10 things I've learned from the internet

[Cain]

1.  Aesthetic judgements on music can be objectively based.  For example, I like the music I like because I have studied it and concluded it is a superior form of music, a fact any well-educated person can appreciate.  You like the music you do because you're a moron and your taste sucks.

2.  Grammar and spelling are very important...once you start losing an argument.  Argumentum ad grammaticus is a sure-fire debate winner.

3.  When you post drunk, you have to let everyone know you are doing this, and you have to lose the ability to type coherently.  No exceptions.

4.  He said/she said is the height of political debate.  The internet encourages all kinds of people with different backgrounds and beliefs to contribute, with no messy time limits or similar which constrain mainstream debate, therefore everything should be shoehorned into partisan battles, with a keen eye on the newscycle.

5.  In addition to the above, the best way to improve the political system is to bitch about it endlessly online.  Because eventually that intern working your Congressman's twitter will pass on you VERY IMPORTANT, INFLUENTIAL AND NUANCED OPINIONS (expressed in 140 characters or less) to your representative.

6.  Facebook status updates are the best place to deal with any complex problem.  If it can't be solved in under 480 characters, it probably isn't that important.

7.  When you have the world's largest fact-sharing and research engine at your disposal, you should totally just assert shit without even bothering to fact check.  Anything else would be rude.

8.  Self-diagnosed mental illnesses can excuse any actions up to and including criminal access of computer accounts.

9.  Admitting you may be wrong at any point opens up the possibility of the Devil stealing your soul. 

10.  Lists are so 2006.

[Phox]

 

[Cain]

And just to prove my point about #3, I started drinking about 25 minutes before this was posted, and only stopped about 15 minutes ago.  It is only Famous Grouse, but still, most internet lightweights are drinking beer anyway.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  All so true!

[Richter]

And just to prove my point about #3, I started drinking about 25 minutes before this was posted, and only stopped about 15 minutes ago.  It is only Famous Grouse, but still, most internet lightweights are drinking beer anyway.

I figured this is part of the HIMEOBS affinity/requirement for scotch.

Great list too.

[Adios]

Nice

[Payne]

If you don't learn from Cain ITT, this will happen at you. You have been warned.