Dear Cainad, You Ineffable Shitcocking Bastard.

[Doktor Howl]

YOU are a CRIMINAL!  If you continue to behave inappropriately in this manner the police will bring you to justice, and this is no threat but a warning!  How DARE you interfere in other peoples' lives?  Your
unfortunate neighbors must need lots of psychotherapy to deal with you!  I feel so sorry for your relatives!  They deserve better than you!  You are a jackass and a pervert!  Did you do too much acid at Burning Man or something?

YOU MAKE NO SENSE!

[Doktor Howl]

Well, since Cainad scared everyone away from posting, with his illogical and untrue accusations, I guess I'll log off and go try to wash the Satan out of my gentiles.

[Freeky]

Well, since Cainad scared everyone away from posting, with his illogical and untrue accusations, I guess I'll log off and go try to wash the Satan out of my gentiles.

[Juana]

CAINAD! WHAT DID YOU DO?

[Freeky]

Didn't you hear?  He was telling people Rick Perri was gay, man never went to the moon, and Obama is a Nigerian.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I can neither confirm nor deny allegations of using pseudolegal psyops tactics on valid test subjects.


However, to be perfectly frank, I'm not sure how you could expect any different from me. Ever since I was officially declared and recognized as an independent nation in my own right after The Big To-Do of 1993, infractions against my national sovereignty have been ceaseless and entirely without reason. I have had no choice but to abide by my own foreign policy, the details of which cannot actually be disclosed in print due to their n-dimensional nature.

Do you really think you can claim the moral high ground, when it was not so long ago that your people instigated an act of hostile conspiracy against the benevolent intervention of my allies, the Swamp Yankees?

[Doktor Howl]

Do you really think you can claim the moral high ground, when it was not so long ago that your people instigated an act of hostile conspiracy against the benevolent intervention of my allies, the Swamp Yankees?

You bastards had it coming.  How fucking long did you expect that we'd put up with half your "people" being unnecessarily Italian, and the other half being Irish in Public?

Not to mention your unwarranted aggression towards Wisconsin.  The Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha will never be the same, YOU FUCKING BARBARIANS!

[Cainad (dec.)]

Just to demonstrate that I am not to be fucked with so lightly, allow me to divulge some... sensitive information as a preview.

In 2006, Dok Howl and an unknown number of companions traveled to various locations in redneck areas of the United States, including Pennsylvania, Maine, and New Hampshire, and introduced the locals to a bizarre "dessert" concoction that could only have been thought up by a researcher of Howl's caliber. The "Whoopie Pie" was introduced under the guise of a "local creation" in several locations simultaneously, in an insidious attempt to divide and conquer the Northeast over a completely retarded controversy.

You won't get ahold of all our water so easily, highlanders!

[Cainad (dec.)]

Didn't you hear?  He was telling people Rick Perri was gay, man never went to the moon, and Obama is a Nigerian.

To be fair, Nigeria did pay me an awful lot for that one.

[Doktor Howl]

In 2006, Dok Howl and an unknown number of companions traveled to various locations in redneck areas of the United States, including Pennsylvania, Maine, and New Hampshire, and introduced the locals to a bizarre "dessert" concoction that could only have been thought up by a researcher of Howl's caliber. The "Whoopie Pie" was introduced under the guise of a "local creation" in several locations simultaneously, in an insidious attempt to divide and conquer the Northeast over a completely retarded controversy.

You can't prove a fucking thing.  I was never in the swamps during that time period.  I have dozens of witnesses that will testify that I was beating protection money out of snowbirds for that whole year.

[Freeky]

Whoopie Pie even sounds disgusting.

Didn't you hear?  He was telling people Rick Perri was gay, man never went to the moon, and Obam  a is a Nigerian.

To be fair, Nigeria did pay me an awful lot for that one.

That's no excuse!  It'd be one thing to say he's a Kenyan, but Nigerian?  Come on.  I don't even know how that works.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Do you really think you can claim the moral high ground, when it was not so long ago that your people instigated an act of hostile conspiracy against the benevolent intervention of my allies, the Swamp Yankees?

You bastards had it coming.  How fucking long did you expect that we'd put up with half your "people" being unnecessarily Italian, and the other half being Irish in Public?

Not to mention your unwarranted aggression towards Wisconsin.  The Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha will never be the same, YOU FUCKING BARBARIANS!

The Irish and Italians are an unfortunate consequence to be sure, but one must choose the lesser of infinite evils. You don't see MY flock digging up old Native American bits, do you?

And if Wisconsin would stop oppressing us by refusing to open up favorable trade agreements for their cheese, this sort of thing wouldn't happen. We did what we had to do in the name of Baby Jesus.

In 2006, Dok Howl and an unknown number of companions traveled to various locations in redneck areas of the United States, including Pennsylvania, Maine, and New Hampshire, and introduced the locals to a bizarre "dessert" concoction that could only have been thought up by a researcher of Howl's caliber. The "Whoopie Pie" was introduced under the guise of a "local creation" in several locations simultaneously, in an insidious attempt to divide and conquer the Northeast over a completely retarded controversy.

You can't prove a fucking thing.  I was never in the swamps during that time period.  I have dozens of witnesses that will testify that I was beating protection money out of snowbirds for that whole year.

Oh sure, you might be safe now. Just wait until that little trick you do involving time zones comes to light.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Whoopie Pie even sounds disgusting.

Didn't you hear?  He was telling people Rick Perri was gay, man never went to the moon, and Obam  a is a Nigerian.

To be fair, Nigeria did pay me an awful lot for that one.

That's no excuse!  It'd be one thing to say he's a Kenyan, but Nigerian?  Come on.  I don't even know how that works.

You show me a Teabagger that knows the difference, and I'll take it all back with sincere apologies.

[Freeky]

Whoopie Pie even sounds disgusting.

Didn't you hear?  He was telling people Rick Perri was gay, man never went to the moon, and Obam  a is a Nigerian.

To be fair, Nigeria did pay me an awful lot for that one.

That's no excuse!  It'd be one thing to say he's a Kenyan, but Nigerian?  Come on.  I don't even know how that works.

You show me a Teabagger that knows the difference, and I'll take it all back with sincere apologies.

  You son of a bitch, you know I can't do that.

[Doktor Howl]

Do you really think you can claim the moral high ground, when it was not so long ago that your people instigated an act of hostile conspiracy against the benevolent intervention of my allies, the Swamp Yankees?

You bastards had it coming.  How fucking long did you expect that we'd put up with half your "people" being unnecessarily Italian, and the other half being Irish in Public?

Not to mention your unwarranted aggression towards Wisconsin.  The Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha will never be the same, YOU FUCKING BARBARIANS!

The Irish and Italians are an unfortunate consequence to be sure, but one must choose the lesser of infinite evils. You don't see MY flock digging up old Native American bits, do you?

That's a low blow, Cainad.  Did you see me holding you responsible for New Jersey Polish people?

And if Wisconsin would stop oppressing us by refusing to open up favorable trade agreements for their cheese, this sort of thing wouldn't happen. We did what we had to do in the name of Baby Jesus.

You People don't NEED cheese.  You have that sliced stuff that goes from yellow to orange when you leave it in the fridge too long.  You lack the glands to appreciate the real stuff.

In 2006, Dok Howl and an unknown number of companions traveled to various locations in redneck areas of the United States, including Pennsylvania, Maine, and New Hampshire, and introduced the locals to a bizarre "dessert" concoction that could only have been thought up by a researcher of Howl's caliber. The "Whoopie Pie" was introduced under the guise of a "local creation" in several locations simultaneously, in an insidious attempt to divide and conquer the Northeast over a completely retarded controversy.

You can't prove a fucking thing.  I was never in the swamps during that time period.  I have dozens of witnesses that will testify that I was beating protection money out of snowbirds for that whole year.

Oh sure, you might be safe now. Just wait until that little trick you do involving time zones comes to light.

It's not my fault you guys move your time back and forth twice a year.