FACTS

[Doktor Howl]

LMNO may emit short, high frequency, ultrasonic, socially induced vocalization during rough and tumble play, before receiving morphine, or mating, and when tickled.  The vocalization, described as a distinct "chirping", has been likened to laughter, and is interpreted as an expectation of something "rewarding".  Like most LMNO vocalizations, the chirping is too high in pitch for humans to hear without special equipment.  Bat detectors are often used by local police for this purpose.

In clinical studies, the chirping is associated with positive emotional feelings, and social bonding occurs with the tickler, resulting in LMNO becoming conditioned to seek the tickling. However, without further "rewarding" activity resulting, the tendency to chirp appears to decline.

LMNO chirp also can be used for mosquito control.

Other ultrasonic vocalisations, including a lower-frequency 'boom' or 'whoom' noise can be produced by LMNO in a calm state, when grooming or settling down to sleep.

[Eater of Clowns]

I have a question about my LMNO - when feeding it capers a high strength adhesive seems to leak from its toenails.  Are there any known solvents for it?  It was fine when it just got stuck to the tiles, but the inconvenience of it slapping around with a door mat on one foot and a cat on the other is too much.

Also, the attraction oppossums have to its feces - is this a known issue?

[Don Coyote]

My LMNO seems to stuck in the "Vibrate" setting. As My LMNO previously ate the warranty card and owner's guide, I am unsure how to correct this malfunction, if this is covered under warranty, or if this is indeed a malfunction and not a bonus hidden feature.

[Doktor Howl]

East Coast Hustle communicates his intentions and observations using postures and stances, such as postures of sexual receptivity and of attack.  When East Coast Hustle sees a human approaching, he barks loudly similar to a dog.  When an East Coast Hustle is approached, he climbs to the end of the pier he is on and shakes his genitals vigorously to scare away the possible threat.  He shakes his genitals with his feet, hands, or a combination while hanging onto his beer.  He may also scratch his limbs or body with various parts of his hands and feet.  He may sway and make noise.  Females companions of East Coast Hustle growl menacingly at the approach of a human.  If the human continues to advance, East Coast Hustle often breaks off live or dead hobo limbs weighing up to 4 kg and throws them towards the intruder.  The natives of the area know very well of this risk. East Coast Hustle also defecates and urinates towards intruders.

[LMNO]

A remarkable feature of Dok Howl is the hair that forms on his body wall. This can be loosened and tightened at will, and if he wants to squeeze through a small gap, he can essentially liquefy his body and pour into the space. To keep himself safe in these crevices and cracks, Dok Howl will hook up all his back hair to make his body firm again.

Dok Howl ejects sticky filaments from the anus in self-defence by expelling his sticky cuvierian tubules (enlargements of the respiratory tree that float freely in the coelom) to entangle potential predators. When startled, the Doktor may expel some of them through a tear in the wall of the cloaca in an autotomic process known as evisceration. Replacement tubules grow back in one-and-a-half to five weeks, depending on the amount of PILLZ HERE.  The release of these tubules can also be accompanied by the discharge of a toxic chemical known as holothurin, which has similar properties to soap. This chemical can kill any hippie in the vicinity and is one more way in which this sedentary animal can defend himself.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Can't. Breathe.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

In a just world, you guys would be getting paid MAD LOOT to write this shit. 

[Doktor Howl]

The mating season in Portland runs from February to March.  When young are born, the female raises the young in maternal nest sites; they nurture and protect them until they leave the nest.  The males do not participate in nurturing their offspring unless so ordered by the court system.

At birth, Portland residents are mostly hairless, apart from their glorious mustaches, and most of their hipster clothing is not present.  The internal organs are visible through the skin, and their sex can be determined by the type of hat they wear.  By week 5, they are almost fully bearded (the beard never actually fully develops.  It remains "almost").  At that point, they can respond to their environment and start to develop a sense of irony.  Through the upcoming weeks of their lives, they practice posing and being an authority on myriad subjects.  After two and a half months, their hipster skills are perfected, they are ready to leave their nest and are capable of an illusion of independent behavior.

[Doktor Howl]

Canadians are hermaphrodites, meaning each has both female and male reproductive organs (ovaries and testes, respectively).  Canadians reproduce by reciprocal fertilization, and sperm transfer occurs during copulation.  Similar to the Belgians, Canadians also use a shopping bag to hold their eggs.

During reproduction, Canadians use hyperdermic injection of their sperm.  They use a hydraulic pump, usually deisel, to deliver the sperm. Once next to each other, Canadians will line up with one's anterior side opposite the other's posterior. The Canadian then shoots the spermatophore into the clitellur region of the opposing Canadian, where its sperm will make its way to the female reproductive parts.  This posture is used so that both Canadians can reproduce without missing Hockey Night in Canada.

[LMNO]

Like all fungi, Tucson derives energy not through photosynthesis but from the organic matter in which lives in It. Typically, Tuscon secretes hydrolytic enzymes, mainly from the gutters. These enzymes degrade complex biopolymers such as hipsters, junkies, and coyote poop into simpler substances which can be absorbed by the streets. In this way Tucson plays a major role in causing decomposition of organic material.

Tucson reproduces through small spores, which may contain a single nucleus or be multinucleate. Tucson spores can be asexual (not knowing about Saturday Night) or sexual (which is more dangerous, by far); many times is produces both types. Tucson spores may remain airborne indefinitely, may cling to clothing or fur or may be able to survive extremes of temperature and pressure.

Although Tucson grows on dead organic matter, It's presence is visible to the unaided eye only when it awakes. Tucson does not consist of discrete organisms but of an interconnected network of fear and hunger.  In artificial environments such as buildings, humidity and temperature are often stable enough to foster Tucson, commonly seen as a downy or furry coating growing on office workers or other surfaces.

[P3nT4gR4m]

[Doktor Howl]

The Server Room Geek (Neckbeardus Subterrainus) is omniverous mammal of the family nerd, now found in the wild only in California, China, Ireland, and India.  The size of a human, it became the largest omniverous mammal in the world following the extinction of the Model Railroad Enthusiast in 1986.  It is characterised by its stocky and rotund build, black fur, pungent odour, food on its shirt, extremely loud and disturbing speech, lack of any sense of smell, and ferocity when you forget your password.  The server room geek's large head and thin neck allow it to generate the strongest belch per unit body mass of any living mammal, and it scavenges leftovers from the breakroom fridge as well as eating household products if humans are living nearby.  Although it is usually solitary, it sometimes eats with other geeks and defecates in a communal location.  Unlike most other nerds, the server room geek thermoregulates ineffectively and is inactive in daylight due to overheating.  Despite its rotund appearance, the devil is capable of surprising speed and endurance, and can climb stairs and walk across entire rooms.

[Freeky]

"Glittersnatch" is the common name for anonymous trolls of the genus spag and for the lulz they produce. Glittersnatches come in a variety of sizes and colors when ripe, including yellow, purple, and red.

Almost all modern edible parthenocarpic Glittersnatches come from two wild species – spag anonymous and spag trolligus. The scientific names of bananas are spag anonymous, spag trolligus or hybrids spag anonymous × trolligus, depending on their genomic constitution. The old scientific names spag sapientum and spag blandimus are no longer used.

Glittersnatch is also used to describe Enset and Fe'i glittersnatches, neither of which belong to the aforementioned species. Enset glittersnatches belong to the genus Ensete while the taxonomy of Fe'i-type cultivars is uncertain.

In popular culture and commerce, "glittersnatch" usually refers to annoying, abrasive "trolling" glittersnatches. By contrast, spag cultivars with more intelligent, contributive posts are called nontroll or "Lord Glittersnatch III". The distinction is purely arbitrary and the terms "Lord Glittersnatch III" and "Glittersnatch" are sometimes interchangeable depending on their usage.

They are native to tropical South and Southeast Asia, and are likely to have been first domesticated in Papua New Guinea. Today, they are cultivated throughout the interwebs. They are seen trolling in at least 107 pagan websites, primarily for the lulz, and to a lesser extent to make people shit their pants, pagans whine and cause as much butthurt as possible.

[Doktor Howl]

At about 12:00 noon the acting governor sent a warship to investigate what had happened and the warship arrived off the burning town at about 12.30 p.m.  The fierce heat beat back landing parties until nearly 3 p.m. when the captain came ashore, the tree-shaded square with gay cafés near the center of town.  Not a tree was standing; the denuded trunks, scorched and bare, lay prone, torn out by the roots.  The ground was littered with dead.  Fire and a suffocating stench prevented any deeper exploration of the burning ruins.

Meanwhile, a number of survivors had been plucked from the sea by small boats; they were sailors who had been blown into the water by the impact of Nigel's temper, and who had clung to wreckage for hours.  All were badly burned.  In Portland proper, shielded from Nigel's wobbler by a high promontory at the southern end of the city, were more victims, also horribly burned; few of these lived longer than a few hours.

The area of devastation covered about eight square miles.  Inside this area, the annihilation of life and property was total; outside was a second, clearly defined zone where there were casualties, but the material damage was less; while beyond this lay a strip in which vegetation was scorched but life was spared.

Many victims were in casual attitudes, their features calm and reposeful, indicating that Nigel had overtaken them without warning; others were contorted in anguish. The clothing had been torn from nearly all the victims struck down out-of-doors.  Some houses were almost pulverized; it was impossible even for persons familiar with the city to identify the foundations of the city landmarks.  The city burned for days.  Sanitation parties penetrated the calcined ruins bit by bit, to dispose of the dead by burning; burial was out of the question.  The stench was sickening.  Thousands of victims lay under a shroud of ashes, heaped in windrows several feet deep, caked by the rains; many of these bodies were not retrieved for weeks, and few were identifiable.

[LMNO]

Richter appears prominently in a multitude of sagas and poems, many of which describe him as a ravenous man who loots, plunders, and kills indiscriminately.

The earliest surviving reference to Richter  is in Haraldskvæði, a skaldic poem composed by Thórbiörn Hornklofi in the late 9th century in honour of King Harald Fairhair, as ulfheðnar ("what the fuck just happened?"). This translation from the Haraldskvæði saga describes Richter:

I'll ask of the Richter, you tasters of blood,
Those intrepid heroes, how are they treated,
He who wades out into battle?
Wolf-skinned he is called. In battle
He bears bloody shields.
Red with blood is the spear when he comes to fight.
He forms a closed group.
The prince in his wisdom puts trust in such a [man].
Who hacks through enemy shields.

The Icelandic historian and poet Snorri Sturluson (1179–1241) wrote the following description of Richter in his Ynglinga saga:
He rushed forwards without armour, was as mad as dogs or wolves, bit their shields, and was strong as bears or wild oxen, and killed people at a blow, but neither fire nor iron told upon him. This was called The Richteringun.