LMNO, Patron Saint of Cubicle Warriors

[Doktor Howl]

LMNO sits quietly in the cool, filtered air of the company board room, a seemingly passive spectator to market dictators and thieves.  But what they don't know is, LMNO has learned where the levers are.  He knows what makes shit work...Or not work.  These suits think they know; to say it is as good as it being done, for they have The Machine™. 

But The Machine™ is the sum of its parts, and when a gearbox clutch mysteriosly fails to engage, they'll be looking at the gearbox itself, because they while they understand the concept of how it works, they do not understand the nuts & bolts realities.

What they DON'T know is that the clutch is a Big Gay Cowboy, and - while he wears all the right clothes and says all the right things - he is not on their side.  He is the intermittent glitch, the untrackable balls-up of the sort that drives electricians nuts on more literal machines.

He is the twitch in the boogie, the sand in the gears, the weird memo whose author nobody can seem to track down.

But they see the corporate smile, the firm handshake, the cool head during a crisis.  He's the go-to guy when things go upside down...Hardly surprising, because he's the guy who moved all of the ballast to the starboard side in the first place.

Nobody quite understands what LMNO does for a living.  You ask him, he tells you that he makes money go from here to there.  You ask if he runs transfers, and he just laughs and says you don't have the knowledge to learn the knowledge to understand what he does (he has a king-sized imposter complex about it, he thinks anyone could do it, but A) you'll never get him to admit it, and B) he's wrong.  All his bosses know is that they know how the system works:  LMNO takes care of it.

He is the Simon Moon of this reality.  He runs The Beast, though I do not claim to understand even what The Beast IS or DOES.  I do know that The Beast has a diet of information, into which LMNO slips little bitty changes that LOOK right, but AREN'T quite right.

He has performed miracles.  He has turned lunch time into beer, in front of many admiring witnesses, including myself.  He has turned Saturday Night™ from TV watching to howling at the moon parties, with fabulous freaks and the real spirit of the Mardi Gras.  He has faith-repaired the office coffee pot.

Observing LMNO's Holy Day - May 23rd - involves hanging out with perverts and drinking cocktails.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I approve of this cultus. I see may 23 is a wednesday. I can do something after work. Ill have to bring a collection of perverts together as i would not trouble the saint on his own feast day.

[Doktor Howl]

It is said that every new executive is required to have lunch with LMNO.  Nobody knows what exactly they talk about, but the executive comes away from the meeting with his faith in capitalism severely shaken, and muttering things about Dallas, Texas, and some guy named "Zapruder".

[AFK]

Fabulous Hat Friday is everyday.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Bump.

[LMNO]

Hells yeah.


AND YA DON'T STOP!