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How to keep TGRR and Dark Empress Nigel From Killing You.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, March 31, 2011, 04:24:24 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

March 31, 2011, 04:24:24 PM
First, TGRR:

1.  Do not approach me about your new-found faith in Baby Jesus, or the Free Market™, or the fact that you just found out about the Pentabarf and want to share.

2.  Do not leave that loud-ass motherfucking dog out past 9PM, or before 7AM.

3.  Do not call me with a "head's up" for Monday at 6:30AM on Saturday.  Prick.

4.  Do not "doorstep" me because I made you mad on the internet.  I invented this game.

5.  Do not tell me what a prick the other admins are.  Also do not tell me what I really think, or what I actually believe, or whimper about who's a real Discordian™ and who isn't.

6.  Do not try to outweird me in my thread, unless you can actually pull it off.  Going from POGS to syphilis, for example.

7.  Do not attempt to tell the maintenance manager (me) how to fix something, unless you have more years on a wrench, or unless you designed the machine.

8.  Do not hit my house with golf balls.

9.  Do not drive 55MPH in the left lane, in a 65MPH zone.  I will get in your trunk, crawl through my windshield and your back seat, and choke you until we smash into the median and burst into a ball of HOLY FIRE.

10.  The proper place for complaints about my abusive tone or my lack of understanding about happy children dancing in the wildflowers is UP YOUR ARSE.  It is NOT my PM box1.  The return abuse you get is just a taste of what awaits you, should we ever get in the same zip code.  Also, if you use my PM box as an advice column, expect the worst.

Next, Nigel:

You can't.  She's going to kill you.  Best get used to the idea, update your life insurance, and make your time.

1 More anonymized answers to PMs today.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#1
March 31, 2011, 10:10:46 PM
Is death by TGRR and/or DEN considered assisted suicide on the idiot's part or justifiable homicide on yours?
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
March 31, 2011, 11:09:12 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on March 31, 2011, 10:10:46 PM
Is death by TGRR and/or DEN considered assisted suicide on the idiot's part or justifiable homicide on yours?

It is considered an act of "Bob".
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#3
March 31, 2011, 11:13:11 PM
So long as my accidental death and dismemberment insurance covers the costs of the funeral . . .
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Luna

#4
March 31, 2011, 11:27:11 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on March 31, 2011, 11:13:11 PM
So long as my accidental death and dismemberment insurance covers the costs of the funeral . . .

What makes you think there'll be enough identifiable pieces left for a funeral?
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Requia ☣

#5
March 31, 2011, 11:28:31 PM
There's still the memorial service, even if they aren't really sure that the ashes they have are yours.
Inflatable dolls are not recognized flotation devices.

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
March 31, 2011, 11:29:12 PM
Quote from: Luna on March 31, 2011, 11:27:11 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on March 31, 2011, 11:13:11 PM
So long as my accidental death and dismemberment insurance covers the costs of the funeral . . .

What makes you think there'll be enough identifiable pieces left for a funeral?

Depends which one of us gets her.  If it's Nigel, there will be crispy bits that could be molded into something resembling a person.

If it's me, her bits will be mixed in with mine and various passers-by.  Just stick it all in a bucket and send it to the NRC.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#8
April 01, 2011, 01:25:14 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on March 31, 2011, 11:13:11 PM
So long as my accidental death and dismemberment insurance covers the costs of the funeral . . .

"Accidental"?  :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Freeky

#9
April 01, 2011, 03:46:19 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 11:29:12 PM
Quote from: Luna on March 31, 2011, 11:27:11 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on March 31, 2011, 11:13:11 PM
So long as my accidental death and dismemberment insurance covers the costs of the funeral . . .

What makes you think there'll be enough identifiable pieces left for a funeral?

Depends which one of us gets her.  If it's Nigel, there will be crispy bits that could be molded into something resembling a person.

If it's me, her bits will be mixed in with mine and various passers-by.  Just stick it all in a bucket and send it to the NRC.

:crankey:  This turned me on. WTF?

Sexecutioner Chao Tight

#10
April 01, 2011, 05:03:49 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 04:24:24 PM

6.  Do not try to outweird me in my thread, unless you can actually pull it off.  Going from POGS to syphilis, for example.

Just for my own clarity... was the jump from POGS to syphilis a successful attempt at outweirding, or a failed attempt?  Just trying to get a baseline here.
High Priestess of the First Church of the Burnt Lizard.  Protector of Chickens.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
April 01, 2011, 05:05:59 AM
Quote from: Sexecutioner Chao Tight on April 01, 2011, 05:03:49 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 31, 2011, 04:24:24 PM

6.  Do not try to outweird me in my thread, unless you can actually pull it off.  Going from POGS to syphilis, for example.

Just for my own clarity... was the jump from POGS to syphilis a successful attempt at outweirding, or a failed attempt?  Just trying to get a baseline here.

It was Weltburger.  That's means automatic failure.

He never saw a successful thread1 that he didn't want to wreck.  Fortunately in that particular case, for once, everyone ignored his aspie ass and continued having fun.




1 Successful meaning "people were enjoying themselves".
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cainad (dec.)

#12
April 01, 2011, 05:15:07 AM
This is all top-notch advice, and I wish it had been around when I was a larval spag. Never broke any of those exact guidelines, but even so. Better safe than sorry.


There was this guy, think his name was Steve, who used to frolic with me in the Dark Empress's Sovereign Apocalyptic Wasteland when we were but whelps.

One time, Steve started thinking that maybe vaccines aren't all they're cracked up to be; that maybe they're actually a harmful dogmatic practice without real medical value. He held onto this belief for well over 5 whole minutes (I tore ass as far away as I could as soon as he told me about it). Do you know what happened to Steve?

Me neither. I hope I never know.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#13
April 03, 2011, 06:22:44 PM
Quote from: Cainad on April 01, 2011, 05:15:07 AM
This is all top-notch advice, and I wish it had been around when I was a larval spag. Never broke any of those exact guidelines, but even so. Better safe than sorry.


There was this guy, think his name was Steve, who used to frolic with me in the Dark Empress's Sovereign Apocalyptic Wasteland when we were but whelps.

One time, Steve started thinking that maybe vaccines aren't all they're cracked up to be; that maybe they're actually a harmful dogmatic practice without real medical value. He held onto this belief for well over 5 whole minutes (I tore ass as far away as I could as soon as he told me about it). Do you know what happened to Steve?

Me neither. I hope I never know.

:lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Freeky

#14
April 03, 2011, 08:15:36 PM
:spittake:

Cainad is genius and awesome.
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