Forgetting

[Luna]

Whether you're blaming yourself or someone else it's just dwelling in the past. Let it go, move on. Everyone loses the blame game

Yeah, I know...  But it's hard to let go of.  If I can figure out whose fault it was, or, even better, how it was MY fault, I can make sure it never happens again, see?  Yeah, I know.  It's bullshit.  Bad things happen, and there's no changing it...  But it's living in my head, and I'm not sure how to chase it out.

I've got a future to get on with, and that's what I should be focused on...  I'm just not quite sure what to do with it, just yet.

[LMNO]

To follow my current short-term guru's advice, don't look at the mistakes you made, look at how you came to make those mistakes.

That is, don't get hung up because the cake turned out to be salty, figure out that you didn't know the difference between sugar and salt, and change that.


If the process doesn't change, then neither will the results.  So focus on the process instead of the results.

[Luna]

To follow my current short-term guru's advice, don't look at the mistakes you made, look at how you came to make those mistakes.

That is, don't get hung up because the cake turned out to be salty, figure out that you didn't know the difference between sugar and salt, and change that.


If the process doesn't change, then neither will the results.  So focus on the process instead of the results.

Well, I suppose that's easy, then.  I have shit taste in men.

To be honest with myself, I know SHE wasn't really the problem, she's just the reason we couldn't work out the problems.  I'm not so hot with communication, the more something matters to me, the harder it is to say.  I grew up with a fairly bad stutter, which gets worse when I'm under stress.  I've mostly got a handle on it, most people never even notice.  If I'm upset, and something is hitting me hard, I lock up and can't get anything out.  And HE just got impatient with me when that happened.

Hell, that's not even what the problem was.

When it comes down to it, it came down to that I wasn't what he wanted.  I can boil through all the crap he's handed me in the past year, and that's what I get.  All the, "I did all this because I thought you wanted," all the, "I always thought we could," all the other crap.  He saw what he wanted to see in me, and never bothered to see if that's what I really was...  And I never noticed.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well, I suppose that's easy, then.  I have shit taste in men.

Women are funny, that way.

Well, not all women, I am sure.  But loads of them.  I remember this one girl I was good friends with, back in the 80s.  I had the hots for her, but she had a thing about the "wild-eyed Southern boys", and kept flinging herself into the arms of one abusive shitbag after another.  I imagine she thought she could change them, or maybe she thought she deserved them.

After a couple of years of watching this, I wondered what I ever saw in her.

Years later, I ran into her.  She had spent all that time blaming me because I didn't stop her or say anything.  Of course I had said something, loudly and repeatedly.

She wound up, it seems, marrying some yahoo from North Carolina shortly after we had gone our separate ways, who later got religion and tried to make her a "promise-keeper"'s wife.  I never did hear how it all ended up.

[Luna]

I have never, at least, tolerated any kind of physical abuse.  (One bastard had the balls to kick the chair I was sitting in.  Once.  He apparently forgot I had a rattan sword within reach, and was immediately informed that if he wanted to play that game, I'd let him hit me, ONCE, so I had a bruise to show the cops, and then would proceed to beat him until he couldn't testify to what happened.)

The emotional and verbal abuse I have, in the past, tolerated, however...  I gotta work on that one before I try getting involved with anyone else.  Gotta find somebody I can tell to go piss up a rope when it's needed.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have never, at least, tolerated any kind of physical abuse. 

Oh, this was never physical abuse.  At least not that I saw.  She had an urge to be a doormat, and they obliged.

The emotional and verbal abuse I have, in the past, tolerated, however...  I gotta work on that one before I try getting involved with anyone else.  Gotta find somebody I can tell to go piss up a rope when it's needed.

A better approach is to get to know the person first.  The interesting thing about many (most?) women is, they can't do both.  They either date the guy right away, or they become friends and get locked into that mindset.

If you aren't friends with someone, why the hell would you ever get serious with them?

This follows Roger's 2nd Rule of Relationships:  "Don't sleep with people that hate you".  This can be extended to "Don't sleep with people you can't have a civil/interesting conversation with."

[Adios]

I have never, at least, tolerated any kind of physical abuse. 

Oh, this was never physical abuse.  At least not that I saw.  She had an urge to be a doormat, and they obliged.

The emotional and verbal abuse I have, in the past, tolerated, however...  I gotta work on that one before I try getting involved with anyone else.  Gotta find somebody I can tell to go piss up a rope when it's needed.

A better approach is to get to know the person first.  The interesting thing about many (most?) women is, they can't do both.  They either date the guy right away, or they become friends and get locked into that mindset.

If you aren't friends with someone, why the hell would you ever get serious with them?

This follows Roger's 2nd Rule of Relationships:  "Don't sleep with people that hate you".  This can be extended to "Don't sleep with people you can't have a civil/interesting conversation with."

Damn straight. This time I am married to my best friend.

[Luna]

Oh, this was never physical abuse.  At least not that I saw.  She had an urge to be a doormat, and they obliged.

Yeah...  Not so much an urge to be a doormat, just a case of being willing to take garbage rather than confront it.  Got better on that one in the past year.

A better approach is to get to know the person first.  The interesting thing about many (most?) women is, they can't do both.  They either date the guy right away, or they become friends and get locked into that mindset.

If you aren't friends with someone, why the hell would you ever get serious with them?

This follows Roger's 2nd Rule of Relationships:  "Don't sleep with people that hate you".  This can be extended to "Don't sleep with people you can't have a civil/interesting conversation with."

Yeah, that.  My first instinct was to object that we'd known each other for years before we started dating... but we didn't, not really.  Obviously.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yeah...  Not so much an urge to be a doormat, just a case of being willing to take garbage rather than confront it.

I see no functional difference.  Glad you got past it.

Yeah, that.  My first instinct was to object that we'd known each other for years before we started dating... but we didn't, not really.  Obviously.

You saw what you wanted to see.  Common human behavior.

[Luna]

Yeah...  Not so much an urge to be a doormat, just a case of being willing to take garbage rather than confront it.

I see no functional difference.  Glad you got past it.

Yeah, well, he found something I wasn't willing to tolerate.  And it took me awhile to get a good grip on telling him he was out of his fucking mind if he thought it was going to happen and I was going to stay around and watch.

Yeah, that.  My first instinct was to object that we'd known each other for years before we started dating... but we didn't, not really.  Obviously.

You saw what you wanted to see.  Common human behavior.

Also made the mistake of assuming that the loyalty I so admired when he showed it to his ailing father would hold true as loyalty for ME, as well.  My bad, that one.

[LMNO]

Well, I suppose that's easy, then.  I have shit taste in men.

Women are funny, that way.

I'd be more willing to say it's a peculiar habit of humans in general.  Plenty of men have horrible girlfriends and wives.

And boyfriends.  Homosexuals aren't immune, either.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well, I suppose that's easy, then.  I have shit taste in men.

Women are funny, that way.

I'd be more willing to say it's a peculiar habit of humans in general.  Plenty of men have horrible girlfriends and wives.

Point.  But it's easier to point at the other gender and generalize.   

[Luna]

True.  If I had a dollar for every time I've looked at one of my friends and asked, "what the HELL are you thinking," I'd be buying that house I've been drooling over.

(Mind you, I believe my exact words upon seeing the little tramp my husband is now banging was, "Are you out of your fucking MIND?")

[LMNO]

One of my favorites, unfortunately at my expense:







"...You put your dick in that?"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

True.  If I had a dollar for every time I've looked at one of my friends and asked, "what the HELL are you thinking," I'd be buying that house I've been drooling over.

(Mind you, I believe my exact words upon seeing the little tramp my husband is now banging was, "Are you out of your fucking MIND?")

Three things:

1.  Have fun with yourself, ie, get in the shape you want to be in, emotionally and physically.

2.  Have fun with your friends.

3.  Relish the thought of HIS thoughts when the new wears off and the old shines through.