evolutionary baby-watching

[Dildo Argentino]

Yeah but dad isn't primary caregiver. Her insecurity is normal because she isn't confident that daddy is available to meet her needs and her routine is being upset.

Dad needs to make it clear that he's plugged in while still being firm about his needs. He should be having dialogue with her: "now I'm going to put you in your high chair and you're going to watch daddy cook these noodles." At no point should she be rebuffed in favor of a computer at this point in their relationship. She should be included in his activities until mom gets home.

which was what happened, basically

i just noticed (or seemed to notice) that when i tell her i need to put her down, and she agrees, then, afterwards, the amount of time she is prepared to spend entertaining herself is dependent on the kind of movements i am doing (which she is observing) in a slightly strange way

which is what i was asking about

as to how to deal with babies, with this fourth one, i am confident i am pretty good at it

[Reeducation]

I think it is just too "passive" to watch a dude who is on the computer.
When my daughter was younger, I would sometimes check the weird (not the weird weird mind you) world of the internet with her. Then there were no problems.
I would explain what was going on and even though she could not understand anything I was saying, she was quite happy, because there was talking and she was noticed to be there and so on.

So like if there is not anything going on, they will demand it.
She never complained when I was painting the walls or doing the dishes, for example.

She saw me with a paintbrush and started to play with her toys.
She saw me just sitting there and started to wonder: "Is something wrong here?"

Or something. I never thought about these things.

[Dildo Argentino]

I think it is just too "passive" to watch a dude who is on the computer.
When my daughter was younger, I would sometimes check the weird (not the weird weird mind you) world of the internet with her. Then there were no problems.
I would explain what was going on and even though she could not understand anything I was saying, she was quite happy, because there was talking and she was noticed to be there and so on.

So like if there is not anything going on, they will demand it.
She never complained when I was painting the walls or doing the dishes, for example.

She saw me with a paintbrush and started to play with her toys.
She saw me just sitting there and started to wonder: "Is something wrong here?"

Or something. I never thought about these things.

yep

i think that's what i was on about

and my recent experiments suggest that it doesn't have to be meaningful work, as long as it looks like work

which suggests a sort of sphexishness i had not expected in the being with the single most plastic mind in the known universe (human babies)

[navkat]

Are you putting shit out there to actually discuss or are you doing it just to argue?

[Dildo Argentino]

Are you putting shit out there to actually discuss or are you doing it just to argue?

to discuss, most definitely

this one in particular, as i am completely open-ended about it

but still packing boxes, sorry, back my evening

[Triple Zero]

Based on what Reeducation said on showing her the Internet, even if she didn't really understand, how about next time, if you need to work on the computer, you pretend she's helping you? Do your work but also talk, explain what you're doing, etc.

It doesn't need to be real or thorough or complete, but it might even have a positive effect for you, as explaining what you're doing, even to someone who won't understand it, often boosts problem solving skills. Dunno how well that applies for your typing/translation job, but it does work in a lot of situations, not just computer programming (for me).

[AFK]

Just don't expose her to singing cat videos on YouTube.  My wife made that mistake with my son once.  He's just finally gotten over the need to see those things every time someone is on the family computer.   

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Wow, 18 months is a little old to still be a hip baby.  She's walking and mobile right?  Most kids do not want to be held constantly once they obtain their own mobility.

as i said, dear attentive reader, mummy was out of the house and not to be had for 4 hours (!!!!)

at other times, she is perfectly alright, walks, runs, climbs ladders (and jumps into beanbags from slightly worrying heights), talks, jokes - pretty cool, actually

If she is developmentally ok and there are no issues, she should be able to self entertain for small amounts of time with the proper stimulation.  Sit her on the floor with a few pots and wooden spoons and let her bang them and amuse herself!

as i say, this sort of thing works just fine in most situations

but this was a special situation

I'm terribly sorry, I thought you were her father and that you had other children, which would have given you some experience in child rearing.  My attention to what you have written must be off.  I presumed, as her father, you had actually spent time with your child on a fairly regular basis and didn't have to treat a mere four hours as an OMG emergency how do I deal with my toddler kind of thing.  At that age, most children know both of their parents if they are active in their lives and they are fairly interchangable.

Again, I apologize, carry on.  Maybe take one of those babysitting classes or something.

[Dildo Argentino]

Wow, 18 months is a little old to still be a hip baby.  She's walking and mobile right?  Most kids do not want to be held constantly once they obtain their own mobility.

as i said, dear attentive reader, mummy was out of the house and not to be had for 4 hours (!!!!)

at other times, she is perfectly alright, walks, runs, climbs ladders (and jumps into beanbags from slightly worrying heights), talks, jokes - pretty cool, actually

If she is developmentally ok and there are no issues, she should be able to self entertain for small amounts of time with the proper stimulation.  Sit her on the floor with a few pots and wooden spoons and let her bang them and amuse herself!

as i say, this sort of thing works just fine in most situations

but this was a special situation

I'm terribly sorry, I thought you were her father and that you had other children, which would have given you some experience in child rearing.  My attention to what you have written must be off.  I presumed, as her father, you had actually spent time with your child on a fairly regular basis and didn't have to treat a mere four hours as an OMG emergency how do I deal with my toddler kind of thing.  At that age, most children know both of their parents if they are active in their lives and they are fairly interchangable.

Again, I apologize, carry on.  Maybe take one of those babysitting classes or something.

first of all, i am sorry to have offended you, Khara

had i realised that you would respond with what i perceive as  controlled, cold and condescending hostility to what i intended as slight sarcasm, i would have remained entirely formal/friendly

we are i would say fairly committed but kind of level-headed attachment parents: Liza was constantly in her mother's company (as in always near and always available within a few seconds, sometimes a minute or two, if she demanded her presence) for the first 8 months of her life, which she seemed to like and thrive on as much as her older half-brothers used to - my kids

from the moment my oldest son was born 16 years ago, even slightly earlier, i had severe misgivings about the childrearing methods that i have seen in practice around me

then i found the continuum concept and now i can say we try to apply the continuum notion to living in a patchwork family in an atomised, simultaneously pre- and post-industrial civilization that is having some serious teething problems

i am a self-employed translator working from home: i am pretty much on hand all the time

i cannot compete on the titty front, but apart from that, i am in pretty close second place after that Goddess of a wife of mine, who is, and Liza continuously makes sure that this is clear, her primary provider

as Liza is still getting about half her nutrition from breastfeeding, we are not yet interchangeable

starting at 8 months, Liza's mum started to leave me with her: before then, all three of us attended her playback theatre rehearsals, and Liza usually just slept through in a sling, on me, but as she grew larger and slept less, she started being a distraction to the rehearsals, so, initially every two weeks, we stayed nearby and waited for mum to have her rehearsal - this would mean a separation of 3 hours

we are now up to more frequent occasions of a few hours, and 5-6-hour occasions about every two weeks

we get through them, Liza and i, but she does cry and miss her mummy occasionally, with which i try to offer full emotional support at all times, and it seems to be working

is that really unhealthy or unnatural or worrying attachment in your view now, at 18 months?

[Dildo Argentino]

Based on what Reeducation said on showing her the Internet, even if she didn't really understand, how about next time, if you need to work on the computer, you pretend she's helping you? Do your work but also talk, explain what you're doing, etc.

It doesn't need to be real or thorough or complete, but it might even have a positive effect for you, as explaining what you're doing, even to someone who won't understand it, often boosts problem solving skills. Dunno how well that applies for your typing/translation job, but it does work in a lot of situations, not just computer programming (for me).

i am amazed to hear this works for you with programming!! is that the honest truth, really??

i think it wouldn't work with translation (hold two fairly long sentences meaning the same thing through employing rather different syntax, then type one while checking that it does indeed mean the same thing as the sentence to be translated

it might work with image or video or sound editing...

i'll give it a go

[Dildo Argentino]

Just don't expose her to singing cat videos on YouTube.  My wife made that mistake with my son once.  He's just finally gotten over the need to see those things every time someone is on the family computer.

excellent tip, and in good time

i shall be careful

[Dildo Argentino]

had i realised that you would respond with what i perceive as  controlled, cold and condescending hostility to what i intended as slight sarcasm, i would have remained entirely formal/friendly

and looking at it now, it is beginning to dawn on me how you may have exactly the opposite perception...

uh-oh

well anyway

[Triple Zero]

i am amazed to hear this works for you with programming!! is that the honest truth, really??

Well, not with kids (since usually I'm actually explaining computer stuff to them with the goal that they do understand it ) but in general, yes, when I'm really stuck with a problem, it helps to talk and explain what I'm doing even if the other person doesn't really understand it. It just organizes your thoughts, I suppose.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

12-18 months is a pretty common age for separation anxiety to kick into high gear. It's a minor miracle she didn't throw a screaming wobbler when your wife left. Luckily, within the next 6 months or so she will also develop a firm grasp on object permanence, which means you will be able to tell her that Mommy is coming back soon, which will ease her anxiety and clinginess.

Babies that age can usually deal with almost anything except for being completely ignored in favor of absolutely nothing, which is what the computer looks like to them. You would probably have better (if limited) luck sitting down and reading a book, if you give her a book with which to mimic the turning of pages.

As they say, parenting IS a full-time job. If it were that easy to get work done when you have a toddler around the house, being a single parent would be a piece of cake. I wouldn't expect to be able to get much, if any, work done outside of naptime when you're alone with her until she's around three, and there is (IME) no chance of being able to pull off even a half-time workload with her at home and no other caregiver until she's six.

You have three other kids, right? Is this the first time you've noticed this? Were you working outside of the house with the older ones when they were this age?

[Dildo Argentino]

12-18 months is a pretty common age for separation anxiety to kick into high gear. It's a minor miracle she didn't throw a screaming wobbler when your wife left.

actually, at the risk of sounding smug, i think it is actually a straightforward consequence of her having the good graces to be born into a family of 5 sibling and a pair of fairly old parents who have raised several children before her and thought long and hard about how to do that best

Luckily, within the next 6 months or so she will also develop a firm grasp on object permanence

a thing of the past, that

she has such a firm grasp on object permanence that she spends a considerable amount of time searching for objects that have been hidden from her (there are few such, they include my phone, my wallet and her mother's new wallet - she got the old one)

, which means you will be able to tell her that Mommy is coming back soon, which will ease her anxiety and clinginess.

i think she is perfectly capable of understandint that mummy is coming back soon, only she does grow desperate about this being the case when her preferred state of affairs would be for mummy to come back immediately, as in now

Babies that age can usually deal with almost anything except for being completely ignored in favor of absolutely nothing, which is what the computer looks like to them. You would probably have better (if limited) luck sitting down and reading a book, if you give her a book with which to mimic the turning of pages.

my novel observations, which are gaining ongoing confirmation, suggest that reading a book doesn't count (of course reading the same book, together, is fine for a while, depending on the book)

it seems that repetitive, fairly observable movement, on the other hand, like grating a carrot, sweeping a floor, etc. do count

which is why i have this sneaking suspicion that "letting primary caregiver do some work even when i'm nervous and a bit lonely" may be deeper-wired and not simply acquired after birth

As they say, parenting IS a full-time job. If it were that easy to get work done when you have a toddler around the house, being a single parent would be a piece of cake. I wouldn't expect to be able to get much, if any, work done outside of naptime when you're alone with her until she's around three, and there is (IME) no chance of being able to pull off even a half-time workload with her at home and no other caregiver until she's six.

no quibbles with that at all, i agree

You have three other kids, right? Is this the first time you've noticed this? Were you working outside of the house with the older ones when they were this age?

no, but around the time they were this age, i was renovating various houses, operating a wood-burning stove, and taking care of (rather incompetently) a very large garden, growing food and stuff

and, again, in confirmation of my fledgling theory, i seem to remember that while it was just as impossible to do my work on the computer as it seems to be now,

from around the age of 8 months to 1 year and upwards, they were already quite happy to potter around in the garden close by to where i was working when i was actually doing that kind of physical work

see what i mean?