I am an expert in this field.
I crave the leathery eggs of the platypus, but wiley Mother Platypus defends her nest with cunning. How can I satiate my disturbing hunger without getting an eye-full of platypus venom?
Quote from: St. PynchonI crave the leathery eggs of the platypus, but wiley Mother Platypus defends her nest with cunning. How can I satiate my disturbing hunger without getting an eye-full of platypus venom?
I suggest a set of safety goggles to protect your eyes, and a pair of razor-sharp hatchets, one duct-taped to either hand, to deal with the possibility of the mother charging.
The most important thing to do, however, is check to make sure that the platypus in question is not the rare "speckled belly" variety, as not only are their eggs poisonous, but the mothers frequently know kung-fu.
Good luck, and happy eating!
Dear Roger,
What is the best course of action if one has stumbled into the lair of a three toed sloth and is about to be ravaged by the enraged occupant?
Quote from: Guido FinucciDear Roger,
What is the best course of action if one has stumbled into the lair of a three toed sloth and is about to be ravaged by the enraged occupant?
That depends.
If you LIKE being ravaged by a three-toed sloth, I would simply suggest that you use proper protection, and enjoy yourself.
If not, then demand that the sloth respect you as a person, and not as a sex object. Make sure it understands that "no" means "NO"!
If it doesn't listen, and tries to get wise anyway, I suggest duct-taping a razor sharp tomohawk to either hand, and going to town on his punk ass.
When you have defeated him, which you should (they are slow), ravish HIM, to give him an idea of what it feels like to be used.
Hope this helps.
There is a gient hyperintellegent spider that has moved into my backyard. It has duct taped razor sharp tomahawks to each of it's four front legs. What should I do to get rid of the enraged beast?
Quote from: SMFabalThere is a gient hyperintellegent spider that has moved into my backyard. It has duct taped razor sharp tomahawks to each of it's four front legs. What should I do to get rid of the enraged beast?
Whoops. That's my fault...on another forum, there was this giant hyperintelligent spider asking about Discordians, see...
The short and skinny is, you are F*CKED, unless, of course, you happen to have THESE guys on your side:
(http://subgenius.com/bigfist/pics6/allyourbase/bomb.jpg)
Now, if the bomb doesn't work, you could ALL tape razor sharp franciscas to your hands, and hope for the best.
Roger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
That's hardly a fair question - he's an expert in wild animals, not Great Old Ones.
Quote from: Mad Mod MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
I suggest you duct tape an elder sign to each hand, and then swat him vigorously.
That's always worked for me.
On the other hand, you COULD always have "Bob" come over and deal with it...but this usually leads to "Bob" getting all hot and bothered, and the mess just isn't worth it.
Quote from: Guido FinucciThat's hardly a fair question - he's an expert in wild animals, not Great Old Ones.
I have some limited know-how in this area, though I do not promise results.
I suggest frying it with a light coating of sesame oil and serving over rice.
I recently gave my cat far to much whiskey and he's turned into a slothful, ungreatful drunkard, and no longer bathes. I've tried 12-step programs, detox, and whippings, but nothing will change his newfound bad attitude. How do I get my once-ferocious hell-beast Muffles back from the good-for-nothing boozing hobo he has become?
Um...how do I deal with a rabid, steroid enraged, grizzly bear?...help...fast...
Quote from: Sir LyallI recently gave my cat far to much whiskey and he's turned into a slothful, ungreatful drunkard, and no longer bathes. I've tried 12-step programs, detox, and whippings, but nothing will change his newfound bad attitude. How do I get my once-ferocious hell-beast Muffles back from the good-for-nothing boozing hobo he has become?
Kitty won't change unless Kitty wants to change.
If Kitty doesn't want to change, Kitty will make a nice oven mitt.
Dylan Thomas' ghost is hanging around and reciting poetry constantly. I can't get any sleep, and he keeps eating and drinking everything in the house when I'm away. How can I get rid of him?
Quote from: HotsumaUm...how do I deal with a rabid, steroid enraged, grizzly bear?...help...fast...
http://espn.go.com/outdoors/conservation/news/2003/1118/1664798.html
And that guy's like 61 years old. And all he had was a knife. I told him to use duct tape, be he wouldn't listen, and thus took minor injuries.
dear roger.
i was cleaning out my shed, when i was attacked by a swam of toxiclly mutated hornets, after they had stung me 1776 times they tyed me down covered me in honey, and as we speak are creeping upto me at an annoyingly slow speed to lick me to death. i have no arms or legs, but i do however have 3 flower pots, 4 seed trys, and a spade. please please help.
Are these toxically mutated lesbian hornets?
It does sound suspiciously like they are, doesn't it? I mean with the honey and all.....on the other hand, it might just be that you have a tendency to see hordes of honey covered lesbians everywhere you look, Guido.
That's just what they want to think. I know a conspiracy when I see one and this one is honey covered.
Quote from: eumaasDylan Thomas' ghost is hanging around and reciting poetry constantly. I can't get any sleep, and he keeps eating and drinking everything in the house when I'm away. How can I get rid of him?
Dylan Thomas is not a wild animal.
Now if it were Benjamin Franklin's ghost, I might be able to help you.
Quote from: slothrop23dear roger.
i was cleaning out my shed, when i was attacked by a swam of toxiclly mutated hornets, after they had stung me 1776 times they tyed me down covered me in honey, and as we speak are creeping upto me at an annoyingly slow speed to lick me to death. i have no arms or legs, but i do however have 3 flower pots, 4 seed trys, and a spade. please please help.
Simple. Duct tape a...whoops.
Okay, try this: Grip spade in mouth, use as swatter. You should be able to smash a few dozen of the little buggers per swing. It might not get them all, but at least you can force a stalemate somewhere around your knees.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
thanks
I'm here to help.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Dylan Thomas is not a wild animal.
Now if it were Benjamin Franklin's ghost, I might be able to help you.
I should have known anybody with a BotSG as their avatar couldn't exorcise alcoholic poets.
Quote from: eumaasQuote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Dylan Thomas is not a wild animal.
Now if it were Benjamin Franklin's ghost, I might be able to help you.
I should have known anybody with a BotSG as their avatar couldn't exorcise alcoholic poets.
Nope. We also don't do perverts...so maybe I can't help with old Ben after all.
can you help me with genetically modified, cybernaetically enhanced beaver hounds? i stole some top secret instant patatoe mix from a top secret governemnt agency this morning, and they seem to have my scent now...
Quote from: Generalissimo Horabcan you help me with genetically modified, cybernaetically enhanced beaver hounds? i stole some top secret instant patatoe mix from a top secret governemnt agency this morning, and they seem to have my scent now...
Beaver hounds are tough customers, and the ususal fix will not work.
In this case, I suggest you duct-tape a 9' hedge trimmer to each fore-arm, and get busy.
HINT: Beaver hounds are also violently allergic to haggis.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Generalissimo Horabcan you help me with genetically modified, cybernaetically enhanced beaver hounds? i stole some top secret instant patatoe mix from a top secret governemnt agency this morning, and they seem to have my scent now...
Beaver hounds are tough customers, and the ususal fix will not work.
In this case, I suggest you duct-tape a 9' hedge trimmer to each fore-arm, and get busy.
HINT: Beaver hounds are also violently allergic to haggis.
well it's just that .50 cal depeted uranium rounds weren;t working very well, and one managed to survive the tree eater trap i set for it...
Quote from: Generalissimo HorabQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Generalissimo Horabcan you help me with genetically modified, cybernaetically enhanced beaver hounds? i stole some top secret instant patatoe mix from a top secret governemnt agency this morning, and they seem to have my scent now...
Beaver hounds are tough customers, and the ususal fix will not work.
In this case, I suggest you duct-tape a 9' hedge trimmer to each fore-arm, and get busy.
HINT: Beaver hounds are also violently allergic to haggis.
well it's just that .50 cal depeted uranium rounds weren;t working very well, and one managed to survive the tree eater trap i set for it...
Um, depleted uranium is the main ingedient in Beaver Hound chow.
Rev Roger,
Wishes people wouldn't try these things at home.
Someone said the C-word! and once I have a sword that can stab things OTHER than ISPs I'll get ya!
As long as your sword is also honey-covered.
So, my roommate was channel-surfing just now, and we caught the end of Mtv's "Room Raiders" (sort of a 'Dating Game' update). Anyway, the guy was thoroughly dull, but the girl that he picked turned out to be a fairly-cute goth chick, and just before the credits, as they were driving away in the limo for their date, there was this (voice-over) exchange:
Guy: "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
Chick: "Well, I'm into cosplay."
Guy: "You're into what?"
Fade to black. :D
Quote from: RiffSo, my roommate was channel-surfing just now, and we caught the end of Mtv's "Room Raiders" (sort of a 'Dating Game' update). Anyway, the guy was thoroughly dull, but the girl that he picked turned out to be a fairly-cute goth chick, and just before the credits, as they were driving away in the limo for their date, there was this (voice-over) exchange:
Guy: "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
Chick: "Well, I'm into cosplay."
Guy: "You're into what?"
Fade to black. :D
WTF?
cosplay? Play with cosmetics? Surely she would have at least been into whippedcreamplay!
cosplay- quite possibly the strangest thing ever. video game companies used to actually pay people to do this, and maybe still do. basically for cosplay you take one part over-zealous gamer. not jsut any gamer mind you, teh sort of gamer who is so obssessed with a particular character from a particular game(or set of games) that they actually have a burning desire to to dress up liek that gamer.
i'm not sure where it goes from here, except they dress up liek the game character. i think it'd be even more disturbing if they acted like teh character while dressed up...
if that still goes past ya, jsut think those crazy raver types with the animal costumes, minus the drugs, the "music" and the "dancing"
Quote from: Horabi'm not sure where it goes from here, except they dress up liek the game character. i think it'd be even more disturbing if they acted like teh character while dressed up...
Also (actually, more so) anime characters.
It is, basically, an
extraordinarily geeky activity.
I guess it was kind of a you-had-to-be-there moment.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Guy: "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
Chick: "Well, I'm into cosplay."
Guy: "You're into what?"
Fade to black. :D
WTF?
I dressed up at Hello Kitty, does that count as Cosplay?
Quote from: malaulQuote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Guy: "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
Chick: "Well, I'm into cosplay."
Guy: "You're into what?"
Fade to black. :D
WTF?
I dressed up at Hello Kitty, does that count as Cosplay?
(http://www.mynetcologne.de/~nc-altenbni/kittie-goth.gif)
(http://www.geocities.com/primarch_ultra2/funny19.gif)
(http://www.dragonrealm.com/exlibrismortis/HelloKittyDreadnought_600we.jpg)
WHOA
thats HOTT
BioMeckKitty
I wear a hello gohty patch all the time
Ill have to post that pic sometime
holy shit. where'd you get that picture?
you don;t see me cuz i'm behind hte camera, but i'm about to teach that mechkitten the meaning of pwnage :D
I b'lieve it was a Google for "warhammer 40k" "hello kitty" that did it... it was a pretty cool page, this girl has a whole army painted in HK theme.
hang on...
Here's the page (http://www.dragonrealm.com/exlibrismortis/ExLibrisnewSistersArmy.html), and another pic for the lazy:
(http://www.dragonrealm.com/exlibrismortis/P1170014Exorcistcropped.jpg)
thats PRICELESS
I cant get over that
I used to play warhammer fantasy
I think tht the best pic Ive seen today
Dear Roger,
In my never-ending quest to rid myself of this damned malaria-carrying, blood-sucking, ever-replicating mosquito horde, I have been conducting arcane experiments in my underground laboratory.
Unfortunately, something has gone seriously amiss.
The mosquitos have been tranformed into a deadly swarm of vampire bats.
I write this message to you in my own blood (what's left of it), as I cower in the broom closet and hope to sneak it out by trusted messenger. Please help me! These bats are bound to break through the door at any moment!!
Yours in Terror,
777
GOOD GODS! the humanity! space marines reduced to *gasp* PURPLE KITTENS! quickly now! the cure! *hurls plague marines at the pink and purple monstrosities* diieeeeeee *falldown, run over by hello kitty rhino* noooOO!
Oh, can you help me with the jackalpup in my bedroom? im currently on a dresser with my laptop, the laptop sustaining heavy damage from use as a shield. i dont know how much longer i can remain in one piece!
Quote from: Riff(http://www.geocities.com/primarch_ultra2/funny19.gif)
(http://www.dragonrealm.com/exlibrismortis/HelloKittyDreadnought_600we.jpg)
Now there's a mad-dog I want. :D
Quote from: Malaria test subject #777Dear Roger,
In my never-ending quest to rid myself of this damned malaria-carrying, blood-sucking, ever-replicating mosquito horde, I have been conducting arcane experiments in my underground laboratory.
Unfortunately, something has gone seriously amiss.
The mosquitos have been tranformed into a deadly swarm of vampire bats.
I write this message to you in my own blood (what's left of it), as I cower in the broom closet and hope to sneak it out by trusted messenger. Please help me! These bats are bound to break through the door at any moment!!
Yours in Terror,
777
A little-known fact about Vampire bats is that they all vote republican.
Simply hang a Kerry for President poster on your behind, and they will flee.
WARNING: Side effects may include granola-breath, and body odor that smells like patchouli.
Quote from: Tumani Arch ArsonistGOOD GODS! the humanity! space marines reduced to *gasp* PURPLE KITTENS! quickly now! the cure! *hurls plague marines at the pink and purple monstrosities* diieeeeeee *falldown, run over by hello kitty rhino* noooOO!
Oh, can you help me with the jackalpup in my bedroom? im currently on a dresser with my laptop, the laptop sustaining heavy damage from use as a shield. i dont know how much longer i can remain in one piece!
Duct tape a razor sharp hatchet to each hand.
But only attack if you must, because, gosh-darn it, I just LOVE jackalpups.
there are Cateplebas digging in my garden at night.
I cant stand violence against natures creatures.
what can I do to get rid of them?
eat em?
no that would be wrong.... wrong wrong.
besides I hear they taste like urine soaked feces
"hear" meaning KNOWS FROM PERSONAL EXPRINCE!!!!!?????!!!!!
no hear as in my friend unbound wrench told me.
he didn't care though cause hes unbound, and I'm a bound fool.
he also won't help me with this problem...
Ill bind his wrench!! ::shakes fist::
I thought that too
It's pretty unbound...
eats a lot of fiber it does.
Not to mention prunes.
Why don't you feed those whatever they are to Devil Squerril.
Half her recipes call for things that taste like pee and poo.
::wince::
prune poo
Prune poo?
Quote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisthere are Cateplebas digging in my garden at night.
I cant stand violence against natures creatures.
what can I do to get rid of them?
Place mirrors all over the yard.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisthere are Cateplebas digging in my garden at night.
I cant stand violence against natures creatures.
what can I do to get rid of them?
Place mirrors all over the yard.
thank you... what would this do?
its whats for dinner
no wait
wrong commercial
sorry
Quote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisthere are Cateplebas digging in my garden at night.
I cant stand violence against natures creatures.
what can I do to get rid of them?
Place mirrors all over the yard.
thank you... what would this do?
Give you a garden full of brand-new statuary, IIRMD&DC*
(*) If I Recall My
D&D Correctly
Quote from: SheckyQuote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisthere are Cateplebas digging in my garden at night.
I cant stand violence against natures creatures.
what can I do to get rid of them?
Place mirrors all over the yard.
thank you... what would this do?
Give you a garden full of brand-new statuary, IIRMD&DC*
(*) If I Recall My D&D Correctly
You don't. They just die.
Serious question, Roger.
How do I get rid of the gopher in my garden without killing it or calling in Bill Murray?
Roger, I offended the Golem of Prague...could get ugly...what do I do?
Quote from: EfrimRoger, I offended the Golem of Prague...could get ugly...what do I do?
I would say RUN.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomSerious question, Roger.
How do I get rid of the gopher in my garden without killing it or calling in Bill Murray?
You can't, given those restrictions.
Gophers NEVER fall for the live-traps. You have to root them out with high-explosives, and then attack them, with razor-sharp hatchets duct taped...you know the drill.
Quote from: EfrimRoger, I offended the Golem of Prague...could get ugly...what do I do?
1. Get sharp stick.
2. Use sharp stick to strike the aleph off of his forehead. He'll gout blood, and fall down.
3. Hide him another attic for the next sucker to find.
How'd you know I have a live trap all set and ready to go?
My kitty caught one and dropped it on my foot.....a little present I guess.
But there's never just one gopher.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomHow'd you know I have a live trap all set and ready to go?
My kitty caught one and dropped it on my foot.....a little present I guess.
But there's never just one gopher.
Live traps will not work on gophers.
Perhaps a half dozen specially trained ferrets...
She won't kill them.
She went out today and bought a couple of those really ugly little whirly things because someone at the gym said they make the ground vibrate and scare the gophers away.
Quote from: illusionShe won't kill them.
She went out today and bought a couple of those really ugly little whirly things because someone at the gym said they make the ground vibrate and scare the gophers away.
Gophers...scared?
That's what I said, but she won't kill them.
You don't know how she is about killing things.
She carries spiders outside rather than squish them.
Quote from: illusionShe won't kill them.
She went out today and bought a couple of those really ugly little whirly things because someone at the gym said they make the ground vibrate and scare the gophers away.
Nope. Gophers could care less about vibrations.
But I don't want to hurt them.....just want them to go away. :evil:
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomBut I don't want to hurt them.....just want them to go away. :evil:
Mutually exclusive goals.
You see, gophers are what we wildlife experts call "really, really evil".
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomBut I don't want to hurt them.....just want them to go away. :evil:
Mutually exclusive goals.
You see, gophers are what we wildlife experts call "really, really evil".
Get DS to get them.
Quote from: St. Hugh, KSCQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomBut I don't want to hurt them.....just want them to go away. :evil:
Mutually exclusive goals.
You see, gophers are what we wildlife experts call "really, really evil".
Get DS to get them.
More to the point, get DS's CAT to get them.
I just called and asked DS........she says yes.
Goody. :twisted:
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomI just called and asked DS........she says yes.
Goody. :twisted:
Gopher steak, anyone?
Mmmmmmm..............
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomI just called and asked DS........she says yes.
Goody. :twisted:
Cripes. Just shoot the poor bloody thing. No need to get NASTY.
Well, the landlord is on a tear cuz the gophers have found their way into the newly planted sod.
Great big piles of dirt all over and they're even popping up in the gravel pathway.
It's out of my hands now cuz John's on the warpath.
So far, the gophers are winning hands down.
My friend, Diana, says it's because I planted dahlia's.
I guess gophers are supposed to love them and it must be true
because the dahlia's have all been eaten.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomWell, the landlord is on a tear cuz the gophers have found their way into the newly planted sod.
Great big piles of dirt all over and they're even popping up in the gravel pathway.
It's out of my hands now cuz John's on the warpath.
So far, the gophers are winning hands down.
My friend, Diana, says it's because I planted dahlia's.
I guess gophers are supposed to love them and it must be true
because the dahlia's have all been eaten.
Make sure to ask John what kind of flowers he'd like on his coffin.
DO NEVER TEST THE GOPHERS!
It's getting pretty funny.
My daughter and I had the giggles over the whole thing yesterday.
The gophers are winning big time so far and the yard is looking
like a major war zone.
Have you tried feeding the gophers ex-lax? They spoil their holes and move to fresher ground.
Maybe.
Yeah! It might work!
that is soooo nasty
I wish I had thought of it
Quote from: Malaulthat is soooo nasty
I wish I had thought of it
Hopefully it wont have the same effect as feeding a seagull alka-seltzer...
kabooooommm
SPLAT
Quote from: St. Hugh, KSCQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomBut I don't want to hurt them.....just want them to go away. :evil:
Mutually exclusive goals.
You see, gophers are what we wildlife experts call "really, really evil".
Get DS to get them.
You don't need DS you need Bill Murray!(http://todaysunderratedstars.20m.com/BM/pix/CaddyShack1.jpg)
Now 20% more effective in black and white!
thats a really scary picture!!
Quote from: Malaulthats a really scary picture!!
Just think how terrified the gopher is...
Bill Murray = God of gopher extermination
Quote from: Joe MusashiBill Murray = God of gopher extermination
Now now. Bill is
a god, not
the god, and he wants you to believe in him. :lol:
Quote from: Joe MusashiHopefully it wont have the same effect as feeding a seagull alka-seltzer...
(http://www.wgp.school.nz/images/inserts/seagull.jpg)
Quote from: gnimbleyQuote from: Joe MusashiHopefully it wont have the same effect as feeding a seagull alka-seltzer...
(http://www.wgp.school.nz/images/inserts/seagull.jpg)
::Awards gnimbley a cookie and a small bag of live tropical fishies::
Quote from: gnimbleyQuote from: Joe MusashiHopefully it wont have the same effect as feeding a seagull alka-seltzer...
(http://www.wgp.school.nz/images/inserts/seagull.jpg)
MINE!
Mine!
mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine minemine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine
Mine infinity! HA!
Quote from: DJRubberduckyMine infinity! HA!
must not have seen the movie so doesn't get the joke
Oh, I get the joke. I was changing the subject. :D
Quote from: DJRubberduckyOh, I get the joke. I was changing the subject. :D
by useing the same word?!?!?
MINE!
MINE!
(http://www.moviemonstermuseum.com/images/mine.JPG)
SEA? MINE!
*stabs*
::explodes mine from a distance::
Quote from: St. Hugh, KSC::explodes mine from a distance::
DON'T make me pull this car over, you two.
The gophers are gone.
They were all gassed.
Makes me sad....I liked their spunk.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomThe gophers are gone.
They were all gassed.
Makes me sad....I liked their spunk.
:shock: :?: :!: :?: :!: :?: :shock:
::moment of silence for them::
Thank you.
My ex took it upon himself to sneak over and gas them.
Pisses me off.
whatta asshat
he needs to go away
better yet, he shoulda gassed himself instead, at least the gofers where fun to watch
I wouldn't have known except that my daughter just now narked him out.
I figured the landlord did it to preserve the new lawn.
He's in deep shit with me.
if he didnt use what ever the professionals use, you could turn him in for animal cruelty maybe?
He used the right stuff.
Sara showed me the boxes. :evil:
ass
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomThank you.
My ex took it upon himself to sneak over and gas them.
Pisses me off.
WGDs? :eek:
Hey, if you are looking for helpful hints with the asshole, you know where to find me.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomThank you.
My ex took it upon himself to sneak over and gas them.
Pisses me off.
WGDs? :eek:
Hey, if you are looking for helpful hints with the asshole, you know where to find me.
It's okay.
I just remembered that his beloved pickup is in my name and not his. Mwahahhaaaaaa.
AW YEAH
niceeeeeeeeee
Quote from: MalaulAW YEAH
niceeeeeeeeee
Yup. Bella has the upper hand now.
He's gonna shape up big time once he realizes the pink slip is in my name and not his. :twisted:
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomQuote from: MalaulAW YEAH
niceeeeeeeeee
Yup. Bella has the upper hand now.
He's gonna shape up big time once he realizes the pink slip is in my name and not his. :twisted:
Paint it MAUVE.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomQuote from: MalaulAW YEAH
niceeeeeeeeee
Yup. Bella has the upper hand now.
He's gonna shape up big time once he realizes the pink slip is in my name and not his. :twisted:
::grin::
Quote from: MalaulQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomQuote from: MalaulAW YEAH
niceeeeeeeeee
Yup. Bella has the upper hand now.
He's gonna shape up big time once he realizes the pink slip is in my name and not his. :twisted:
::grin::
I'm gonna break the good news to him tomorrow morning. :twisted:
Illusion's here with me now.
Maybe we'll go break the good news to him tonight.
PS: I'm especially fond of the color MAUVE.
i think you should just break him
with a 2 x 4
Poor goffers *tear* their tiny holes and homes turned into a miniature aushwetze demonstration by nazi goffer haters. every time a race or species becomes too smart they get genocided. the goffers are simply the newest species on the hit list. we should train and arm them in goffer guerilla warfare. THEN they can free their tiny bodies from the yoke of oppressive regime!
-note: has anyone seen my awesome country, Discordis? im doing soooo awesome ^^ i vote that the goffer nation is relocated there, and given its own reservation.-
Thank you. So kind of you to offer asylum.
What a comfort it is to know that the gophers of the world will soon be free from genocide.
Can't you just see their little helmeted heads poking up from the bunkers they are so well equipped to dig?
PS: The ex just got the good news. :twisted:
He didn't take it at all well.
details woman!!!
He came over to push his weight around and I told him how glad I was to see him today. He asked what I was doing and I said picking out a color to paint my pickup...... and would he mind moving his tool box out of the back and taking the shotgun out of the cab?
I showed him the original loan papers (in my name) and the pink slip and insurance papers (also in my name) and he started to shake. And said he was sorry he'd been "kinda hard" on me lately and what could he do to make things better?
PS: You reckon he's remembered yet that his storage unit full of expensive tools is also in my name? :twisted:
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomHe came over to push his weight around and I told him how glad I was to see him today. He asked what I was doing and I said picking out a color to paint my pickup...... and would he mind moving his tool box out of the back and taking the shotgun out of the cab?
I showed him the original loan papers (in my name) and the pink slip and insurance papers (also in my name) and he started to shake. And said he was sorry he'd been "kinda hard" on me lately and what could he do to make things better?
PS: You reckon he's remembered yet that his storage unit full of expensive tools is also in my name? :twisted:
"ownership" rocks.
The lesson... don't play power games when you have no power.
Yeah, that's the big lesson, alright.
and another lesson is take all the important paperwork with you when you move out.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomYeah, that's the big lesson, alright.
and another lesson is take all the important paperwork with you when you move out.
sure... thats a good one too.
Quote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomHe came over to push his weight around and I told him how glad I was to see him today. He asked what I was doing and I said picking out a color to paint my pickup...... and would he mind moving his tool box out of the back and taking the shotgun out of the cab?
I showed him the original loan papers (in my name) and the pink slip and insurance papers (also in my name) and he started to shake. And said he was sorry he'd been "kinda hard" on me lately and what could he do to make things better?
PS: You reckon he's remembered yet that his storage unit full of expensive tools is also in my name? :twisted:
"ownership" rocks.
The lesson... don't play power games when you have no power.
And the tard just got OWNED.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: chaosgraves:agentoferisQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomHe came over to push his weight around and I told him how glad I was to see him today. He asked what I was doing and I said picking out a color to paint my pickup...... and would he mind moving his tool box out of the back and taking the shotgun out of the cab?
I showed him the original loan papers (in my name) and the pink slip and insurance papers (also in my name) and he started to shake. And said he was sorry he'd been "kinda hard" on me lately and what could he do to make things better?
PS: You reckon he's remembered yet that his storage unit full of expensive tools is also in my name? :twisted:
"ownership" rocks.
The lesson... don't play power games when you have no power.
And the tard just got OWNED.
Yesssss, he did!
Isn't it great?
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomYesssss, he did!
Isn't it great?
Well, I guess YOU didn't need advice on this particular animal.
Though i must admit, I would have done the same, or worse, to the gophers.
Rev Roger,
Hates gophers.
Yeah, but you wouldn't have done it so sneakily on property that wasn't yours just to be mean to me, would you?
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomYeah, but you wouldn't have done it so sneakily on property that wasn't yours just to be mean to me, would you?
No.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomYeah, but you wouldn't have done it so sneakily on property that wasn't yours just to be mean to me, would you?
No.
I know.
Quote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: SssBella, Oracle of DoomYeah, but you wouldn't have done it so sneakily on property that wasn't yours just to be mean to me, would you?
No.
I know.
Sorry if I seem unattentive, but I'm nuking a sticky thread in apple talk.
No problem, I'm double tasking at the moment myself.
Just mopped the kitchen floor and took out the garbage.
The gophers are baaaack!
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Shotguns are immediately effective against gophers, though that doesn't say anything about poultry.
No. I like the gophers cuz they piss my ex off.
ok, i have about 500 cows coming my way... they are charging... they are angry... they are rabid... they are MAD... HELP!!!
that previous post was me...
You know what Eris would say.
"Well, just get out of the way then."
Quote from: Anonymousok, i have about 500 cows coming my way... they are charging... they are angry... they are rabid... they are MAD... HELP!!!
Wear dark sunglasses, and give them bad directions.
Just in case, though, duct tape two razor sharp tomahawks to your hands.
It's always worked for me.
Quote from: MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
You could close the door.
i was hunting a big, giant moose... i have lost all my arrows, except one. i shoot the moose- but it hits him in the backsides- so he is woulded and angry. my crossbow would do nothing against the big head and antlers of the moose, and it can easily outrun me. we're in a forest.i have nothing except a useless crossbbow, and my clothes. he's heading right for me. he wants to beat me, slowly, so i die in slow agony... help!!!
~bob-o
Quote from: bob-oi was hunting a big, giant moose... i have lost all my arrows, except one. i shoot the moose- but it hits him in the backsides- so he is woulded and angry. my crossbow would do nothing against the big head and antlers of the moose, and it can easily outrun me. we're in a forest.i have nothing except a useless crossbbow, and my clothes. he's heading right for me. he wants to beat me, slowly, so i die in slow agony... help!!!
~bob-o
your out of luck pal, roger wont be back for 2 weeks.
Zorga does not fend off wild animals.
They fend her off. :twisted:
Quote from: Captain HotsumaQuote from: bob-oi was hunting a big, giant moose... i have lost all my arrows, except one. i shoot the moose- but it hits him in the backsides- so he is woulded and angry. my crossbow would do nothing against the big head and antlers of the moose, and it can easily outrun me. we're in a forest.i have nothing except a useless crossbbow, and my clothes. he's heading right for me. he wants to beat me, slowly, so i die in slow agony... help!!!
~bob-o
your out of luck pal, roger wont be back for 2 weeks.
yea, i know, so i've put a timestop here, so it's all frozen for a 50-foot radius. when i deactivate the timestop, i will appear just as i was- so even if i got a machinegun, and restarted time, i would just have the same stuff i have...
~bob-o
::sneaks in and pulls the plug on the time stop machine::
tee hee hee
::sabatoges the battery backup just for insurance::
Quote from: Evil CommieQuote from: MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
You could close the door.
I don't think too many closet doors have stopped Cthulhu in the past...
Quote from: MedeoQuote from: Evil CommieQuote from: MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
You could close the door.
I don't think too many closet doors have stopped Cthulhu in the past...
They would if you put an Elder Sign on it...
Quote from: Colonel FailureQuote from: MedeoQuote from: Evil CommieQuote from: MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
You could close the door.
I don't think too many closet doors have stopped Cthulhu in the past...
They would if you put an Elder Sign on it...
You know where I can buy one of those?
Quote from: MedeoQuote from: Colonel FailureQuote from: MedeoQuote from: Evil CommieQuote from: MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
You could close the door.
I don't think too many closet doors have stopped Cthulhu in the past...
They would if you put an Elder Sign on it...
You know where I can buy one of those?
I got mine at a $1 store going out of business sale (everything was 99 cents), and I'm using it to keep Tsuggotha from oozing out of my guest room... Not sure where else you could look...
Do you have an ancient-looking chinaman with a long grey-white beard who hangs around outdoor cafes? I got one here locally, but he only sells chinese puzzle boxes...
OHH!!! ask him if he knows how to open the one I ahve
when I try
it gives out blue sparks and I can hear thing moving in the walls behind me
Quote from: bob-oi was hunting a big, giant moose... i have lost all my arrows, except one. i shoot the moose- but it hits him in the backsides- so he is woulded and angry. my crossbow would do nothing against the big head and antlers of the moose, and it can easily outrun me. we're in a forest.i have nothing except a useless crossbbow, and my clothes. he's heading right for me. he wants to beat me, slowly, so i die in slow agony... help!!!
~bob-o
Um, you DID, of course, follow the Good Reverend's previous advice (re: duct-taping razor sharp tomohawks to each hand), right?
There should be no problem.
But only beat on him if you must because, gosh darn it, I just love Mooses.
Roger, I find myself in a life-endangered predicament that I hope you can help me with. In short...
(http://cevk.com/images/ericgrue.jpg)
I've used up all my hatchets, I'm running low on Illuminite, My flashlight is starting to flicker.
I've managed to activate Flood Control Dam #3, I know the Days of the Week, and I have a small dagger and a bit of twine.
HELP.
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioRoger, I find myself in a life-endangered predicament that I hope you can help me with. In short...
(http://cevk.com/images/ericgrue.jpg)
I've used up all my hatchets, I'm running low on Illuminite, My flashlight is starting to flicker.
I've managed to activate Flood Control Dam #3, I know the Days of the Week, and I have a small dagger and a bit of twine.
HELP.
1. Lash dagger to your right hand with twine.
2. Cover eyes with left hand when flashlight runs out.
3. Swing left arm around wildly, while screaming like a little girl.
Alternatively, you could just light the extra matches that you used to light the candle in the crystal skull room, and head for the chimney.
The wizard of Frobozz confiscated those matches.
My flashlight has gone out.
I can hear something in the darkness...
...
Is that you, Sarge?
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioThe wizard of Frobozz confiscated those matches.
My flashlight has gone out.
I can hear something in the darkness...
...
Is that you, Sarge?
*whack* hits head on low pipe.
Yeah. Take this belt of ammo to the steeple. And you'd better be johnny on the spot, or we're all frickin' DEAD, DO YOU HEAR ME?
I roj! We'll show those Glitches what Dustrats can do.
For the Pheonix!
For the Icehawk!
Free Mars!
Free Mars!
Quote from: Compositus Confusio
Free Mars!
...With a $10 purchase.
Roj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Don't forget a good ol' fashioned 'killing of the first born.'
*Sniffle. Wipes tear from eye*
Ah, the good old days, when you knew where a god stood on capital punishment.
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Don't forget a good ol' fashioned 'killing of the first born.'
*Sniffle. Wipes tear from eye*
Ah, the good old days, when you knew where a god stood on capital punishment.
Nuking Sodom and Gammorah was a nice touch, too.
Lets the little people know you
care.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Don't forget a good ol' fashioned 'killing of the first born.'
*Sniffle. Wipes tear from eye*
Ah, the good old days, when you knew where a god stood on capital punishment.
Nuking Sodom and Gammorah was a nice touch, too.
Lets the little people know you care.
And after you've completely destroyed a city, why not turn some stupid woman into a pillar of salt for disobeying your orders?
That's what I call a classic.
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Don't forget a good ol' fashioned 'killing of the first born.'
*Sniffle. Wipes tear from eye*
Ah, the good old days, when you knew where a god stood on capital punishment.
Nuking Sodom and Gammorah was a nice touch, too.
Lets the little people know you care.
And after you've completely destroyed a city, why not turn some stupid woman into a pillar of salt for disobeying your orders?
That's what I call a classic.
Yep. Just let's them know that you're
paying attention.
Who'd that silly girl think she was, anyway?
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Don't forget a good ol' fashioned 'killing of the first born.'
*Sniffle. Wipes tear from eye*
Ah, the good old days, when you knew where a god stood on capital punishment.
Nuking Sodom and Gammorah was a nice touch, too.
Lets the little people know you care.
And after you've completely destroyed a city, why not turn some stupid woman into a pillar of salt for disobeying your orders?
That's what I call a classic.
Yep. Just let's them know that you're paying attention.
Who'd that silly girl think she was, anyway?
Probably thought she was some 'societal equal,' what with 'rights' and the ability to 'own her own property.'
Looking back to see if she could resell that city...
why woman....
why didn't you just eat fruit with a talking serpent... aty least the curse there was that you wouldnt get along with serpents anymore....
pillar of salt my ass
thanks for breakin the meta-quote
I was startin to get dizzy
Quote from: Malaulthanks for breakin the meta-quote
I was startin to get dizzy
not a problem
Quote from: chaosgraves:agentoferis
pillar of salt my ass
Is that a suggestion?
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: bob-oi was hunting a big, giant moose... i have lost all my arrows, except one. i shoot the moose- but it hits him in the backsides- so he is woulded and angry. my crossbow would do nothing against the big head and antlers of the moose, and it can easily outrun me. we're in a forest.i have nothing except a useless crossbbow, and my clothes. he's heading right for me. he wants to beat me, slowly, so i die in slow agony... help!!!
~bob-o
Um, you DID, of course, follow the Good Reverend's previous advice (re: duct-taping razor sharp tomohawks to each hand), right?
There should be no problem.
But only beat on him if you must because, gosh darn it, I just love Mooses.
of course! i forgot about those....
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioRoj, you have to remember something.
Being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people will come to depend upon you. You have to use a light touch, like a pick-pocket or a safe cracker.
I prefer the old testament "Smash everything" approach.
If plagues, sores, and strange growths on peoples' necks make them depend on me, then I guess I'm just a "people diety".
Don't forget a good ol' fashioned 'killing of the first born.'
*Sniffle. Wipes tear from eye*
Ah, the good old days, when you knew where a god stood on capital punishment.
Nuking Sodom and Gammorah was a nice touch, too.
Lets the little people know you care.
And after you've completely destroyed a city, why not turn some stupid woman into a pillar of salt for disobeying your orders?
That's what I call a classic.
Yep. Just let's them know that you're paying attention.
Who'd that silly girl think she was, anyway?
Probably thought she was some 'societal equal,' what with 'rights' and the ability to 'own her own property.'
Quote from: Malaulthanks for breakin the meta-quote
I was startin to get dizzy
Long live the Meta-Quote!
ALL ALL ALL ALL ALL ALL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS! DISCORDIA! FNORD!
So, can you answer a question for me?
(http://cevk.com/images/banner_RM.gif)
(Sorry for the crappy editing job. I've been up a while. )
your sittin on it
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioSo, can you answer a question for me?
(http://cevk.com/images/banner_RM.gif)
*cough*twink*cough*
wow
I didnt know twinkies could cough
Quote from: Malaulwow
I didnt know twinkies could cough
Sure they can
They just need special equipment to do it
youde think that would hurt
Quote from: MedeoQuote from: Malaulwow
I didnt know twinkies could cough
Sure they can
They just need special equipment to do it
That's no ordinary Twinky! MY GODS! It's an undead celestial dragon Ooze Twinky! We're done for!
RUN FOR COVER!!!
^^dives into Gnimlbeys house^^
Don't worry! I have a plan!
I'll burn my constitution to cast a Wish Spell, slaying the dreaded Twinkie, (recieving full Experience) and then resurrect it as my undead undead familiar!
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioI'll burn my constitution
Hey, just like Bush!
Quote from: MedeoQuote from: Compositus ConfusioI'll burn my constitution
Hey, just like Bush!
Or Raistlin Majere, when he took the Black Robes.
Ever notice how Final Fantasy 1 and Dragonlance have similarities?
Quote from: MalaulRUN FOR COVER!!!
^^dives into Gnimlbeys house^^
Hey!
Oh, hi. Ah, coffee is over there. The cookies are in the BIG jar.
Pizza is, uh, well, forget the pizza. Don't mind fluffy. She's
harmless. Really.
just remember fluffy
to me
you are an appitizer
Is it just me, or does Malaul kinda have more of an attitude today than usual?
Quote from: Malauljust remember fluffy
to me
you are an appitizer
I love you. Let me nuture your spawn.
Quote from: Compositus Confusio
I love you. Let me nuture your spawn.
Perv.
Quote from: MedeoQuote from: Compositus Confusio
I love you. Let me nuture your spawn.
Perv.
*Assumes Stance. Waves Arms*
GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!
The Turkey Curse? Please.
That is SO 1959, man.
Quote from: MedeoThe Turkey Curse? Please.
That is SO 1959, man.
*Cough* Someone never bothered to learn the Erisian Calender, huh?
...
Is it you or me?
I know the Erisian calender. I just prefer to use the Gregorian.
And my Car gets 33 Rods to the Hogshead, and that's the way I likes it.
Also...
1.8026175 ?ó 10E12 furlongs per fortnight... It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
Damn straight, brother.
Quote from: MedeoIs it just me, or does Malaul kinda have more of an attitude today than usual?
PMS my dear MEdeo
Putting up with Mens Shit
Quote from: MalaulQuote from: MedeoIs it just me, or does Malaul kinda have more of an attitude today than usual?
PMS my dear MEdeo
Putting up with Mens Shit
Yes, Buffy. Anything you say, Buffy.
Do cats have PMS?
Quote from: MedeoDo cats have PMS?
MEDIC!
but ^^hugs^^
I do love you so no worries
Medeo, don't cats play with their food before the ... uh ... nevermind.
*stabs the next reader of this thread*
*Stabbed*
The Subconcious Liberation Army will retaliate for this unwarrented act of Violence against its Junior Member!
Quote from: Compositus Confusio*Stabbed*
The Subconcious Liberation Army will retaliate for this unwarrented act of Violence against its Junior Member!
There is a jihad going on afterall. Things like this do happen.
(http://cevk.com/images/kittyscared.jpg)
Quote from: Compositus Confusio(http://cevk.com/images/kittyscared.jpg)
Suck it up, kitty! We got slack to do!
And through the drifts
the snowwy cliffs
did send a dismal sheen
shapes of man nor beast could we ken
the ice was all atween.
Quote from: Compositus Confusio*Stabbed*
The Subconcious Liberation Army will retaliate for this unwarrented act of Violence against its Junior Member!
Indeed.
I have the wood chipper all warmed up.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus Confusio*Stabbed*
The Subconcious Liberation Army will retaliate for this unwarrented act of Violence against its Junior Member!
Indeed.
I have the wood chipper all warmed up.
More importantly, have you started it?
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus Confusio*Stabbed*
The Subconcious Liberation Army will retaliate for this unwarrented act of Violence against its Junior Member!
Indeed.
I have the wood chipper all warmed up.
More importantly, have you started it?
Not yet. I have to free the teeth of the last FOOLS who crossed us.
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus ConfusioQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Compositus Confusio*Stabbed*
The Subconcious Liberation Army will retaliate for this unwarrented act of Violence against its Junior Member!
Indeed.
I have the wood chipper all warmed up.
More importantly, have you started it?
Not yet. I have to free the teeth of the last FOOLS who crossed us.
Yeah. Those pizza delivery men were asking for it.
A tip.*Snort*
Atleast they learned never to ask for a tip from the Subconcious Liberation Army when we're hungry and happen to have a wood chipper warmed up.
How's that for a tip?
Roger, a friend wants to take me on a safari to hunt bigfoot and some other miscellaneous large animals.
I want to go, but how should i prepare? i don't either want to duct tape hatchets to my hands, or bring duct tape and hatchets. and we will be killin the sucker, so don't tell me to not do anything if necesary...i want a stuffed bigfoot head on my wall!
~bob-o
:BUMP:
\
Some of the Noobs might hace some questions :twisted:
:evil:
no questions here.
Quote from: Malaul:evil:
WHAT?!? :shock: :P
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerI am an expert in this field.
Could a well placed .357 round take down a prairie squid?
See? I had a question.
Quote from: FnordiscordiaQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerI am an expert in this field.
Could a well placed .357 round take down a prairie squid?
Um yeah. In fact, all you would have left would be blood & tentacles.
But why would you shoot such a harmless creature?
wha the fuck is a prarie squid?
Quote from: DiLwha the fuck is a prarie squid?
Google, n00b.
ah some shitty sub genui thing
Quote from: DiLah some shitty sub genui thing
Fact. It was a side joke, until Hugh ran it into the ground.
ran into the ground?
ploughed into the ground with a sub oribital laser would have been more acurate
when he eventually comes back i wonder if he could explain to me wtf is up with all these retarded animals.
Quote from: DiLran into the ground?
ploughed into the ground with a sub oribital laser would have been more acurate
when he eventually comes back i wonder if he could explain to me wtf is up with all these retarded animals.
It's simple, really. Hugh was - tragically - born without an imagination.
also a sense of humour
you may be an arsehole roger but at least ur funny sometimes. mr hugh has the self dillisuion that he is a comical genius
Quote from: DiLalso a sense of humour
you may be an arsehole roger but at least ur funny sometimes. mr hugh has the self dillisuion that he is a comical genius
Heh. This is because I am an asshole first, the comedy just happens.
Hugh still thinks "What does this have to do with goat cheese?" is
hysterical.
I blame all the Tequila :? :twisted:
Quote from: DonkeyotayI blame all the Tequila :? :twisted:
(http://bbs.fuckedcompany.com/icons/deadhorse.gif)
Heh, horseballs
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: FnordiscordiaQuote from: The Good Reverend RogerI am an expert in this field.
Could a well placed .357 round take down a prairie squid?
Um yeah. In fact, all you would have left would be blood & tentacles.
But why would you shoot such a harmless creature?
Maybe I was thinking of scrids...
Then again I've wondered what a .50 would do to a squirrel (don't worry, it was a bad squirrel).
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerI am an expert in this field.
I can just see the beginning of the training: (Deep in the jungles of flax, Mom ties ham steak around TGRR's neck) "
Ok dear now go play outside. Run far, run free. "
:lol:
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerQuote from: Mad Mod MedeoRoger:
My sister brought home Cthulhu one day and my parents are letting her keep It as a pet. Cthulhu now resides in my closet and stares at me at night. Help.
I suggest you duct tape an elder sign to each hand, and then swat him vigorously.
That's always worked for me.
On the other hand, you COULD always have "Bob" come over and deal with it...but this usually leads to "Bob" getting all hot and bothered, and the mess just isn't worth it.
i would be happy to help, nonetheless :)
I'm being chased by a Roman Centurion, I'm not sure how undead he is, but he's got quite a few extra holes. I tried to duct tape razor sharp axes to my hands, but only succeeded in chopping off some fingers. The duct tape is keeping me from bleeding too bad though. Should I attempt to chop his head off with the axe I didn't drop on my foot (after the unexpected pain from my fingers) or try to improvise another weapon?
Thank you.
Quote from: Altoid AddictI'm being chased by a Roman Centurion, I'm not sure how undead he is, but he's got quite a few extra holes. I tried to duct tape razor sharp axes to my hands, but only succeeded in chopping off some fingers. The duct tape is keeping me from bleeding too bad though. Should I attempt to chop his head off with the axe I didn't drop on my foot (after the unexpected pain from my fingers) or try to improvise another weapon?
Thank you.
A Roman Centurion is not a "wild animal", even when undead.
I suggest you speak to Turd about this one.
Ok Rog, scrid vs. 357.
Which one
FTW?
Scrid, obviously.
Quote from: Safety Dance on August 09, 2005, 07:13:21 AM
Ok Rog, scrid vs. 357.
Which one
FTW?
Is Ditka holding the gun?
What if the scrid's name was Chuck Norris?
punked
Quote from: LMNO on February 22, 2007, 01:05:48 PM
What if the scrid's name was Chuck Norris?
Probably look something like this:
http://www.comcast.net/news/science/index.jsp?cat=SCIENCE&fn=/2007/02/22/593163.html&cvqh=itn_squid
Chuck Norris roundhouse tentacle to the face.
damn, the chimps are getting smarter. i think we should start a chimp genocide program.
also i saw a tree kill a skunk yesterday. i don't know if the tree can move, but i could use some advice just in case.
Quote from: theCalmpsychopath on February 23, 2007, 07:24:38 PM
damn, the chimps are getting smarter. i think we should start a chimp genocide program.
also i saw a tree kill a skunk yesterday. i don't know if the tree can move, but i could use some advice just in case.
Duct tape a chainsaw to each hand. Trees only respect demostrations of brute power.
if the chainsaws are duct tapped to my hands, how am i supposed to refuel them?
Obvious, dude. Super glue gas tanks to them. When and if those run out, you're probably boned because a tree with the size and strength to battle TWO chainsaws for that long is greater than most humans can handle without napalm. You can make napalm with the gas and some frozen orange juice.
Or just call in the immigrant laborers to take it down. Those guys are insane.
Whats the best strategy for fighting bears? I plan to do a lot of this in college.
i thought napalm was gas and stryofoam
fight a bear w/ the bear attack kit from S&W
http://www.smith-wesson.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=11101&storeId=10001&productId=49906&langId=-1&parent_category_rn=15707&isFirearm=Y
Screw that, dude. I'm talking unarmed man vs. bear. My first thought was punch to the nose, but thats a bitch move.
In true survival, there are no bitch moves.
Never face me if you think punching nuts or using a weapons is a bitch move.
You will die.
Quote from: hunter s.durden on February 24, 2007, 09:31:44 AM
In true survival, there are no bitch moves.
Never face me if you think punching nuts or using a weapons is a bitch move.
You will die.
IAWTC
Try saying 'no fair' in a war.
Quote from: Comrade Kenan on February 23, 2007, 11:33:37 PM
Whats the best strategy for fighting bears? I plan to do a lot of this in college.
Duct tape a razor sharp francisca to each hand.
But only if you have to because, gosh darn it, I love bears.
Quote from: Comrade Kenan on February 24, 2007, 12:54:04 AM
Screw that, dude. I'm talking unarmed man vs. bear. My first thought was punch to the nose, but thats a bitch move.
Making the bear angry, while accomplishing nothing else, is a Bozo No-No.
If one were to make a party hat out of a recently defeated animal's innards, what animal would you suggest?
Dung beatle
Quote from: Safety Dance on February 26, 2007, 04:10:02 PM
If one were to make a party hat out of a recently defeated animal's innards, what animal would you suggest?
Anna Nicole Smith?
Quote from: Safety Dance on February 26, 2007, 04:10:02 PM
If one were to make a party hat out of a recently defeated animal's innards, what animal would you suggest?
Mark Foley.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on February 26, 2007, 04:12:46 PM
Quote from: Safety Dance on February 26, 2007, 04:10:02 PM
If one were to make a party hat out of a recently defeated animal's innards, what animal would you suggest?
Anna Nicole Smith?
Quote from: Safety Dance on February 26, 2007, 04:10:02 PM
If one were to make a party hat out of a recently defeated animal's innards, what animal would you suggest?
Mark Foley. D/N/T.
How'd you know what I did this weekend?
Congressional Action ITT
Quote from: Safety Dance on February 26, 2007, 04:16:20 PM
How'd you know what I did this weekend?
The SCLA never sleeps.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 26, 2007, 04:01:50 PM
Quote from: Comrade Kenan on February 24, 2007, 12:54:04 AM
Screw that, dude. I'm talking unarmed man vs. bear. My first thought was punch to the nose, but thats a bitch move.
Making the bear angry, while accomplishing nothing else, is a Bozo No-No.
I'll keep that in mind. Though the bear is a majestic animal, not much else provides a challenge.
Maybe I'll try mountain lions.
we used to have mountain lions, but my neighbor shot it, so the others ran off or something
MR TEH ROGER:
WHICH ANIMAL HAS TEH TIGHTEST ANUS?
Quote from: GIGGLES on March 05, 2007, 11:39:02 PM
MR TEH ROGER:
WHICH ANIMAL HAS TEH TIGHTEST ANUS?
Pat Robertson.
So I have these 3 kittens now...they sleep all day, then when I crash, they decide to stay up all night terrorizing me while I try to sleep. What's your solution?
Mind-I can not close my bedroom door, and I dont have the heart to kick them outside.
Quote from: maphdet on April 29, 2007, 02:31:50 AM
So I have these 3 kittens now...they sleep all day, then when I crash, they decide to stay up all night terrorizing me while I try to sleep. What's your solution?
Mind-I can not close my bedroom door, and I dont have the heart to kick them outside.
Then I guess a propane torch duct-taped to each hand is out of the question.
How do I fend off a violent insane person?
Quote from: Felix on April 29, 2007, 02:38:36 AM
How do I fend off a violent insane person?
DIS FREAD IS ABOUT ANIMALS.
Yeah. Answer the question, expert.
Man, you ever seen one eat?
Alright, alright.
What about bugs?
Quote from: Felix on April 29, 2007, 02:58:35 AM
Alright, alright.
What about bugs?
Bugs will have to defend themselves. Their little hands are too small to duct-tape hatchets to.
Who are we defending again?
So, to put your skills to the test,
how do we use wild animals to ELIMINATE people we don't like?
Quote from: Felix on April 29, 2007, 03:27:24 AM
So, to put your skills to the test,
how do we use wild animals to ELIMINATE people we don't like?
There aren't enough animals.
What if we used beetles?
Bullet ants.
Quote from: Cain on April 29, 2007, 03:31:50 AM
What if we used beetles?
Stink beetles, or those cool ones from the last round of mummy movies?
All of them. Beetles outnumber everything else, IIRC. They are the secret weapon no-one else has considered using. With the right breeding and training programs...
Quote from: Cain on April 29, 2007, 04:23:47 AM
All of them. Beetles outnumber everything else, IIRC. They are the secret weapon no-one else has considered using. With the right breeding and training programs...
I thought ants outnumber beetles.
That might be species....damn.
Quote from: Felix on April 29, 2007, 03:32:41 AM
Bullet ants.
Very painful bite, top few in the world.
There are vampires down the hall, slayers to the left, blood junkies straight ahea, zombies to the right, Daleks at the base of the stairs, and Panzermensch stomping outside this abandoned police station.
Should we just simply smoke some of the evidence locker and pray that the end comes quickly and permanently?
Quote from: saint aini on May 01, 2007, 01:07:54 AM
There are vampires down the hall, slayers to the left, blood junkies straight ahea, zombies to the right, Daleks at the base of the stairs, and Panzermensch stomping outside this abandoned police station.
Should we just simply smoke some of the evidence locker and pray that the end comes quickly and permanently?
Um, no. Some people would PAY for a vacation like that.
Use the shotgun. You don't gotta load it. We did that shit for you.
Quote from: saint aini on May 01, 2007, 01:07:54 AM
There are vampires down the hall, slayers to the left, blood junkies straight ahea, zombies to the right, Daleks at the base of the stairs, and Panzermensch stomping outside this abandoned police station.
Should we just simply smoke some of the evidence locker and pray that the end comes quickly and permanently?
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
LEFT
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
GO LEFT
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
TURN LEFT
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
GO EAST
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
WHAT THE FUCK IS ON MY LEFT?
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
I WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER.
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
GAAAAH!
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
LQAKFD029473U2;O3FNUC2P831B2JDNMDFNQW038Y123NFKASNDF93R12
I'm sorry, you can't do that here.
...
ad nauseum...
Who do you suppose would win in a fight, a Dalek or a Grue?
Quote from: saint aini on May 01, 2007, 01:07:54 AM
There are vampires down the hall, slayers to the left, blood junkies straight ahea, zombies to the right, Daleks at the base of the stairs, and Panzermensch stomping outside this abandoned police station.
Should we just simply smoke some of the evidence locker and pray that the end comes quickly and permanently?
Just hand tight until The Doctor comes, then it'll all be good, maybe.
Quote from: PopeTom on May 01, 2007, 01:05:25 PM
Who do you suppose would win in a fight, a Dalek or a Grue?
What's sad is that such jokes as these are almost incomprehensible, these days.
Quote from: LMNO on May 01, 2007, 01:20:01 PM
Quote from: PopeTom on May 01, 2007, 01:05:25 PM
Who do you suppose would win in a fight, a Dalek or a Grue?
What's sad is that such jokes as these are almost incomprehensible, these days.
That's exactly why I love making them.
It also make me appreciate things like MC Frontalot (http://frontalot.com/index.php/)'s song It Is Pitch Dark (http://frontalot.com/index.php/content.php?page=lyrics&lyricid=47).
I didn't read this thread, but if I had to fend off a wild animal, I would pull Bear Grylls out of my pack and let him eat them raw.
Quote from: Fearless Freep on May 01, 2007, 07:49:56 PM
I didn't read this thread, but if I had to fend off a wild animal, I would pull Bear Gryllis out of my pack and let him eat them raw.
:|
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 01, 2007, 10:16:17 PM
Quote from: Fearless Freep on May 01, 2007, 07:49:56 PM
I didn't read this thread, but if I had to fend off a wild animal, I would pull Bear Gryllis out of my pack and let him eat them raw.
:|
needs more duct tape.
I forgot about this thread. :lulz:
Which is better for fending off wild animals: a book by Stephen King or F Scott Fitzgerald?
Quote from: Cain on June 28, 2008, 07:18:30 PM
Which is better for fending off wild animals: a book by Stephen King or F Scott Fitzgerald?
Depends. The bear is a low creature, and will most easily be distracted by King. The North American Prairie Squid, on the other hand, will settle for nothing less than pure Lit-ra-chaw.
Duct tape one of each to eaither hand.
King for a quick left jab, finish off with a Fitzgerald in the gub.
again *lazy git here*
have possums been discussed?
They sure as heck stop in there path when confronted but not sure how to get rid of the little buggers.
Quote from: maphdet on December 22, 2009, 03:01:30 AM
again *lazy git here*
have possums been discussed?
They sure as heck stop in there path when confronted but not sure how to get rid of the little buggers.
A bazooka.
TGRR,
Knows that's not half of what the vicious little bastards deserve.
Dear TGRR,
What is the best way to fend off or kill an enraged porcupine the size of a small dog? It's trampling all over my snow and ice. I've had previous encounters with this horrible creature, and it should be noted that:
-It can projectile-fire its quills to a distance of 10 feet.
-Its eyes glow red with a strangely malevolent light.
-Once chasing something, it never ever gives up.
Oh, and without waking the neighbours. They get pissy if they don't get their beauty sleep.
I call :troll:.
Porcupines don't get enraged. They are as tranquil as moonlight on a unicorn fart.
Thats pretty damn tranquil :lulz:
What the shit is this
I have two guinea pigs in the ground in my backyard. In the event of their vengeful return, how can I protect myself?
Nothing that is worth knowing is to be found here.
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on January 10, 2010, 07:56:23 AM
Nothing that is worth knowing is to be found here.
Right. No more fun threads then, if they're even the tiniest bit silly.
Enough is enough.
(http://420.thrashbarg.net/graham_chapman_stop_that_silly.jpg)
also- needs smaller and smiley.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 11, 2010, 05:24:22 PM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on January 10, 2010, 07:56:23 AM
Nothing that is worth knowing is to be found here.
Right. No more fun threads then, if they're even the tiniest bit silly.
Enough is enough.
It's just that some brilliant, talented motherfucker seems to be bumping all the chaff, on a day when some other brilliant, talented motherfucker was busy starting a bunch of chaff.
Enough is enough.
What do I do if I have a rabid beaver taped to my left hand and a vicious bobcat taped to my right hand? This is a very pressing matter and I hope you find time to reply soon.
How does one go about removing a Candiru from it's secure, warm preferred place of residence, without actually having to sever / pulp the old "kittenhammer" in the process?
Quote from: BadBeast on June 10, 2010, 07:35:32 AM
How does one go about removing a Candiru from it's secure, warm preferred place of residence, without actually having to sever / pulp the old "kittenhammer" in the process?
(http://rydermiles.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/famouspics_funzug-com_07.jpg)
Quote from: Risus on June 12, 2010, 11:13:41 PM
Quote from: BadBeast on June 10, 2010, 07:35:32 AM
How does one go about removing a Candiru from it's secure, warm preferred place of residence, without actually having to sever / pulp the old "kittenhammer" in the process?
(http://rydermiles.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/famouspics_funzug-com_07.jpg)
Wow, that bad. Ouch! But it's only a little fishy!