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Luna's Adventures in Payroll

Started by Luna, March 22, 2011, 12:48:51 PM

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Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: Luna on August 23, 2011, 07:20:24 PM
Quote from: Jenne on August 23, 2011, 07:18:41 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 23, 2011, 06:35:55 PM
Quote from: Luna on August 23, 2011, 01:42:32 PM
They do not pay me enough for this shit.

This week (first week the teachers get paid), I have discovered 15 people who would have been paid who no longer work here.

FIFTEEN.

I should get a fucking bonus.

You should. Tell them that.

AGREED.

Boss here knows.  I am from a temp agency, though, which means he has zero control over how I am paid.

He can pass it up the line, though. Or at least give you a letter for your file at the temp agency. "A++, would temp-hire again!"
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Luna

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 24, 2011, 04:41:04 AM
Quote from: Luna on August 23, 2011, 07:20:24 PM
Quote from: Jenne on August 23, 2011, 07:18:41 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 23, 2011, 06:35:55 PM
Quote from: Luna on August 23, 2011, 01:42:32 PM
They do not pay me enough for this shit.

This week (first week the teachers get paid), I have discovered 15 people who would have been paid who no longer work here.

FIFTEEN.

I should get a fucking bonus.

You should. Tell them that.

AGREED.

Boss here knows.  I am from a temp agency, though, which means he has zero control over how I am paid.

He can pass it up the line, though. Or at least give you a letter for your file at the temp agency. "A++, would temp-hire again!"

Yep, that'd be useful.  The feedback I'm getting through the actual boss has been good, anyway.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Luna

Me to Useless HR Chick:  (Name) went from salaried to part time hourly, the new rate and GL number to charge her to aren't in the system.

UHRC:  Do you need those?

Me:    :whack:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: Luna on August 24, 2011, 04:05:46 PM
Me to Useless HR Chick:  (Name) went from salaried to part time hourly, the new rate and GL number to charge her to aren't in the system.

UHRC:  Do you need those?

Me:    :whack:

O.o I'm so sorry.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Luna

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 24, 2011, 07:05:25 PM
Quote from: Luna on August 24, 2011, 04:05:46 PM
Me to Useless HR Chick:  (Name) went from salaried to part time hourly, the new rate and GL number to charge her to aren't in the system.

UHRC:  Do you need those?

Me:    :whack:

O.o I'm so sorry.

The person I am replacing did this job for over 20 years.  She helped set up the existing system.  Tell her "part time secretary at the high school" and she could rattle off the correct pay rate and the GL number (32 digits) from memory.  She taught UHRC to be useless.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: Luna on August 24, 2011, 07:17:45 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 24, 2011, 07:05:25 PM
Quote from: Luna on August 24, 2011, 04:05:46 PM
Me to Useless HR Chick:  (Name) went from salaried to part time hourly, the new rate and GL number to charge her to aren't in the system.

UHRC:  Do you need those?

Me:    :whack:

O.o I'm so sorry.

The person I am replacing did this job for over 20 years.  She helped set up the existing system.  Tell her "part time secretary at the high school" and she could rattle off the correct pay rate and the GL number (32 digits) from memory.  She taught UHRC to be useless.

Sounds like a great story for a series called "When Awesome and Fail Collide".
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Luna

Awesome gets a freakin' migrane...
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Luna

Rereading this thread fills me with  :horrormirth:.

I've been quiet lately because I am supposed to get the hell out of this temp job, and am training my replacement.  She was hired for 24 hours a week and has no practical payroll experience, or tact, or sense.

They want me to implement a swap from in house payroll processing to ADP (a payroll processing company), so this will work.

It won't.

They are fucked, and I have decided that it ain't my problem.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Placid Dingo

Fair enough. Sometimes you have to end up at that point.
Haven't paid rent since 2014 with ONE WEIRD TRICK.

Luna

I was originally told that this new hire had "extensive" payroll experience.  Then it was, "well, no ACTUAL payroll experience, but she was in Human Resources."  No...  She was in "Mergers and Acquisitions."  I saw her resume, she has exactly no experience in HR or Payroll.  You can tell, by the fact that she, without consulting anybody, grabbed a whole payroll register (containing, among other such data useless to ANYBODY), full names, unredacted social security numbers, home addresses, birth dates, and salary, shoved it in her bag, and TOOK IT HOME WITH HER. 

The fit I pitched at her boss didn't even raise an eyebrow, he just said he'd let her know "how personal the information was."

:aaa:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cainad (dec.)

Quote from: Luna on February 04, 2012, 02:36:58 PM
I was originally told that this new hire had "extensive" payroll experience.  Then it was, "well, no ACTUAL payroll experience, but she was in Human Resources."  No...  She was in "Mergers and Acquisitions."  I saw her resume, she has exactly no experience in HR or Payroll.  You can tell, by the fact that she, without consulting anybody, grabbed a whole payroll register (containing, among other such data useless to ANYBODY), full names, unredacted social security numbers, home addresses, birth dates, and salary, shoved it in her bag, and TOOK IT HOME WITH HER. 

The fit I pitched at her boss didn't even raise an eyebrow, he just said he'd let her know "how personal the information was."

:aaa:

:eek:

That's... um...

sort of criminally incompetent, isn't it?

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Luna on February 04, 2012, 02:36:58 PM
I was originally told that this new hire had "extensive" payroll experience.  Then it was, "well, no ACTUAL payroll experience, but she was in Human Resources."  No...  She was in "Mergers and Acquisitions."  I saw her resume, she has exactly no experience in HR or Payroll.  You can tell, by the fact that she, without consulting anybody, grabbed a whole payroll register (containing, among other such data useless to ANYBODY), full names, unredacted social security numbers, home addresses, birth dates, and salary, shoved it in her bag, and TOOK IT HOME WITH HER. 

The fit I pitched at her boss didn't even raise an eyebrow, he just said he'd let her know "how personal the information was."

:aaa:

WOW.

I'm glad you're getting the hell out of there. Can you even imagine the legal fallout if her purse got stolen?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Luna

Quote from: Nigel on February 04, 2012, 04:14:39 PM
Quote from: Luna on February 04, 2012, 02:36:58 PM
I was originally told that this new hire had "extensive" payroll experience.  Then it was, "well, no ACTUAL payroll experience, but she was in Human Resources."  No...  She was in "Mergers and Acquisitions."  I saw her resume, she has exactly no experience in HR or Payroll.  You can tell, by the fact that she, without consulting anybody, grabbed a whole payroll register (containing, among other such data useless to ANYBODY), full names, unredacted social security numbers, home addresses, birth dates, and salary, shoved it in her bag, and TOOK IT HOME WITH HER. 

The fit I pitched at her boss didn't even raise an eyebrow, he just said he'd let her know "how personal the information was."

:aaa:

WOW.

I'm glad you're getting the hell out of there. Can you even imagine the legal fallout if her purse got stolen?

Yes.  I can.

Letters to every employee involved, saying, "we were careless, and you live the rest of your life in fear of identity theft."  Legal bills.  The unions going (properly) batshit.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Juana

Jesus fuck. How do you not know not to take that kind of shit home?
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Luna

Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on February 04, 2012, 08:04:26 PM
Jesus fuck. How do you not know not to take that kind of shit home?

Beats the everloving hell out of me.  I presume it's because she hasn't worked in the past ten years, due to being a stay-at-home mom.    She is, I note, a friend of one of the administrators, which is how I presume she got the job, given that there were 26 applications, two interviews, and the one person they interviewed already works in the office, had been told she would be the first candidate for the job, and has seven years of experience doing payroll, WITH the system we are switching over to using.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."