It's that time again. Every few years I find one of these fucks and scream:

[Aucoq]

I moved 1600 miles away from any known family, with deliberate attempt. Not one of them know how to find me and none know I have changed my last name. Kids not included in this.

I check in once a decade.

This.

When I realized that no matter how hard I tried or what I did I'd never be good enough in the eyes of my parents, I stopped trying to do anything solely to try to please them.  I figured there were two options for me:  I could either become apathetic or break crazy.  And I care too much about myself and too little about others to develop a neurosis over what someone thinks of me.

Anyways, I love what you wrote, Cardinal.  Great job. I can't wait to read more from you.

[BadBeast]

Great slice of Pizza, and well set out. This has just the right amount of whiny boo-hoo in it to work.
Exactly none. So many people spend their lives either trying to live up to the unreasonable expectations of fucked up family members, and (of course) failing heroically, or complete and utter rejection and denial of ever knowing that they exist at all. In the first instance, people end up thinking their only talent is to forever fall short of the mark, and somehow, over time this gets sublimated as "Their Fault". Result? The family whipping boy. Scapegoat for all the fucked up shit in the family, and duty sibling for whenever something needs doing, but nobody else can be arsed to do it. (It then becomes one more thing that they are shit at)

Second scenario, is just as bad. You cannot spend forever denying where you came from. Your origins and family can be the most aberrational fucknuggets evar, but to move on, and find some stable piece of ground to build a proper worthy life for yourself, you need to say "Okay, it's been a shitty hand so far, but they're my cards, and I don't get another deal, so I'll play these as best I can."   

Family origin and functionality is only one of the cards in your hand. Chuck it away, and you can never get a Full House, or a Flush, or a Straight. a Pair. Three of a kind if you're lucky.
You need to acknowledge all of the cards to play.

And you seem to have a reasonably playable hand here. You have firm enough footing to look at your family and  say "Fuckin' ell, There but for the grace of ****( insert noun o choice) could be still me" and do the "family" Cards, or forced a smiles once in a bluey, without getting emotionally tangled up in more pointless sepsis. This is a real achievement IMO, I reckon 90% of   familial refugees fall into the first two instances, because they would just buckle down, suck it up and never look upwards again.

My Mother had 3 almost full term stillbirths before I came along, so through no real fault of her's, I became the light of the world. All through school, the expectations that I would become the light of every one else's world too were incrementally heaped upon me. Until I realized I couldn't reach the bar, unless I hacked bits off myself to use as a ladder. "Fuck that", I decided, and started doing just the minimum could scrape by on. Easy for someone of such staggering intelligence as me. This modesty, added to my My towering intellect meant that I took the decision to leave school at 15, and doss about doing fuck all, getting wasted, shagging around like a dog with two dicks, and generally being a pain in the arse to all who had the misfortune to have to deal with me.  Result? Years of impoverished squat dwelling, drug dealing, petty criminality, absolutely no work ethic whatsoever, and the (never ever spoken) disappointment of a doting Mother, at her wits end, and  thinking she had 'failed' me in some way. What a tosser I turned out to be.
"Hello, Ma, look at me, I'm a anurchist!"

Reality check at 24. Homeless, pregnant GF, Time to jump back in the system. Easy, thinks I. What a fucking twat. I'd pretty much burned every bridge I had. That's OK I thought. I can swim, and the water's shallow. But fuck, I did the best I could, got work, a home sorted for us,  patched over some familial issues, and found out that the 'disappointment' I caused to my Mother wasn't exactly like I had thought. Oh, it was there, but fuckin' ell, I was disappointing! But it had taken on disproportionate magnitude in my febrile and inventively self deceptive mind, and was mostly not there at all. So could stop my act of "never being the son she had hoped for" and just get on with being one of the sons she had ended up with. That was loads easier!
It was nice to get all that sorted out before she died, or I might have been left with unresolved issues!  Anyway, I am  what I are, & in some degree of control, and happy enough. Discovered that all this time, I had been self educating, and probably was as intelligent as Mum thought, and I thought I'd been pretending all this time. Fucking result! 
but I'm hijacking your thread now, so erm,. . . that's it for now. 

Again, great OP, and surprisingly balanced outlook considering it can't have been easy to get there.

[Kai]

Discovered that all this time, I had been self educating, and probably was as intelligent as Mum thought, and I thought I'd been pretending all this time.

Imposter Syndrome is a hard one to get over. Good on you for making it!

[Luna]

Hijack or not, excellent post, BadBeast. 

[BadBeast]

Thanks folks. Glad to get all that out before my browser crashed. (Just after I posted it) 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nice rant.

It depends on how you look at it but I presume I'm lucky.  Other than my 3 sisters the rest of my family are either literally dead or I'm dead to them.  Keeps the cost down on xmas cards and such.

I have three brothers. And I'm dead to them. The only one I really acknowledge at all is my mom. It does make dealing with the crazy easier.

I'm 13th of 14 in the US.  We don't have a lot to do with the two in Cambodia or the one in Thailand. 

I'm 23 of 24. I was 22 of 23, then I found out that I have an older brother in Corvallis that my mom gave up for adoption.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Very nice post, BadBeast!

My family life was so far beyond dysfunctional it's ridiculous. Alcoholic, bipolar, borderline mother... well, that kind of sums it up. Suffice it to say I had the run of  the streets at age five, and all one might imagine that entailed.

[BadBeast]

Very nice post, BadBeast!

My family life was so far beyond dysfunctional it's ridiculous. Alcoholic, bipolar, borderline mother... well, that kind of sums it up. Suffice it to say I had the run of  the streets at age five, and all one might imagine that entailed.

I was going to say that you're remarkably well adjusted and centered despite this, but you know that anyway. This place is so full of exceptional people, who have have been through shitstorms I can't even begin to grasp, it's more full of win than Charlie Sheen's Tiger blood! For "The worst forum on the net etc,. . ." PD.com is stuffed full of the best fucking people you could ever hope to find, if you set out a' lookin' for them.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thanks!

I'm actually really working on stuff right now... I need to get back into therapy.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Nice post, BadBeast. Thanks for weighing in. I am glad you got to sort it all out with your mom before she died. That's something not too many take advantage of and then they regret it. Props for getting your shit together and sharing your awesome with us.

Nice rant.

It depends on how you look at it but I presume I'm lucky.  Other than my 3 sisters the rest of my family are either literally dead or I'm dead to them.  Keeps the cost down on xmas cards and such.

I have three brothers. And I'm dead to them. The only one I really acknowledge at all is my mom. It does make dealing with the crazy easier.

I'm 13th of 14 in the US.  We don't have a lot to do with the two in Cambodia or the one in Thailand. 

I'm 23 of 24. I was 22 of 23, then I found out that I have an older brother in Corvallis that my mom gave up for adoption.

I don't know how you're counting. Siblings? Cousins? Family et. al. ? My mom is the oldest of six. Most of her siblings have had multiple marriages and at least a kid or two. Except the one that died when he was a teen or so.

My dad is the youngest of fifteen that lived, one girl died shortly after she was born. I have cousins with grandkids my age - who have their own kids. There's no way to count all the spawn they've shat out and I don't even want to try.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Siblings... there's no point in trying to count cousins, there are just too fucking many of them.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Dayum, girl. You must be keeping the greeting card industry in business all by yourself.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Dayum, girl. You must be keeping the greeting card industry in business all by yourself.

Every greeting card I send to a family member just says "fuck it".

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Dayum, girl. You must be keeping the greeting card industry in business all by yourself.

Every greeting card I send to a family member just says "fuck it".

You make my heart go pity-pat.