A Note on My Recent Writing, or, Why I Am Talking So Much Shit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You may have noticed that I have been regularly taking time out of my day to write phillipics about certain of the more unsavory members of this board...Trip, Doktor Phox, EoC, Squiddy, Twid, etc.  This is not some horrible revenge-driven series of diatribes, but rather a warning to the good people of the internet to avoid these obviously insane degenerates.

And I'm not done.  Oh, no.  I'll get around to all the problem cases, one at a time...Because you fuckers killed Dr James Semaj, and there must be a reckoning.  So, if you're chortling over the hideous shit I have written about the deranged bastards that fill this board, well, you'll be laughing out the other side of your neck when I get around to you.

You're all a bunch of insane spags, and it is my doom to minister to you, in the vain hope that you may one day be accepted at least among the lowest elements of mainstream society.  Let's face facts, here:  The best any of you can hope for is the friendship of body-Nazis and butthash dealers.

I do not expect any sort of recognition for this, as I tell people I'm a one-legged prostitute to spare myself the public shame of associating with you freaks...And it's not like any of you are capable of communicating with anyone other than yourselves, and specially trained ministers such as myself.  No, I need no spot in the history books, just the satisfaction of maybe seeing at least one of you become fit for human company, as in the historical case of Santu Toney, who eventually learned to wear real clothing and not try to eat the drapes.

This is what I do.  I am a Holy Man™, and it is my JOB to protect the world from you people, because – among your other crimes – you make no fucking sense at all.

Or Kill Me

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thank fuck you are here to keep us in check, because you know what would happen if we were allowed to run free. It would be terrible.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Thank fuck you are here to keep us in check, because you know what would happen if we were allowed to run free. It would be terrible.

All those hard-working Job Providers would wake up every morning to see their security gates smeared with feces (and worse), and the horrible rot would spill out from the half-dozen places that contain you...Leaving America a completely uninhabitable wasteland, like Australia or Belgium.

[Eater of Clowns]

Hey I'm just glad someone has taken up the cry.  I've been trying to warn people that I'm a completely reprehensible human being for years - mostly by acting like a completely reprehensible human being.  Disappearing Semaj, though, that's really not my style.  He was a decent sort, in that to my knowledge he didn't have a specific plan to harvest my kidneys.

I can't say his adventuring didn't take him through my neck of the derelict industrial wasteland woods, in which case I just hope he didn't follow the candlelight downtown.  It never sat right with me how they got such fine tallow without any animal farms to speak of in the area.  But see that's why he was such a fine pulp hero.  He investigated that sort of thing, probably even asked a few of the street folk trying to peddle cursed sloth paws about it.  Silly Discordian.  Wicks are for kids.

[BadBeast]

Wow. Yes. The faraway dream of social acceptance. The hope that someday, mainstream society will have a place, however small, so the likes of me, can at least have a chance to suckle on the sweet, warm milky teats of her more than ample bosom is all that I ever hoped for.

And to even attempt to stand between a forum such as this, so full of ethical pariahs and substance abusing sociopaths, and it's natural prey the decent people, is above and beyond the call of what any lesser man might call "duty",  and were it anyone but yourself who had taken up the burden of blame mantle of responsibility for us, he might already have been torn asunder, rent limb from limb by both the forum, and the glorious society he sought to protect. 

So without wanting to overegg the pudding, I'd just like to add, yes, good on you Sir, and what Nigel said so eloquently, (and without a hint of the sarcasm I might have, in my sickness, been tempted to employ) Thank fuck you are here to keep us in check. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thank fuck you are here to keep us in check, because you know what would happen if we were allowed to run free. It would be terrible.

All those hard-working Job Providers would wake up every morning to see their security gates smeared with feces (and worse), and the horrible rot would spill out from the half-dozen places that contain you...Leaving America a completely uninhabitable wasteland, like Australia or Belgium.

[Don Coyote]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

[Dildo Argentino]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

shitting on a gate...

i imagined it... not easy

balance on top?
could fall down

or sort of reverse up against it?
i'd be shitting on myself and all

projectile diarrhea may do the job...

[BadBeast]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

Why not cut the gates out entirely, and just send gift wrapped turds to the Company Directors? Nothing ambiguous there, and less chance of being caught, and put back in a lunatic asylum.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

I approve.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

Why not cut the gates out entirely, and just send gift wrapped turds to the Company Directors? Nothing ambiguous there, and less chance of being caught, and put back in a lunatic asylum.

He'd be locked up as a terrorist the moment they traced a package...

[Don Coyote]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

Why not cut the gates out entirely, and just send gift wrapped turds to the Company Directors? Nothing ambiguous there, and less chance of being caught, and put back in a lunatic asylum.

He'd be locked up as a terrorist the moment they traced a package...

So I shouldn't use official unit letter head and the "Official Government Correspondence" stamp with my service number?


BBL I think I here someone knocking on my door with a hammer....

[BadBeast]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

Why not cut the gates out entirely, and just send gift wrapped turds to the Company Directors? Nothing ambiguous there, and less chance of being caught, and put back in a lunatic asylum.

He'd be locked up as a terrorist the moment they traced a package...

A 'Mild Alarmist' perhaps, certainly a 'Disgustingist'. (Although I grant that the authorities would probably fail to make the distinction) Turds rarely induce true terror, except perhaps occasionally whilst trying to pass a particularly tough or lively stool.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

Why not cut the gates out entirely, and just send gift wrapped turds to the Company Directors? Nothing ambiguous there, and less chance of being caught, and put back in a lunatic asylum.

He'd be locked up as a terrorist the moment they traced a package...

A 'Mild Alarmist' perhaps, certainly a 'Disgustingist'. (Although I grant that the authorities would probably fail to make the distinction) Turds rarely induce true terror, except perhaps occasionally whilst trying to pass a particularly tough or lively stool.

Um

think about it. Someone starts sending American CEOs human feces. You think for even a split second that these wealthy, powerful CEOs aren't going to use their money and power to make sure the packages are traced and the miscreant picked up and held indefinitely for biological terrorism. It's already against Federal law to send biohazard material in the mail, and sending poo to rich people is clearly terrorism so the excuse is built-in.

This is AMERICA. 

[BadBeast]

What I am getting from this is that I should be shitting on the gates of corporations. Evidently this is why I have felt a great vacuum of meaning in my life. I shall endeavor to rectify this post haste.

Why not cut the gates out entirely, and just send gift wrapped turds to the Company Directors? Nothing ambiguous there, and less chance of being caught, and put back in a lunatic asylum.

He'd be locked up as a terrorist the moment they traced a package...

A 'Mild Alarmist' perhaps, certainly a 'Disgustingist'. (Although I grant that the authorities would probably fail to make the distinction) Turds rarely induce true terror, except perhaps occasionally whilst trying to pass a particularly tough or lively stool.

Um

think about it. Someone starts sending American CEOs human feces. You think for even a split second that these wealthy, powerful CEOs aren't going to use their money and power to make sure the packages are traced and the miscreant picked up and held indefinitely for biological terrorism. It's already against Federal law to send biohazard material in the mail, and sending poo to rich people is clearly terrorism so the excuse is built-in.

This is AMERICA. 

Doesn't have to be human excrement. The shite of a Bull might be more appropriate, and less of a biohazard. And less incriminating when traced back to a Charolais Bull.