TGRR Being Deceased, Coyote is Our New Spiritual Advisor

[Doktor Howl]

Discordians with questions of a religious or philosophic nature, or in need of instruction on how to live a better life, are requested to direct their inquiries to the new Religio-Philosophic Instructor of Discordianism, Sri Jai Ma Coyote Avadhut. 

He is an expert on Islam because he read a book about it once.  He is an expert on Buddhism because he heard a hippie tell a zen story once, the one zen story that hippies know, and it really enhanced his awareness of how people don't act the way he thinks they ought to act.  He is an expert on Hinduism because he has a copy of The Higher Taste that a Hare Krishna gave him at the airport and he really wants to try one of those recipes sometime. 

He is an expert on Wicca because he has a little tin box with a picture of the moon on the lid that he keeps his drugs and a couple of old wheat back pennies in, and he bought it at that weird store at the mall that sells candles and tarot cards and that one girl that works there calls herself Morticia Darkness and says she's a real witch. 

He is an expert on Shinto and the New Religions because he used to have some Hello Kitty stickers that smelled like strawberry but he can't find them now, though they must be in his house somewhere.  He is an expert on all aspects of Chinese Philosophy including Mohism, Neo-Mohism, and Eclectic Siniticism because he tried to watch that movie Raise the Red Lantern once because she heard it was like a Chinese Gone With the Wind and he liked Gone With the Wind - all those pretty dresses! - but he fell asleep in the middle of it, Raise the Red Lantern I mean, and when he woke up the CD was over and he'd lost his place.

You can count on him to have all the answers, you bet.

Okay for now,
Dok

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Dear your holiness,

how do i please melek taus and be a better yazidi?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Speaking as jewish zoroastrian of course.

[navkat]

This is bullshit. I want TGRR.

-navKat
(Has a clip of silver 9mms somewhere around here...)*










*Dear Prescot Bush Family, Obama and DHS: This is a joke. I am not making a threat, nor am I a "homegrown terriss." It's still #freespeech to make jokes in this country as long as I don't wanna "blank @MichelleBachman up the blank with a blank," right?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

And then there were drones in the bayou.

Navkat will be missed. My guru coyote would you care to give a benediction for the lady who distracted you from your guard duties in that womp i did?

[navkat]

I was in a WOMP?

I have ADD-PI which means I don't read all of the freads all of the times and I lose track of what is the fuck a lot because I start to get all riled up, write half a rant and then my brain goes "Okay, I'm done. I'm gonna go check facebook and then look at pr0n for a bit."

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yep. I forget where it is but it happened within the last two months and im pretty sure it wasnt in wompertainment. It was in a thread about how rogers brain was messing with him and was telling him people were plotting against him. With my womp i confirmed that his fears were absolutely true.

[navkat]

OMG please find/repost/link! I would love to see WOMP about navKat.

[Doktor Howl]

I'm just going to stop making threads for a while.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Wont be able to bump thread till i get home- but that will be in a couple of hours.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Sorry dok. I am waiting for coyotes advice.

[Don Coyote]

Now now, Oh Children of the Fold. The Good Doktor does me too little kindness. While I know some of you may question the endorsment of my Spiritualosity^TM by a Man of SCIENCE!!^TM, and I know even more of you are wondering how exactly I plan on filling our poor deceased Reverend. I employ you all to do the Right things and let me do all your thinking.

It is for the children.

Also, I filled his shoes with poop, I am a coyote after all.

Dear your holiness,

how do i please melek taus and be a better yazidi?

Speaking as jewish zoroastrian of course.

First you must procure a fifth of whiskey. Bourbon is acceptable, but only on alternate Aprils. You must then bless it by concussing your forehead with the bottle until you attain a state of oneness with the bottle. Then you must anoint your eyes, first the left then the right, with a shot of whiskey each, then your testicles and finally your armpits. Finally, you must shed your robes, you do have the proper robes right, and spin at acute angels to the rotation of the Earth, while drinking the whiskey straight from the bottle.

That is of course is only to instill the proper amount of holiness to be allowed to bless the altar to Giant Peacock. Of which you shall build where so ever you expell the demons that have exorcised from your bowels by that aforementioned holy rite.

[navkat]

I'm just going to stop making threads for a while.

I was just about to post "We're fucking up." in re: to this threadjack.

Sorry. This is about how some canine bit TGRR in the leg and needs to be confined to a dogrun for awhiles righ...?

[Don Coyote]

And then there were drones in the bayou.

Navkat will be missed. My guru coyote would you care to give a benediction for the lady who distracted you from your guard duties in that womp i did?

She must do the rites of penance first. 125 squat thrusts with a hammer in her left hand and power drill in the other. Only then will she be the fraction of purity needed to receive a benediction.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

And i get a month preparation for it too! Huzzah! Namaste llamaful one.