Why You Are a Dumbfuck, America.

[Doktor Howl]

I try to build in self-deprication in such a way to remind myself that even though I often walk on two feet, I am still a big-brained monkey.

Not me.  Realism, maybe.  I'm over 40, I've been in better shape, and I'll never be the guy I was when I was 22.

But I'm still the sexiest, smartest princess in Tucson, Goddammit.  I look in the mirror every morning while I'm hacking off the last day's growth, and I KNOW this.  I see no flaws not because I am fooling myself, but because there aren't any.  Then I get stuck and my wife has to slap me around to bring me back to Earth, before I'm late for work.

[Dimocritus]

I've been troubled with this lately.

So many people fiercly defending their own right to stupidity (or even a right to take advantage of someone elses stupidity). So many people who think that their right to have "beliefs" and "opinions" equates to those beliefs and opinions being as equally valid as all other beliefs and opinions.

But you can't talk to them, the more you try to convince, the tighter they hold on to what they have (there's a term for this, what is it?)

I honestly wouldn't give a shit, if it weren't for the fact that stupid people aren't aware that they are stupid, and make more stupid people, who make more stupid decisions that lead to more stupid actions that make my life, and others, more difficult.

But you can't TEACH them anything. And you certainly can't FIST-FIGHT Stupid.

What the fuck to do? LIVE IN CAVE?! And even then, global issues are a bitch, especially with all the dumb-asses in the driver's seat. FUCK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

FIND A GOOD SEAT TO SEE IT ALL GO DOWN THE SHITTER! (this is an "iquisitive statement")

The fuck... Fuck...

*ahem

sorry...

[Doktor Howl]

(there's a term for this, what is it?)

DUMBFUCK.

[Doktor Howl]

And, yeah, the average American po'bucker attitude towards being fucked can be explained like this:

I kick you in the junk hard enough to knock you out.  When you wake up, I explain that LMNO did it, and that we'll fix that bastard, yes we will.  Only you have to first close your eyes and stand with your feet apart.  You do that, and I kick you again.  Rinse, repeat.

The difference is, after the second time I did it, you'd be cutting me into pieces like Scarface did to that one dude in the chainsaw fight scene, and the po'bucker will just hold his nuts and wail his hatred for LMNO no matter how many times I kick him.

[Dimocritus]

And, yeah, the average American po'bucker attitude towards being fucked can be explained like this:

I kick you in the junk hard enough to knock you out.  When you wake up, I explain that LMNO did it, and that we'll fix that bastard, yes we will.  Only you have to first close your eyes and stand with your feet apart.  You do that, and I kick you again.  Rinse, repeat.

The difference is, after the second time I did it, you'd be cutting me into pieces like Scarface did to that one dude in the chainsaw fight scene, and the po'bucker will just hold his nuts and wail his hatred for LMNO no matter how many times I kick him.

Sometimes I hate this place...

The only explanation, so far as I can see, is that there is a god, and he hates us all.

[Doktor Howl]

And, yeah, the average American po'bucker attitude towards being fucked can be explained like this:

I kick you in the junk hard enough to knock you out.  When you wake up, I explain that LMNO did it, and that we'll fix that bastard, yes we will.  Only you have to first close your eyes and stand with your feet apart.  You do that, and I kick you again.  Rinse, repeat.

The difference is, after the second time I did it, you'd be cutting me into pieces like Scarface did to that one dude in the chainsaw fight scene, and the po'bucker will just hold his nuts and wail his hatred for LMNO no matter how many times I kick him.

Sometimes I hate this place...

The only explanation, so far as I can see, is that there is a god, and he hates us all.

I've been saying that for YEARS.

Also, why "this place"?  It doesn't matter where you go, because the problem isn't with states or countries or even a colony on fucking MARS, the problem is PEOPLE and their REFUSAL to use that 7 pounds of grey shit that God gave them.  He knew that would happen, of course...He gave people just enough brains to think, but not enough brains to WANT to think.

That doesn't punish the po'buckers, though.  It punishes those of us uppity jackasses who like thinking anyway.  I bet when you astronomy geeks finally map all the visible stars, they'll print out "HOW YA LIKE THAT, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MONKEYS?"

[Doktor Howl]

39.  "Getting a friend's attention" by shitting on them gets you the attention, but not the friend.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

You are a dumbfuck because you either have no perspective to begin with, having been raised in some sort of squirrely environment by Christians or White Power yahoos.  Or Maybe you're a tragically hip 40 year old...And you think your intellect is so vast, it gives you carte blanche to hit on 18 year olds in the hot tub and grin as if that's SO COOL, MAN.  Even in a $600 suit with 40 terabytes of hubris in the liner, you are still a dumbfuck.

Its like Bill Hicks' great bit....

A waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama walked up to my booth as I was checking out this book and said 'What are you reading for?' Not 'What are you reading?,' but what FOR.  I said "Well, sometimes I read for pleasure and sometimes for information, but mostly I read so I don't wind up as a waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama!"

That waitress is part of the backbone of This Great Nation: dumbfucks.

On one "side," you have Fifers and Seguin-ers of various sorts and on the other, wannabe-savvy, self-important scenesters who hate the Fifers so much, they behave like their mirror opposites in a perverse bid NOT to be like them.  They end up not 180 degrees diffferent, but 360 degrees the SAME, in REVERSE.  This is why you are a dumbfuck.  I can lord this over you because I am NOT a dumbfuck, merely a part-time shithead and you should listen to me 'cause my name is Doktor Howl, and brother, I been AROUND.

Discuss as you kiss my Goddamn ass and SHUT UP.

Okay for now,
Dok

The juxtaposition of a Holy Man like Bill Hicks with Seguin-ers, along with the warning to avoid the 360 degree thing is giving me a frantic urge to go through my brain with a fine tooth comb and throw a lot of shit out. LOL but scary stuff.

[Doktor Howl]

You are a dumbfuck because you either have no perspective to begin with, having been raised in some sort of squirrely environment by Christians or White Power yahoos.  Or Maybe you're a tragically hip 40 year old...And you think your intellect is so vast, it gives you carte blanche to hit on 18 year olds in the hot tub and grin as if that's SO COOL, MAN.  Even in a $600 suit with 40 terabytes of hubris in the liner, you are still a dumbfuck.

Its like Bill Hicks' great bit....

A waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama walked up to my booth as I was checking out this book and said 'What are you reading for?' Not 'What are you reading?,' but what FOR.  I said "Well, sometimes I read for pleasure and sometimes for information, but mostly I read so I don't wind up as a waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama!"

That waitress is part of the backbone of This Great Nation: dumbfucks.

On one "side," you have Fifers and Seguin-ers of various sorts and on the other, wannabe-savvy, self-important scenesters who hate the Fifers so much, they behave like their mirror opposites in a perverse bid NOT to be like them.  They end up not 180 degrees diffferent, but 360 degrees the SAME, in REVERSE.  This is why you are a dumbfuck.  I can lord this over you because I am NOT a dumbfuck, merely a part-time shithead and you should listen to me 'cause my name is Doktor Howl, and brother, I been AROUND.

Discuss as you kiss my Goddamn ass and SHUT UP.

Okay for now,
Dok

The juxtaposition of a Holy Man like Bill Hicks with Seguin-ers, along with the warning to avoid the 360 degree thing is giving me a frantic urge to go through my brain with a fine tooth comb and throw a lot of shit out. LOL but scary stuff.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between YOU and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between ANYONE and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

[Cuddlefish]

And, yeah, the average American po'bucker attitude towards being fucked can be explained like this:

I kick you in the junk hard enough to knock you out.  When you wake up, I explain that LMNO did it, and that we'll fix that bastard, yes we will.  Only you have to first close your eyes and stand with your feet apart.  You do that, and I kick you again.  Rinse, repeat.

The difference is, after the second time I did it, you'd be cutting me into pieces like Scarface did to that one dude in the chainsaw fight scene, and the po'bucker will just hold his nuts and wail his hatred for LMNO no matter how many times I kick him.

Sometimes I hate this place...

The only explanation, so far as I can see, is that there is a god, and he hates us all.

I've been saying that for YEARS.

Also, why "this place"?  It doesn't matter where you go, because the problem isn't with states or countries or even a colony on fucking MARS, the problem is PEOPLE and their REFUSAL to use that 7 pounds of grey shit that God gave them.  He knew that would happen, of course...He gave people just enough brains to think, but not enough brains to WANT to think.

That doesn't punish the po'buckers, though.  It punishes those of us uppity jackasses who like thinking anyway.  I bet when you astronomy geeks finally map all the visible stars, they'll print out "HOW YA LIKE THAT, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE MONKEYS?"

Haha! At least that way, there would be a punchline.

And, by "this place" I meant reality.

[Cuddlefish]

Haha, the universe IS the longest running shaggy dog joke.

[Doktor Howl]

And, by "this place" I meant reality.

Well, there's always Paganism.  You could guard teh astral pillarz with the spags at Mysticwicks.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

You are a dumbfuck because you either have no perspective to begin with, having been raised in some sort of squirrely environment by Christians or White Power yahoos.  Or Maybe you're a tragically hip 40 year old...And you think your intellect is so vast, it gives you carte blanche to hit on 18 year olds in the hot tub and grin as if that's SO COOL, MAN.  Even in a $600 suit with 40 terabytes of hubris in the liner, you are still a dumbfuck.

Its like Bill Hicks' great bit....

A waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama walked up to my booth as I was checking out this book and said 'What are you reading for?' Not 'What are you reading?,' but what FOR.  I said "Well, sometimes I read for pleasure and sometimes for information, but mostly I read so I don't wind up as a waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama!"

That waitress is part of the backbone of This Great Nation: dumbfucks.

On one "side," you have Fifers and Seguin-ers of various sorts and on the other, wannabe-savvy, self-important scenesters who hate the Fifers so much, they behave like their mirror opposites in a perverse bid NOT to be like them.  They end up not 180 degrees diffferent, but 360 degrees the SAME, in REVERSE.  This is why you are a dumbfuck.  I can lord this over you because I am NOT a dumbfuck, merely a part-time shithead and you should listen to me 'cause my name is Doktor Howl, and brother, I been AROUND.

Discuss as you kiss my Goddamn ass and SHUT UP.

Okay for now,
Dok

The juxtaposition of a Holy Man like Bill Hicks with Seguin-ers, along with the warning to avoid the 360 degree thing is giving me a frantic urge to go through my brain with a fine tooth comb and throw a lot of shit out. LOL but scary stuff.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between YOU and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between ANYONE and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

From Wikipedia:
Born in Valdosta, Georgia, Bill Hicks was the son of Jim and Mary (Reese) Hicks and had two elder siblings: sister Lynn and brother Steve. The family lived in Florida, Alabama, and New Jersey, before settling in Houston, Texas when Hicks was seven. He was raised in the Southern Baptist faith, where he first began performing as a comedian for other children at Sunday School.

Bill Hicks SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE RESISTING THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

[Doktor Howl]

You are a dumbfuck because you either have no perspective to begin with, having been raised in some sort of squirrely environment by Christians or White Power yahoos.  Or Maybe you're a tragically hip 40 year old...And you think your intellect is so vast, it gives you carte blanche to hit on 18 year olds in the hot tub and grin as if that's SO COOL, MAN.  Even in a $600 suit with 40 terabytes of hubris in the liner, you are still a dumbfuck.

Its like Bill Hicks' great bit....

A waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama walked up to my booth as I was checking out this book and said 'What are you reading for?' Not 'What are you reading?,' but what FOR.  I said "Well, sometimes I read for pleasure and sometimes for information, but mostly I read so I don't wind up as a waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama!"

That waitress is part of the backbone of This Great Nation: dumbfucks.

On one "side," you have Fifers and Seguin-ers of various sorts and on the other, wannabe-savvy, self-important scenesters who hate the Fifers so much, they behave like their mirror opposites in a perverse bid NOT to be like them.  They end up not 180 degrees diffferent, but 360 degrees the SAME, in REVERSE.  This is why you are a dumbfuck.  I can lord this over you because I am NOT a dumbfuck, merely a part-time shithead and you should listen to me 'cause my name is Doktor Howl, and brother, I been AROUND.

Discuss as you kiss my Goddamn ass and SHUT UP.

Okay for now,
Dok

The juxtaposition of a Holy Man like Bill Hicks with Seguin-ers, along with the warning to avoid the 360 degree thing is giving me a frantic urge to go through my brain with a fine tooth comb and throw a lot of shit out. LOL but scary stuff.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between YOU and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between ANYONE and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

From Wikipedia:
Born in Valdosta, Georgia, Bill Hicks was the son of Jim and Mary (Reese) Hicks and had two elder siblings: sister Lynn and brother Steve. The family lived in Florida, Alabama, and New Jersey, before settling in Houston, Texas when Hicks was seven. He was raised in the Southern Baptist faith, where he first began performing as a comedian for other children at Sunday School.

Bill Hicks SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE RESISTING THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

So did Will Rogers before him.  But nobody came AFTER him, and that's why everything's all fucked up.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

You are a dumbfuck because you either have no perspective to begin with, having been raised in some sort of squirrely environment by Christians or White Power yahoos.  Or Maybe you're a tragically hip 40 year old...And you think your intellect is so vast, it gives you carte blanche to hit on 18 year olds in the hot tub and grin as if that's SO COOL, MAN.  Even in a $600 suit with 40 terabytes of hubris in the liner, you are still a dumbfuck.

Its like Bill Hicks' great bit....

A waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama walked up to my booth as I was checking out this book and said 'What are you reading for?' Not 'What are you reading?,' but what FOR.  I said "Well, sometimes I read for pleasure and sometimes for information, but mostly I read so I don't wind up as a waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama!"

That waitress is part of the backbone of This Great Nation: dumbfucks.

On one "side," you have Fifers and Seguin-ers of various sorts and on the other, wannabe-savvy, self-important scenesters who hate the Fifers so much, they behave like their mirror opposites in a perverse bid NOT to be like them.  They end up not 180 degrees diffferent, but 360 degrees the SAME, in REVERSE.  This is why you are a dumbfuck.  I can lord this over you because I am NOT a dumbfuck, merely a part-time shithead and you should listen to me 'cause my name is Doktor Howl, and brother, I been AROUND.

Discuss as you kiss my Goddamn ass and SHUT UP.

Okay for now,
Dok

The juxtaposition of a Holy Man like Bill Hicks with Seguin-ers, along with the warning to avoid the 360 degree thing is giving me a frantic urge to go through my brain with a fine tooth comb and throw a lot of shit out. LOL but scary stuff.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between YOU and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

Bill Hicks is the only thing between ANYONE and THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

From Wikipedia:
Born in Valdosta, Georgia, Bill Hicks was the son of Jim and Mary (Reese) Hicks and had two elder siblings: sister Lynn and brother Steve. The family lived in Florida, Alabama, and New Jersey, before settling in Houston, Texas when Hicks was seven. He was raised in the Southern Baptist faith, where he first began performing as a comedian for other children at Sunday School.

Bill Hicks SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE RESISTING THE PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKED UP BAR.

So did Will Rogers before him.  But nobody came AFTER him, and that's why everything's all fucked up.

100% Horrible Truth.