We Had to Let Harry Go Today

[Doktor Howl]

Memo: 2/1/2013

It wasn't his fault, of course, we hold nothing against him.  We valued his 22 years of service, and will be happy to give him a recommendation and a good character for his job search, which we trust will not take much time.

His attendance, however, had been slipping in the last few months, due to some throat or lung cancer or other.  He has at his disposal COBRA, which he can avail himself of for a mere $1250/month, to continue the treatments he says he needs.  He had protested that an unemployed person cannot just cough up that kind of money every month.  We assured him that "he would cough something up, aha ha."...But he failed to see the humor in what we felt was a very witty response.  

Harry never really did have a sense of humor.

So perhaps it is for the best.  In any case, Harry's department is being sent to China next fiscal quarter, which will mean a very significant savings in labor for the company, which should serve to keep the stockholders happy.

On a related note, Harry displayed some rather intense emotions during the exit interview, so we have decided to simply have his personal effects shipped to him.  If he is seen on or near the property, the police are to be called.

Payroll accounting will, of course, be expected to bill him for the work shortfalls caused by his absences.  Since these exceed the balance of his final cheque, the balance shall be referred to our normal partners in the collections agency business.

Please stress to your reports that absenteeism cannot be tolerated, and that nobody is exempt from company policy.

That is all.  You may now return to your labors.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

    

[Jenne]

...doesn't even NEED the future date...

...also reminds me of that film "Up in the Air."  The sheer...inhumanity?...of today's job market is incomprehensible.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

AUGH 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

THIS.

THIS.


THIS.

[Gordon C]

In lieu of the continuing problems we face here, we will be cutting the more enthusiastic employees as it is obvious their zeal to provide effective work is nothing more than an attempt into fooling us that they we think such theatrics make an impression on us. We will be keeping our regular productive staff as usual, of course, but it is important that the people who intend to charade as real workers are quickly shown off so that we can better focus on actual issues inside this company.

[Doktor Howl]

In lieu of the continuing problems we face here, we will be cutting the more enthusiastic employees as it is obvious their zeal to provide effective work is nothing more than an attempt into fooling us that they we think such theatrics make an impression on us. We will be keeping our regular productive staff as usual, of course, but it is important that the people who intend to charade as real workers are quickly shown off so that we can better focus on actual issues inside this company.

Worked for an S-corp, have you?

[wudgar]

We've had our employees declared legally dead, unbelievable boost to our bottom line

[Luna]

We've had our employees declared legally dead, unbelievable boost to our bottom line

You want to REALLY boost your bottom line?  Take out large life insurance policies on your employees.  Then let your safety standards... relax... a little.  Oops, there goes Harry!  Ethel, send his widow a nice fruit basked while you're out depositing that insurance check...