What Happened Next

[Doktor Howl]

True story.  The talented Discordian artist known as Eater of Clowns had just set out on his Sportster to attend the annual motorcycle rally in Sturgis.  He was just outside The Dalles, proceeding at EXTREMELY high speed (well, as much as you can get out of a Sportster, anyway), when he was cut off by a busload of dwarfs enroute to a field trip at the Bigfoot Museum - police later classified this as a "freak accident."  He lost control of his scooter and was ejected over the guardrail, the westbound lanes of I-84 and into the Columbia river.  The Coast Guard managed to recover what was left of the body two days later. As per his instructions, the remains were cremated, mixed with epoxy, and crafted into a bust of Virginia Woolf by some of the neighborhood children.  This sculpture can still be seen today, in front of the IHOP in Warwick, RI.

[Doktor Howl]

LMNO was kicked out of the Boston Chamber of Commerce in 2009, for saying:

Any business that requires you to listen to a machine for more than ninety seconds which tells you that your call is very important to them - rather than providing you with a live human being to talk to - is by definition lying and should not be trusted as a vendor.

[Doktor Howl]

Well! I put together a very clear and precise proposal for a new Facebook app called Doktor Howl Hates This Shit, for all things I would hate or maybe you think I would hate, and this RUDE person on Zuckerberg's staff has called it an "unnecessary vanity item"!  And then I tried to get the people on my friends list to go there and support me, but they were all too BUSY or too LAZY or SOMETHING!  I'm THIS CLOSE to crying right now!  If nobody supports my proposal then I WILL cry FOR SURE...And I'll tell EVERYONE that the REASON I am crying is that YOU won't be my FRIEND.

And not only THAT but I will change the hold music on the Discordian toll free line to REALLY BAD DISCO!  Unless you LIKE that, then you'll get REALLY BAD FOLK MUSIC!  I'm talking "Seasons in the Sun" here, You People!  Nobody wants that.

GO TO FACEBOOK AND POST IN SUPPORT OF THE DOKTOR HOWL BUTTON!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Lmno is a profit of the spend times he is. Pity what capitalists do with profits.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

[Doktor Howl]

Nigel knew it was time to get out.  Portland was listing 20 degrees to starboard, and she could hear the structural beams groaning under the weight of tons and tons of water.  But she stopped to save some traffic cones, and once she started, she couldn't stop.  She was seen staggering toward the bridge dragging 25 stacked cones, maybe a hundred yards from safety, when the City finally capsized and sank.

They say you can still hear her, on foggy nights, telling someone (you?) to JUST FUCK OFF.

[Doktor Howl]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

My profile is only saying that to be nice.  It actually prefers early 70s rock.

[Don Coyote]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

My profile is only saying that to be nice.  It actually prefers early 70s rock.

LIKE LED ZEPPELIN????

[Doktor Howl]

Twid was a member of the band Anarchangel, which enjoyed moderate success until mid-2012, when he and the rest of his band were beaten to death with the walkers of the last 20 Sid Vicious fans, for the crime of singing intelligibly.

[Doktor Howl]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

My profile is only saying that to be nice.  It actually prefers early 70s rock.

LIKE LED ZEPPELIN????

No, I said "rock".

[Don Coyote]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

My profile is only saying that to be nice.  It actually prefers early 70s rock.

LIKE LED ZEPPELIN????

No, I said "rock".

BUT THEY HAVE GUITARS AND DRUMS AND SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

[Doktor Howl]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

My profile is only saying that to be nice.  It actually prefers early 70s rock.

LIKE LED ZEPPELIN????

No, I said "rock".

BUT THEY HAVE GUITARS AND DRUMS AND SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

So does John Meyer.  You gonna call HIS shit "rock"?

[Doktor Howl]

Payne died in 2011, in an embarrassing tikka masala accident.  The details were hushed up by the British government, for reasons that should be obvious.  He was, however, avenged by P3nt...P3nt didn't like him or anything, but he was a countryman, and there was no letting every English bastard get away with this manner of shit.

P3nt himself was later killed in a dubious accident involving tatties and neeps.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Aww dok you really do like my band and our intelligible singing!

Zeppelin is english rip off blues/proto-metal. I free admit this as well as my fondness for them.

John mayer needs to be beaten to death with his guitar.

[Don Coyote]

Facebook didnt notify me about the doktor howl app. Did you unfriend me you horrible bastard? Because i know your profile still "likes" my band profile.

My profile is only saying that to be nice.  It actually prefers early 70s rock.

LIKE LED ZEPPELIN????

No, I said "rock".

BUT THEY HAVE GUITARS AND DRUMS AND SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

So does John Meyer.  You gonna call HIS shit "rock"?

After having to look him up....my ears feel violated.