No shit, there I was.

[Jenne]

You're very brave for opening up about this, Luna.  I've been molested, and didn't follow-through on prosecution (I was 12, it was a very public scene, and I just shoved it down and forgot about it, literally, for 4 years while being afraid of every grown male in my life).  I keep wondering how much of what I went through in that instant of time has shaped who I am today.  I'm thinking quite a bit more than I'd care to admit.

Keep thinking, but remember, it was NEVER your fault.  And that they're not all bad.

Yeah, 25 years later, I'm pretty well over it.  But I'm also pretty positive it had an impact on my dating life, etc.

[Luna]

You're very brave for opening up about this, Luna.  I've been molested, and didn't follow-through on prosecution (I was 12, it was a very public scene, and I just shoved it down and forgot about it, literally, for 4 years while being afraid of every grown male in my life).  I keep wondering how much of what I went through in that instant of time has shaped who I am today.  I'm thinking quite a bit more than I'd care to admit.

Keep thinking, but remember, it was NEVER your fault.  And that they're not all bad.

Yeah, 25 years later, I'm pretty well over it.  But I'm also pretty positive it had an impact on my dating life, etc.

Hell, I wasn't 12 when it happened, and it affected mine...  Of course it did.

Also, not your fault.

Playing "what if it didn't happen" is counterproductive, though.  It happened, no changing it.

If it is still nagging at you (and it wouldn't surprise me at all if it is, it's been nearly that long for me, too), then you need to grab it, stare it in the eye, and kick it in the balls a few times until it crawls into a corner, curls up into a little, whimpering ball, and shuts the fuck up.

[Jenne]

No, no, I don't do that.  The way I dealt with it was I actually FORGOT about it.  I mean, forgot and then BING! remembered in a very interesting yet random way.  I doesn't dog my existence at all.  In fact, it only comes up when I hear about stories like yours.  I actually have very little baggage that I knowingly FEEL over it anymore.  When I was age 12-16, though, the way it manifested itself was that I was mortally afraid to be in the same room with anyone who wasn't my dad, male and over 30. 

But yeah, since I BING! remembered it on my 16th birthday, it really hasn't been something I feel I have to deal with on a regular basis.

In other words, I'm damned lucky.

This is the most I've talked about it or even thought of it, for instance, in decades. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think it's important to talk about it. So many people don't know; they assume everyone who's been raped is a basket case; suicidal, frigid, promiscuous, a lesbian... something. And it DOES fuck with your head, your love life, everything. The only way to heal from it is to talk about it, own it, and yes, in a way that means normalizing a terrible thing, but the fact of the matter is, we are normal. I was raped when I was 15, and I still hate those "how did you lose your virginity" conversations when they come up, because my choices are to A: lie, or B: sock a total fucking damper to the party.

I have chosen the damper, and I'm not sorry.

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I think it's important to talk about it. So many people don't know; they assume everyone who's been raped is a basket case; suicidal, frigid, promiscuous, a lesbian... something. And it DOES fuck with your head, your love life, everything. The only way to heal from it is to talk about it, own it, and yes, in a way that means normalizing a terrible thing, but the fact of the matter is, we are normal. I was raped when I was 15, and I still hate those "how did you lose your virginity" conversations when they come up, because my choices are to A: lie, or B: sock a total fucking damper to the party.

I have chosen the damper, and I'm not sorry.

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

By the way, therapy is something I highly recommend. I mean, I think it's fucking awesome for dealing with shit, especially shit you haven't quite figured out or have a hard time talking about. I think I have spent a good three years substituting this board for therapy, and actually, it's pretty effective for that. But a good therapist is better.

I spent about eight years in fairly intensive therapy from 18 (within a month of leaving home) until I had my first kid. It's really hard to find a good therapist, but after jumping ship from a few I had a run of really good luck with a team of two awesome ladies who helped me a lot.

[Jenne]

I think it's important to talk about it. So many people don't know; they assume everyone who's been raped is a basket case; suicidal, frigid, promiscuous, a lesbian... something. And it DOES fuck with your head, your love life, everything. The only way to heal from it is to talk about it, own it, and yes, in a way that means normalizing a terrible thing, but the fact of the matter is, we are normal. I was raped when I was 15, and I still hate those "how did you lose your virginity" conversations when they come up, because my choices are to A: lie, or B: sock a total fucking damper to the party.

I have chosen the damper, and I'm not sorry.

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

100% agreed.  And I do wish I'd have gotten help/therapy when I was younger.  It's a shame I didn't.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

Assuming the statistics are accurate . . . There are something like 4040 members on this board. If we split it down the middle and say 2000 are women, 2000 are men, and 40 are bots/alts/etc . . . then 500 women and 200 men on this board have been sexually assaulted.

That's a whole heap of 'you aren't alone'.

[Luna]

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

Assuming the statistics are accurate . . . There are something like 4040 members on this board. If we split it down the middle and say 2000 are women, 2000 are men, and 40 are bots/alts/etc . . . then 500 women and 200 men on this board have been sexually assaulted.

That's a whole heap of 'you aren't alone'.

It is... except when people don't talk about it.  Then, it's very, very easy to feel alone.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think it's important to talk about it. So many people don't know; they assume everyone who's been raped is a basket case; suicidal, frigid, promiscuous, a lesbian... something. And it DOES fuck with your head, your love life, everything. The only way to heal from it is to talk about it, own it, and yes, in a way that means normalizing a terrible thing, but the fact of the matter is, we are normal. I was raped when I was 15, and I still hate those "how did you lose your virginity" conversations when they come up, because my choices are to A: lie, or B: sock a total fucking damper to the party.

I have chosen the damper, and I'm not sorry.

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

100% agreed.  And I do wish I'd have gotten help/therapy when I was younger.  It's a shame I didn't.

There's no such thing as "too late" until you're dead. And the only sense in regret is if you can somehow use the knowledge of where things went wrong to help yourself or someone else, ya know?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

Assuming the statistics are accurate . . . There are something like 4040 members on this board. If we split it down the middle and say 2000 are women, 2000 are men, and 40 are bots/alts/etc . . . then 500 women and 200 men on this board have been sexually assaulted.

That's a whole heap of 'you aren't alone'.

It is... except when people don't talk about it.  Then, it's very, very easy to feel alone.

Yeah, that's true.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

Assuming the statistics are accurate . . . There are something like 4040 members on this board. If we split it down the middle and say 2000 are women, 2000 are men, and 40 are bots/alts/etc . . . then 500 women and 200 men on this board have been sexually assaulted.

That's a whole heap of 'you aren't alone'.

It is... except when people don't talk about it.  Then, it's very, very easy to feel alone.

Yep... exactly why I think it's important to talk about it. And, for those of us who have dealt with the aftermath and are comfortable doing so, it's completely OK and good and right to mention it in a matter of fact way. People struggle so much with shame... you aren't ashamed when you're mugged, or get punched out in a bar, or have your car stereo stolen. Why do we feel so much that it reflects on us, when the crime is sexual?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is gonna sound weird, but I think it would be a lot easier if rape was treated more like theft or like other kinds of assault. We could be angry and righteously indignant, instead of ashamed. Most o f the damage isn't from the actual rape, most of the time; it's from the social reaction and the idea that still exists, unspoken, that our purity has been fouled somehow, and we are less valuable because of it.

[Luna]

People struggle so much with shame... you aren't ashamed when you're mugged, or get punched out in a bar, or have your car stereo stolen. Why do we feel so much that it reflects on us, when the crime is sexual?

Because the automatic assumption is that it's somehow your FAULT when it happens to you.

"What was she wearing?"  "Why were you there alone at that time of night?"  "How much had he had to drink?"  "Didn't she know not to leave her drink unattended?"  "Were you flirting with him?"  "Had he done that sort of thing before?"

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

It's not just OK to talk about it; it's necessary and right. One in four women has been raped, and one in ten men. If we don't talk about it, we feel like freaks who have something hidden wrong with us. It's not we who are the freaks.

Assuming the statistics are accurate . . . There are something like 4040 members on this board. If we split it down the middle and say 2000 are women, 2000 are men, and 40 are bots/alts/etc . . . then 500 women and 200 men on this board have been sexually assaulted.

That's a whole heap of 'you aren't alone'.

It is... except when people don't talk about it.  Then, it's very, very easy to feel alone.

Yep... exactly why I think it's important to talk about it. And, for those of us who have dealt with the aftermath and are comfortable doing so, it's completely OK and good and right to mention it in a matter of fact way. People struggle so much with shame... you aren't ashamed when you're mugged, or get punched out in a bar, or have your car stereo stolen. Why do we feel so much that it reflects on us, when the crime is sexual?

There's the fact that rape can leave you feeling very violated and tainted. Unclean. Weak. Flawed. And from kids on up we're taught to shun the dirty smelly people and mock everyone for every possible flaw from freckles to fat.