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New short story plonked on entirely unknown blog

Tall Tales, Short Stories and Unexploded Truths

Which is like, entirely worth checking out if you're bored and don't feel like paying for short stories.

funfact: In Britain, giving workers tea instead of gin was considered highly controversial, because the gin kept workers more docile.

Though saying drugs have no spiritual value isn't necessarily true.

For a lot of people, the role of religion in their lives really is the same as the role of pot.
It numbs the pain and keeps them in order.

send her a packet of 1000 form letters for a nigerian prince scam. Might as well get her started now so she has a leg up on the competition when she gets older.

It's not a scam. I fund myself entirely by responding to those emails.
All these years and it's never occurred to anyone to give them a try.

Why do you think there are so many? Surely if they were scams it would never continue to work.
There are so many because all these foreign dignitaries have never successfully found anyone and have just been building up over the years.

And now I've cashed in. I'm a millionaire.

The downside is I've been having some trouble shifting the money, and I need somebody with a western bank account to help me out with it. I'd probably be willing to offer 5-10% of the cash if you could help me?

Timberlake is REAL, because unlike some musicians that are just "found" Timberlake was made. You need craftsmanship for that.

OK, so I can redeem my moral equilibrium by sending the kid guns and e-numbers?


It seems a fair arrangement.
My not be many other opportunities in life to do right that way.

Bonsai Ent, iirc, is still living in Cambridge.

THAT is what makes him an arsehole, not this.

He lives in a university?

Nah, I'm one of the villains that live to serve the Castalian Elite and make sure their studies aren't interrupted.

Bonsai Ent, iirc, is still living in Cambridge.

THAT is what makes him an arsehole, not this.

That is vicious slander. I'm living OUTSIDE of Cambridge.

I'm moving into Cambridge-proper next January  

"Living in a third-world dictatorship, where any moment you might contract AIDS, have to watch militia murder your family, or starve to death?



There's an App for that"

She sent a letter the other day saying she dreamed of becoming a doctor...


I do not remember agreeing to pay for her M.D.


A replacement could be the best option... ideally what I want is a dumber kid.

I had to get the one frigging Future Nobel Laureate in the whole of Sudan.

You're a bad man Mr. Ent. 

Pony up for a chinese ipod knock off for the kid at least. hell, send her your book if you don't want to spend anything. that would be educational and full of lulz all at the same time.

They make me pay for those

So I got drunk one night and adopted an African kid, largely forgot about it till I saw the bill, and then was slightly irritated to discover that they weren't going to post my kid to me, that it just gets to live in Africa while I pay for it's school and medicine.
Pfft!
I try to explain my situation to them, and logically rebutted their claim that you can't post children, obviously you can't post western children, but these Sudanese ones should class as a small package and could probably be sent using one First Class stamp.
After which I didn't hear from their customer service people again.

Anywho, part of the whole deal is you're also supposed to send them gifts and letters... which, I fully admit, I've never done, because the kid can't read English and it seemed pointless, and the kids send you cute little letters and school reports back to make you feel smug and good about yourself...

I can sort of half imagine these kids being held on a factory line by Sudanese militiamen, being forced to mass produce cute letters to keep the western funds and gifts coming... but I digress.

As I said, I've never sent any gifts... I'm kind of already putting this kid through school, largely by accident.
I kind of think she should send ME gifts, but does she ever?

Well no, she does not.

And then today I get this letter, which is meant to be a thank you-letter for all the Christmas presents the sponsors sent out, and as I said they don't speak much English, so it's a form-letter where the kids can fill in the blank parts.
It says "I'm having a great time in Sudan, thanks to all the food medicine and schooling etc etc etc,
"And thank you for my Christmas Present of ________

And where all the other kids have clearly written things like "bicycle" or "second hand clothing" she put...

"love"

Which, obviously one of the nuns forced her to write after she didn't get any christmas presents, so as not to offend me.

SO

Would I be justified in demanding my money back?

I mean, I paid into this scheme to feel undeservedly GOOD about myself, this sort of guilt-trip from a starving African kid is NOT what I paid for.

We'd have known if TGRR had died physically.

Heaven and Hell would consider it an act of war, instigated by the mortal plane, and unite against us in a horrific retaliation...


With that said.

Howdy Dok