What do you want? We know what you want.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Cheap and easy, just jam it on a late and watch 'em line up for a taste!  Faster, better, more nutritious, and has a lower malfuntion rate than our nearest competitor!  Learning to load it is a breeze, and a 5 year old kid could clean it!  Zero to 60 MPH in 3.5 seconds, or your money back!

No more spending dinner time slouched in front of the TV like the fat little piggie drone your inlaws think you are!  Now every meal time is just like the good old days, around the family table while dad gets looped on scotch and verbally abuses everyone!

And isn't that what we all want, a return to The Good Old Days?  Mom on little yellow pills and dad lit on whiskey, and the kids out smoking shit and fucking everything they can catch?  By gum, if the 1950s were good enough for Charles Starkweather, it's good enough for us, right?

You and me, our needs are simple.  We are simple people.  We want a bucket of lard and a Coors Lite, and maybe someone different around, when we need to stomp someone.  We want our TV shows and our sordid little affairs on the side.  We want someone to explain our political and religious beliefs to us, so we don't have to think about it too much.  We want piggie sex and piggie food and piggie little lives, because the world is tough enough as it is, and introspection is just a little too much to expect after a long workday at the widget plant.

We want mandatory patriotism.  We want to support the troops, and we want Jesus on our side when we beat the hell out of anyone who questions just exactly what "support the troops" means.  We don't like hippies who think wrong things, bad things, and don't understand the menace to our lifestyle that is presented by those people walking.

We want a corner bar, where we can plant our asses on a stool and solve the world's problems through a haze of boiler makers.  We're jolly good fellows, then.  We're in our element, our natural habitat, and we all feel like the cast of Cheers, though some have had the poor manners to point out that what we really look like is a bunch of fat losers swilling shit beer and being loud and obnoxious.  They don't do that twice, though, because we're AMERICANS, and we have steel toe boots.

This is it.  This is what we like.  Move over asshole, and stop hogging up the trough.  And I don't care who you people are.

Or Kill Me. 

[Salty]

Well what the hell made those assholes think they should get in my way? I've got THINGS to take care of. I've got bills. Do you think my kids can live without their phones? Have you spoken to children recently? They're terrible, they say terrible things. They need to get the hell out of my way too.

Is it my fault if degenerates don't make the effort to get ahead of me? If they can't get the job done I'm sure someone else will. Really, I don't give a shit as long as shit gets done. But it doesn't. And who has to make sure everything is taken care of? Me. Sure I don't actually build anything or contribute to my own culture in any significant way. I'm not asking for much.

Just that everyone shuts up, leave me alone, and get on with their lives.

Now where the fuck is my mocha?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well what the hell made those assholes think they should get in my way? I've got THINGS to take care of. I've got bills. Do you think my kids can live without their phones? Have you spoken to children recently? They're terrible, they say terrible things. They need to get the hell out of my way too.

Is it my fault if degenerates don't make the effort to get ahead of me? If they can't get the job done I'm sure someone else will. Really, I don't give a shit as long as shit gets done. But it doesn't. And who has to make sure everything is taken care of? Me. Sure I don't actually build anything or contribute to my own culture in any significant way. I'm not asking for much.

Just that everyone shuts up, leave me alone, and get on with their lives.

Now where the fuck is my mocha?

And it better be made RIGHT.  There is NOTHING worse - no war in Africa, no tsumani/reactor disaster - that compares to some bent-knees FUCKWAD who makes my mocha/latte/cappacino wrong.

It ruins your whole fucking day.

[Luna]

What do you mean, you won't break the rules for me? I'm SPECIAL, god damn it!  I don't care that the deadline was Monday, I am turning this shit in on Wednesday, and expect it to be handled, and it better be fucking handled before that bitch in Department B's shit!  I don't care that her stuff was in on time, I OUTRANK her!

And that form that isn't due until next week?  I need it today, no, right NOW, I made an appointment for today and need it, and fuck you if you have other things to do, I am a SPECIAL, UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE, and demand special treatment!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What do you mean, you won't break the rules for me? I'm SPECIAL, god damn it!  I don't care that the deadline was Monday, I am turning this shit in on Wednesday, and expect it to be handled, and it better be fucking handled before that bitch in Department B's shit!  I don't care that her stuff was in on time, I OUTRANK her!

And that form that isn't due until next week?  I need it today, no, right NOW, I made an appointment for today and need it, and fuck you if you have other things to do, I am a SPECIAL, UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE, and demand special treatment!

Deadlines?  I know of no deadlines. I am here, where is my service?  I have SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES.  I was raised that way; I expect you to respect that.

[Luna]

What do you mean, you won't break the rules for me? I'm SPECIAL, god damn it!  I don't care that the deadline was Monday, I am turning this shit in on Wednesday, and expect it to be handled, and it better be fucking handled before that bitch in Department B's shit!  I don't care that her stuff was in on time, I OUTRANK her!

And that form that isn't due until next week?  I need it today, no, right NOW, I made an appointment for today and need it, and fuck you if you have other things to do, I am a SPECIAL, UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE, and demand special treatment!

Deadlines?  I know of no deadlines. I am here, where is my service?  I have SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES.  I was raised that way; I expect you to respect that.

A lack of planning on my part IS a fucking crisis on your part, and I will stand here shitting on your desk until you clean up my goddamn mess!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What do you mean, you won't break the rules for me? I'm SPECIAL, god damn it!  I don't care that the deadline was Monday, I am turning this shit in on Wednesday, and expect it to be handled, and it better be fucking handled before that bitch in Department B's shit!  I don't care that her stuff was in on time, I OUTRANK her!

And that form that isn't due until next week?  I need it today, no, right NOW, I made an appointment for today and need it, and fuck you if you have other things to do, I am a SPECIAL, UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE, and demand special treatment!

Deadlines?  I know of no deadlines. I am here, where is my service?  I have SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES.  I was raised that way; I expect you to respect that.

A lack of planning on my part IS a fucking crisis on your part, and I will stand here shitting on your desk until you clean up my goddamn mess!

I think an exception should be made in my case.  I need that passing grade/raise/paperwork, you see.  It's only a week late, and I have lots of things to keep track of. 

...

I want to talk to your manager.  I'll have your job for this inconvenience!

[Luna]

Waitafuckingminute!  That isn't what the sign says it would cost!

Nevermind that I asked for double meat, bacon, and went for a large combo instead o the medium, I won't pay!

[Sita]

I think an exception should be made in my case.  I need that passing grade/raise/paperwork, you see.  It's only a week late, and I have lots of things to keep track of. 

God that was my son last year. Thankfully him being made to repeat the grade this year made him realize that he has to actually do the work and won't be getting by anymore on sympathy and cuteness.

[Luna]

I think an exception should be made in my case.  I need that passing grade/raise/paperwork, you see.  It's only a week late, and I have lots of things to keep track of. 

God that was my son last year. Thankfully him being made to repeat the grade this year made him realize that he has to actually do the work and won't be getting by anymore on sympathy and cuteness.

Good.  People who think they can get by on looks or charisma give me fucking hives.

No, honey, you are NOT, in fact, the center of the goddamn universe.  Grow up.

[Sita]

What's sad is he's only 9.
Yes, by 9 years old the school had already put that into his head (because he sure didn't learn it from us).
I'm just hoping that they don't tell him that he will go to 4th this year whether he passes the FCAT or not. That way he actually does his best.

[Luna]

What's sad is he's only 9.
Yes, by 9 years old the school had already put that into his head (because he sure didn't learn it from us).
I'm just hoping that they don't tell him that he will go to 4th this year whether he passes the FCAT or not. That way he actually does his best.

Can you choose to hold him back, yourself?  That used to be an option, in some states, anyway.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What's sad is he's only 9.
Yes, by 9 years old the school had already put that into his head (because he sure didn't learn it from us).
I'm just hoping that they don't tell him that he will go to 4th this year whether he passes the FCAT or not. That way he actually does his best.

Can you choose to hold him back, yourself?  That used to be an option, in some states, anyway.

Unfortunately, that fucks the kid for YEARS.

Ask me why.

[BadBeast]

Waitafuckingminute!  That isn't what the sign says it would cost!

Nevermind that I asked for double meat, bacon, and went for a large combo instead o the medium, I won't pay!

Read the small print on the sign, people!

You'll eat the large combo, and then the medium, and then the complimentary but mandatory trip to the salad bar, and you'll smile all the way while you do so!
Any deviation will result in consequences! Never mind what the sign says, that's just put there to lure the unwary through the door. And you really should have known better!

So eat, smile through your rising gorge, and swallow that fucker down reaaal good! You've no business complaining, you're only going to shit the whole lot out again in an hour or two, so comply!
Smile, pay, leave a tip, then fuck off!

You're table will still be here when you return. And you'll always return. Lack of nutrition will bring you all back for moar and moar! People have been known to die from malnourishment whilst stuffing these double dinger big fat greedy bastard burgers down their neckholes,  and you don't want to die, do you? So EAT FASTER! EAT MORE! Do you think I'm doing this out of some perverse sense of altruism?
Do I look like a fucking SAINT? No! I'm just the poor sap who has to help society consume it's own faeces! See this shovel? This bucket? Right! Open wide . . . . . . consume! Consume until it's all gone! Then make some more, right?  . . . . . . . NEXT!

[Luna]

What's sad is he's only 9.
Yes, by 9 years old the school had already put that into his head (because he sure didn't learn it from us).
I'm just hoping that they don't tell him that he will go to 4th this year whether he passes the FCAT or not. That way he actually does his best.

Can you choose to hold him back, yourself?  That used to be an option, in some states, anyway.

Unfortunately, that fucks the kid for YEARS.

Ask me why.

Hrm. My faith in summer school is small enough not to mention.

What do, other than sit on him while he does homework plus extra mom-assigned schooltype work?