Unexplained muscle aches, upper abdominal pain, and generalized gastro-intestinal distress. Who has the cure?
Yes, I know these are common physical symptoms of stress and that's probably the cause.
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
Strong strong liquor.
When you feel a bit numb and giddy, you're on the right track. I recommend a smooth whiskey, perhaps in a mug of tea. Then, orbital bombardment with spicy stuff. Note that this actually works better for head colds but you mentioned it being terrible.
Also you will require a blanket, a couch, a TV, and an iron grip on all your fucks.
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
Regular oranges or will clementines do?
A great big bowl of crack.
This may not alleviate the symptoms, but you probably won't care because you'll be busy finding more crack.
1. Acquire large quartz crystal.
2. Use as suppository.
Vindaloo, pork cabbage rolls, and a six of cheap-ass beer. Wait 6-12 hours, and have a restroom nearby at all times.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 07, 2013, 05:33:44 PM
Vindaloo, pork cabbage rolls, and a six of cheap-ass beer. Wait 6-12 hours, and have a restroom nearby at all times.
Minus the pork cabbage rolls, that sounds like my kind of weekend.
Boiled eggs and Bud Light. Fart it out.
Seriously? Pu Ehr tea with a little ginger and dry toast till it's gone.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on December 07, 2013, 04:40:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
Regular oranges or will clementines do?
Regular, for sure.
You can even turn it into a competition.
Indian food.
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 09:00:42 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on December 07, 2013, 04:40:26 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
Regular oranges or will clementines do?
Regular, for sure.
You can even turn it into a competition.
You may even amuse a nurse if things go awry.
Deep fried "tacos" from Jack In The Box. Lots of them.
KA BOOM - toilet gone, colon empty.
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
That is truly terrible.
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 07, 2013, 09:30:43 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
That is truly terrible.
It's ESPECIALLY terrible when some fucking
spaglord from Buttown beats your record by
ONE LOUSY ORANGE :crankey:
god i vomited so much
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on December 07, 2013, 11:07:10 PM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 07, 2013, 09:30:43 PM
Quote from: Cain on December 07, 2013, 04:04:34 PM
Oranges. Lots and lots of oranges. 20 oranges a day, at least.
That is truly terrible.
It's ESPECIALLY terrible when some fucking spaglord from Buttown beats your record by ONE LOUSY ORANGE :crankey:
god i vomited so much
:lulz:
I shat orange pulp for three days. My sweat smelled like oranges.
I guess I can be pleased with that sort of victory. My guts refused to participate in the contest and EVERYTHING came back up at 4 am the next morning. And that was the end of that.
What's the standing record?
1 official trip to the hospital, if I recall correctly.
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on December 08, 2013, 12:41:17 PM
I guess I can be pleased with that sort of victory. My guts refused to participate in the contest and EVERYTHING came back up at 4 am the next morning. And that was the end of that.
We call that "purging the toxins from the system". It's
healthy.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 08, 2013, 03:20:05 PM
1 official trip to the hospital, if I recall correctly.
Yep. Net for severe stomach cramps.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 08, 2013, 03:20:05 PM
1 official trip to the hospital, if I recall correctly.
Yes.
Net wins forever. Cram was the previous winner, with a score of shitting his pants at work.
I lose, with a score of being the sucker who ate 25 motherfucking oranges.
I committed some war crimes in the bathroom earlier and it helped some.
Sprinkle a couple tablespoons of ground flaxseed in your oatmeal, too... it's remarkably effective at regulating things.
Providence tap water.
Failing that, Boston tap water.
Failing that, Worcester tap water.
The gradual amounts of increasing lead and chlorine levels are guaranteed to kill whatever's in you. Side effects may vary.