Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:14:08 PM

Title: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:14:08 PM
http://m.sltrib.com/sltrib/mobile3/57374473-219/mars-sullivan-applicants-ken.html.csp

Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:21:26 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."

This has to be the most ORIGINAL midlife crisis ever.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Suu on January 16, 2014, 05:28:35 PM
"Oh hey wife, I signed up to go colonize Mars. I won't be coming back. Tell the kids I said bye and we'll Skype after dinner."

I especially like the, "Should we divorce now or later" conundrum.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:35:08 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:21:26 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."

This has to be the most ORIGINAL midlife crisis ever.

And it's the wife's fault for not being supportive.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:36:07 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 05:28:35 PM
"Oh hey wife, I signed up to go colonize Mars. I won't be coming back. Tell the kids I said bye and we'll Skype after dinner."

I especially like the, "Should we divorce now or later" conundrum.

Me too. I was shouting "DIVORCE NOW!" and it scared my cat. :P
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 06:25:01 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

More likely "Nobody is going."
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 06:27:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:21:26 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."

This has to be the most ORIGINAL midlife crisis ever.

Yep, I think that's what it is.

You know if you want to leave your wife that's one thing, people get divorced all the time, but this has gotta be the wussiest way to do it. "Sorry babe, gotta go to Mars." And if he can't stay in TWO marriages, how does he expect to deal with the same 3 people for the rest of his life in close quarters?
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: hooplala on January 16, 2014, 06:30:51 PM
I propose Kim & Kanye, Justin Bieber, and that guy from TMZ.  I'd be happy with them on a one way trip to Mars.

Oh, and, Shia LaBeouf.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:31:50 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 06:27:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:21:26 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."

This has to be the most ORIGINAL midlife crisis ever.

Yep, I think that's what it is.

You know if you want to leave your wife that's one thing, people get divorced all the time, but this has gotta be the wussiest way to do it. "Sorry babe, gotta go to Mars." And if he can't stay in TWO marriages, how does he expect to deal with the same 3 people for the rest of his life in close quarters?

I wonder, in his mind, that he actually thinks that this is a great idea. And that his kids are going to think it's awesome that their absentee father signed up to go to Mars without repercussion.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 06:37:03 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:31:50 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 06:27:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:21:26 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."

This has to be the most ORIGINAL midlife crisis ever.

Yep, I think that's what it is.

You know if you want to leave your wife that's one thing, people get divorced all the time, but this has gotta be the wussiest way to do it. "Sorry babe, gotta go to Mars." And if he can't stay in TWO marriages, how does he expect to deal with the same 3 people for the rest of his life in close quarters?

I wonder, in his mind, that he actually thinks that this is a great idea. And that his kids are going to think it's awesome that their absentee father signed up to go to Mars without repercussion.

Douche: I want to put my stamp on history. My kids will think I'm a hero!
Kids: Dad, please, please, please don't go to Mars.
Douche: Proud of me!

Years later (assuming successfully completing the program):
Daughter: Yeah, it would have been nice to have my dad walk me down the aisle if he wasn't such a self absorbed dick that fucked off to Mars.

Meanwhile on Mars:
Douche: Mars is boring. These people suck. I hate it here. At least my kids are proud of me.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:46:26 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 06:37:03 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:31:50 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 06:27:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 05:21:26 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 05:19:07 PM
That guy . . . sounds like a total asswipe. "Enjoy life, help others, don't hurt anyone - except family, fuck those guys."

This has to be the most ORIGINAL midlife crisis ever.

Yep, I think that's what it is.

You know if you want to leave your wife that's one thing, people get divorced all the time, but this has gotta be the wussiest way to do it. "Sorry babe, gotta go to Mars." And if he can't stay in TWO marriages, how does he expect to deal with the same 3 people for the rest of his life in close quarters?

I wonder, in his mind, that he actually thinks that this is a great idea. And that his kids are going to think it's awesome that their absentee father signed up to go to Mars without repercussion.

Douche: I want to put my stamp on history. My kids will think I'm a hero!
Kids: Dad, please, please, please don't go to Mars.
Douche: Proud of me!

Years later (assuming successfully completing the program):
Daughter: Yeah, it would have been nice to have my dad walk me down the aisle if he wasn't such a self absorbed dick that fucked off to Mars.

Meanwhile on Mars:
Douche: Mars is boring. These people suck. I hate it here. At least my kids are proud of me.

My guess is that he'd be married 2 more times. You know, for procreating purposes.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 06:48:37 PM
But it's his dweam.
\
:cry:
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 06:58:13 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 06:48:37 PM
But it's his dweam.
\
:cry:

Wasn't it everyone's dream at some point to be the first firefighting astronaut president?

We usually come to realize there are impracticalities there after the age of 7 though.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:17:16 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:18:23 PM
I need to apply to this as a crippled midget with MS.

I bet I make "the short list".

:lulz:
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:18:42 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:17:16 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 07:21:48 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:18:23 PM
I need to apply to this as a crippled midget with MS.

I bet I make "the short list".

:lulz:

:lulz:
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:24:28 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:18:42 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:17:16 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

No spare part resupply = failed suit = dead person.  Very dead.  It's hard to get more dead.

Also, this is going to be funded by PPV reality TV?   :lulz:

"Um, guys, the show is a little depressing, what with you guys all getting cancer, so we aren't sending up the next 4 people.  Show's cancelled.  Godspeed."
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:25:21 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:24:28 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:18:42 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:17:16 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

No spare part resupply = failed suit = dead person.  Very dead.  It's hard to get more dead.

Also, this is going to be funded by PPV reality TV?   :lulz:

"Um, guys, the show is a little depressing, what with you guys all getting cancer, so we aren't sending up the next 4 people.  Show's cancelled.  Godspeed."

BUT MY KIDS! YOU HAVE TO GET ME HOME! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:27:17 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:25:21 PM
BUT MY KIDS! YOU HAVE TO GET ME HOME! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

There is no "home", as there's no practical way to launch from Mars.  Once you're there, you're stuck forever.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 07:28:49 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:24:28 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:18:42 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:17:16 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: The Suu on January 16, 2014, 06:24:05 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Tell us how you really feel.

But yeah, I saw that there's still only going to be 24 people that are going to be actually going, and they still don't have a definitive date for it. My bet is that the program will specifically weed out folks like him, for reasons such as, oh, you know, abandonment. Something tells me his dreams are gonna come crashing down.

Oh no. The article quotes some bigwig in the program who says that sort of thing ISN'T a problem. Everyone going to Mars is going to have baggage. They're watching to see how well he handles it. O.O So they won't tell him he can't go until AFTER he's turned his life into a flaming trainwreck. Class act, that. I think the only reason his wife isn't ditching him is because he has sole custody of his two older kids from a prior marriage and if she takes the younger two and buggers off, those older two are FUCKED. Because dad is "increasingly spending more time online talking to other hopefuls about what life on Mars might be like".

I can tell him what it will be like.

"Spam in a can, breathing stinky recycled air and getting radiation sickness, until one of your suit seals fails.  Then you boil to death."

Sounds like a dream come true to me. O.O

No spare part resupply = failed suit = dead person.  Very dead.  It's hard to get more dead.

Also, this is going to be funded by PPV reality TV?   :lulz:

"Um, guys, the show is a little depressing, what with you guys all getting cancer, so we aren't sending up the next 4 people.  Show's cancelled.  Godspeed."

:lulz:

Actually I think that would increase ratings. People like shit like that.

That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

How's the food going to work.

Wait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:29:13 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:27:17 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 16, 2014, 07:25:21 PM
BUT MY KIDS! YOU HAVE TO GET ME HOME! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

There is no "home", as there's no practical way to launch from Mars.  Once you're there, you're stuck forever.

Oh I know. But you know as soon as shit goes south it's going to be all about 'think of the children'.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:31:47 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:28:49 PM
That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   :lulz:

QuoteHow's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

QuoteWait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   :lulz:

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 16, 2014, 07:32:57 PM
Maybe he'll really go.
And get stranded up there. Forever.  :lol:
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 07:34:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:31:47 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:28:49 PM
That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   :lulz:

QuoteHow's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

QuoteWait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   :lulz:

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

Lead. It's the new leather.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:35:34 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:34:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:31:47 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:28:49 PM
That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   :lulz:

QuoteHow's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

QuoteWait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   :lulz:

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

Lead. It's the new leather.

Nothing says "affordable launch" like a few tons of lead shielding!  :lol:
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 07:38:10 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:35:34 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:34:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:31:47 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:28:49 PM
That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   :lulz:

QuoteHow's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

QuoteWait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   :lulz:

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

Lead. It's the new leather.

Nothing says "affordable launch" like a few tons of lead shielding!  :lol:

I was thinking more for kinky underwear purposes.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Johnny on January 16, 2014, 07:48:35 PM
Most deadbeats move to another state (or Florida) but MARS?!?

Now THAT is commitment, we shall name him "King Douchebaggo the deadbeat the 1st"
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 08:37:45 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:35:34 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:34:53 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 07:31:47 PM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 16, 2014, 07:28:49 PM
That is an important question. Are they going to start mining and manufacturing? Presumably they'd want people to reproduce there and expand the colony, start producing food.

All 4 of them will do all of that, all of that and more!   :lulz:

QuoteHow's the food going to work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguayan_Air_Force_Flight_571

QuoteWait, shouldn't they be sending foolhardy 20 somethings just out of college with nothing to do instead of a middle aged guy? Even just for the reproductive potential? Why's this guy still on the list?

Reproduction?  In a high radiation environment?   :lulz:

Now THERE'S some ratings!  Astronauts and carnival geeks!

Lead. It's the new leather.

Nothing says "affordable launch" like a few tons of lead shielding!  :lol:

Oh gods, this will be funny as fuck. There's a reason EVERY sci-fi universe that has a Mars colony usually has some back story about the first construction being shoddy as shit. With unfortunate consequences.

We're building that future today, with intrepid predictable failures. The first housing unit is going to be real cramped for 4 people after 2 years. When there's 8 it'll be unbearable. Predicting first Mars murder +833 days from landing.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on January 16, 2014, 09:51:19 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

I'd be fine with that.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 09:52:43 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

You know, It wouldn't shock me.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:53:48 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 09:52:43 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

You know, It wouldn't shock me.

It would fucking amaze me if they lasted any longer than that.  They aren't recruiting experienced astronauts.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 10:00:45 PM
I'd guess more piss thin shielding or oxygen. Assuming the construction process isn't inherently fatal.

Experienced astronauts would presumably see it as an obvious death sentence. I'd be happy getting as far as space and be more than willing to let some "pioneers" die incredibly interesting deaths.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 16, 2014, 10:01:04 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:53:48 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 09:52:43 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

You know, It wouldn't shock me.

It would fucking amaze me if they lasted any longer than that.  They aren't recruiting experienced astronauts.

The Mad Prophet of the Desert has spoken.
Toast.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 16, 2014, 10:16:22 PM
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 16, 2014, 10:01:04 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:53:48 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 09:52:43 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

You know, It wouldn't shock me.

It would fucking amaze me if they lasted any longer than that.  They aren't recruiting experienced astronauts.

The Mad Prophet of the Desert has spoken.
Toast.

The Apollo 13 astronauts had a gigantic collection of the world's finest minds help them get past a blown solenoid.

These guys will have the producers of a reality TV show.

Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on January 16, 2014, 10:19:17 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 10:16:22 PM
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 16, 2014, 10:01:04 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:53:48 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 09:52:43 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

You know, It wouldn't shock me.

It would fucking amaze me if they lasted any longer than that.  They aren't recruiting experienced astronauts.

The Mad Prophet of the Desert has spoken.
Toast.

The Apollo 13 astronauts had a gigantic collection of the world's finest minds help them get past a blown solenoid.

These guys will have the producers of a reality TV show.



It's 2014, Roger. Bad things just don't happen in this century. Not as long as the ratings are good.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Salty on January 16, 2014, 10:37:01 PM
So...asshole who doesnt actually seem to like his family, is never around...wants to eject himself to a mostly barren planet to slowly die?

Why are we all still talking about this and not shoving people in pods?

This should be a government funded program.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 16, 2014, 10:38:53 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 16, 2014, 05:45:57 PM
What a grade-A bag of half-eaten dog shit. I think the idea of colonizing Mars is 1000% awesome, but do I want to know that our sister planet is populated by deadbeat dads? No, no I do not. But this is what we get in the 21st century, I guess. Anyone who isn't too busy trying to outrun starvation and civil war is a victim of Special Snowflake Syndrome, and believe the bullshit they put in inspirational posters. "If you really believe in yourself, you'll find a way not to care what you do to the people who love and need you." Kudos to this guy, because now his family gets to spend the years between now and whenever he gets the "LOL YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN" letter from Mars One, believing that he's going to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves. He is already a ghost, so when his dreams come crashing down like his dumb ass corpse will from the rafters in the garage when he gets that letter, they'll at least be able to pretend he's died and gone to Mars.

Yeah, I think this pretty much nails it.

If he wanted to go to Mars, he should have thought of that before having children, and also he should have been an astronaut.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 16, 2014, 10:39:59 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 10:16:22 PM
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 16, 2014, 10:01:04 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:53:48 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 09:52:43 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 16, 2014, 09:34:52 PM
Predicting that they're all dead in the very first week.

No shit.

You know, It wouldn't shock me.

It would fucking amaze me if they lasted any longer than that.  They aren't recruiting experienced astronauts.

The Mad Prophet of the Desert has spoken.
Toast.

The Apollo 13 astronauts had a gigantic collection of the world's finest minds help them get past a blown solenoid.

These guys will have the producers of a reality TV show.
Something something free market something regulations something capitalists do it better than government.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 10:44:42 PM
Quote from: Alty on January 16, 2014, 10:37:01 PM
So...asshole who doesnt actually seem to like his family, is never around...wants to eject himself to a mostly barren planet to slowly die?

Why are we all still talking about this and not shoving people in pods?

This should be a government funded program.

The history of Australia strikes me as terribly relevant for some reason. Particularly the early labour sources.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 16, 2014, 10:49:10 PM
Quote from: Alty on January 16, 2014, 10:37:01 PM
So...asshole who doesnt actually seem to like his family, is never around...wants to eject himself to a mostly barren planet to slowly die?

Why are we all still talking about this and not shoving people in pods?

This should be a government funded program.

:lulz:
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Salty on January 16, 2014, 10:50:48 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 10:44:42 PM
Quote from: Alty on January 16, 2014, 10:37:01 PM
So...asshole who doesnt actually seem to like his family, is never around...wants to eject himself to a mostly barren planet to slowly die?

Why are we all still talking about this and not shoving people in pods?

This should be a government funded program.

The history of Australia strikes me as terribly relevant for some reason. Particularly the early labour sources.

Yeah! Just look how well that turned out.

Look, we are all out of room. There is no new world to send all the assholes to. Mars is looking pretty good, from a distance, is all I.am saying.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 10:57:36 PM
I say we should just go balls out and head for Mercury.

If you're going to fuck it all up, stop even trying to make it work and enjoy the show.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Salty on January 16, 2014, 10:59:27 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on January 16, 2014, 10:57:36 PM
I say we should just go balls out and head for Mercury.

If you're going to fuck it all up, stop even trying to make it work and enjoy the show.

That is sound thinking, my friend.

Project Mercury, 'Cause Fuck Y'all.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: Reginald Ret on January 16, 2014, 11:34:00 PM
I would love to go to Mars.
I have no dependents though so I am allowed to be stupid and selfish.
I really want to see this succeed though i would prefer to go on one of the later trips.
Title: Re: Most Selfish Bastard Award goes to...(drum roll)...
Post by: The Johnny on January 17, 2014, 01:52:07 AM

Think about cabin fever... think about cabin fever with NO INTERNET FOREVER. Oh, but lets look at wikipedia, it seems there's therapy methodology to deal with cabin fever!

Quote from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabin_feverOne therapy for cabin fever may be as simple as getting out and interacting with nature. Research has proven that even brief interactions with nature can promote improved cognitive functioning and overall well-being.[4]

WELL, THAT DOES SOLVE THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM DOESNT IT? PLAY WITH THE MARS ROVER TILL YOU DIE OF RADIATION!