Greeks Myffed: Promethian Office Politics

[Richter]

Looking at the gods, you'd think they LIKED all the fuckery (literal and metaphorical) that goes on around them.  To a point they do, but originally they just wanted everything quiet and relaxed.  Pastoral, almost, in a "La de da, drink wine and get laid lounging around drunk on the grass" sort of way, like the bohemians were all about.  Yup.  The gods just wanted to be dirty hippies.  So when things did go apeshit (inevitable?), they just sort of went "Well, SHIT.", and went along with the madness.

Oh it was a BAD day when they just decided to let it all rip.  Zeus was pissed.  Hera was livid.  Hephastus just sort of shrugged and kept working, but grumbled to himself all day.  He got drunk and puked in Aphrodites lap later at diner.  ("Ok.  I'm not into this.  I'm certain someone, eventually will be though." Was all she had to say.  The other gods promptly lost their appetites.)  Oh yeah, and Eris.  She was peaceful up until that point.  Just and throwing pottery (Still in the crusty bathrobe, she never was super hygienic, even then.)  When it hit the fan, she just got this manic grin on her face, remarked "Oh it's ON now!" and went off to do something despicable into Hera's bathtub.

SO what caused this anyways?  What encouraged the gods to loose their s in tandem?  Blame Prometheus for that.  Prometheus was sort of the first bleeding – heart liberal.

He was also a Titan who was hanging around after the Titans were supposedly all toast.  A titan who was somehow still in good with the current gods, so we can also venture he may have been the first Quisling too.  Smarmy asshole.

He saw the first people shivering and cold, living the wild, and wanted to give them fire.

"No.  They'll burn everything.  They've got plants, animal skins, and everything else they need.  No fire.", was all Zeus had to say.

Prometheus was back the next day whining more.

"They've got legs, they can move to a different us-damned latitude if they don't like it." He was told.

Third day, same question, and more goings on about how horrible the humans had it.

"FOR THE LOVE OF CHEESE THEY'RE HARD WIRED TO PROBLEM SOLVE AND INVENT!  THEY'LL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING!  THEY'VE ONLY BEEN AROUND FOR THREE #$%^ DAYS!  GET LOST BEFORE I WELD YOUR C@#$ SHUT WITH LITENING!"

Prometheus figured he'd caught Zeus on a bad day.  Eris couldn't stop laughing, which didn't help.



Prometheus, then figuring it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission (missing that it RUINS it if you ask for permission first) went and gave the humans fire.

The humans loved it.

They cooked meat.

They cured their hides better with the smoke.

They hardened points onto wooden spears with it.

Then, bored with being productive, they burned the shit out of everything.



A while later Zeus was taking a nap.  He'd been blowing the balls off low flying comets for kicks, and had taken a century or two nap.  He woke up when he smelled the smoke.

What followed was an un dignified, un godlike panic dance as he spent 5 minutes searching beard, robes, pubes, back hair, etc., for a loose un – safe'd lightening bolt.  (This did happen from time to time.  Due to one especially bad incident Hera had started eating crackers in bed, claiming Zeus had no leg to stand on bitching about crumbs.)

Then he calmed down and realized it was the people on Earth burning things.  He had an idea what was going on, and when he called in Prometheus, the smug bastard owned up to it like he deserved a medal or something.  Zeus was still grumpy form getting woke up, and beat his ass.

After awhile, he stopped stomping Prometheus, and realized that something a little more iconic was needed.

So he got this mean fucking bird, a huge eagle, to tear out his liver every day, throw it in a pan, and sauté it up in front of him.  The eagle would then crap on his leg, take off, and come back again the next day when Prometheus's liver had regenerated.   In this was Prometheus was not only subjected to daily removal of his liver, but also to the worst cooking show known to man.

The other gods were appalled, but then took it as a sort of challenge, and went out to do their own fucked up shit.  It was downhill from there.

Last anyone bothered to ask, the eagle became a big wildlife cruelty advocate, and was forcing Prometheus to become human foie gras as a statement.  (Which no one believed.  They all knew the eagle was just getting EPICLY bored with liver.)

[Freeky]

   This is awesome.

[Juana]

Agreed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

LOVE

[Suu]

 

[Luna]

 

[Telarus]

[Eve Hill]

 

[Sano]

  Awesome!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Yeah. 

[Luna]

I love this series.   

[The Wizard Joseph]

 

Really cool!

[Telarus]

Yeah, these are really excellent.

[Richter]

Thanks!

More as I think of them  (check back for the others if you haven't already)

Like I told Luna, I'm never really done with this, just between ideas.

[Luna]

Thanks!

More as I think of them  (check back for the others if you haven't already)

Like I told Luna, I'm never really done with this, just between ideas.

Now I'm gonna have to go find some of my old mythology books to mine for ideas to drop into Richter's head.