Attention, BadBeast

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You're a cunt.

Do you not imagine that we're on to you, over on this side of the pond?  Do you think us BLIND?  Do you for one second think we DON'T know what the fuck you're up to?

http://www.americanmorrisnews.org/pastissues/october2005v25n3/current_issue/edsternv25n3abramcircledance.html

YOU did this shit, you Goddamn Thatcherite.  YOU contaminated our sacred American culture with this OBSCENITY.  When Baby Jesus comes back with a BIG FUCKING SWORD, you and YOUR ENTIRE SWEATER-VEST-WEARING, PUBLIC-SCHOOL-BUGGERING, MONARCHIST ISLAND are GOING TO BURN!

There are fucking LIMITS, sir.  And you just crossed one.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? 

[Luna]

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? 

What the FUCK?

[BadBeast]

Oh, here we go. For one thing, I don't know whether you are objecting on cultural grounds, aesthetic grounds, or artistic grounds. Myself? I think you're objecting from plain dismay at what your fellow Yankspag tourists look at, and decide is a piece of cultural heritage, all the way from "The Old Country" and bring some bastardized, badly copied version of it home, to give your less cosmopolitan, stay at home cracker friends and relations something new to do at your next Hillbilly hoedown.
Secondly, it's just another excuse for you to sublimate your deep rooted Imperial abandonment issues, by blaming it on the fucking English.
In fact, Morris is a nice, traditional Welsh name. So you walked right past a perfect opportunity to slag off the Welsh,  & everyone knows you personally hate the Welsh even more than you hate having to wake up every morning in your own, cultural toilet of a country.

You could have got away with the Welsh thing, had you gone that way, because nobody would expect even a moderately educated American to look farther than Wales for the origin of "Morris".
But Morris dancing is actually a linguistic mis-pronounciation of "Moorish dancing". It's roots are among the North African Sufis, and Dervish sects, and therefore, nominally an Islamic thing.  (Altough the bloody Islamists are just as bad as your lot for breeding insane fundies)


It started to spread across Europe after (I think) the third Crusade, as a cultural exchange thing. We gave them Jesus, Syphilus, and the sharp end of our Papist Warrior Monks. They gave us Hashish, Moorish Dancing, and the skills to build those fucking great big Cathedrals we were so fond of.

Anyway, you have no fucking room whatsoever for whining about how you feel we  "contaminated your sacred American culture"  
Funniest thing I've read all day. If you had any Culture at all of your own, or even an understanding of what the  word means, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE IMPORTED SOMETHING AS LULZWORTHY, AND CULTURALLY EMPTY AS  FUCKING MORRIS DANCING, WOULD YOU?

eta. And another thing. This cunt is one of your exports isn't he? Well?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM-jNmU4ybk

 
 

[BadBeast]

I actually like Morris dancing. I haven't done any for years though. Or ever, in fact. But to see it done properly is poetry in motion. The warm, friendly tones of the Accordian, and the dinky little bells, "shigga shigga clap, shigga shigga clap, doink" And the wooden clunk of the staves, as they crack out across the hazy English summer countryside.

Rosy cheeked boys, kicking a ball around the park, Blazers for goalposts, then back to the Housemaster's Common room by 9pm for for Tiffin, with Matron and the chaps. Then off to the Dorm, raiding old Bunny Whipple- Stiffly's Tuck Hamper for Jammie Dodgers and Wagon wheels. Then a quick round of the Eton Biscuit game, on a nice, oaty McVities Boaster, lights out, and another endless Thursday night of Sir, creeping around the Dorm in the dark, playing "Guess who's hand". Sometimes, if Sir was jolly tipsy, on pale Cream Sherry, it wasn't even his hand.
*Blinks back a nostalgic tear* Best days of your life, that's what they say here.   

 

[Jenne]

This thread delivers.  Amen, you two.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My Dear British Subject,

As much as it pains me to school you in your own "cultural" history, "Morris Dancing" originated in Spain, "morris" being an English corruption of "Moorish", the dance originally being a celebration of the Spaniards finally kicking the Moors out of Spain.

From such an awful beginning, it was to follow a "Transformers"-esque downward spiral, as the English replaced kick ass swords with mere sticks, and allowed Welsh people to participate, thus bringing in shit like maypoles, hankerchiefs, and stylized sheep-fucking steps.

The English gave up their shameful addiction for a while, with the exception of 4 villages who got lost and still thought it was 1495 in 1899.  These four inbred towns perserved this silliness (the Hemmings family being particularly guilty), and it eventually caught on with blue blood twits in the Victorian era, proving once and for all that if you wait long enough, ANYTHING will come back in style.

As for American culture, we were doing just fine til you Brits ruined rock n roll in the 60s.  Then you heaped insult onto injury with this Morris Dancing nonsense, and don't think we've forgotten about that little prank of yours 220 years ago.

Your day is coming, Limey.  That queen of yours can't last forever, and when the tyrannical old thug is dead, we'll be coming for you.

[Adios]

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? 

Those vests...they work at Walmart?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? 

Those vests...they work at Walmart?

Pretty sure that guy behind the fairy princess there is Von Melee.   

[BadBeast]

My Dear British Subject,

As much as it pains me to school you in your own "cultural" history, "Morris Dancing" originated in Spain, "morris" being an English corruption of "Moorish", the dance originally being a celebration of the Spaniards finally kicking the Moors out of Spain.

From such an awful beginning, it was to follow a "Transformers"-esque downward spiral, as the English replaced kick ass swords with mere sticks, and allowed Welsh people to participate, thus bringing in shit like maypoles, hankerchiefs, and stylized sheep-fucking steps.

The English gave up their shameful addiction for a while, with the exception of 4 villages who got lost and still thought it was 1495 in 1899.  These four inbred towns perserved this silliness (the Hemmings family being particularly guilty), and it eventually caught on with blue blood twits in the Victorian era, proving once and for all that if you wait long enough, ANYTHING will come back in style.

As for American culture, we were doing just fine til you Brits ruined rock n roll in the 60s.  Then you heaped insult onto injury with this Morris Dancing nonsense, and don't think we've forgotten about that little prank of yours 220 years ago.

Your day is coming, Limey.  That queen of yours can't last forever, and when the tyrannical old thug is dead, we'll be coming for you.

Ooh, *trembles* Try and guess how scared I am! (Clue, not very)
We will fight you on the beaches, we will fight you in the streets, we will fight you until the very last US Jarhead grunt, turns tail and runs for the high ground.
Then we'll set the Army on you. A proper Army too, not some half trained Boy Scout Weekend camp out crew of mummy's boys. Any American survivors will be interned at Camp Butlins for further humiliation.

"Some sing of Alexander, and some of Hercules,
of Hector and Lysander, and such great men as these,
but of all the men, in all the World there's none who can compare,
with the rum pum, rum pum, rum pum pum, OF THE BRITISH GRENADIERS!

So bring it on then, Mr Yankee Doodle bleedin' Dandy, Put your Dukes up, and prepare yourself for the trouncing of your life! 

As they said on the Sacred Terraces of Wembley Stadium, (In the 1987 West Ham v Spurs Derby)
"YOU'RE GOING HOME IN A FUCKIN' AMBULANCE"   

[Adios]

My Dear British Subject,

As much as it pains me to school you in your own "cultural" history, "Morris Dancing" originated in Spain, "morris" being an English corruption of "Moorish", the dance originally being a celebration of the Spaniards finally kicking the Moors out of Spain.

From such an awful beginning, it was to follow a "Transformers"-esque downward spiral, as the English replaced kick ass swords with mere sticks, and allowed Welsh people to participate, thus bringing in shit like maypoles, hankerchiefs, and stylized sheep-fucking steps.

The English gave up their shameful addiction for a while, with the exception of 4 villages who got lost and still thought it was 1495 in 1899.  These four inbred towns perserved this silliness (the Hemmings family being particularly guilty), and it eventually caught on with blue blood twits in the Victorian era, proving once and for all that if you wait long enough, ANYTHING will come back in style.

As for American culture, we were doing just fine til you Brits ruined rock n roll in the 60s.  Then you heaped insult onto injury with this Morris Dancing nonsense, and don't think we've forgotten about that little prank of yours 220 years ago.

Your day is coming, Limey.  That queen of yours can't last forever, and when the tyrannical old thug is dead, we'll be coming for you.

Ooh, *trembles* Try and guess how scared I am! (Clue, not very)
We will fight you on the beaches, we will fight you in the streets, we will fight you until the very last US Jarhead grunt, turns tail and runs for the high ground.
Then we'll set the Army on you. A proper Army too, not some half trained Boy Scout Weekend camp out crew of mummy's boys. Any American survivors will be interned at Camp Butlins for further humiliation.

"Some sing of Alexander, and some of Hercules,
of Hector and Lysander, and such great men as these,
but of all the men, in all the World there's none who can compare,
with the rum pum, rum pum, rum pum pum, OF THE BRITISH GRENADIERS!

So bring it on then, Mr Yankee Doodle bleedin' Dandy, Put your Dukes up, and prepare yourself for the trouncing of your life! 

As they said on the Sacred Terraces of Wembley Stadium, (In the 1987 West Ham v Spurs Derby)
"YOU'RE GOING HOME IN A FUCKIN' AMBULANCE"   

Yeah, you tried to fight us once before. How did that one work out for you? 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My Dear British Subject,

As much as it pains me to school you in your own "cultural" history, "Morris Dancing" originated in Spain, "morris" being an English corruption of "Moorish", the dance originally being a celebration of the Spaniards finally kicking the Moors out of Spain.

From such an awful beginning, it was to follow a "Transformers"-esque downward spiral, as the English replaced kick ass swords with mere sticks, and allowed Welsh people to participate, thus bringing in shit like maypoles, hankerchiefs, and stylized sheep-fucking steps.

The English gave up their shameful addiction for a while, with the exception of 4 villages who got lost and still thought it was 1495 in 1899.  These four inbred towns perserved this silliness (the Hemmings family being particularly guilty), and it eventually caught on with blue blood twits in the Victorian era, proving once and for all that if you wait long enough, ANYTHING will come back in style.

As for American culture, we were doing just fine til you Brits ruined rock n roll in the 60s.  Then you heaped insult onto injury with this Morris Dancing nonsense, and don't think we've forgotten about that little prank of yours 220 years ago.

Your day is coming, Limey.  That queen of yours can't last forever, and when the tyrannical old thug is dead, we'll be coming for you.

Ooh, *trembles* Try and guess how scared I am! (Clue, not very)
We will fight you on the beaches, we will fight you in the streets, we will fight you until the very last US Jarhead grunt, turns tail and runs for the high ground.
Then we'll set the Army on you. A proper Army too, not some half trained Boy Scout Weekend camp out crew of mummy's boys. Any American survivors will be interned at Camp Butlins for further humiliation.

"Some sing of Alexander, and some of Hercules,
of Hector and Lysander, and such great men as these,
but of all the men, in all the World there's none who can compare,
with the rum pum, rum pum, rum pum pum, OF THE BRITISH GRENADIERS!

So bring it on then, Mr Yankee Doodle bleedin' Dandy, Put your Dukes up, and prepare yourself for the trouncing of your life! 

As they said on the Sacred Terraces of Wembley Stadium, (In the 1987 West Ham v Spurs Derby)
"YOU'RE GOING HOME IN A FUCKIN' AMBULANCE"   

Yeah, you tried to fight us once before. How did that one work out for you? 

They won.

I believe I've explained this before.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

As they said on the Sacred Terraces of Wembley Stadium, (In the 1987 West Ham v Spurs Derby)
"YOU'RE GOING HOME IN A FUCKIN' AMBULANCE"   

"Come on, then, if you're hard enough!"
- General Lord Badon-Badon B. B.  Twit, battle of Dunkirk, last words.

[BadBeast]

As they said on the Sacred Terraces of Wembley Stadium, (In the 1987 West Ham v Spurs Derby)
"YOU'RE GOING HOME IN A FUCKIN' AMBULANCE"  

"Come on, then, if you're hard enough!"
- General Lord Badon-Badon B. B.  Twit, battle of Dunkirk, last words.

It was actually "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough"

Yeah, you tried to fight us once before. How did that one work out for you?  

Hmmm, . . .Yeah, it took us ages to get over 'losing' such a lucrative and profitable Colony of cherished subjects.

No, hang on, sorry, I got it wrong, it took you ages to get over winning it. And it has to be said, you were "The rough end of Town" to India's "Jewel in the Crown".
But our (rather good, I thought) token show of defeat, was supposed to boost your self esteem, as a young Nation, and help you attain some kind of common identity. National cohesion, and Unity.  But by the next time we thought to take a look West, you were having a Civil War!
For fuck's sake, I don't know why we even bothered. What a waste of good Tea.  

[Adios]