I need actual testimonials!

[Suu]

Okay, so I've started a new very bad writing project, and I want a page or two of testimonials to my mad skills. And since nobody reads Bring and Brag, I'm posting it here.

They don't have to be honest. Just humorous or downright wrong.

Thanks!

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Suu's grammatically airtight prose roams the depths of human experience like a submersible in the Mariana Trench harvesting tubeworm samples.

[Phox]

Suu's brilliant writing encapsulates the pinnacle of modern Chinese culture.

[Suu]

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The elegance with which Suu places words on a page is so stunningly refined that it killed my mother.

[Salty]

Suu's writing saved my eye from a band roving pirate hookers.

My bowels were once so drum-tight that to force a movement I'd have mix a cocktail of metameucal, chocolate laxatives, coffee, bran flakes and assorted essential oils every morning so they would release an onslaught of fast food, large wheels of cheddar cheese, and frozen pizza waste after my mid-day meeting. Suu's writing changed that.

[Suu]

I knew I could count on you spags.

This is going to be the most horrific piece of failed creativity since the Council of Nicaea.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Suu's incisive writing style will cut out your heart, slap it around like the bitch that it is, and sew it back into your chest a better organ.

[Phox]

Suu has mastered the use of adjectives, to the point that they are now completely obsolete.

[Salty]

Suu's grammar alone has successfully and repeatedly fucked with the Wu-Tang.

[Placid Dingo]

Suu's writing can jump time-frames in the blink of an eye, but always remains in tense.

[AFK]

Suu's consonant focus has helped my vowel movements become much more regular. 

[Suu]

 

[Triple Zero]

"A daring feat of epic writing, this is probably one of the most important and ambitious endorsements of the 21st century." -- Triple Zero

[Triple Zero]

"After reading this biblically proportioned piece of literature, I felt enlightened. This brave analysis of the essential fabric of society nowadays, will build a bridge to tomorrow's understanding of future's people today. The revolutionary counterpart of the interpunction, however, might have been in bad taste." -- Schwarzwaelder Kirschtorte