Luna's Adventures in Payroll

[Luna]

Oh, sweet gods and fuzzy blue devils...

The e-mail exchange between a supervisor and payroll, paraphrased and somewhat reconstructed...

Supervisor to Co-Worker:  Employee was overpaid by $7,000.

Co-Worker:  I'll look into it after we finish this payroll.

Supervisor to Co-Worker, copy me and the boss:  Um...  Employee was overpaid by $7,000?

Boss:  WHAT?

Co-Worker:  I told her I'd look into it after payroll was done.

Me:  (Keeping yap shut, thinking, "If he WAS overpaid, I can reverse the direct deposit today, but probably NOT tomorrow....)

Turns out the employee was NOT overpaid...  But, "Yeah, I'll get to it" when an error of THAT size is reported?   

[Luna]

So...  The boss, co-worker, and I discuss an issue with an employee who paid FICA tax when he should not have.  (Foreign national, and HR failed to inform us of the fact... and I flat-out refuse to ask every bloody time we get a new hire, or even a new hire with a "funny" name.)

I explain, in detail, with screenshots, that the system will NOT pay a negative amount in taxes; if you try by putting in a negative taxable amount balanced by a positive NON-taxable amount, it just zeros out, and does not refund the taxes.  I am forced to demonstrate this in the conference room on the big screen.  Twice.

We argue back and forth, I agree, yes, this is stupid, however, this is how the system works.

We decide that boss will check with the finance department, we'll reverse the paid checks and issue new checks with a deduction of the paid amount in order to correct the system and give him his couple hundred of bucks.

I get an e-mail today.  "Was this done?"

Um...  Still waiting for the go from you, boss...  If I just issue the checks WITHOUT reversing the prior checks, he'll have double the  earnings recorded.

His response:  "LET'S DISCUSS THIS NEXT WEEK."  Caps his.

[Luna]

I swear.

We employ morons.

One department is the worst offender.

Today's excitement?  Police officers on campus to pick up the idiot who got caught smoking pot, on the clock, sitting in his car.

By his immediate supervisor's boss.

[Suu]

 


You could, you know, come work for a public university...

[Luna]

"Timesheets are due by 10:00 AM Monday."

Is there anything vague about that?  Remotely?

[Adios]

"Timesheets are due by 10:00 AM Monday."

Is there anything vague about that?  Remotely?

Wait...you meant this Monday?

[LMNO]

"Timesheets are due by 10:00 AM Monday."

Is there anything vague about that?  Remotely?

Last weeks' timesheets, or this weeks' timesheets?

[AFK]

But isn't Monday a holiday? 

[Luna]

I hate you all.

In the face.

With Richter's second, third, and fourth favorite anvils (respectively... and, yes, he has enough to go around).

[LMNO]

Oh-- Do they have to be signed?

[Adios]

I hate you all.

In the face.

With Richter's second, third, and fourth favorite anvils (respectively... and, yes, he has enough to go around).

I can only assume we were pretty close to the mark.

[AFK]

Oh-- Do they have to be signed?

Can I just type my name in? 

[Luna]

Oh-- Do they have to be signed?

Yes, and I don't care HOW many times you write it, 12:30 PM - 3:00 PM is NOT 3 1/2 hours.

Oh-- Do they have to be signed?

Can I just type my name in? 

Sure.  And I'll just draw your paycheck in crayon.

I hate you all.

In the face.

With Richter's second, third, and fourth favorite anvils (respectively... and, yes, he has enough to go around).

I can only assume we were pretty close to the mark.

Dead on.

Some days, I truly want to go, grab the swords out of the car, and teach these people whole new definitions of the phrase "going postal."

[Adios]

You don't need all the lunch punches anyway, just guess.

[Luna]

You don't need all the lunch punches anyway, just guess.

Nope.  You forget to punch in and out for lunch, I just dock you an hour, and notify your supervisor that you're a nitwit who needs his/her lunch hour supervised.