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Go Fuck Yourself, Jim

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 10, 2011, 03:58:26 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

March 10, 2011, 03:58:26 PM
It's spring here in the high desert, and the wastelands have started blooming  Those people walking - which we're against, I'll have you know - are out and about, and the sirens and the small arms fire lull us to sleep each night.

We are a strange breed, up here.  We do things right, whether that means failing spectacularly, wrecking our cars like champions, or taking monstrous shits that have to be bludgeoned down our substandard plumbing with explosives and specially-modified toilet plungers.

Nothing is ever half-done, here.  Nothing goes to waste.  We know that our enemies grow strong on what we leave behind, so we burn everything that we can't use.  We laugh and puke at the same time - which is harder than it sounds - when we see The Sausage Creature happen.

Yeah, I know this sort of shit isn't normal...But you tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do.  This whole state is fucking insane, the only proof of which I need offer is the Arizona state legislature and the batshit crazy laws they pass.  Did you know that it is now illegal for any county or municipality to outlaw texting-while-driving?

Yes, it's this exact sort of shit that's driving us all to use poor-quality drugs, Jim.  Nothing makes any sense, and I'm not entirely certain we'd know what to do if it suddenly started being rational.  You've heard of the Wild West, I'm sure...Well, those days never ended, they just got stranger and stranger, and now it's the Weird West, and none of us are fit for any other place.

Hell, the last two times I left town, I had to staple my face on, just so as not to go bugshit in front of impressionable East-coasters.  I was wondering why the hell nobody in Providence or Boston carried guns, and then it struck me...You don't need them.  You live in civilization that - most of the time - obeys somewhat rational rules.

You bastards.

You get to live where the sun is a good thing, where water just falls out of the sky in such quantities that you don't even bother to collect it, and people hardly ever go nuts and just start shooting everyone they see.

You have Boston, Providence, and New York.  I have Side Effect City and the daily stark horror of being The Good Reverend Roger.  Words cannot express the rage that floods my heart whenever I consider these facts.

Don't come up here, you bastards.  We'll send you home with a rupture, if we don't wind up running you through the chipper to fertilize the few arable acres we have.  Fuckers.  I hope you all get eaten by hipsters.

Or Kill Me.


PS:  I peed on this before I posted it.  Hah!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

#1
March 10, 2011, 04:06:49 PM
This makes me glad I'm going home.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
March 10, 2011, 04:08:08 PM
Quote from: postvex™ on March 10, 2011, 04:06:49 PM
This makes me glad I'm going home.

There IS a fairly comforting simplicity to it.

"If it's a problem, stomp a mud-hole in it."
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#3
March 10, 2011, 04:09:56 PM
I'm really scared to visit now.  :eek:

Of course my city is it's own hellhole.  We just polish it up for company.

tyrannosaurus vex

#4
March 10, 2011, 04:15:24 PM
The Southern Wasteland has a way of infecting you at birth. If you come from there, you try to find it everywhere you go. Times being what they are now, that is getting easier and easier, but after a while you start longing for the authenticity of the Mother Ship. The colonies of Weird are growing, thriving, and gaining a flavor of their own; but nothing really matches the sick feeling in your gut generated by the stale air of a desert teeming with the only kind of life that can survive on its radioactive, sun-baked dirt; the truly perplexing creatures that scurry around under the glow of the moonlight or hide in the stark shadows while the Sun bleaches everything.

That it is run by Republicans is only fitting.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Requia ☣

#5
March 10, 2011, 04:16:48 PM

QuoteYeah, I know this sort of shit isn't normal...But you tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do.  This whole state is fucking insane, the only proof of which I need offer is the Arizona state legislature and the batshit crazy laws they pass.  Did you know that it is now illegal for any county or municipality to outlaw texting-while-driving?
My brain shuts down when I try to contemplate the level of stupid.
Inflatable dolls are not recognized flotation devices.

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
March 10, 2011, 04:27:01 PM
Quote from: postvex™ on March 10, 2011, 04:15:24 PM
The Southern Wasteland has a way of infecting you at birth. If you come from there, you try to find it everywhere you go. Times being what they are now, that is getting easier and easier, but after a while you start longing for the authenticity of the Mother Ship. The colonies of Weird are growing, thriving, and gaining a flavor of their own; but nothing really matches the sick feeling in your gut generated by the stale air of a desert teeming with the only kind of life that can survive on its radioactive, sun-baked dirt; the truly perplexing creatures that scurry around under the glow of the moonlight or hide in the stark shadows while the Sun bleaches everything.

That it is run by Republicans is only fitting.

If those maniacs didn't exist, we'd have to invent them.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

#7
March 10, 2011, 04:35:29 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on March 10, 2011, 04:16:48 PM

QuoteYeah, I know this sort of shit isn't normal...But you tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do.  This whole state is fucking insane, the only proof of which I need offer is the Arizona state legislature and the batshit crazy laws they pass.  Did you know that it is now illegal for any county or municipality to outlaw texting-while-driving?
My brain shuts down when I try to contemplate the level of stupid.

HuhWHAT?
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
March 10, 2011, 07:16:23 PM
Quote from: Luna on March 10, 2011, 04:35:29 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on March 10, 2011, 04:16:48 PM

QuoteYeah, I know this sort of shit isn't normal...But you tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do.  This whole state is fucking insane, the only proof of which I need offer is the Arizona state legislature and the batshit crazy laws they pass.  Did you know that it is now illegal for any county or municipality to outlaw texting-while-driving?
My brain shuts down when I try to contemplate the level of stupid.

HuhWHAT?

Interestingly enough, the Phoenix ban is unaffected (that's where the legislators meet).

There have been 12 bills opposing texting while driving, and not one has made it through one house, let alone both.

There are currently 6 bills open, but they're mostly from the same guy (Farley), and he had enough trouble outlawing SCHOOL BUS DRIVERS from texting.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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