Shit hitting fans, Kaousuu style.

[Suu]

(WARNING. LONG.)

I haven't been well lately. Aside from the earth-shattering kaboom of a breakup (you know, as only I can muster), I need to disclose what else is going on in my life, before you guys think I'm totally losing it.

My parents are not doing well. Marital wise. The past couple of weeks have been marred by daily phone calls and multiple texts from at least one of my immediates describing the hell at hand. My parents have been married for 29 years, and I hate to say that they love each other so much they hate each other...if that makes sense. Well, things are starting to get worse.

My father took a hefty pay cut when they moved back to Florida from Rhode Island in 2006. Barking that he was never happy up here, and the weather sucked. Well, I can't argue against the weather, but he was making excellent money in Providence. Returning to his old job in Clearwater has been nothing but a burden on him, and he even suffered another 15% cut with the market downturn.

Despite standard of living differences between the two states, a cut is a cut, and after you buy a house and attempt to settle down, it's not good. After my grandfather died, he left my mom a considerable sum of money. I can't tell you the exact amount, but I know it was a good chunk of change. After us 3 got our share (which wasn't much) mom put some money into the kitchen and deck on the house, and intended to put the rest in savings. My dad on the other hand, saw fit to buy two new cars during this time period (One was a lemon and lasted him only a year), purchase my plane tickets to visit with it (think, at $300 a pop, 2-3 times a year...) and other pointless purchases, the money went way too fast. In addition to that, my brother losing his job and not being able to pay his half of the mortgage and his own car and insurance payments also got thrown into that, so, long story short, that money is toast after 2 years.

In addition to that, my brother wrecked my mom's car over the summer, and my sister also had her accident earlier in the year, though I should mention that, although it was stressful, my sister paid for hers by herself. My brother, did not.

A few weeks ago, the issue came up with me purchasing my plane tickets for my trip to Florida for Christmas. I just moved and I don't have the money laying around. Not to mention the trip I had to make to Pennsylvania for my cousin's wedding wasn't cheap, either. When I stated that I wasn't sure if the trip was possible, my mom FLIPPED OUT. Not about me, but about my father's inability to manage his finances, and the fact that her inheritance, which would have assisted me, is already gone. Meanwhile, I'm hoping and praying I see the deposit back from my apartment so I can get my tickets.

This has started a ridiculous chain reaction, which has become escalated in the past 2 weeks or so. My father, being of the Mediterranean persuasion, has accused my mother of having an affair with one of their best family friends. This is nothing new, and he's been accusing her left and right since she was bartending back in the mid 90s, but at this point it's just absurd, especially since it's a close family friend that was accused. Needless to say, he's managed to push this friend out of their lives. My mom doesn't work anymore because of my father's jealousy, but the house is supported by my dad's income, my sister's 3 jobs, and my brother who went back to work a few weeks ago.

On top of that, the family dog isn't doing well. He's a 9 year old German Shepherd who belonged to my grandfather and was left to my mom. He's a fabulous dog, but his hips are starting to show signs of weakness, and his prognosis is about a year and a half. My mother has already announced to my sister and I that once the dog is out of the picture, she is officially leaving my father, and moving back to Alabama to live with her best friend, who has a room ready for her and everything.

My father got offered this GREAT job in the West Palm area. Making what he was making up here. Now, Florida ain't small, so New Englanders, try to wrap your heads around this for a minute. My parents live in Clearwater, which is one of the "smaller" Tampa Bay area cities. He already drives to Largo for work, which, even though it's the next city over, and that's already about 15-20 miles. West Palm Beach is 4 hours away. There is no straight shot there, and even though I've been known to fold space to Miami in 3 hours, West Palm takes a special sorta convoluted Florida-crossing magic because of where it is located in relation to the highways from the West Coast. My dad wanted to get an apartment or trailer in West Palm, and then come home on the weekends. At first, this seemed like a great idea, because 1: He wouldn't be around my mom as much, 2: He'd be making a lot better money, and they could afford the rent.

...Then mom stopped taking her fucking meds again, went nuts, and shot him down. So, he's still stuck in Larghetto, dealing with the bullshit he deals with there, and making my entire family's life miserable, in which, I hear about through Facebook, text, or phone call.

Mom is bipolar, and she "doesn't like how her medications make her feel". We've been through several different types at this point, and we think she's bullshitting us. Please remember, we found out Mom was bipolar when she threw me and my shit on the street in 2004 after my uncle died because I didn't cry, so she's pretty special when she's not controlled. There's a reason why I still remained 1300 miles away from them, even after the divorce. Going back to school almost made a nice anchor. I love my family to death, but I cannot LIVE with them.

Tonight while I was at fight practice, actually trying to clear my head for the first time in weeks and also post-breakup, I see my phone flashing, and have to deal with another phonecall from my sister telling me of the latest bout of insanity, and begging me to move back down because she and my brother cannot deal with this alone, even though they're both adults, and I reminded her of such.

I'm at a difficult impasse here. Being 29/30 years old, and dealing with your parents having a marriage collapse isn't exactly easy. Especially when I'm so far away. No, I'm not a grade school kid that would depend on custody and such, but I'm just not mentally prepared for this. I don't know what to do, or how to approach this, which I think is the same issue that my brother and sister are having. We're just clueless and helpless at this point in our lives. It's difficult to be adults and do our adult things right now during all of this.

The breakup was merely another layer on the cake at this point. Breakups hurt, they always do, and I always seem to get myself involved with cheesedicks, I get it. Just this time, the cheesedick has a psycho wife, who, for some reason, is finding it incredibly amusing to harass me through Facebook and email through her husband's accounts. In other words, she's waving her fucking gonads at me proving that she has access to his shit. Whatever. I don't fucking care, we're done, but I want to be left alone, and I told her as such. She pulled some extra classy moves last night while I was in class, including messages from his account calling me wonderful names that I was slinging at bitches in high school for stealing my man. If I was in any sort of normal state of mind, I'd probably be able to shake them off, but I'm not. I had to leave my lecture early last night, because I was almost in tears, and then walked home crying like a bitch and back into my bottle of sweet tea vodka to concede defeat. I have blocked every form of communication I can from her at this point, but I'm waiting for her to hit the phone. Chances are, if she went through Oarstroker's stuff, she probably found my number and address, so it's only a matter of time, really. But then, if I have her phone number, I'll be able to do a lot more damage. Charges WILL be pressed if she continued with the harassment. I just want to be left alone and put this shit behind me, but she made it almost impossible for me this week.

I take pride in the fact that I'm a good student. I don't like leaving lectures early, and most of my professors know this. I'm very engaged in my classes, and lately, I just haven't been there. This is bad. I'm doing poorly in chemistry as it is, and I'd rather not blow my GPA by letting my grades in my other courses fall because I can't handle my stress right now.

Oh, and in addition to all of the above, here's the icing: My cervix isn't doing good. I've been actually started to feel twinges of pain in my pelvic region, and I'm spotting when I'm not supposed to be. I go to the doctor next week, even though I can't afford it AT ALL, to get a checkup, and schedule my surgery for December. If this proves to be worse than it actually is, I could be starting chemo in January.

So, that's that.

I may be taking a break from the internet for a bit, because nothing I'm saying right now on any forum anywhere is making sense. I don't even think half of my conversations in person are making sense, so I need to just shut up for a while, and just let my brain figure out how to reconstruct itself around this shit I'm dealing with.


Thanks, Eris. You're awesome.

[Triple Zero]

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn *big hugs for Suu ...*



but, let me get this straight, and I apologize if it sounds heartless, but isn't the Florida situation about to sort itself out then? your mom moves with that friend, your dad gets a better job and moves to West Palm Beach? of course it sucks but if they're fighting all the time, plus causing all these extreme amounts of stress for their children, that might be for the best, no?

and was your sis serious about begging you to move south? because 1 what would that even accomplish 2 it's impossible and 3 she knows you got your own life up there plus dealing with all sorts of shit ...

[Placid Dingo]

Best wishes Suu.

[Murmur]

Good wishes, Suu... We'll still be here when things are sorted out. 

[Suu]

Trip: My sister is scared. I think she knows that I can't do shit from up here, but this isn't the first time she's asked me to move, either. My brother, despite being an asshole as only a brother can be, is very ADHD and also very sensitive. He doesn't deal with emotional stress well, and instead of sticking around to help my sister relax, he takes off for days.

Also, my dad turned down the job in West Palm because my mom decided it would be a good time to have a breakdown, and then tell him they couldn't afford it, so he's stuck in Largo.

This is how I feel it's going to go: Mom is going to take off to Bama. Dad is going to get his job back in Providence, and show up at my fucking house looking for crash space until he gets his own place, and my brother and sister are going to be stuck with the house in Florida unsure of what to do. My brother technically owns half of it, but I don't know when the last time he actually paid anything into it was, and my sister hasn't afforded rent in a while, since she picked up my brother's slack while he was unemployed, that, and her car payments and insurance payments, are why she works 3 jobs, and still lives at home. She still pays for his phone, even though he's back to work.

I'm not going to be able to escape this no matter what, because SOMEONE is going to end up on my friggin couch in the next few months. Frankly, I'd rather it be my brother, because he could get a really damn good job up here back in the kitchen. The economy wouldn't be kind to my sister up here, and Mom hates the cold. So, chances are, it'll be Dad.

I think my sister is feeling she's essentially going to get stuck with the house and not be able to do anything for it.

[Jenne]

Suu, I hope everything turns out as well as it can be.  Sorry you're havin to deal with all of that.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That sucks ass, Suu.

Can I suggest that you block Oarstroker on Facebook? I have been where the wife is, and it's a bad, bad place. Any of the women her husband has been fucking are going to be targets of her wrath and pain. If you maintain any avenues of contact with him, she will see that as sneaking around with her husband, and like it or not, she has justification for feeling that way. You keep calling her the "psycho wife", but it's pretty clear that he's the psycho. Even if his friends (who appear to also be fucked in the head) back up his story.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What Nigel said.  The only assholism going on here is "Oarstroker" (WTF is up with grownups using fucking nicknames IRL?), who is a piece of rancid shit.  Yeah, the wife is barking mad right now, I mean you ARE the "other woman", and you better just block her until she forgets about it.

And, speaking as your spiritual advisor, knock off the fucking booze and get your shit together.  Life's too fucking short to wuss out and crawl in a bottle every time you get a red ass.

Just saying.

[Suu]

That sucks ass, Suu.

Can I suggest that you block Oarstroker on Facebook? I have been where the wife is, and it's a bad, bad place. Any of the women her husband has been fucking are going to be targets of her wrath and pain. If you maintain any avenues of contact with him, she will see that as sneaking around with her husband, and like it or not, she has justification for feeling that way. You keep calling her the "psycho wife", but it's pretty clear that he's the psycho. Even if his friends (who appear to also be fucked in the head) back up his story.

He's very blocked, and has been now for days. So has she. I don't want to talk to him, and I don't want to see him. I just want him to disappear, at this point, because I can only be called a "disgusting whore cunt" so many times before I'm going to hurt her goddamn feelings. I don't have time to deal with this bullshit. I don't. Not with the shit my folks are going through.

Right now, I'm starting to get more fucking scared over having to go in for an "emergency" pap next week. Anything emergency is never good, plus pap, and I feel all fucking uneasy about this. Despite the, "Don't worry, we can fix this." attitude of my clinician.

Bullshit. Cancer is cancer, before you told me you could scrape this out and I'll be fine in a couple of years, now you're telling me that I may need chemotherapy and/or a hysterectomy? I may not like my girl parts, but that's serious shit, and it will effectively RUIN my semester next year. Not to mention, I can't fucking pay for it. God Bless America.

[LMNO]

Suu, I can't offer any advice, but I wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts, and if you find time to catch a train to Boston, I'll buy you dinner/drinks w/ Mrs LMNO.

[Suu]

Thanks. I may head into Boston soonish anyway, more or less to GTFO of Providence for a while without having to deal with Manhattan, and doing srs bsns Christmas Shopping at Filene's Basement and probably hiding in the MFA for a while looking at old shiny things. I'll let you know when.

[LMNO]

Better make it soon. Rumors are, Filenes is closing, again. For real, this time.

[Suu]

Better make it soon. Rumors are, Filenes is closing, again. For real, this time.

Oh goddamnit. That means I'll be fighting off the best^TM of Boston on Newbury Street for a pair of Seven for all Mankinds at 75% off. Again.

I'll take pics.

[LMNO]

If you do it on a weekend, there's a 15% chance the three of us can do it together. Mrs LMNO was thinking about fighting to good fight, as well.

[Suu]

If you do it on a weekend, there's a 15% chance the three of us can do it together. Mrs LMNO was thinking about fighting to good fight, as well.

I'm not fighting your wife for a pair of designer jeans. I have a feeling that could be ugly.

However, I'll give you the heads up when I'm ready to get up there. It will probably be after Thanksgiving.