Messages

it didn't fit on one thread

So I used 8 of them.

Blame The admins for restricting post length.

Somtimes she drips in a little at a time, if you try to keep her out

Pope Froclown Von Hogwasher & Pope Goes the Weasel
Present
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Warning
Read at Your Own Risk
If you feel the need to sue us,
If you feel we have wronged you,
If you wish to compliment us,
If you are a walrus in a tuxedo,
If you like our floral design,
If you like to ingest small light bulbs,
If you want an excuse to kill someone,
If you wish to play a game of sink,
If you are J.R. "Bob" Dobbs,
If you in any way wish to bother us, DON'T!
We don't want to hear about it.
Now If you want to send us donations, now that's
different. Send donations in care of the Cabal of
Shiny Meatloaf.
We will accept donations of any kind; money, poems,
pictures, wheel barrows, pound cakes, you name it,
we'll take it, and put it to good use.
Pope Froclown Von Hogwasher, Administer of Free
Stuff.


Beware, Least this happen to you, Read carefully!
Introduction part one.
In The Beginning, when Pope Weasel and myself first formulated the idea of
collaborating on a project, we knew it would be very difficult to integrate our results.
Instead of trying to do a descent job of integration, I suggested that we just write a bunch
of random chapters, having little to do with each other, so that the whole book would be a
jumble of nonsense. He agreed, and thus was the beginning of this collection of stories
and essays, not to be thought of as a book, but rather as the results of an experiment
which is exclusively the Property of Mission Control.
Part two-Proper Usage.
When viewing this book, do not attempt to separate truth from falsehood, because
as with accordance with Discordian style and reference to truth, wisdom and knowledge
are strictly relative to the mind interpreting it. Whatever objective ideas one may have
about these concepts should be checked at the door, before removing this wholly text
from its sacred toaster oven. (More about this under the heading care and feeding of your
new book). Do not use in a darkened room, this may hinder reading ability and cause,
dizziness, headaches, and bad eyesight. Do not use for toilet paper, rolling paper, fire
kindling, lining cat boxes, or as a weather-vein, etc. May not interface well with small
electrical appliances, such as blenders, microwaves, or garbage disposals. In case of
accidental ingestion, don't worry, the radioactive ink has a half-life of only 5 years.
Part 3 Care and Feeding.
As with any decision, you have taking up many new responsibilities when you
decided to adopt this book. This is no ordinary text; it is not to be treated like an old shoe
tossed out for the gulls to peck at. Hell no, it deserves respect and a nice warm place to
sleep. First, I should mention feeding, what to feed your book, and when. What are you a
complete idiot? Don't ever try to feed your book! This means any kind of food, dog
treats, hot-dogs, hamster pellets, etc. I don't care if you think it looks sad, or hungry, even
if it begs for table scraps, just remember "DO NOT FEED THE BOOK". Ok it would
however like to be kept warm. It should be kept at 65F, never more or less. Do not place
your book in the freezer, this would be wrong. Never try to bake your book, this is also
wrong. It is best if you keep your book in a nice cave, of science lab with a temperature
regulator. If you these are out of the question, you should use an incubator, of toaster
over, with a 65F temp setting. Wherever it is that you decide to keep your book, make
sure it's not too dry, or humid. Then wrap the book in cellophane, dip in wax, and lastly
inscribe the words sacred on the temp regulation devise. Always be careful when
removing the wax, as to not scuff this the most sacred of books, and prepare for the
insanity which is PROPERTY of MISSION CONTROL.

                                             Topic One-History of Religion
   Welcome to page one, please be seated and partake of the madness here in. We
shall begin at the turn of the end of time. The Earth is gone, but no one really misses it. I
mean only the primitive life forms, which depended entirely too much on physical
manifestation, even cared when it had gone, this was of course, because the too had gone
with it. It was just an ordinary ball of mud flouting around in endless circles around a
much larger ball of fused hydrogen; I must have seen a billion just like it. This one had
one particular difference, it had some how manager to create life from mud. Until I had
crossed paths with the pathetic little planet, we believed that life was a characteristic that
could only occur in aetheric beings such as ourselves. Many scientists amongst us still
can't believe that physical matter actually brought forth life, and very few believe that
if such life existed it could have true intelligence. That debate continued until the end
of time, when everyone stopped caring about physical matter, since it no longer existed.
That is saving for a few of our historians who believed that they could resurrect the past
by recording it as aetheric patterns in inter-transitional space. We began the difficult task
of recording history as we remember it, we may be somewhat mistaken about certain
aspects of matter, and relationships to "Physical laws" which do not apply to us, but we
gave it our best shot. The results of these conferences have been documented here, in
such a way that, beings outside of our universe can look into this one, and we can relate
what we believe to be an accurate description of what our world was like to physically
dependant beings. These life forms lived for a brief portion of a learner time line. Yet we
will still be focusing on an extremely brief period of what the intelligent life called 3000
years, this is the time it took the Earth to orbit the Sun 3000 times, this is also the length
of time it too for human to live over 30 life times.
       Our story begins in the first year that humans thought they should record. In this
year, improperly labeled 0, an influential man was born, he was named Jesus, because he
was mistakenly thought to be Puerto Rican, but in fact he was Hebrew. When he was
older, he walked around spouting about God, the humans' imaginary supreme alpha
male and discussing secret traditions with commoners. This made the traditionalist Jews
very upset. The Romans, who were currently in control of the Jews didn't him either,
since he could have become king. The Jews disowned Jesus, and the Romans feared him.
Caesar, the Roman leader, didn't want to be shown up by a Puerto Rican ex-Jew, so the
Jews and Romans plotted against him. They killed him by mounting him to a cross. Many
humans liked to display the remains of what they killed by nailing it to a plank, so the
Romans decided to do both at once. This would have worked, and had worked very well
on others, had it not been for Jesus' followers, who decided to make up this idea that he
didn't die, which that meant he was sacred and, created a cult around the man's life. This
cult prospered greatly for some time, especially in the early years when the questioners
were killed, or forced to convert. Not much happened for quite some time, various cults
and cultures were created and destroyed, most of those, which survived, had good
thoughts on how to get along peacefully, and not cause conflicts with their world. These
were soon destroyed and replaced by the Jesus cult, whose members believed that
everything that entertained people was Evil, and must be avoided. They liked to do be
gloomy and solemn, and criticize others, for doing what they were afraid to do. This sect
broke up into many sects and each had its own very slightly different ideas, which were
all absolutely the truth. Soon there were thousands of groups, all fighting about what was
true. Some men began to believe that if they could predicted certain relationships
between matter and events, stating that these must be the real truths. They called this
science. Science became like another division of the church. To some this new Science
was evil, others believe some of what the scientists' said, unless it disagreed with religion.
Scientist began to see religion as false ideas created out of ignorance and rejected it.
Religious leaders believed they had real truth and science was a lie. Many people
continued to believe in God, and Jesus, despite science, but believed science, when not in
a church context. The Church remained to most as a place to gossip about others. This
gossiping took the form of mocking others for disobeying the tenants of the church,
which existed mostly to make humans feel guilty, for acting like humans. Some people
who were had had enough of this decided to try reinstating the old religions which
existed before the Jesus cult took over. They relied on the few remaining myths about
ancient gods, and harrowed from the Hermetic arts of Egypt, and updated occult
philosophies based on Egyptian and Hebrew traditions. These new religions were not like
the originals, but they were at least partially based on them. Many began to turn to these
new religions, to escape the Jesus cult, and because of personal beliefs relating to
race/gender relations and environmental importance. These new religions were attacked
by the Jesus cult, as being evil. Science attacked then along with the Jesus cult as
irrational. Then one day in a bowling alley, two men thought about how much chaos and
confusion there was, and realized that that is how it is supposed to be. The reason that no
one could agree on anything was that everyone sees the same things outside themselves,
but everyone understands it differently. Scientist can only understand how one thing
relates to another, in one way at a time. They can't explain its emotion impact. The new
religious groups broke away from the Jesus cult, because it tried to make everyone see
things from one angle, and discouraged free thought. These men wrote a book, relating
what they had learned in a chaotic way, so that it could be looked upon in many ways.
Most people thought it was a joke, and ignored them. A few people, who read it,
however, realized its importance, and created their own religion on the concept of
having no rules, or concepts, of any kind. They became known as Discordians. Very few
actually got to this point, even with the help of one Discordian author, who wrote over 20
books on the topic of Discordianism, and related topics. Since few actually gave
Discordianism a chance, the various religious sects did exactly what the Discordians
knew they would. They fought violently, and created so much destructive order, that
soon destructive disorder resulted. This destructive disorder brought about the end of
time. (Thus concludes Physical existence sub-category religion.)

Possession of a possessed pie is a serious crime on some planets.


The Wanderings of Universal Conscience.
   A blank page of pristine whiteness spreads out, framed by tiny symbols and buttons, title
bars and the usual Microsoft Works paraphernalia. The screen is very dim; I am at a loss as to why
thus is, something is draining the power. The A/C just kicked on, could this explain the onslaught
of dimnation and rebrightening that plagues my vision of the white black drop which is
increasingly filling with black smudges. On close inspection these smudges appear to be symbols
of some sort, perhaps there is a message hidden in there groupings. Perhaps this is a great
message of peace and wisdom from some God or Alien being. Why should Gods and Aliens be
wise? Perhaps it is some kind of pointless rant from an insane God or crazed Extra terrestrial.
Below this illuminated screen appear a pair of hands depressing and arrangement of symbols
matching those with are appearing, the simple that the buttons depressions are reflected in the
screen. Which causes the other, they appear simultaneously, and perhaps both things have some kind
of non-causal linking factor or synchronicity which makes them occur simultaneously. Who is it
that controls those hands, I can trace them back to a shoulder attached to a torso, then down to legs
and even feet, tracking up wards ends about 4 inches from my point of awareness. Thus it is
assumed that I is I who is conducting this bazaar pollution, smudging this pure environment with
esoteric symbols, but who am I, I'm I the author of a new found wisdom, or some crazed author
of non-sense. I would appear to be a bipedal life form if my assumption based on memories and
current sensory data are to be trusted. Am I only me because I perceive myself as an I, perhaps the
I-ness I perceive is as speculative as my other assumptions. Thus it remains unknown if these
words are written by a familiar being, one of an unfamiliar origin, or by no author at all. All that
can be known, if known is an acceptable term, is that these smudges popping up are an inherent
function of the universe, like everything else, conscience, understanding, and perception, are not
qualities belonging to things, since such things merely exist themselves as a universal function.



-1-                                                       Stardate: 04.16.00.1211.99.01
Miko and his Wacky Wonder Pants
   This is the story of a man-boy named Miko and his wonderful wonderpants.
Milo and his pants shared so many adventures I don't even know where to begin. I will
start when Miko first found his wonderpants and thus made a new friend.
   One day Miko was frolicking when he saw his future pants. "What brand
spanking new pants I have found", Miko thought. They hit it right off and have never
parted since, although they have been through some difficulties. For example one day
Miko was trying to walk through some automatic doors but they didn't open so he just
ran right into the door. Just as he was wondering why sometimes automatic doors
open and sometimes they don't the door spoke to him. "We work hard everyday
opening and stuff so we get our kicks by watching poor fools run into us every once in
a while. You'd think people would beware of such things but they are normally
oblivious." Then his wonderpants spoke up and said, "Yeah. Don't you ever realize
that I make flagellant noise with my rear pockets in an effort to humiliate you in front of
any significant others?" This enraged Miko and he left that very day with his
wonderpants to live in a monastery where technological wonders couldn't make him
feel stupid.
The Adventures at the Monastery
   Miko made friends at a rapid pace. There were so many people at the
monastery so full of life and humor. There was Spanky who enjoyed beating other
monks over the back with a plank of wood during daily meditation. There was just no
accounting for that Spanky. Zipper enjoyed playing practical jokes. It was his only form
of amusement since he took that darn vow of silence. He would drop nuts out of tress
onto the monks and then try and blame it on the blind squirrel. That poor squirrel. And
then there was Choco. Choco was the only monk that dressed as a woman. But that's
a story for another time. Anyway Miko enjoyed his time at the monastery. It gave him
time to pursue his true hobby, the one thing in life that gave him immense amounts of
pleasure... high explosives. He would sit around all day making explosives then when

-2-                                                    Stardate: 04.16.00.1211.99.01
night would come, he would find something that looked interesting and then blow it up.
He passed the time away like this (about three years I believe), but his fun was
tragically cut short by a terrible accident.
Fate
   On one particularly pleasant afternoon (accidents always happen on pleasant
days) Miko was frolicking through the woods with some C4 he made the previous day
under his arm whistling show tunes. He came upon a small patch of earth worthy of
being destroyed and set his explosive into place. Then it came. Suddenly. Nut after
started falling from above Miko. He looked up and saw the blind squirrel smiling away
throwing nut after deadly nut. He yelled at it to stop but the squirrel keep smiling and
continued hurling away. If one of those nuts hit the half set up explosive then he would
kill both of them. Miko started running away and when he got to a safe distance the
squirrel stopped throwing nuts and instead started chewing on one like normal non-
psychotic squirrels do. But when he was done he let the nut drop and land on the C4
setting it off. The explosion was smaller then it normally is (maybe Miko was slacking
off that day) and didn't really hurt the squirrel. The squirrel was quite startled though
and ran down the branch straight into the trunk of the tree. He then lost his balance
and fell to the ground.
   Now Miko felt compassion for the blind squirrel. After all how is a blind squirrel
going to go about finding his nuts? He fell off his tree and lost all sense of where he
was. Miko would help the squirrel find his nuts. He lifted the unconscious squirrel upon
his shoulders and then climbed up the tree and searched everywhere. He even took
off his wonderpants so that they could separate and cover more ground. He searched
tree after tree. What if he never found the squirrel's nuts? What good is a squirrel if he
is nut-less? Miko and his wonderful wonderpants searched all day until they finally
found his hidden stash of nuts. Then at that moment the presumably insane squirrel
leaped from Miko's shoulder onto his stash of nuts. He began throwing them at Miko
with all his force babbling about how "Even blind squirrels can find nuts in a pinch!"
One of the airborne nuts lodged in Miko's eye and he fell from the tree. Luckily his
wonderpants phoned the hospital and had Miko airlifted to safety.

           
It's All Fun and Games Till Someone Loses an Eye
   The doctors told Miko he was lucky. Most people who get a nut lodged in their
eye never regain full sight but he would regain some. This is only one of the many
adventures of Miko and his wonderpants. If anyone is interested in what Miko is
currently doing, he is traveling the country preaching to the youth the dangers of high
explosives and nuts. If ever the reader encounters a half-blind man with half blinding
shiny wonderpants tell him Weasel says hello and that I will promptly return his prized
carpet sample collection so long as he leaves $10000 in small unmarked bills in a
brown burlap bag behind the, you know what, you know where, you know when.

Pieist  nerds enslave the lower forms of life for their K.K.PIE lynching parties One Pope's Ranting for Better Understanding of a Goddess' Plan.
   Alas, once again I find myself in the middle of the chrono-stream, floating down a
current whose end is nearly absolutely defined as oblivion. Pushed along by Father time, who
destroys everything I know, as soon as I become accustomed to it. It is he who constantly pushes
me forward into the unknown future, faster than my mind can grasp, giving me a false sense of
present, which in truth is recent past. This false present is all I know, and can know, the past
being lost with in a infinite possibility of pasts, my memory, which is likely to be false, is my
only key that the past even exist. This is pointless, and wasteful to ponder, however, seeing as the
future which is even more infinitely unpredictable is constantly bombarding my senses with
millions of new things which appear from nowhere, and disappear into the past simultaneously.
How many of these things are true, how many figments of my imagination? How can I tell them
apart? My best guess is that everything exists as some inseparable combination of external
truth, and internal interpretation. Does everything exist as 50/50 or are some things more
external/internal than others? Some things may exist entirely on their own, while other
completely within my mind. This brings about the question of, is there a difference between what
is "out there" and what is in my mind? Perhaps my mind reflects what is out there, or what is out
there is a reflection of my mind. If I were to use my 50/50 hypothesis what is in and what is out
are both reflections of each other, which can not exist on there own.
None of these primal questions can be answered, and any attempt to answer them, or an
of the fundamental questions of science and reasoning only result in no answers, and a whole jumble of questions, and fragments, which don't seem to make sense. This is what a discordian refers to as Chaos. IT is at the very basis of everything, the fact that nothing can really be known, and all order is created out of chaos by guessing. Statements are then created, which support than guess, and more state to support the first statements. Once this reaches a level where the statements seem to supply answers which people can agree with, most of the time, we call them laws. People decide that following these laws is order, and not following them is disorder. It is commonly believed that disorder leads to chaos, but when one loots closely at any law, it can be found that it is based on chaos; therefore it is just a chaotic to blindly follow laws, as it is to disobey the laws. Since all laws are based on chaos, and everything is essential chaotic, the discordian has learned that this chaos can be destructive, or constructive. A discordian will try to make use of the constructive part as much a possible, disregarding weather or not it is constructive order or constructive disorder. If he finds that more constructive results, than destructive results will occur from disobeying a law, the discordian will disobey it. If disobeying
the law will be destructive, then he will obey the law. Many members of discordian cabals may
seek out both destructive and constructive disorder, which they are in the right to do, as it is
constructive to have some destruction. In short we discordians recognize that everything is
grounded in chaos, and we realize that any attempt to impose order on the world will fail, and just
increase the amount of one type of chaos, orderly chaos. We must create disorderly chaos so that
there is a balance, and not a surplus of Orderly chaos. So if you think you have the one true
answer to life the universe and everything, tell a discordian, so he can punch so many holes in
your theory it seeks, back into the chaos matrix from which it formed. You keep creating order,
and we will keep destroying it, that's who everything continues to exist. If either side ever gave
up, then there would be no order created or destroyed, and chaos would cease to exist. When
chaos no longer exists, nothing can be created from it, and everything is lost.

The Future Ages of Society.

                  Or
That was Fun, Let's do it Again?
Report on the condition of the earth 3170. As far as worlds go, this one isn't so
bad. The air is nice, there's plenty of food, even if it is hoarded away from the general
public, and basically held for ransom in exchange for green pieces of paper, or at least
numbers in a computer simulation that represent green pieces of paper. The majority of
people around here are forced by the same institutions that hoard the food, to work most
of their lives, for which they are given these green papers, or the electronic equivalence.
Some these papers are exchanged for the products that the workers make in exchange for
the paper. The food hoarders take back a large amount of the papers that they give out,
and the rest are given back in exchange for the food and products, that the workers
originally produced. Despite this almost insanely stupid over organization, based on
making sure paper moves around, the world is decent. There are not too many natural
disasters, there is water, and some of it is consumable. Social and economic order is
working in such extremely complex way, that no one can even begin to understand what
is going on. No one can even blow their nose without the proper forms. This is the
twilight of a Bureaucracy.
   Earth condition: 3100. This world is in grave danger of collapse. The last major
bureaucracy has fallen, chaos seems close at hand. No that the central order is removed
from power, people will act unpredictably. They will blow their noses at any given time,
even without a form. People will not know when and where they should go, without time
charters. If people don't go anywhere, the factories stop running, and society will come
to a halt. There is an even worse prediction, I believe that people will go where ever, at
what ever time, and without any forms, or following any processes. How can man
survive without strictly organized laws telling him what to do? This is must be the end of
man kind, and those damn Discordians, just say "This is just a season of Aftermath" and
laugh like a bunch of moose-iers.
Earth report: 3230. We finally got those boring bureaucrats out of power, and this
world is ours again. We don't have any social structure, anymore. The environment is
already looking better. Food is easily grown in abundance, and is free for all. Those
things, which are rare, get shared amongst everyone who likes it if possible. If sharing is
not possible, a random method is used to choose who owns what. Many of our people had
begun to study the ways of science, and others of philosophy. These groups have helped
the others to increase knowledge, and understand the universe. This new age of Chaos
has produced many new products and ideas.
Earth Report: 3250. Everyone is confused! They began to try to understand how
chaos worked. Why is it that random actions bring about predictable results? The
scientists and philosophers have come up with many differing theories, all of which seen
to hold part of the answers, even mutually exclusive ideas. The new products are
designed to be orderly and predictable, but most of them breakdown at the least
predicable time, for some unpredictable reason. The ignorant are happy, average are
content in their beliefs, and the intelligent are perplexed to the point of dizziness. Still
everyone is free. "There is no tyranny in the state of confusion."
           Earth report: 3330. Everyone is arguing. All the scientists believe that they have
the correct theory, even though none of them agree with each other. Every philosophy
and religion believes itself to have the answers. Most philosophies and religions disagree
with science, and vise versa. The conflicts are so strong, that these groups have actually
started wars against each other. They are so convinced that they are right, that they will
kill people who think differently. Everyone is at odds; there is no harmony here. This is
the dawn of Discord.
Earth report: 3383. Everyone still believes in the absolute truth of there own
persuasion, but few wars breakout, since the laws have been instated. Every one relies on
the newly established bureaucracies to protect them, and for food tickets, because the
individuals are no longer trusted to share the food. Products are again set at value and
traded for in bureaucratically issued tickets, given in exchange for work. The individual
is overlooked, while the state is seen as important. Laws are continually being made;
soon everything will be regulated and controlled by the central bureaucracy. It's been a
long trip, but here we are back at the season bureaucracy. And the cycle continues. Hail
Eris!
The Magickal Process
The void is with out form, is nothing, not even nothingness. Non-existence is just
as absent as existence. Neither of these to be found anywhere in void. The void has no
knowledge of space, and therefore has no size. Void can fit into any vessel, yet no
container is large enough to hold it. Void is independent of time, always was and always
will be. Void does not change, but is constantly changing with respects to time. Void
holds the potential for all things. The first things to arise for void are existence and
non-existence.
Existence is the quality given to things, which sentient existent beings can
perceive, or detect by using existent devises. Thus existence is not actually provable
to the existent beings, because its definition is self-referential. Existent being generally
believe they can understand what existence means by comparing the reactions between
two or more existent things. This believe makes scientist and religious leaders believe
that laws exist, which describe how existent things react at all times. They fail to
realize that the laws only hold up as vague generalities of how exactly identical objects
will possibly react under the exact same circumstances. Many religious leaders don't
even do the tests, they just speculate then expect their laws to hold up. The only way to prove
that something exists would be to compare it with something non-existent.
Non-existence, is the opposite state of existence. Due to this fact little is known
about it. There are much more things which do not exist, that which do exist. The
problem is that things, which are non-existent, are described as those things, which can
not be detected by sentient/existing beings. Things, which can not be detected, can't be
described. Some non-existent things have been described, but they are just alterations on
existent things, made by sentient minds. Some believe that describing a non-existent
thing gives it a kind of pseudo-existence, since the description is existent. Nothing which
does not exist can ever be known to sentient beings, because as soon as it is known, it
becomes existence.
We detect changes in the void be noticing that with accordance with time, some
existent things become nonexistent, and some non-existent things become existent. From
the point of view of the void time is not a factor, therefore no changes occurred,
the things were never existent, nor not existent. This is why void is neither existent, nor
non-existent.
All things come into being from divisions in the void, made by sentient minds, who divide
void up, by what they can sense and what they can't. They provide further divisions
based on their sense organs and limited capabilities of their minds to split things into
space and time. Space is divided into more divisions, Up/down, /Left right/
Forward/Reverse. Since the senses can't pick up any more directions, the beings assume
that space is 3 dimensional, even though those 3 are themselves created by the beings
minds. The mind can't experience contradictions so it creates time so everything doesn't
happen all at once, these are split smaller and smaller, depending on the events which
need to be viewed. Again man assumes that this time exist external to his creating it.
The lesson here is that everything exists, it always has and always will. The mind
decides how things are interpreted, and basically what things will be experienced. If
man learns to fully control his mind, thus concurring his spirit, he will be in control of
what divisions are made. Magick is the process of learning to control how your mind
interprets the world. With out magick, the mind interprets the world subconsciously on
it's own, and leaves the appearance that the universe exist independently of your mind,
and must be excepted as a set of predetermined rules. Magick is the key to living your
own life, to playing the game by the rules you create, rather than following the ones laid
out for you. It's like the difference between being a slave and being king. The king can
live by the rules of a slave, but if he disobeys them, who will strike the king? If the slave
tries to pretend to be king, however, he will not succeed. Learn magick, and you can be a
king, try to take control over the nature in any other way, and you are merely a rebellious
slave.
Pope's log, entry 3Q24A7
I seem to be stricken with some kind of impairment. It's 4:00 am and any desire I
ever had to relate with my environment has vanished. Now all I want to do is find
someplace safe to lie down and slip into a subjective reality, cut off from all objective
influences. It is at this time far more appealing to me, that I should relate with ideas, and
imaginary visions, than with real solid objects. Objects seem to fade out as blurry
images, and visions in my mind replace them as appearing real. My posture is wobbly; I
can't seem to keep from falling over. My eye continuously keep trying to shut in a way
that is beyond my control. I keep zoning out; symptoms include numbness, and
temporary loss of vision. I seem to be able to stir my self from these attacks, thus gaining
my composure of thought. Dizziness, the room appears to come into focus, but only for a
second as the mild hallucinatory effects return. Surely this must be some kind of a
disease, possible a plague. The only thing left for me to do is Quarantine myself, until I
can learn more about this affliction. I must go into my fort and wait it out, or I may
accidentally jeopardize the whole crew.

WW3.T415926535...
Gates, Bill- Business man, who inherited the Microsoft Corporation, known as the richest man in
the world, no good capitalist pig, and the one man who gives free enterprise a bad name.
Mishmoeman, Doctor- Time traveling inventor and salesman born in the year 3365 he went
back in time for schooling between the years of 3190 and 3202, where he became educated on the
use of radioactive atomic core elements. Build the first Mishmoeman AC in 3212. This invention
was one of me key elements to the upcoming caused 32 years earlier.
Roy-Al, Franklin- first man to contain a pie soul in a bottle. He based his life's work, around the
exploits of one Professor Fenderson, who accidentally put uranium flakes in is Apple pie,
mistaking them for saw dust.
Roy-Al, Tacoboy- Son of Billionaire Franklin Roy-Al, named after his fathers favorite Mexican
word. Tacoboy is an idiot, a booster, and a tripe eating yokel, but above all else, he is know as the
Pie liberator.
Fenderson, Pineas (Piney)- Professor of Dumbass Mistakes, at the University of Worthless Ideas.
He was responsible for me discovery of pie souls, for which he was fired for inventing something
so useful and important. As such, he's biggest claim to fame is blundering idiocy.
Crustaceans, The- there are many of these, but since they can't talk, anyone can play them, no role explanation necessary.
El Pie, App- Teaches Tacoboy all about pie culture and is the first to speak out about how being
stored in jars depresses them.

Discordianism
Manifesto in Blood
"YEA THOUGH THE LIGHT OF TRUTH SHINETH, IT'S BRIGHTNESS BLINDS THE EYES SUCH THAT ONE MIGHT AS
WELL STUMBLE IN THE DARKNESS"
Pope Froclown Von Hogwasher
We are all Popes, endowed with infallibility from birth, these is no one who can
tell you that your way of doing something is wrong. Everyone is right, no matter what
others say. Science may say one thing, certain religions may disagree, but who says either
are right? You do, because you are a Pope, and whoever you decide to believe in is right.
Two people may have contradicting ideas about what is right, but that doesn't mean both
are true, nor that neither are true. This is relativism, what is true from one persons mind
may be false to another, but it is presumptuous to say that either view is the TRUTH for
everyone. How can anything be true for everyone, when at a minimum, half of what is
perceived is conceived in the individual's mind. When you look at say a tree, your eyes
pick up some, but not all of the light, then your brain, translates some but not all of the
visual signals, then a portion of those signals is sent to the mouth to from the word tree.
Since it is impossible that two minds be identical, and much of the perceived signals are
meaningless to the sensory system, then it must be that everyone has a slightly different
perspective on what is true about tree, as well as everything else.
With that in mind, look at society. What does society do? It classifies things into
true and false, and try to make everyone fit into a category. If everyone is different, then
how can there be categories of people who are the same? How can anyone ever live up to
any standard and still remain an individual free thinker? The answer is you can't and
that's just what modem society wants, people who all act in similar mechanistic ways, so
that it can produce a system that constantly create and moves around junk, so that those
running the system become more powerful. Yet, even those in power have their niche in
keeping the society running, they are just part of the system like everyone else. What has
been done with modem democracy, is that a complex system has been set up, where the
dictators of monarchies have been replaced by a complex system were "the people" have
become the tyrant. The people does not refer to the individual, but rather to the system as
a whole
The individual is the one thing that the system fears, so it is set up in such a way
as to make sure no one can think for themselves. First off, from childhood, people are
told to always obey authority figures, even if you know they are wrong, in affect teaching
children that the system is always right. Schools have become less like the institutes of
learning they were meant to be, and more like training for society. Children are forced to
walk in lines, and ask permission to use the toilet, sponsoring the idea that the system is
even in control of natural needs. The material taught in classes is not subjects that
interest the individual student, but rather a field of subjects which serve to make the
student more readily useful to society. Students are encouraged by "good grades" if they
learn to adapt their class work and studies to the standardized material, rather than
thinking for them selves or being creative. This is obviously to make students realize that
what they think doesn't matter, unless it is also what the society thinks.
Once out in society people are expected to behave in a certain ways, if they use
the wrong greeting, hop on one foot, wear their close backwards, or break any
other social norm, they are shunned by others. People are expected to agree on what
measuring units to use, i.e. in the US it is considered wrong to say I need 3 liters of
Gasoline. People are expected to accept as valuable little green pieces of paper, and
numbers that appear after swiping a card. None of these things mean anything to the
individual. Before being conditioned, measuring gas in gallons is no better than litters,
wearing close forward or backwards made no difference. Nothing was considered weird,
because no one had told you what society expected you to believe was normal.
We call our selves Discordians for two reasons, first is because it is after the
name of the Roman goddess of Discord, and because as opposed to what the system
wants, accordance with society, we wish to be at discordance with society. We chose to
worship Discordia, not as the Romans and Greeks did, but a symbol of Gods true nature,
we see God as a being with a sense of humor, who instead of having a plan, prefers to
just play around with the world, and see what happens. It is the conflicts which occur
because of randomness and unpredictability that make life worth living. If everything
were part of some big plan, as society wants it to be, then everyone would be like parts of
a machine, and everyone would have a function and they would just do that and die. The
latter case is not much fun. To keep ourselves safe from such unwanted order that man
imposes on us, we disassociate ourselves from man made rules. This means that we don't
just not do something, because it is not something people do. We wear weird hats, and
rant and rave about strange things that defy logic, in public places. We disregard the
rules, we are the people and we make the rules, so if you disagree with a rules, then by all
means don't follow it.
The society needs you, more than you need society. The best example I can give
for this is currency. Here in the US that's Dollars, you know those little pieces of paper
everyone carries around. Have you ever wondered why they have any value, it's because
people believe they have value and will just accept that as a conviction. Well, are you not
a person? Is not every individual a person? Then what you should do is refuse to accept
money as valid, just pretend it's an IOU from someone you don't trust. That's exactly
what it is, an IOU from the government, promising to pay you back with more lOUs.
Refuse to allow anyone to pay you with money, it's worthless, ask for something else
instead, like pine cones. If people believe that pine cones have value then they have just
as much value as US bank notes, and they smell nicer.
       No one need be a slave, "Do What Thou Wilt", particularly if it may be weird.
Society will do whatever it can to enslave you, but the one thing it can't classify away is
the individual human being. Think for yourself, as soon as you start believe what they tell
you without questioning it, you have stepped into the trap. You will be classified,
branded, and lead around like a sheep. "Question Everything?" Never hold any
convictions, they only lead to trouble. A conviction is a generalization based the past, or
what others have told you. It is wiser to treat ever situation as individual and never relay
on convictions as more than suggestions.
There is no Truth, there is no right thing to do. Go do what is you want to do,
don't fall for the things that others tell you are True, and Right, because they only know
what is true and right for themselves. Society is an attempt to create objective truths that
are true for everyone, but if you don't believe there should nor can be any objective truth,
then why should the rules made by someone else apply to you? They don't so if you
disagree with anything anyone else says, realize that it may be right for them, but not for
you. If it appears that they only believe it is right, because society has tricked them, then
see if you can prompt them to question this belief, but never force your own on them.
Forcing your beliefs on others makes you know better than the society that you have
escaped from. So, if you want. Join the Discordian Society, no fancy rituals, just
proclaim yourself what ever you want, and do what you like. All Hail Discordia


A word from our sponsor.
"You have created psychic suits of armor and clad in them, your flesh is bruised and your spirit broiled in the sun. I am Chaos. I am the substance from which your artist and scientist build rhymes, and I have come to tell you that you are free." Eris Discordia

ESCAPE
You who read this now, believe it or not, are not free!
Laws and rules that simply do not exist cage you. How can someone who is free, be
forced to use collective measuring units? How can you be free, if you are pressured
by threats of isolation and possible resulting poverty death, to go to college and get a
specific kind of job? How can you be free, so long as the society praises select
groups that practice what are deemed acceptable behaviors, and merits alienation of
anyone who deviates from those acceptable practices? As you can see, you are
forced, by society, to behave in certain ways. The reason that you don't realize this
is because you have been conditioned to obey these rules, your whole life. You have
been born into a prison that you can't even see. You are now thinking, these rules
must serve a useful purpose; well you would be right. The question we must ask
ourselves, is "Who is benefiting from these rules?" Well, who do you think would
benefit from restricting individual thought, and organizing the masses into an
orderly and controllable group? Obviously, the individual doesn't benefit from
loosing freedom, so there must be some one behind the scenes who does benefit.
People with power, such as politicians and big businesses, have a lot to gain, if they
can predict how people will act. All laws that restrict your personal freedoms, are
the work of vast global conspiracies, that what you to be docile, controllable, and
predictable. They employ such methods of mind control, general mental
programming from birth, subtle discrepancies in wording (i.e. Types), subliminal
messages, and blatant key symbol regression (i.e. Fnord). To free yourself, just do
what you want. It's that simple; do feel obligated to do anything, just because others
do it that way or because it's always done that way. Do not think that just because
one way seems to be the easiest or best way, it's the only way. Remember the urge to
do things the best or easiest way was also created by "Them". Instead ask your self,
is this the most creative way to accomplish this task, not that accomplishing the task
need necessarily be a motivation. "They" would like nothing better than for you to
be motivated by progress. "They" want everyone to work like cogs in their
machine, a machine created to serve them, at the expense of the workers. If you stop
doing what "They" want, you will be like a wrench thrown into their gears. If
enough people stop being cogs, and start throwing wrenches, " "They" will not
longer have any power, and mankind shall truly be free. Lets us now band together
and Escape from the clutches of "Them". Step one- Do something weird. Step two-
Do everything weird. Step three- Do not believe a word you just read. Step Four-
Disregard step three. Step Pi- Ask for a glass of boiling Pepsi, and a six pack of
sandwiches, with Ice-cream toppings, sop up as much Pepsi with the sandwiches as
possible. Then write a poem about, soggy Ice cream laden sandwiches, in blood.
Then try to pay for your meal with the poem and a box of nickels that have been
painted green.


"Cartesian dualism destroyed my belief in the sanctity crackers" Prime M. Gitcho II
Article  Section Z
Hop on a Train to Delaware, Because Those Wires are Frayed
I speak to you with honor and truth, of the time, soon approaching. The age of
spiny coke-bottles. During this time the sky will fill with microwave dinners and all
cathode ray tubes will fully implode creating black-holes, which will vanish after 3.2 sec.
Just enough time to ruin a perfectly good family room. This day will follow the fifth day
of inverted appliances. First the small gadgets can openers, and the like will be found in
an upside-down position. Then the toasters, coffee pots, and finally on the fifth day the
refrigerator. The odd fact about this is that while me fridge itself is upside-down, the food
inside will remain right side up, save for bottles of coke. Of course these objects are the
cause of this mess, and can be blamed. I would suggest that you write out your complaint
about Coke bottles destroying your house, in triplicate, and sending one to the pentagon,
save one to send to the Cola factories after the even occurs, and send one to a stranger at
random. All of this is of course completely worthless, but may give you something to do
while you await the impending doom.
          In the meaningless town of Hereville, MI the coke bottles have assembled to
discuss the best means of dominating the ape-like creatures that torment them. They had
already under the direction of the grand high cheese grater, increased the deposit return
for Michigan, in order that they would all arrive in one place for this very meeting. By
caffeineting their contents they had the humans controlled through addiction, yet the
bottles themselves were dependant on man, for everything from getting around, to being
filled. The bottles griped that they had very little choice over where they went, or what
the got filled with. They wanted to move on their own accord, yet after ten years of
rigorous mental exercises, they found that they had no ability to move themselves. One
bottle by the name of Grating Ply, who was the most adept at PK, could move slightly,
though qe only did it once. Qe moved just enough that a pack of stray dogs tripped over
qim, which in turn knocked Qim in front of a zambonie machine. Their collective
work as a lyrical poem entitled, "Walking With Your Mind," which was passed
down orally through the years. This was simply because they being bottles, they
couldn't write clearly.
      In the year 1984 a Young bottle of new coke, named Jirl Mechatal was sitting
alone practicing his mental powers, when a flash of inspiration hit him, actually it was a
hockey stick. The hockey player returned this time Jirl was so distraught over being hit
again, that he was able to send a wrench flying, it knocked the stick from the player's
hands, thus saving Jirl. Jirl summoned a welcome mat, which flipped him right side up.
He had discovered that even if he himself couldn't move, at least he could move other
objects, to his aid. Thus began the Psychic Coke bottle Revolution, Which became known
as the event so unexpected, that Even George Orwell overlooked it.

Enlightening the Armadillo
It was a warm day in the season of Discord when Mr. Pants, left his old job as a cow
inspector, in New York, For his new job, putting reflective tape on bicycles, in Dark Valley,
Texas. Well, after 8 hours of peeling tape, and sticking it to cheaply made Japanese bikes, his
shift had finally ended, but he found he couldn't see to get to his car, as it was very dark, and the
factory was too cheap to hire someone to light the lamps. Well, While he was wondering around
in the dark, trying to find his car, an armadillo got under his foot and sent him falling to the
ground. He tried to shake his first at the notorious varmint, but found he couldn't, since his arm
was broken. The next day he asked the manager if he could use some of the tape to stick to the
armadillos, so no one else would get hurt, the manager replied, "I can't give you that much tape,
it's expensive, besides it well, err, ah. frankly, it doesn't stick to animals." Mr. Pants decided to
try putting candles on they're backs, but this practice usually killed the animals, and started allot
of fires, this resulted in the factory being frequented by Firemen and animal rights protesters,
they soon but a stop to the candle method.
Mr. Pants decided that he needed help, so he went to the plant's research and
development lab. Upon entering, he was approached by a short man who appeared to be lined in
tin foil," The names Professor FroClown TM." when the shook hands, Mr. Pants received a
tremendous shock. Laughing Maniacally, FroClown shouted "We call that electricity, very
interesting, it's quite remarkable, don't you agree" "Egad, that hurt like hell, but what good is it"
replied Pants. The scientists all ran up and started talking at once; giving long complicated
lectures, about electrons, and light speed, Electromagnetic induction. Then they gave
demonstrations, which consisted of various contraptions that fried small animals, in unique ways.
However Mr. Pants was more interested to the huge sparks created by a primitive arc-welding
device.
He soon adapted the device so that he could attach it to the armadillos. The only problem
was that the huge sparks that were produced, were so bright that employees would get blinded
and wonder around aimlessly, often bouncing off walls.
When a visiting Scientist came to town, it wasn't long before he got word Pants' crazy
inventions, and realized he could help solve his problem. He introduced himself as Thomas
Edison and displayed his new invention. He called it a "light bulb" and said it could produce just
enough light for the job, and lasted a long time, while running on the batteries from the spark
contraption. After all the Bulbs were in place, Edison was up $5000 and pant's never tripped
over an armadillo again

Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law
                                         THE RADS & The Normals
In the year 2305 of the vulgar era, a passing piece of space junk of unknown
origin collided with the earth. The contents of its payload dissolved into the atmosphere,
infected the entire planet with a virus capable of genetic alteration. The more freethinking
individuals, approximately 30 of the population was more susceptible to a minor
genetic mutation. The only known side effect was that their bones required a small
amount of Cesium to remain stable. The remaining 70 were unaffected by the insistent.
The only reliable is by measuring the amount of radiation emitted from an individual.
There is no danger of harm form the small level of radiation that occurs in these
individuals. The effected however became known as Rads, noting their higher radiation
level, and the unaffected referred to themselves as Normals. These two groups-associated
began to associate less, and soon developed their own cultural practices.
The Rads, adopted a belief system in which the individual was respected more
that one who blindly follows rules. The related to each other under the rule that as long of
as no one is prevented from doing their own thing, no law was broken. People seldom
transgressed this law. The structure of their society was supported by the fact that since
no one interfered with another's will; people were more likely do their part to help others.
The people helped out and did there part, not because of a of law, or social norm, but
because they knew it would be better for the group as a whole. With in their own Group,
they got along and few problems arose. When problems did arise they would dissolve the
argument by in the way that brothers fight over a shared goal. This way, the Rads lived
happily without any set of strict laws or social norms, besides try to be nice, and don't
restrict others.
The Normals created a vast network of laws and social rules. It was not allowed to
sit certain ways, to walk on certain roads at certain times, to dress in certain way, and
even their speech was limited to a specific rhythm and syntax. They were given schedules
that said when they should be where; doing what, and it was punishable to do otherwise.
If any one was caught breaking any of the laws, they were sent to be reconditioned;
which consisted of torture by electro shock when questions concerting the law were
answered wrong. Despite having so many laws, people continued to be miserable and
stressed out. They feared that there might be troublemakers out somewhere walking east
down a west sidewalk, or talking with strange confusing accents. To help people relieve
these fears, there government, a which consisted of a group of people who performed
vastly complex bureaucratic procedures and wasted thousands of trees worth of paper per
day, would constantly create new laws, and revise old one, so they would be even harder
to understand. These new laws instead of relieving fears only created more criminals,
this made people even more afraid. The Normals continued to live stressed out by the
number of laws they had, while in constant fear of people who might transgress those
laws.
Normals and Rads would seldom interact; both groups had beliefs about the
others, which were mostly false. The Rads had to eat special Cesium enhanced cereal, to
prevent their bones from breaking. Cesium, was however poisonous to Normals, and so
they would refuse to eat it. When they were children, many Rads would refuse to eat the
Cesium, due to it bitter taste, parents would tell them they would become Normals, if
they didn't eat it. They myth stuck, and most 3rd generation Rads, believed that Normals
became that way because they wouldn't eat breakfast. This leads Rads to mock Normals
for their anal behavior, by throwing breakfast foods at them. Normals were frightened of
Rads, because of there "Bazaar and unpredictable behavior". The Normals believed the
Rads were incurably insane, since having not been through the original conditioning
process, the most Rads did not respond to reconditioning. Besides their unruly behavior,
the Normals also feared the Rads because they were radioactive. The media propaganda
that was broadcast to the Normals homes described radiation poisoning as a slow painful
way to die. The reason for this was to educate people not to mess with radioactive
material, but many Normals believed the Rads were radioactive as well. Not wanting to
die in agony, it was not uncommon to see less educated Normals running away screaming
and crying when they witnessed some one behaving strangely.
To prevent panic and harm, the Rads would spend weeks learning the current
Normal rules before attempting to enter any of their cities. They would learn to act
completely like Normals, they would avoid radiation screens, and purchase visitor
schedules at the appropriate time and place. They would learn to speak in the proper
tone and rhythm for their location, and remember which direction to walk at what time.
Even the most skilled Rads, usually were found out, which would generally cause panic,
a crime that was punishable by death, because it cause many others to break rules and
thus need reconditioning. When panic was avoided, they were quickly quarantines, and
exiled form the city. For this reason, Rads seldom attempted to enter the bound of
Normal Cities. Some of the braver Rads would attempt to play tricks on the Normals, by
showing up, breaking all kinds of rules, and running away, before they were captured.
Those that succeed attained temporary social status, until something more impressive
came along.
The Normals had strict religious practices, which request that people sacrifice
their time and money to God. These practices were to keep them conditioned into
believing that "higher powers" exist in some abstract way, to which it is necessary to
make sacrifices out of love, in exchange for protection and the hope of eternal happiness.
This was of course a ploy by the state to trick people into willingly giving up giving up
their time to jobs and give up their money as taxes. This religion taught that the best thing
one could do is to give up ones life for ones God. In fact the biggest part of the doctrines
centered around one specific man, who gave his life to God so that he would give up the
grudge he had against of everyone else. Which, clearly demonstrates the Normals belief
that it was best to give up your life serving the society's goals. This religion taught that
these meta-physical speculations about God were absolutely true and to doubt them was
wrong and worthy of punishment by being snubbed and gossiped about by others. These
beliefs had been part of an on going tradition for over 2000 years, all because a man once
told people to be nice to each other, instead of blindly following the rules of ancient
Hebrew society.
The Rads as a whole didn't have any religion. There were no laws concerning
religion, so it was all right to believe in any gods or spiritual being in fact it was ok to
believe any sort of nonsense you liked, so long as you didn't tell other people what to
believe. From this many beliefs about the nature of existence and other meta-physical
topic struck many debates and arguments, but since none of it was really taken too
seriously, in the end they laughed it off and went about there business. The reason
metaphysics wasn't taken serious, was that it wasn't really known, but speculated at. The
Rads took very little seriously, as they knew that everyone speculated a great deal more
than the actually know about anything.
The Rads, like the Hutterites, separated from the Normals, and built there society
bases on helping each other out. The Hutterites however, have a lot of rules like the
Normals. In our society, the when the Hutterites enter our cities, it is like when the Rads
entered the Normals city, people don't understand the Hutterites belief sand may be
prejudice or uncomfortable around them. If on the other hand, we were to enter a
Hutterite village, we would feel out of place. Like the Rads in the Normal city, we would
have to first learn all their rules, and would probably still not quite fit in.
In our culture, the Rads are like people who are free thinkers. We don't purposely
segregate based on independence, but it occurs due because the free thinker is less likely
to follow social rules they don't agree with. The genetic cause for prejudices exists
however, our society hold many beliefs about race and other genetic factors, which
although false, still influence peoples' behavior. People use these beliefs to organize
individuals into groups, based on physical features like race. One can then know how to
react to people in each group. Free thinkers are both respected and feared in our society.
They are valued to there contributions to society through discovering new ways of doing
things. They are feared however, because the free thinker doesn't fit easily into any kind
of group. The beliefs about there behavior based on physical features is quickly shown to
be false, and they react to situations in such an unpredictable way, that a set of beliefs
cannot hold them. People fear the free thinkers, just as they did the Rads because they
don't obey the strict rules that govern everyone else. In our society unpredictability is '
feared above all else, thus people are put into groups to increase predictability, and
ungroup able, thus unpredictable people are most feared.
                            Love Is The Law, Love Under Will.

Property of Mission Control
Many years had past since the fnords had witnessed such an exquisite turnip
harvest. The ripe tubers appeared as the pinnacle of turniposity, as their beams of pure
radiance illuminated the industrial bingo tournament 5 miles down the road. The pleasant
smell of unwashed hamburgers would have reassured the citizens of Linoleum town, that
such a harvest would provide clown shoes for everyone's lawn mowers, had turnips been
legal to harvest. Instead the odor reminded everyone that they were forbidden to fill their
hats with mustard. This made many towns folk so depressed, that they climbed trees with
pockets full of sawdust, in order to reroute the national spelling bee. Had it not been for
the invention of self-orbiting dog food, the whole town would have been met there ends
up in a tree, with itchy pants. This new dog food was amazing, as words can not describe
the amusement people felt from watching dogs that had consumed it. These animals
would be spinning, if you could call it that, and gyrating in ways that defied space and
time. Soon every dog in town was whirling around itself in such a peculiar way, that
many people became hypnotized. It wasn't long before some one tried the food. He began
to gyrate and whizz about himself, at the speed of light, while also standing in one place,
watching himself in orbit. This made him highly confused, as he was seeing the world
from to perspectives at once, one was spinning and one stationary, both getting quite dizzy.
Panic and hysteria soon set in, he ran in what should have been a straight shot, but found
that space warped around him, so that determining direction was impossible. He ran
through trees and into objects, which weren't actually there. The ground opened and he
fell through. The spinning suddenly stopped. He found himself at a desk, on which some
bingo cards were scattered about. This strange lady asks him to select a card, so he
chooses the 5 one and goes to sit at a table. The card said "Go and harvest that which is
most valuable." Immediately, he ran from the bingo parlor and began to pick turnips.
After 10 hours the field was cleared, and the bingo lady appeared to him saying" If you
like them veggies so much, why not kill you Aunt Ruth?" Upon hearing this he did just
that, and is now a slave to his Uncle Triluge.

The Dogmatic Mission Control
"Once he had destroyed the brass plated tea set, no one could stop him." This was
the most common excuse given at the office of Gopher Intelligence, when everyone's
toilet paper dispensers contained copies of "Property of Mission Control", the number
one selling book in all of Earth Colony Seven. E.C.S. was once one of the poorest living
quadrants in the known universe, despite the fact that they produced the purest and most
viscose weasel wax in existence. When E.C.S. first stared up they the prospered at an
astoundingly high rate, for about 6 months. It was at this time that the Scientific
community of the Institute of Arboreal Mammals published an article in every major
news medium showing in precise detail why it was not at all necessary to wax weasels. It
was about a week after this publication that E.C.S. went bankrupt. The only ones who
seemed to prosper were the businessmen, though no one was sure what it was they did.
They would go into work, at huge office building, and run around talking about charts
and figures depicting the actions of something or another. They also spent a lot of time
telling their secretaries to type various letters, and hanging out at the water cooler. Some
of them had spent many years learning precisely how to make twisting movements with
their hands, while emitting a grunting noise in the proper way, or some such thing. At
this business school, everyone was expected to memorize the text of "Property of Mission
Control." Every word of the insane bantering was taking to heart as most sacred Dogmas,
the based their whole existence on how they interpreted these miscellaneous texts. The
Title, became a new slogan, and catch phrase, it could be seen as graffiti, in magazines,
and billboards. It became so prevalent, that even hermits living in the caves, could see it
bursting out across the sky written in volcano smoke.
     Buildings were named after it and sciences created to study it. The main religion became The
First Church of Mission Control. The Scientist believed based on proofs, which were
based on premises abstracted from the book. The religious just flat out believed without
any proof, referring to the text for every decision. The few who still followed old
religions did everything they could to discredit the book, but failed miserably at every
attempt. The majority of the population, were members of the Church of MC, who called
them selves "Controlled." Soon a traveling maniac of some sort brought a new religion
to the people, actually b\t this time it was very old, but it was new to E.C.S. He was a
Discordian, and upon finding the place such a mess, he decided to create a cabal against
mission control, he called it the Reformed Church of Mission Uncontrolled. The main
tenant of this cabal was not to believe what is written, ever. A small band of Discordians
was created, they all disagreed on what was true and false, and they all changed their
minds as much as humanly possible. Nearly every member had their own Cabal, each
with its own rules for interpreting "Property of Mission Control." They did all of this in
secret, of course, until they could rise to positions of power, and rework the
understanding of the book. Soon their were thousands of groups, who could not agree on
what Froclown and Weasel, actually meant, yet each group believed they knew
absolutely for certain. Wars were waged between rival groups and new weapons were
needed. The Discordians got together and thought whom better to supply these weapons
than us? So it came to be that the Discordian class, who instigated this whole mess, came
to riches and power, from selling weapons to the poor class, who used them on each
other, thus keeping themselves poor.
         One of the new weapons of choice was a brass plated tea set, with fire bombing
capabilities. Soon the committee board brought one before the President of Fish Fries
inc. for his approval. He thought a moment about the wars, and about PMC and about
how silly the whole thing was. Then he began to laugh and shouted out "I Do Not
Approve! With that remark he grabbed a large wrench and smashed the tea set to pieces.
Later he proclaimed "There's going to be a lot of changes around here, concerning that
abominable book." The next day he replaced the toilet paper.

The World May Never Know

According to one theory, the Church of Mission Control began in the year 3766
when a journalist for Skunk Husker Magazine, discovered a memo describing a discarded
box, labeled "Pizza World" from the year 3165, which was inscribed with the words
"Property of Mission Control." Seeing as Skunk Husker was the only media publication,
soon everyone knew about the discovery. No one could understand what it had meant, but they
were sure that what ever this mission control was, it must have been really powerful.
They came to this conclusion, based on the fact, that it appeared to own, and possible
have created an entire world. The one thing that no one could agree on was the meaning
of that elusive adjective "pizza." Some scientist believed it was a word meaning
artificial, others thought pizza must mean collapsible, or portable. Many philosophers
argued pointlessly over topics such as "weather or not pizza referred to something
material or spiritual" and "if a world that was owned by mission control could have free
will." A very select few philosophers believed that rather than Mission Control being
really powerful. Pizza World was actually so weak or peaceful, that it was easily
controlled. Their only proof of this, however, was that the box was quite small. They
were generally discredited as being somewhat eccentric. The Discordians had by this
time become well known for their incoherent notions, based on irrational anything goes
approach to everything, especially philosophy. Their general consensus on the Pizza
issue was that this Pizza World was created entirely to amuse the creator, a few even
thought that it may have contained some kind of food substance. No one believed them,
and only a few pretended to believe it, just to have an in joke. This was no surprise,
hardly anyone ever took the Discordians' ideas seriously and the Discordians would be
the last to take themselves seriously.
The Discordian society, had by this time gotten tired of no one listening to their
insane ideas, so they decided to form a branch religion, as a kind of recruiting center for
more Discordians. They began coming up with all kinds of crazy rants and parables, as
well as a few short stories and essays. These they collected and stored in a filing system
made up of replicas of the Pizza World box. These boxes were labeled with strange
words, that had such a complex relation the their contents, that it took the latest is super-
intelligent computers to decipher the code. One group labeled Aardvark, contained a
biography of Fructose man, six poems written of napkins, about poems written on
napkins, a bottle of Catsup with a note inside on which was written "where is the tennis
court" and a fifty dollar bill with the words endoplasmic nostalgia inscribed in blood.
One day while sorting out where to place a statue a pie getting lynched by Bill Gates and
a mod of crustaceans, Zippo Newblatz, tripped over a discarded can of pants. This caused
him to drop the box containing all known information about Mission Control, and some
simple diagrams of how to start fires and make wheels, into the temporal warp
manipulator, used to freeze time, thus keeping perishables fresh. This would not have
been a problem, except at that moment, a power surge caused by a misplaced mango,
long story, made the T-Warp to malfunction. Thus the entire contents were transported
back to the dawn of time, where it was found by a cave man named Grunk Oughtugha.
He brought it back to his tribe, where the two travelers left behind from the Great
Temporal War, took away everything except the diagrams. These two travelers, who
were still not on good terms, because of a cabbage price billions of years in the future,
decided to split up the contents of the box. Potomac Hogwasher took his half and moved
far to the west. Frestwiley Weasel took his half to the East. The two passed the
information on to the elders of the tribes that they each lived with, and it was passed
down through the elders' family lines. Even unto that day, new years, 3165, when Pope
Froclown Von Hogwasher, did in his boredom did take hold of a box of pizza, and did
inscribe there on PoMC. Where did this Mission Control begin? Where did it end? Was
it the result of a plan, conceived in the mind of God/Fate/Karma, or was it just random
coincidence of chance? Perhaps random chance was the plan. Hail Eris!

The Improbable Journeys of Prime Minister Ghitcho
   It was four am in London, when Solomon Ghitcho woke up in the International Wax Museum of Wyoming. Of course this was no ordinary occurrence for Mr. Ghitcho, who as Prime Minister to the Atlantic Ocean was not accustomed to living in a museum. Had this been an ordinary day Ghitcho would have woken up around noon London time, half way between Europe and the States in a rusty old row boat, which he aptly named mister swell ship which will not be painted green today. He only used this name on special occasions, in informal accountings he simply referred to his home as the tetanus pit. This however was in the past, since he was now forced to live in the wax museum until reinforcements could arrive from Peru, with the bells he so desperately needed to ring for help.
"Why that's ridiculous, I don't ever need help", shouted Ghitcho as a large onion descended into
view from over the horizon.
"Oh I can't be bothered by more improbable things, it's Tuesday, and I vowed no strangeness on
Tuesdays" thought Ghitcho
He then turned around and began his speech on saving macaroni and why spatulas should be
employed to defend the city of Mogo. His audience consisting of some kelp, six paintings of
shellfish, and a tuba, seemed to enjoy his speech.
excellent speech, but what is a spatula!" blurted the tuba.
"Well I think we should help these poor Mogoneesmen" muttered the first painting to the tuba
"I don't even think there is a Mogo", replied the kelp, "In all my travels as a drifting statesman,
I've never heard of such a place"
"In conclusion the only affordable solution is to say hi to the Mogo on national television"
concluded Ghitcho
"Just where is this Mogo place" interjected the third painting
"Why it's on national television, just say hi to them" remarked Ghitcho.
"Oh, well now that that's settled, here comes a film crew" replied the tuba, as a marching band
approached, the tuba said "hi" and a member immediately took him and continued marching
right out of the museum.
Mr. Ghitcho congratulated himself on his speech and thought to himself, "I wish I could see that
marcher, when he realizes that instrument is actually a tube of wax".

The Disarrayan Manifesto
   Fluid is that dark space where the ends meet with the beginnings, while traveling
straight as an arrow. Though passage is too narrow for any objects, it is not too steep for
the unyielding weight of mind. Those who enter here shall not be set free to roam about,
but will be confined by the ideas set forth by their own intuitiveness. Only the wisest
shall ever behold this realm, where the imagination binds them to their mind's eye, so as
that the wise shall see themselves as fools. This is the land, composed of mind, such that
neither the feet of Men, nor even Gods may tread. Those who look to here and find what
they seek, are liars. Anyone who seeks shall not come to know, those who know, will not
seek. The mind must be forgotten; it is abhorred by all. Mind is the mistake of creation,
remove thyself from thy mind. It is the nature of mind to seek, seekers will never find. If
you wish to find, purge the mind from existence. Remove yourself, also, there is no I,
there is no mind. The ego is part of the mind, remove the mind and ego is slain as well.
What is left when you are gone? What is there, if the mind does not delude your
perception? This is that space where space becomes meaningless. This is that great void,
the chasm separating the upper triangle of Kabala. You have entered Daath. The abyss is
the way of discord, seek yea the abyss and dissolve into constituent particles there in.
Kether is the complete merging of mind/ego with the infinite. What we seek is the
complete separation of all components. The Church of Overly Excessive Discord, knows
that more is better, so we seek chaos, not two things should ever be compatible, unless
temporarily so for the equation 2=3. Hail Eris! All shall be separate; the many shall
become the many more. Hurray of total disarray!
"Male and female aren't enough choices, to provide total discord. I propose that everyone design their own individual gender." Woodhut Spoonerism, Doctor of Biological Disarray and head of the rest room attendant's union.

Discord Forever!
   Apple this is the word that comes to mind. Perhaps because of the decal presented
upon my mouse pad. I am not working on an apple computer, but yet the decal is present.
Digitalized in a sunflower and superimposed with a hot water knob, this is supposed to
represent higher learning as the advertisement is for a college web sight. In what way do
apples represent learning? Perhaps because of traditions of old in which teachers in run
down shacks were given with apples, as bribes from students learning the benefits of
sucking up to authority. This is as if the child gives away his nature and will, over to the
teacher. What is a Hot water knob? It is a mechanical device; possibly one is to grasp the
idea that people are mechanical devices, existing to place our educated ideals above
nature, which is represented by the sunflower. Yes, that is how it works, children are
tough to hand over their true nature, that they can be taught how to act like mechanical
devices, used to create a false system of order over nature. This is done constantly even in
these United States a land developed on the principles of freedom. The principles of
freedom do not include indoctrinating children into slaves for a mechanical system. Yet
this occurs any way and under the disguise of education. Education is supposedly the
development of the individual self in acquirement of knowledge towards the goal of truth.
Truth cannot exist in an artificial system. When people are treated as statistics and labor
units, they cannot find their identity. When they ideas of a society are based on freedom
and individuality, but its actions are based on collectivism, only failure can occur. One
may assume, that if the ideal of the society were changed to collectivism, or the actions of
the society were changes to reflect the ideal of individuality, productivity would increase.
A close examination of the two choices will revel that the choice made must reflect the
value placed on truth. A collective society based entirely on artificial systems and laws
will cover up truth in a blanket of lies to protect systematic operation of society. In an
individualistic society however, truth becomes the goal, and rules do not take hold. There
is little productivity or systematic working within the society, yet individuals come to an
understanding of natural truth based on their own individual natures. One could argue
that our current system despite its many flaws and degrading state, is the best possible.
Individualism is strongly idealized, while collectivism is enforced. In this system order is
maintained, yet people hold individual opinions. This type of society provides exterior
structure, while promoting interior dynamics. When enough of the individuals disagree
with the laws, they can rebel causing changes within the structure. In this way the society
remains stable enough to hold together, yet mutable enough to evolve with the changing
views of the time. So society is like a balloon, the rubber layer maintains order, while the
gas inside remains dynamic enough, that its conditions shaped the balloon. This is the
Sacred Chao in action, order and disorder in perfect balance around the axle of chaos.
Thus we must accept order as well as disorder into our equations and into our lives, for to
have one without the other is to have a society collapse. We must Hail Eris, goddess of
discord, and accept her into our lives, or else our projects are like societies, prone to
failure. History proclaims this fact; the Romans refused to respect Eris and shunned her,
of course, Rome wasn't built in a day, but it fell in less time.

                                                           WHY?
Tuberculosis, Why have I written this word? Who knows, I'm sure I had a reason
though. Reasons are kind of hard to identify, since once they have accomplished what
they wanted done, they often disappear. Where does reason go once it's gone? What is
the reasoning behind that statement? I don't really have a reason, unless it's hiding from
me, reasons like to hide like young children sometimes. Sometimes I think other people
find reason behind reasonless statements, that is of course unless other people are better
equipped to understand the impulse behind making a statement then its originator was.
At any rate the caverns of doubt are deep indeed. Who knows anything? Who knows?
there is any thing outside oneself to judge by? Who even knows there is an individual self
to have these thoughts? One does not know, one can not know. One can guess, and one
can make assumptions. All assumptions are equally irrelevant, since they can't be known
to be true. Since nothing is known true to judge truth by, or even weather anything can be
said true or false. All one can know is that things appear certain ways, it appears that one
must do certain things, and than one will eventually appear to cease being at all. It also
appears that all things one can do between realizing one "IS" and finally not being
anymore is really irrelevant, because at best one can make a temporary impression on
others, and worst no impression on other or the world. Sine existence is without meaning
and quite absurd, since we can not know anything about it or if we exist at all, why not
think and do what you want to think and do, even if other believe this behavior is absurd?
If life appears absurd, why not be absurd yourself? We as apparently existing being,
whatever that entails, seem to enjoy the concept of freedom. If we act according to how
others, peers, society, religions, and corporations, to name a few want us to behave,
eventually we think the way they want us to think. In my opinion allowing others to
control what you think and do, doesn't fit the accepted definition of freedom. Worse yet,
we pay these others to enslave us, with money, which we only agree is valuable, but is
earned by sacrificing time. Time is the one thing we do not appear to have to spare. It
appears we have a limit of time between birth and death, to express and experience
freedom of thought and action. I for one find it a terrible waste to sell away our time, the
essence of our life, in order to by suppression of our freedom. Surly we must be a sorry
lot indeed, so confused by the complexity of finding a reason for existence that we are
easily duped by anyone who come along with a simple answer. We eagerly accept these
answers which call for us to buy products from corporations, get jobs to support the
government, and give our time and money to churches. You may be asking, "Why do we
accept these answers that cause more harm than good?" The simple answer is that most
people do not like to think, furthermore, most people can't bear having to tackle an
unsolvable problem. When some one come along and hands out a simple answer, like buy
cola or God created the world; people accept it, without question. They accept these
answers because not knowing an answer makes then feel confused and hopeless. When
an answer comes along they gain hope, "I now know I exist to drink cola", or in more cases
"I exist to praise God". So, either things exist or they don't may be both or neither, who
knows. The point is, if you always keep the question open and make up your own ideas,
you have bought your life and freedom for yourself. If on the other hand, you put full
belief in others ideas, you have closed the issue of existence and sold away your life and
freedom to others.





Short Essay, in which I Refer to Humankind as Man, for Simplicity
(A strong Anti-defamation current takes hold of the mind)
   Man has been granted by virtue of unknown circumstances to exist, as being
which can know the world, in which you inhabit. Your specific pattern interacts with
other patterns in a way that allows you knowledge of the world. Nothing else in all
known existence can comprehend the relationship between things as man is ably to.
Surely, you say, some other things may obtain knowledge, plants store information in
genetic codes, and evolve, and animals react to stimulus and thus both attain knowledge.
Though this appears true, would you not agree that even the most similar animals to man,
would envy man's ability to know? Also, by whose knowledge is the ability of other
things to know, attained? Only by a man using his ability to reason using knowledge, can
the idea of, animals having knowledge be attained. It appears that man is the one thing,
out of all other things in the universe that can attain knowledge, or at the least, the one
thing that can best attain and use knowledge. Man has come to exist briefly as the being
most capable of attaining knowledge. Oh, but knowledge is a heavy burden for man, for
with every new piece of knowledge comes a new responsibility. Thus you have created
and lived by the creed "Ignorance is bliss." What do I want with knowledge, if I am
"happier" without it, you say. I must convey to you that happiness is not the goal of man,
instead you should concern yourself with growth and survival. All living things must
process information to survive, plants do this by genetic mutation, and passive natural
selection. Animals process information by mutation, natural selection, and by the ability
to adapt to new situations. Man processes the information needed to evolve through
adaptation through knowledge. Man needed light and worth, knowledge of fire allowed
the adaptation of fire usage. When man was unable to move his possessions around fast
enough to meet his needs, knowledge developed the wheel. Man has develop many kinds
of knowledge over time, this knowledge allows him to live in the changing world.
Knowledge then provides growth and development of man. It is that man knows much
about the world he lives, and has over come its obstacles, but in the process he has
gained power. You have become lazy and corrupt with you power, you shape nature to
your design, when it is you who should shape to natures design. What you have done is
taken your knowledge and shrugged off the responsibilities that come with it. You live in
world of you create with your knowledge, under the strict laws of your knowledge.
Nature does not abide by your rules so you push it out of the way, to make way for cities,
which abide by your laws. Within these worlds of steel and concrete you build states and
have wars and politics over your artificial laws. You hide away in these worlds of
certainty and firm rules, and believe you have conquered nature. Man became lazier, and
stopped questioning the world, for man believes all the answers are held in his laws. Man
fears the unknown such that it he finds it better to feel safe and happy with fabricated
answers, rather than have to think the chaotic nature of reality. He has convinced himself
that his world is indeed the real world. In order to keep this illusion real, he must
constantly engage in activities to focus his attention on the present, and drink liquor to
forget the past. If man were to, think about the future, he would see the collapse of his
"perfectly" constructed world. Not that most folks care about the future, that doesn't directly
affect their present happiness. If man could be persuaded to care about the future, even if
simply for his own children's sake, he would see the necessity of developing a new kind
of knowledge. Knowledge not solely based of his own gratification, but of universal
understanding and the harmonious existence of all things. The first step is of course to
remove the goal of happiness, for its own sake. Then, with personal gain out of his mind,
man can begin to seek the knowledge he needs to continue his growth as an entity of
nature, instead of as a separate subset from nature. When man is in harmony with nature,
he shall find contentment beyond happiness, in all things.

Perverted thoughts about a cartoon skunk inspired this monstrosity, should we expect anything less from a Mad Goddess?
             S
The Poem
Directed, Produced and Written
By
Froclown Von Hogwasher.
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Mission Control inc.



Dispersing the Curse of Greyface
   Preliminary research results show this world to be dull and full of overly rule-
crazed individuals. They must constantly follow rules; they have specific sound patterns,
which must be made when meeting or passing each other. These sounds appear as
questions concerning general knowledge of one immediate surroundings and resent
experience; instead they are merely formal distractions. My theory is that people here are
brought up not to think deeply about anything, in order to discourage each other from
thinking, it has become customary to constantly acknowledge each other verbally.
People associate with groups and challenge each other's groups over dominance in hope
that one-day only people that fit the standards of their particular group will be
encountered. Each group has its own rules and customs, which must be followed, and
many subgroups coexist in a larger group called society, which has its own rules to be
followed. All societies are said to follow the rules of basic human decency. Human
decency is abstracted from the set of all possible actions. Problems arise constantly
because subgroups tend to contain rules contrary to each other and ever the larger group
to which they are a subset. This is first evident by the fact that societies often have
different ideas about what constitutes human decency. One society says you should kill
your adulterous wife, another says this is may not be done. These societies tend to have
wars, since the members of each believe their laws to be the only laws, and wish to be the
only society. With in a single society, subgroups form, labeled things like religions and
classes. Some of these subgroups can be immigrants from other societies, who continue
to have beliefs contrary to the society in which they now live. Religions are groups who
quite arbitrarily make up rules about metaphysical realities, creation of the universe, and
supreme beings. These religions demand that followers believe their rules so strongly that
they will not accept anything that doesn't correspond with their ancient presumptions.
These subgroups are constantly at war with each other and at times even society which
fosters them. There are far too many examples of this sort of rivalry to mention here, so I
shall go on.
   Why do these people create so many rules, if rules mostly lead to violence and
mistrust? People are generally afraid of the unpredictable, they realize that rules make
things predictable. People who are afraid that the next person they meet might kill them
or be friendly. When rules are created then people know the intentions of others. The
more rules there are, more predictable the world becomes. Next people worry about what
they don't know or can't understand. People get confused and become anxious or
depressed trying to think about tough subjects like "who am I" and how did "the world
get here". Eventually religions are invented to come up with elaborate explanations for
tough questions, so that people don't have to think about them, instead they can think
about growing food or building factories. These rules were at one time helpful to people,
they got people cooperate so they could keep themselves alive.
Rules began to pose a problem, when because of these rules, societies grew and
transportation developed. Since many societies developed apart from each other and in
differing climates, they developed different rules of conduct and different religions.
When any two societies met they would either combine, war, or both. In the case of war,
the two had such differing rules that they couldn't get along, and each thought the other
must be assimilated. When they combined rules defused between the groups,
subcultures arose. Other times conquered societies became subgroups of the conquering
society. Throughout all of history the creation and interaction of arbitrary rules have
shaped this world. It is this discord that hold people together and keeps the societies
evolving. Without these rules and arguments about them, people would not be ably to
function together very well, and the societies they use for support would fail.
   I realize that all rules are simple restriction placed on individuals, so they cannot
experience the full extent of their abilities. I also know that rules are baseless and
arbitrary in any absolute sort of way. These rules only serve to create friction and escalate
violence, but that is the very basis of life on this world. Rules also separate people from
their environment, in which no other creatures follow arbitrary rules, save possibly higher
primates. People here will disagree of course, believing that ants and other simple
creatures apparently follow rules. This kind of thinking is typical of these order seeking
people, who fail to realize that each ant is doing its own thing according to its own
chemical processes, not under the rules of a higher ant. Since they are inclined to be
orderly and their lives depend on societies, which thrive off of friction, they tend to act in
mechanical ways.
   If we want these people to stop being so serious and start acting individually
without having to follow rules imposed on them, I propose that we create a subclass
which doesn't have any rules and realizes that rules have no basis in objective reality.
Religions seem to be the fastest spreading belief systems, so I propose that we start a
religion where the creator is the exact opposite of the Judeo-Christian deity who is
currently predominate. If we can get people to believe in a deity which is unstable,
unpredictable and completely of the natural world, it will contradict the stable, rule
crazed, supernatural God that is popular at this time period. (We should make this deity
female for good measure, I suggest Discordia from Roman myth). We should point out
all the unruly occurrences in nature and suggest that the nature only appears orderly from
certain perspectives. For example, the ants appear orderly yet on an individual level act
disorderly. I think that people, who identify with these ideas, will see the world as
disorderly, and will realize that the rules they follow in everyday life restrict them from
their true nature. After reading more closely one will realize that order seems to exist in
reality, but so does disorder. They will also realize that neither principle really exist at all,
rather, perspective dictates perception of order and disorder. From this point people will be free to make laws and ignore them if they like. If other people do not agree with their laws they will understand and allow them to disagree. Individuals become free to choose what they would like to do from all possible actions. No longer restricted by rules of how people should behave, being human is no longer a criminal offence.
You Figure It Out
   Much unlike the seven who entered unharmed, the five whom divided by the
remainder have left the scene under water. The next time we have Flamingos of gold,
lumbering out of lemonade stands, the walrus will get it. Furthermore, we of the nine, do
not appreciate the yodeling mimes driving golf ball into our fruitcakes. Now then, the
hour has struck and the momentum is quite large, So let's all send in those taco salads.
Never-mind the four, they are on vacation, and must be disturbed by apple wielding salt
lickers. The two are the ends to which no means are possible. Lets all give three cheers
for three, and then one for each. The six, which arise from this, must be imprisoned in a
box of hedgehogs, for a week. Now that that is out of the way, the next remark will be
most serious, and important.



The End.
   In the End was the beginning. In the beginning...? Who knows, there hasn't even been an
end yet, so the beginning hasn't happened yet. Before we go about describing what
happened at the beginning we had best wait until it occurs. Since, the beginning hasn't
happened yet, then the present can't be happening now. So nothing I just wrote has
happened yet, not until after it ends, and can therefore begin, to start with. Having not
actually begun yet, this text can not have an end, that is until it begins, which will be
directly after it ends, which it can't do, having not begun yet.