Need y'all wiser people's advice (also bad vibes inside)

[Dalek]

Sorry for the QQ story, I need to let this shit out somewhere, don't read it if you don't feel like reading. I've really got nowhere but the Internet to share this shit, so here ya go. Mods delete it, if you think it's not appropriate for the forum.

Things at home became unbearable - My dad is out of the house and now my mother is freaking out on me, comparing me to him on every other occasion (for example, I'll say something like "Just because" and she'll start yelling at me that my dad used these words often, bla-blah, and that she hates him and I'm becoming just like him). I've told her a few times that I'm feeling depressed and need her to stop trying to control everything in my life, but she just starts raging and telling me that I have no right to be depressed, because people have it worse and because I'm 17 and 17 year olds can't be depressed.

Recently it's freak out after freak out - she keeps telling me that I am an evil person like my dad, that I am an evil egoistic hypocritic piece of shit, etc. etc. What really started to hurt me is when she started to undermine my already unstable self-esteem by telling me that everyone hates me, that I am a terrible person and all my friends are just using me. I don't believe that, but it hurts when someone you are forced to live with throws these kind of insults all the time. Then she'll keep calm for a day, sometimes two or three and afterwards, she'll start insulting me all over.

Today I told her that I plan to move out and she told me that I should do that, but threatened that she'll sign me off school - now I don't want to quit school, because I need my high school diploma, and being one of the school's best students, it would be real shit to quit school and fuck everything I've accomplished so far. She's crying all the time now, telling me that she hates me and wishes I was never born and I'm trying to ignore that, because I've had quite enough of this family's bullshit.

I'm trying to keep some balance. On one hand I don't want to leave my mother all alone as it's a very difficult period of her life, but living with her is unbearable and it's making me very unstable and miserable. I tried explaining to her that me moving out does not mean we need to hate each other or stop keeping contact, but she told me that if I move out, I'm no longer her son.

[Faust]

Rule one; stay in school no matter what. It's always harder to go back then to finish the first time, your home situation is hard but I stress that it must take a back seat to your study. You are seventeen either way you will be going on more then likely to college after so the home situation will fix itself.
I'm not good at the rest of the emotional stuff but that's my advice. 

[Triple Zero]

Daaaaaaaaamn, Dalek, I knew your home situation was bad but this shit is getting really fucked up. Sorry to hear it man.

However don't worry if this is the right place to post this, Apple Talk can be the right place for anything, and with such a shitty situation, of course you need to let it out.

Questions, does your mom have the legal right to sign you off school, if you don't want to yourself? Could be, since you're 17, but then again if it's state sponsored education, you're entitled to it. Maybe ask your school how that would work and/or let them know you're NOT planning on dropping out of school.

Does your school have some kind of counselor, or "trusted person to talk to" position? Lots of schools have something like that. If yours doesn't, or perhaps this person is no good, try approaching a teacher about it, one that you like, trust and feel that they would understand.

The important point is, you should not have to face all this troubles alone. Not because you're 17, but because this isn't the sort of shit anybody should feel alone against. And also because someone not in the middle of the situation themselves can get a better perspective and a clearer head from outside. There is no shame in asking for help either, this isn't a normal situation and nobody would expect you to take it on all by yourself.

[navkat]

Listen to me:
1. You have value.
2. This is ABUSE. Let that sink in a minute. Yes it IS. Yes, there's no way around it. It IS.
3. Your mom is sick and needs help. I promise you this is true. She's hurting and fucked up and resentful and her brain is on a broken record of seeing you as a villain instead of her sweet little boy who's going through the same pain as she.
4. You have a RESPONSIBILITY TO YOURSELF to get out of this before you become like mom. It's proven tha repetitive propaganda messages WORK. You will be a miserable adult if this lesson of bitterness and self victimization sinks in.
5. I know it's scary but you must report this. If you report, this is what will happen:
A. Mom will temporarily lose custody of you
B. You will be given psychiatric help
C. Mom will be ordered into therapy.

I am sending you ginormous hugs and good vibes. I am a victim of child abuse and I'm still not unfucked...after YEARS. GET THE HELP NOW WHILE YOUR SYNAPSES ARE STILL GROWING.

[navkat]

Also: Freeky, Nigel and I are all SINGLE MOMS of little boys.
I strongly recommend you get the second and third opinion from them as to whether or not your mom's behaviour is legal, reasonable or appropriate.

NIGEL WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER.

[Cain]

Those laws may not apply in Bulgaria.

How does your father feel about her behaviour?

Also, when all else fails, consider the Falcon Punch.

[navkat]

My apologies for my U.S. centrism here.

[Richter]

Mainly, what Navkat said. 

Your mom seems messed in the head.  Whether this is her being a bitch, or as a result of trauma in her life, I can't say (haven't been there, don't know the history, don't want to, etc.), but that doesn't excuse her venting the shit at you. 
(I've got special hate for anyone spouting the "No, you're not depressed" shit too, so be aware, I may not be an objective source on that.)

Hold fast and don't let it fuck up things for you otherwise. 

[Dalek]

I found a job that will be enough for me to live on my own, combined with my scholarships. Thanks for the advice, but in Bulgaria if you have trouble at home you can either move out or, i don't know, go complain on TV or something.

Hmm, I'll see how everything goes in the next week, I keep talking to her about the situation at home and I hope that. I have a place to go if shit gets bad, I have enough cash and tommorow I'm starting work (plus if I need some extra cash I can do some small-time shroom dealing to friends. Mfw bulgarian police doesn't know what psychedelics are  ).

I'll see how it goes and I know I can move out whenever I want.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also: Freeky, Nigel and I are all SINGLE MOMS of little boys.
I strongly recommend you get the second and third opinion from them as to whether or not your mom's behaviour is legal, reasonable or appropriate.

NIGEL WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER.

Yes.

As I read that I had to actually stop reading and look away a couple of times because my vision was getting blurry. And I am trying to formulate ways to say this that aren't full of swear words.

Dalek, your mom is not only off her rocker, she is also abusive. Very, very abusive, in a completely unacceptable way. You do not have a responsibility to be there for her, she has a responsibility to be there for you and she has failed that responsibility. Because SHE has failed, you now have to step up and parent yourself, and that means getting yourself out of that house. Imagine what a good mom would do for you if you were living with a crazy abusive person; she would get you out of there. Be that good mom for yourself.

She is using the threat of depriving you of your education to try to bully and coerce you into staying, and she is wrong to do that. What you need to do is, as soon as possible, is talk to your school counselor or principal to let them know the situation and ask what you can do if she tries to sign you off of school... I don't think she CAN do that, but your counselor or principal will be able to advise you. After you've done that, get the hell out of there as soon as you can.

Don't worry about her. It's her job to worry about you, not the other way around. If she is abusive, end contact. You are a valuable person and you don't deserve that kind of treatment.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I found a job that will be enough for me to live on my own, combined with my scholarships. Thanks for the advice, but in Bulgaria if you have trouble at home you can either move out or, i don't know, go complain on TV or something.

Hmm, I'll see how everything goes in the next week, I keep talking to her about the situation at home and I hope that. I have a place to go if shit gets bad, I have enough cash and tommorow I'm starting work (plus if I need some extra cash I can do some small-time shroom dealing to friends. Mfw bulgarian police doesn't know what psychedelics are  ).

I'll see how it goes and I know I can move out whenever I want.

I just want to make sure you know that shit is already bad. Far, far worse than anyone should have to deal with, from what you've described. I know that your baseline of "bad" is a little tilted because you've been living with this abuse for a while, but you are in an abusive home and you should not wait for things to get worse before you leave. In fact, you should leave now if things are relatively calm, so that you're not trying to move in the middle of a crisis.

[East Coast Hustle]

dalekk, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any advice to offer, but if this is your last year of high school and if you're turning 18 before this summer, you could always come work in the states for the summer. the restaurant I used to chef at in Maine (as well as many others in the area) hire alot of eastern european students as summer staff. the visa also allows for I think 3 months travel time after you're done working in case you want to travel around and see the rest of the country. You'll be able to save a little loot and get some work experience and marketable skills. The other bulgarian kids that have worked there when I was there were all fucking awesome and I'd be happy to put in a good word for you and help direct you to the appropriate agencies to get that particular visa if that's something that appeals to you. At the very least it would get you out of that situation for several months and give you a chance to look at things from a different perspective and clear your head a little.

[Dalek]

Thanks Nigel, I'm going to stay for a while. I'm feeling calm that I've got a job, scholarships and a place to go, I think anything else will arrange itself if I move out. I know that shit is bad, but I'm still going to try and fix things with talking (atleast I'm very good at talking to people ) and I've got moving out sorted out, if I need to.

Fuck You One-Eye

I just turned 17 this December and I have another year of high-school to attend, so I won't be able to do so. But, I've had friends go to work-and-travel in the USA and they've all told me it was awesome, so I might consider it next year. Thanks for the idea and support :]

[East Coast Hustle]

No problem. Just let me know if you ever do decide to go that route, I'll do anything I can to help.

Are you in Sofia? I know this is probably a ridiculous question but you don't happen to know Vasil Hristov, do you?

[Dalek]

Nah, I don't - I'm from Varna (fyeah the sea). But the question is not really ridiculous (altough Vasil Hristov is an often found name) as I know about 40% of people my age (and if there is someone from my city that I don't know, I'll have atleast 3-4 mutual friends with them on Facebook )