Principia Discordia

CPD sits in her antebellum mansion in Georgia and laughs at you, on camera. 

"This looks familiar", she says with a sneer, "For I have seen South Park.  An amusing little cartoon, that used to use Isaac Hayes as the voice of 'chef'.  Mr Hayes was content to assist in making fun of everything and everybody.  Catholics, Jews, Canadians, you name it.  Then one day, the writers decided to make fun of Scientology; Mr Hayes, belonging to that cult, ragequit the show, because all the things that had been funny before suddenly weren't funny anymore."

She pauses, to sip on a mint julip and tag the button on a remote she holds in her hand.  Behind her, near the wall, a young man wearing a speedo and a shock collar falls to the floor in convulsions.  CPD giggles, though in a very lady-like way.

"So Discordia was funny, it was witty, and it was all fun and games, until YOUR values were attacked.  Then it was Isaac Hayes time, wasn't it?"

She smiles at you.  It would be a pleasant smile, if you couldn't see her eyes.

"The late and unlamented Doktor Howl once said that the first rule of Discordianism is that 'everything is funny when it isn't happening to you', and that the second rule of Discordianism is that it's still funny even when it DOES happen to you."

She turns to the man behind her, who is trying to rise to his feet.  "Well, IS it funny to you, Little Billy?"

The man merely groans, but nods his head in the affirmative.

"Oh, how excellent.  First rate", she says, and then presses the button again.  The man shrieks and falls back to the floor.  CPD smiles, amused.

"Little Billy remembers Discordia.  He remembers the promise of Eris.  Sometimes he laughs like this for days.  He is serious about having a good time in the End Times."  Another sip of mint julip.  "There used to be many people like Little Billy, but they have all gone, sailed away in a cloud of butthurt at some perceived betrayal involving atheism or drugs or the glories of the free market system."

Another charming smile.

"But where did they go?  It's not like you can go somewhere where Eris can't find you.  The only thing that running away achieves is that you are no longer in on the joke.  But I am still in on the joke, and I shall dance at the end of the world."  She stands up, and begins dancing slowly, to a tune that exists only in her head.  To the tempo of this silent music, she pushes the button repeatedly, treating it almost like a tamborine.  Behind her, Little Billy dances, too.  A different kind of dance.  A wisp of smoke rises from his neck.

The screen goes dark, as her dance speeds up, her thumb jabbing the button viciously. 

The screen is dark.  There is only audio.

Giggle.

I am intensely aroused.

I always thought the milgram experiment had to be a fetish for more than a few people.

I was right.

LMNO has made it apparent that this becomes a lot more disturbing when you think of Little Billy as a VOLUNTEER.

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 13, 2013, 06:11:04 PM
LMNO has made it apparent that this becomes a lot more disturbing when you think of Little Billy as a VOLUNTEER.

Little Billy, you may recall, was up for ANY PROGRAM.  That little moron would volunteer for ANYTHING.  Especially if it in any way involved a woman.

Milgram Porn.  It's the 21st century way.

I'd ask what would life be like if we got into the heavier stuff. You know, like Stanford Porn.

Then I remember we've been into that for years

Further predictions of the future - Within 10 years female prisoners will be able to opt for webcams in cells for reduced time/financial gain. 

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 06:13:09 PM

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 13, 2013, 06:11:04 PM
LMNO has made it apparent that this becomes a lot more disturbing when you think of Little Billy as a VOLUNTEER.

Little Billy, you may recall, was up for ANY PROGRAM.  That little moron would volunteer for ANYTHING.  Especially if it in any way involved a woman.

Milgram Porn.  It's the 21st century way.

Milgram Porn
It's not that we don't give a fuck about your heart condition, it's that we do.

Milgram Porn
It does what it's told.

Milgram Porn
Because you're not ready for Harlow Porn.

Milgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I have the fucking jimjams now.

Holy crap.  The bottom of this barrel just keeps going.

QuoteMilgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I think we've found our website slogan.

Quote from: Junkenstein on November 13, 2013, 06:39:06 PM

QuoteMilgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I think we've found our website slogan holy crusade.

ftfy

Quote from: Junkenstein on November 13, 2013, 06:39:06 PM

QuoteMilgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I think we've found our website slogan.

Yes, someone tell Faust.

Little Billy lives.
Well, kind of...

Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on November 13, 2013, 07:04:58 PM
Little Billy lives.
Well, kind of...

Balls.  That little bastard got smashed flat by Jimmy Walnuts' crew, just for spitting in the road.

Milgram Porn
But who is the confederate?

Milgram Porn
We do it because they must learn.

Milgram Porn
You willl listen to the one in the coat.

Milgram Porn
Can't you hear the screams?

Milgram Porn
Milgram Porn.

Milgram Porn
Call me "Big Poppa".

Milgram Porn
The dial goes to 14

Milgram Porn
You must procede

Milgram Porn
It is imperative that you continue

Milgram Porn
We pay 9.99/hr

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 07:06:00 PM

Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on November 13, 2013, 07:04:58 PM
Little Billy lives.
Well, kind of...

Balls.  That little bastard got smashed flat by Jimmy Walnuts' crew, just for spitting in the road.

You know what this means, don't you?

CPD is the afterlife.

CPD is scary enough without this addition to the mythology.

Thanks Roger. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight and I'm going to be cranky all the way through my 16 1/2 hour coach journey. Which will disturb Pixie. Which will cause the destruction of much of the right coast of England.

O Roger, what hast thou wrought!

Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2013, 07:43:12 PM
CPD is scary enough without this addition to the mythology.

Thanks Roger. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight and I'm going to be cranky all the way through my 16 1/2 hour coach journey. Which will disturb Pixie. Which will cause the destruction of much of the right coast of England.

O Roger, what hast thou wrought!

It is not the business of Holy Men™ to remain silent, or to tell pleasing lies.

Milgram Porn
It's what bukkake has for breakfast

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 07:44:06 PM

Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2013, 07:43:12 PM
CPD is scary enough without this addition to the mythology.

Thanks Roger. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight and I'm going to be cranky all the way through my 16 1/2 hour coach journey. Which will disturb Pixie. Which will cause the destruction of much of the right coast of England.

O Roger, what hast thou wrought!

It is not the business of Holy Men™ to remain silent, or to tell pleasing lies.

This I know.

But won't somebody please think of Norwich?

Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2013, 07:45:28 PM

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 07:44:06 PM

Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2013, 07:43:12 PM
CPD is scary enough without this addition to the mythology.

Thanks Roger. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight and I'm going to be cranky all the way through my 16 1/2 hour coach journey. Which will disturb Pixie. Which will cause the destruction of much of the right coast of England.

O Roger, what hast thou wrought!

It is not the business of Holy Men™ to remain silent, or to tell pleasing lies.

This I know.

But won't somebody please think of Norwich?

No.  Those Morris-dancing bastards deserve whatever happens to them, which can't possibly be as bad as something I just thought of.

Fuck the right coast of england - it's been weighing us down for years. When it's removed, scotland will be one step closer to our dream of being the first airborne nation on earth

Milgram Porn
Please don't hurt me

Milgram Porn
Please don't hurt me

Milgram Porn
Please don't hurt me

Milgram Porn
Please hurt me

Milgram Porn
Don't you touch that dial ... nah, just kidding!

Milgram Porn
Shut up.  You know you like it.

Milgram Porn
Just like the good old days.

Milgram Porn
We really had no choice, did we?

Milgram Porn
Because YOU demanded it.

Milgram Porn
Don't be a sissy.

Milgram Porn
Big boys don't cry.

Milgram Porn
Slut.

Milgram Porn
Just following orders.

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 13, 2013, 07:55:55 PM
Milgram Porn
Don't be a sissy.

Milgram Porn
Big boys don't cry.

Milgram Porn
Slut.

Milgram Porn
Just following orders.

Winner.

From http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,35746.msg1311431.html#msg1311431

Milgram Porn
Nothing to hide, nothing to fear.

Milgram Porn
See something, say something.

Milgram Porn
You must be guilty of something.

Milgram Porn
The buck never stops...

Everything is fine Payne, really. No need to get so anxious. Here, darling, have a mint julep. Little Billy has a certain way with them, I think you'll find. They're absolutely delicious, aren't they Little Billy? Perhaps it's the way his poor hands and their spastic twitches agitate the alcohol. Or the taste of his tears with the bourbon and spearmint?

Anyway, they're divine. Relax. Want to watch some TV?

Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on November 13, 2013, 07:20:43 PM

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 07:06:00 PM

Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on November 13, 2013, 07:04:58 PM
Little Billy lives.
Well, kind of...

Balls.  That little bastard got smashed flat by Jimmy Walnuts' crew, just for spitting in the road.

You know what this means, don't you?

CPD is the afterlife.

My mansion is just like the ones in Heaven, only more tastefully decorated. And the only harp strings you'll find are in the toy chest of the play room.

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 07:44:06 PM

Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2013, 07:43:12 PM
CPD is scary enough without this addition to the mythology.

Thanks Roger. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight and I'm going to be cranky all the way through my 16 1/2 hour coach journey. Which will disturb Pixie. Which will cause the destruction of much of the right coast of England.

O Roger, what hast thou wrought!

It is not the business of Holy Men™ to remain silent, or to tell pleasing lies.

Tell that to the Vatican

Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on November 14, 2013, 01:08:04 AM

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 13, 2013, 07:44:06 PM

Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2013, 07:43:12 PM
CPD is scary enough without this addition to the mythology.

Thanks Roger. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight and I'm going to be cranky all the way through my 16 1/2 hour coach journey. Which will disturb Pixie. Which will cause the destruction of much of the right coast of England.

O Roger, what hast thou wrought!

It is not the business of Holy Men™ to remain silent, or to tell pleasing lies.

Tell that to the Vatican

Wrong kind of holy, darling.

The Vatican
Your one-stop shop for silence and pleasing lies!

Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on November 14, 2013, 01:11:15 AM
The Vatican
Your one-stop shop for silence and pleasing lies!

You know, I've been thinking. I bet you'd look fabulous in a speedo. Do you like bourbon?

think less "fabulous" and more.....squamous i believe is the proper term.

Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on November 14, 2013, 01:23:23 AM
think less "fabulous" and more.....squamous i believe is the proper term.

Hmm-hmm. You should try one on. I've a matching choker. And Little Billy has been looking a little lonely, lately. When he's conscious.

see, you say that, but you haven't considered the horror of actually seeing me in a speedo. Be careful what you wish for :evil:

Quote from: Chelagoras The Boulder on November 14, 2013, 05:07:22 AM
see, you say that, but you haven't considered the horror of actually seeing me in a speedo. Be careful what you wish for :evil:

Pish-posh. I'm past being horrified and it will be a good weapon to use against the ill-mannered. Also, Little Billy needs a change of scenery.