NSFW (http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/there-is-a-brazilian-mascot-for-testicular-cancer-named-mr-b), maybe.
What a gig.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 20, 2013, 03:50:32 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/hINj1xf.png)
This was one of my most favorite things I've seen this month.
Quote from: McGrupp on August 19, 2013, 11:01:25 PM
(http://i39.tinypic.com/34jewy9.png)
(http://i41.tinypic.com/6hpa3c.jpg)
That is absolutely perfect.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 07:22:56 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 20, 2013, 03:50:32 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/hINj1xf.png)
This was one of my most favorite things I've seen this month.
BUT TAKE AWAY OUR INTELLIGENCE AND THEN WHAT? WE LOSE IN A FIST FIGHT WITH A CAT.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 20, 2013, 03:50:32 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/hINj1xf.png)
Humans once had difficulty keeping other organisms from eating their stored grains, so they poisoned their own food supply with ethanol, an antibiological that easily dissolves in water and permeates through almost all terrestrial membranes. This kept both rodents and fungus off of their food. How were humans able to eat it? They simply evolved virtual immunity to ethanol.
Humans possess a powerful immune system - so powerful, that in old age*, it frequently overwhelms the old, "weak" human's body and begins destroying joints, cartilage, and other soft tissue. By itself, this is rarely fatal; the human continues to move about, albeit more slowly and with extreme pain. It takes the destruction of the heart to actually kill them.
*Human females can survive
decades after their reproductive systems fail. One of the humans great strengths is that they have a pool of post-reproductive elders contributing to society long after they ought to be dead. These lich-queens do everything from growing food and constructing war machines to running goverment and raising youth. The last is perhaps the most frightening - with a grand-mother's assistance, humans reduce the cycle time between births from 2-3 years to
a birth every single year. And grand-mothers can assist more than one reproductive female this way.
Human beings have a natural inclination to roam, so much so that they have built a huge infrastructure of machines to extend their range. Even with these machines, and even with a centralized food distribution system, the urge to roam is so strong that they will routinely leave their homes for hours at a time with no purpose other than covering miles of ground. They will walk for five, ten, or even twenty or more miles, often uphill or over rough terrain, just for fun.
This is a grenade. It is a small hand held device. When activated it is thrown at aggressors. This 'grenade' device will then explode in a chemical reaction sending shards of metal in all directions which will burn and or lacerate all organic beings in the immediate area. Humans invented this... ON PURPOSE!
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 05:56:50 PM
This is a grenade. It is a small hand held device. When activated it is thrown at aggressors. This 'grenade' device will then explode in a chemical reaction sending shards of metal in all directions which will burn and or lacerate all organic beings in the immediate area. Humans invented this... ON PURPOSE!
This is a flame-thrower. It is essentially a hose that throws out fire on demand. This device was purely invented to burn other humans alive while remaining outside of a potentially dangerous situation. Early versions exploded at random. New versions are not much safer. Despite the stated purpose of being used to burn other humans alive, many humans still think that the flame-thrower is one of the coolest things ever invented.
There be mileage in this here joke. Thread split?
Quote from: Junkenstein on August 20, 2013, 06:17:29 PM
Because the stated purpose of being used to burn other humans alive, many humans still think that the flame-thrower is one of the coolest things ever invented.
Fixed.
QuoteQuote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 05:56:50 PM
This is a grenade. It is a small hand held device. When activated it is thrown at aggressors. This 'grenade' device will then explode in a chemical reaction sending shards of metal in all directions which will burn and or lacerate all organic beings in the immediate area. Humans invented this... ON PURPOSE!
This slightly bigger one has many names, we will call it the bouncing betty. It can simply be described as a tiny landmine, that is a grenade you hide in the ground, humans use these to kill playing children decades after the war ended, anyway a tiny landmine below a grenade. The tiny landmine is just big enough to put the grenade at eyelevel just to scare their enemies just before they blow them to pieces.
They have this game called 'armsrace'. They play this game before, during and after wars with their current, future and past enemies. As will be covered later, that includes everyone and many things, even some abstract concepts like terror. Yes they even declared war on terror! Try to wrap your head around that one, kids. Anyway I am getting distracted. Armsrace is a game where each nation tries to develop the most deadly weapon, often with no intent of actually ever using it (though they usually do end up doing so. See: Hiroshima) Why they think this is fun? No one learned that and stayed sane. In one of those armsraces they built something called the Mother of all Bombs that had an explosion about 80 times bigger than your house. The other side responded with the Father of all Bombs that was supposedly 4 times as powerful.
I would propose we run and keep running but they are pursuit predators so they would catch up eventually. So you see the only solution is immediate extermination. Before they leave their planet.
That is the last thing professor Xorp said before being locked up in the mental hospital for the criminally insane.
Humans live for nearly a century and females are able to produce young at a rate of up to one per year for an average of thirty years. From about two years of age up until their death, humans must spend enormous amounts of time just... walking around. They have a peculiar metabolism that requires them to expend energy constantly in order to expand their ability to store energy, so the more they expend energy, paradoxically, the more robust they become. As a result of this, they must eat constantly, and they spend much of this walking-around time looking for things to eat. They can metabolize nearly anything -- plant matter, fungus, or animal -- at nearly any stage of growth, and their first impulse upon encountering anything new is to wonder whether they can eat it.
If you encounter a human, DO NOT FLEE. You cannot run fast enough. Your best chance of surviving an encounter with one of these creatures is to remain unnoticed. Stay still, hidden or covered if possible.
(http://www.globalexpressghana.com/wp-content/uploads/2013//jungle-gold-Amma-Bonsu.jpg)
This is a Strip Mining Operation. Humans defoliate large areas of jungle and rainforest to dig small quantities of rare metals from the ground. Thousands upon thousands of tons of earth is sieved to find these metals. Methods vary from by hand using poisons that damage themselves to large mechanical equipment. Despite the values of these metals, those tasked with finding them often live in poor conditions and rarely profit from their discovery, even in exceptional quantities.
Methods determining where to mine vary from guessing to convincing others you have already guessed correctly and want a "Cut"
(http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/images/localworld/ugc-images/275796/Article/images/18856226/4804705.jpg)
This is a "Factory". Humans congregate here daily to manufacture things in great quantities for humans all over the world to consume. Many Factories produce goods that the workers will never be able to afford or own. Humans still do this nonetheless as this is frequently the only opportunity the human will have to obtain food tokens. Many humans are envious of those who work in factories which should give you an idea of the number of strata in human society.
The primary function of the Factory is to produce "profit" for the factory owner. Profit is what the Factory owners company is legally required to increase every year. Humans see no issue with sustainability in this regard and all Factory owners are expected to do this every year. Failure results in "Firing".
Humans can tell where their limbs are, even if their eyes are closed, or for some other reason they cannot see said limbs.
Humans invented the sharp stick. To stab other humans. Imagine what they'd do to US?
Humans have devised numerous computer simulations where they go out and essentially kill 100s of simulated enemies in an hour for entertainment purposes. They begin playing these games a mere few years after birth. Human male children are encouraged to refine their aggression with foam weaponry. Children are regularly inducted into a paramilitary organization at the age of 6 in order to get them accustomed to adapting to multiple environments and tool using.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 20, 2013, 06:51:19 PM
Humans can tell where their limbs are, even if their eyes are closed, or for some other reason they cannot see said limbs.
Humans invented the sharp stick. To stab other humans. Imagine what they'd do to US?
Humans also use sticks to examine things that are unrecognizable to them, using a poking method. Best to play dead in these situations, unless the human looks hungry.
Humans set off fission and fusion bombs on their own planet. The first two were at the end of a war, but then they set them off for decades afterward, presumably for entertainment.
Humans set up an organization among themselves specifically for the purpose of ending war, and then used it to start all kinds of wars.
Humans kill off millions of organisms on their planet per month, as a side effect of activities not even related directly to eating. When one of them asks whether this is an ethical thing to do (they have to ask!), that individual is immediately shunned.
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 20, 2013, 06:52:43 PM
Humans have devised numerous computer simulations where they go out and essentially kill 100s of simulated enemies in an hour for entertainment purposes. They begin playing these games a mere few years after birth. Human male children are encouraged to refine their aggression with foam weaponry. Children are regularly inducted into a paramilitary organization at the age of 6 in order to get them accustomed to adapting to multiple environments and tool using.
Some humans short-cut this and draft children directly into the military. Their reproduction rate allows for almost sustainable replacements.
Adult humans have the option to join a group that allows them to transfer several of these skills to kill other humans. Alpha humans then give them "medals" which are tokens of esteem.
(http://world.guns.ru/userfiles/images/assault/as01/ak47_1.jpg)
This is a gun. Humans have created nearly endless varieties. The primary function of the gun is to throw a small chunk of metal for some distance with the goal of killing something, often another human. Discussing guns with humans results in unpredictable reactions which makes you question why any humans are allowed access to any guns.
Many humans seem to exhibit the ability to communicate with mysterious noncorporeal creatures they call gods. These gods supposedly tell them how to behave and get along. In practice, this usually leads to humans killing each other because those gods told them to do two different things. Many humans disbelieve the existence of gods, which leads to the startling conclusion that it is possible that most humans are hallucinating on a regular basis.
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 20, 2013, 07:01:40 PM
Many humans seem to exhibit the ability to communicate with mysterious noncorporeal creatures they call gods. These gods supposedly tell them how to behave and get along. In practice, this usually leads to humans killing each other because those gods told them to do two different things. Many humans disbelieve the existence of gods, which leads to the startling conclusion that it is possible that most humans are hallucinating on a regular basis.
The humans who disbelieve the existence of gods have also been known to kill vast numbers of humans for believing in gods.
Humans seem to need an excuse of some sort to kill one another, but if they cannot find one they will make one up, usually a fairly absurd one. Aside from gods they have also killed one another over the proper ways to organize their governments and economies and which end to crack an egg (the unformed fetus of another Earth creature known as a bird)
Now an atheist thread.
/tgrr
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1d/Syringe2.jpg/235px-Syringe2.jpg)
Humans have distilled a wide variety of drugs and substances. Beyond this, Humans routinely cultivate disease for the creation of vaccines. This involves humans injecting other humans with a variant of a disease that they do not wish to get in the future. There appears to be a nearly endless mix of things that humans have concocted for ailments or recreation but research on some of these is arbitrary blocked by Alpha humans. It seems humans want to remove most disease but not all of it.
Humans use more exchange tokens on "Guns" and "Grenades" than "Vaccines" and other medical technologies.
Humans naturally form global networks to force greater numbers of humans to work themselves to early deaths so that a tiny percentage of humans can accumulate vast quantities of things they don't need and rarely use.
Humans are prone to disease, but unlike ourselves upon becoming ill they often recover and are then immune to that disease forever. In some cases the disease will continue to incubate within their bodies and can infect others without causing serious injury to the host. Humans are walking stores of biological contamination.
Humans are known to wear dehydrated animal skins in various patterns. Some of these patterns spark a mating response and create more humans.
In times of food shortages, or just for fun, Humans have been known to eat other humans.
Humans, in addition to eating almost anything organic, can process many inorganic minerals in their digestive system. These include sodium, copper, iron, and zinc.
Humans have spent 250,000 years, or roughly 12,500 reproductive cycles, perfecting their mastery of ending life. They have spent about 0.0002% of that time learning to leave the confines of their planet. If they are allowed to develop hyperluminal travel technology, watch the fuck out.
Quote from: V3X on August 20, 2013, 07:33:25 PM
Humans have spent 250,000 years, or roughly 12,500 reproductive cycles, perfecting their mastery of ending life. They have spent about 0.0002% of that time learning to leave the confines of their planet. If they are allowed to develop hyperluminal travel technology, watch the fuck out.
Human science fiction has at its center, hostile non-Terrans. They're expecting a fight already.
Humans have developed numerous forms of transportation for traveling over land, under water and in the air, in relative comfort. They had also begun developing various forms of space travel, but just as fast as their methods were advancing, they turned their attention elsewhere, because space travel was "too boring". It is still important to note that when they are determined, Humans can go ANYWHERE.
Hide from the human's eyes. I cannot emphasize this enough. They can see for hundreds of yards. The spectrum of light they can process is ridiculously huge. That wall of plexi that is opaque to you? They can see through it. They can detect motion. They can differentiate shapes. They can even see in all but the most complete darkness.
Remember when you hide! If you can see their eyes, they can see you!
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 07:42:55 PM
Hide from the human's eyes. I cannot emphasize this enough. They can see for hundreds of yards. The spectrum of light they can process is ridiculously huge. That wall of plexi that is opaque to you? They can see through it. They can detect motion. They can differentiate shapes. They can even see in all but the most complete darkness.
Remember when you hide! If you can see their eyes, they can see you!
That's actually a creepy thought...
Humans are hard-wired to notice the form of a living organism even when there is no such organism present, just in case they need to shoot something.
Experimental data suggest that humans can survive for as long as a minute in total vacuum.
Humans can pursue you in any environment, even water.
Humans deliberately hunt things that are physically far more dangerous than themselves, for sport.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 20, 2013, 07:54:22 PM
Humans can pursue you in any environment, even water.
Humans deliberately hunt things that are physically far more dangerous than themselves, for sport.
Holy crap, we do...
Human cognition supports long-term memory and efficient interpersonal communications. If one of them sees you, they will all know where you are.
Humans inhale the smoke of poisonous plants, which are known to cause organ damage and cancer. They can't explain why. They just do it.
Humans are so intent on Having A Good Time that they will literally destroy entire populations of other humans who represent competition for plentiful resources. With fire. From flying robots. Because even the act of killing one another is automated in order to free their time for what they consider more important things, like drinking poison until they fall over.
Damn. We are some bad ass motherfuckers, ain't we?
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 20, 2013, 08:09:33 PM
Damn. We are some bad ass motherfuckers, ain't we?
We're like predator. Only SEXIER.
We reproduce without needing to go into heat.
Humans have such a high opinion of themselves as a species that they experience a nearly spontaneous mating response when presented with a depiction of other members of their species reproducing.
Humans excrete more than any sentient species. Furthermore they do not seem to regard the activity of 'sweating' as excretion. This has made diplomacy...unpleasant.
Early humans would hunt your species into extinction he they found you particularly tasty. Modern humans still hunt you into into extinction now for amusement purposes but if they find you particularly tasty now it ensures your species survival. Your fate as an individual usually involves a conveyor belt however.
Quote from: V3X on August 20, 2013, 08:12:08 PM
Humans have such a high opinion of themselves as a species that they experience a nearly spontaneous mating response when presented with a depiction of other members of their species reproducing.
Humans consider reproduction so important that they banned the best protection against their many sexually transmitted diseases on the one continent where the worst of their STDs are rampant.
Humans have several diseases caused by canibalism. While canibalism isn't widely practiced anymore, they do force their livestock to either starve or eat their own species, sometimes even their relatives.
Humans are pretty stubborn and have difficulty accepting that some goal might be more effort than its worth. No the human will devise new strategies and tools because you are now a personal challenge. If you strike back it will take offense and finish the job on principle. If you manage to kill the human other humans will come in groups to get you either because youve proved a worthy challenge revenge or perceived threat.
One standard human mating ritual involves the consumption of animal carcasses and disinfectant followed by viewing the fictionalized account of killing where the most likable killer goes on to mate with the most alluring female at the end.
When humans arrive they may want to sign something called a treaty. Dont fall for it. All that means is there arent enough of them or they havent figured out the best way to kill you yet.
Maintain radio silence. Earth is listening.
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 07:42:55 PM
Hide from the human's eyes. I cannot emphasize this enough. They can see for hundreds of yards. The spectrum of light they can process is ridiculously huge. That wall of plexi that is opaque to you? They can see through it. They can detect motion. They can differentiate shapes. They can even see in all but the most complete darkness.
Remember when you hide! If you can see their eyes, they can see you!
Research based on salvaged human remains indicates that the photon sensing organs (commonly "eyes") can detect three wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation as well as photon density. The photons are detected using two structures in the interior of the organ, one of which is used in in low-light situations and the other collects detailed information about the size, shape, and chemical composition of the object being observed. The orientation of human eyes slightly apart and facing the same direction gives humans the ability to rapidly calculate distances to the objects being observed by use of the parallax effect (a calculation which appears to be done nearly instantaneously). Humans effectively have two fields of vision: one where distance, shape, and other details are easily determined which is believed to be roughly a 90 degree arc (not accounting for movement of the head or the eyes themselves, which makes their field of vision nearly 360 degrees); the second is a specialized type of vision present only on the edges of the standard field of vision which does not process detailed information but motion and changes in light. When this secondary vision detects information that may indicate the presence of predators (or prey) humans are observed to immediately shift focus to the potential threat.
In addition to the explicable data based on observation and autopsy, humans appear to be equipped with still another method of detecting potential threats. If the human is observed from the rear, outside of both fields of vision, small keratin spines at the base of the neck will stiffen, causing the human to turn around and scan for potential threats. Our researchers are currently unable to detect the mechanism by which these keratin spines are activated, and what information we have been able to gather from the humans' own publications indicates that this may also have escaped their own ability to explain.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on August 21, 2013, 05:18:49 AM
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 07:42:55 PM
Hide from the human's eyes. I cannot emphasize this enough. They can see for hundreds of yards. The spectrum of light they can process is ridiculously huge. That wall of plexi that is opaque to you? They can see through it. They can detect motion. They can differentiate shapes. They can even see in all but the most complete darkness.
Remember when you hide! If you can see their eyes, they can see you!
Research based on salvaged human remains indicates that the photon sensing organs (commonly "eyes") can detect three wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation as well as photon density. The photons are detected using two structures in the interior of the organ, one of which is used in in low-light situations and the other collects detailed information about the size, shape, and chemical composition of the object being observed. The orientation of human eyes slightly apart and facing the same direction gives humans the ability to rapidly calculate distances to the objects being observed by use of the parallax effect (a calculation which appears to be done nearly instantaneously). Humans effectively have two fields of vision: one where distance, shape, and other details are easily determined which is believed to be roughly a 90 degree arc (not accounting for movement of the head or the eyes themselves, which makes their field of vision nearly 360 degrees); the second is a specialized type of vision present only on the edges of the standard field of vision which does not process detailed information but motion and changes in light. When this secondary vision detects information that may indicate the presence of predators (or prey) humans are observed to immediately shift focus to the potential threat.
In addition to the explicable data based on observation and autopsy, humans appear to be equipped with still another method of detecting potential threats. If the human is observed from the rear, outside of both fields of vision, small keratin spines at the base of the neck will stiffen, causing the human to turn around and scan for potential threats. Our researchers are currently unable to detect the mechanism by which these keratin spines are activated, and what information we have been able to gather from the humans' own publications indicates that this may also have escaped their own ability to explain.
Jesus crap i think thats the best explanation of human alertness ive ever seen. Especially the unexplained im being watched sensation.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on August 21, 2013, 05:18:49 AM
Quote from: McGrupp on August 20, 2013, 07:42:55 PM
Hide from the human's eyes. I cannot emphasize this enough. They can see for hundreds of yards. The spectrum of light they can process is ridiculously huge. That wall of plexi that is opaque to you? They can see through it. They can detect motion. They can differentiate shapes. They can even see in all but the most complete darkness.
Remember when you hide! If you can see their eyes, they can see you!
Research based on salvaged human remains indicates that the photon sensing organs (commonly "eyes") can detect three wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation as well as photon density. The photons are detected using two structures in the interior of the organ, one of which is used in in low-light situations and the other collects detailed information about the size, shape, and chemical composition of the object being observed. The orientation of human eyes slightly apart and facing the same direction gives humans the ability to rapidly calculate distances to the objects being observed by use of the parallax effect (a calculation which appears to be done nearly instantaneously). Humans effectively have two fields of vision: one where distance, shape, and other details are easily determined which is believed to be roughly a 90 degree arc (not accounting for movement of the head or the eyes themselves, which makes their field of vision nearly 360 degrees); the second is a specialized type of vision present only on the edges of the standard field of vision which does not process detailed information but motion and changes in light. When this secondary vision detects information that may indicate the presence of predators (or prey) humans are observed to immediately shift focus to the potential threat.
In addition to the explicable data based on observation and autopsy, humans appear to be equipped with still another method of detecting potential threats. If the human is observed from the rear, outside of both fields of vision, small keratin spines at the base of the neck will stiffen, causing the human to turn around and scan for potential threats. Our researchers are currently unable to detect the mechanism by which these keratin spines are activated, and what information we have been able to gather from the humans' own publications indicates that this may also have escaped their own ability to explain.
Now I'm afraid of humans.
If you have time to read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_eye I can't recommend it highly enough for nightmare fuel.
http://screen.yahoo.com/sea-snail-found-little-boys-215504515.html
With humans, when this happens, the human just has another pet.
Humans ingest alcohol. For fun.
Humans can learn to not be a person.
Humans can teach each other how not to be persons.
Humans compete when cooperation is easier.
Humans pick the worst possible world leaders, just for laughs.
Humans will often kill over such slights as the color of your clothing or cuticle.
Exhibit A:
Humans enslaved a species of tetrapod more than 10,000 years ago, interfering in normal mating processes to produce a more compliant slave species. Individuals of this slave species typically outweigh their captors by as much as 10 times, and are armed with dual head spikes and hardened structures at the ends of their appendages, but are generally docile due to life in captivity and breeding programs. Some individuals commit acts of minor resistance and are often used in sport wherein they are humiliated by humans riding on their back, or are slowly tortured to death by armed humans in ritual combat. Both forms of punitive sport are regarded as entertainment by humans and attract wide audiences.
These slave animals are typically slaughtered after reaching a specified weight and their flesh consumed by humans. The females, being part of the same subset of animals as the human, produce a nourishing substance for their young in the first years of life. Humans monitor the reproductive cycles of these slave females and extract the nutrient fluid for processing and human consumption. Some of the fluid is treated with substances that cause it to spoil rapidly, which is then pressed to remove nearly all the fluid and retain the lipid and protein content, then stored in buildings, often for half a full orbit of their parent star or more, before it is consumed.
The less said about the ritual sacrifice of selected young of this slave species the better.
We're TERRIFYING. :lulz:
Exhibit B:
Humans enslaved a species of the less-mobile photosynthesizing group of life over 8,000 years ago, interfering with the normal reproductive cycle to suit their own tastes. Individuals of this species are kept in specialized holding areas, protected from natural predator species through the application of toxic chemical compounds. Offshoots of the species have been selectively bred for different purposes, some retaining almost none of the original reproductive capabilities of the original species. Humans remove the child buds for consumption before they can become implanted in the soil. Some species are used exclusively for the purpose of extracting sugary fluids from these child buds. While the sugary fluid is sometimes consumed in its original form, it is more often placed in storage containers and purposefully allowed to spoil. This spoiled fluid contains toxic chemicals which impair human's judgement, cause extensive organ damage, and damage any offspring the humans may be carrying. They create and consume this fluid voluntarily, in some cases at great personal expense.
Humans:
Can now read in pitch black conditions.
http://www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2013/08/chinese-boy-with-ability-to-see-in-pitch-black-stuns-medics.html
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 22, 2013, 02:27:52 AM
Humans:
Can now read in pitch black conditions.
http://www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2013/08/chinese-boy-with-ability-to-see-in-pitch-black-stuns-medics.html
It's a neat story, but I'm skeptical. I'll explain why if you're curious, but not in this thread.
Quote from: FOCUS GROUP RAGEMONKEY OF HATE HATE HATE on August 22, 2013, 02:35:02 AM
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 22, 2013, 02:27:52 AM
Humans:
Can now read in pitch black conditions.
http://www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2013/08/chinese-boy-with-ability-to-see-in-pitch-black-stuns-medics.html
It's a neat story, but I'm skeptical. I'll explain why if you're curious, but not in this thread.
I am myself, but I thought it would be a funny addition to the thread. But I'm willing to hear it.
Humans have a different word for most kinds of stupidity. They call it 'bravery'.
The most recent example is a plan by unskilled enthousiasts to colonize their neighbouring planet.
This neighbouring planet has no molten core to protect it from the solar wind and is colder than their home planet's polar areas in winter.
It has no special resources making it worth colonizing yet these dabblers are going to try anyway. Within a month of the presentation of their poorly researched and incomplete plan they got a thousand volunteers. While there are some humans that think this is really really stupid, most just think it is 'brave'.
Quote from: :regret: on January 17, 2014, 12:09:45 AM
Humans have a different word for most kinds of stupidity. They call it 'bravery'.
The most recent example is a plan by unskilled enthousiasts to colonize their neighbouring planet.
This neighbouring planet has no molten core to protect it from the solar wind and is colder than their home planet's polar areas in winter.
It has no special resources making it worth colonizing yet these dabblers are going to try anyway. Within a month of the presentation of their poorly researched and incomplete plan they got a thousand volunteers. While there are some humans that think this is really really stupid, most just think it is 'brave'.
:lulz:
Thanks for bumping this.
I kind of want to create a Tumblr account for this, using the "seeing humans as dangerous beasts" angle. and blatantly stealing your ideas.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 17, 2014, 01:23:33 PM
Thanks for bumping this.
I kind of want to create a Tumblr account for this, using the "seeing humans as dangerous beasts" angle. and blatantly stealing your ideas.
Do eeeet! You can use anything of mine in any way you see fit.
There's worse people that we can have our ideas blatantly stolen from. :)
Humans will shift whole pounds of pressure across their bodies, holding the pressure in places that cause pain that lasts days, months, years, decades so they can avoid emotional reaction.
Ahh, I can do that better. I will have to think it over, but I missed this hread before. Is good thread.
Humans are known to expose themselves to solar radiation on purpose, because they believe the resulting damage to their epidermal layer makes them more attractive to prospective mates. Oddly, they are surprised when this leads to skin cancer.
I read this recently, this thread reminds me of it:
http://365tomorrows.com/01/03/spacesuit/
Quote from: Alty on January 18, 2014, 12:04:14 AM
Ahh, I can do that better. I will have to think it over, but I missed this hread before. Is good thread.
I like your entry on emotional reaction. Is good post in good thread.
Humans are listening for your radio signals.
Humans are working on FTL.
Humans are looking for the spectral fingerprint of life on your atmosphere.
Humans feel alone.
Humans are destroying themselves because it's profitable.
Humans are EAGER to TALK to YOU. And find a way to VISIT you....
...with the best of intentions of course.
Humans are.... "altruistic"
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 18, 2014, 04:40:14 AM
Humans are working on FTL.
I think that was covered under OH GOD OH GOD THE HUMANS HAVE FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 18, 2014, 04:43:05 AM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 18, 2014, 04:40:14 AM
Humans are working on FTL.
I think that was covered under OH GOD OH GOD THE HUMANS HAVE FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES.
It bears repeating.
You know all of those sci-fi stories we wrote about alien invaders who are invading for no particular reason other than to kill us dead?
Humanity projecting onto a non-existent species. Just switch the protagonist around and that's humans for ya.
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 18, 2014, 04:51:00 AM
You know all of those sci-fi stories we wrote about alien invaders who are invading for no particular reason other than to kill us dead?
They know. THEY KNOW.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 18, 2014, 04:53:15 AM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 18, 2014, 04:51:00 AM
You know all of those sci-fi stories we wrote about alien invaders who are invading for no particular reason other than to kill us dead?
They know. THEY KNOW.
:SHHHH: the humans are listening, right fucking now. Kill the technology.
That's gotta be a hell of a thing though.
Alien civilization: We just figured out the electromagnetic spectrum and how to disperse information across it.... Oh.... Hmmm.... seems we're not alone. Let's decode the message. Ok, we've figured out the dominant language on this highly fractured planet. Oh. Uh. Surface message of peace but intense xenophobia. Like, kill our asses dead xenophobia. Judging from their fiction. Oh... hehe... they're more technologically advanced than us, based on light year distance. Ah. There's a strange thing in orbit....