The Supreme Invoking Ritual of the Iron Maiden

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Ever since 1999, when Bruce Dickinson and Adrian Smith (the latter missed out on the Boston date. His father passed away and he had to return to England) rejoined the band, I have seen Iron Maiden every time they have come through Massachusetts (I'm not going to New York to see them. Fuck that. It's New York.) And thus began the ritual.

The ritual consists of the following steps. In the week prior to the Iron Maiden concert, the participant listens to Iron Maiden and ONLY Iron Maiden in preparation. This is done in chronological order. For example, you listen to Iron Maiden (the album), then Killers, then Number of the Beast, then Piece of Mind, etc, and so forth.

You listen to the whole of each album, as painful as that might sometimes be (Quest For Fire off of Piece of Mind. Alexander the Great off of Somewhere In Time. All of Dance of Death. But it must be done).

I mean, you can listen to other stuff, like your mom talking about how you never call her and such, but as far as music goes, it must be Maiden and only Maiden. If you start to hear other stuff, go for a smoke. If you don't smoke, I dunno, take a shit or something.

Now. The day of the concert, you listen to the album Iron Maiden once again in its entirety. This is to ensure Steve Harris (and the rest of them by proxy) maintain a state of deathlessness until the next tour. It's continuity. When you get to the song Iron Maiden (yes, my favorite band, Iron Maiden, has a song called Iron Maiden off of the album Iron Maiden. If you liked Iron Maiden, this wouldn't even need to be explained. If I have to explain, see Denim and Leather by Saxon), you remain unshirted. You spend that whole album getting ready for whatever you are doing for the mundane part of the day except for the shirt, while listening to the album. But the shirt must wait, and you must be topless during the song Iron Maiden. You meditate during the bass solo, and when the guitar kicks back in, you don the shirt you purchased at the last Iron Maiden concert in Massachusetts (or wherever the fuck you live).

You go to work and twitch.

You go to the concert in musical silence, and twitch.

You have, strangely, moderate amounts of alcohol before you go in (this is MAIDEN dammit. YOU MUST BE SOBER).

You patiently endure opening acts (sometimes this is as awesome as Motorhead. Sometimes as disappointing as Lauren Harris [daughter of Steve Harris] or Clutch.)

Doctor Doctor comes on.

Commence ritual throat damage.

Enjoy the Maiden in reverence.

When Maiden does the song Iron Maiden, repeat the lustration from earlier, except, remove the t-shirt from last time, and don the one you bought today, right when Bruce says "Scream for me Mansfield! SCREAM FOR ME MANSFIELD!!! ALRIGHT!!!!"

The new shirt is thus consecrated.

Enjoy Hallowed Be Thy Name and two other encore songs.

Long drive home to Boston, partially deaf and talking about how awesome Maiden is. Listening to Maiden is forbidden at this time. Listen to something else entirely. I may be an uberfan, but I'm not some asshole who leaves the parking lot blasting To Tame A Land. I just heard that shit. For a week. Let's hear some Rammstein or something.

Recover.

Twid,
No other band gets this treatment.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Oh, uh.

You may also notice in the pic that the ticket says Tuesday June 26, 2012.

Right now in Boston it's 12:26 am, Wednesday June 20, 2012.

This means that the Maiden Ritual is commencing at some point today.

[East Coast Hustle]

I approve of all of this except for the part where you find Clutch disappointing.

though in all fairness, of the 4 times I've seen them they've shown up wasted drunk and stunk the place up twice and killed it twice, so you might have caught them on one of Neil's "special" nights.

I'm also pretty bummed that I might not get to see them. If it turns out that I am out of a job after this trip, I won't be able to justify spending the money. If I'm not out of a job after this trip, I'll have to fly back to VA a day before they play in WA.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I approve of all of this except for the part where you find Clutch disappointing.

though in all fairness, of the 4 times I've seen them they've shown up wasted drunk and stunk the place up twice and killed it twice, so you might have caught them on one of Neil's "special" nights.

I'm also pretty bummed that I might not get to see them. If it turns out that I am out of a job after this trip, I won't be able to justify spending the money. If I'm not out of a job after this trip, I'll have to fly back to VA a day before they play in WA.

The only time I've seen Clutch was the same tour that Bruce and Adrian came back. NO ONE was interested in seeing anyone but Maiden. The guy from Clutch even commented on it. They were the only opening act. If it were any other tour, I would have given them a little more respect. That's just a hard bill to deal with and everyone was on a reunion tweak in an inappropriately small venue (The Orpheum just outside the Boston Common).

Also part of the Maiden Ritual-

You carry a Union Jack, regardless of your ethnic background and how offensive that might be to your ancestors. You display it proudly without obstructing other concert goer's views. I mean, you don't want to be a dick like you were on your 19th birthday, right?

(Iron Maiden played Mansfield again on August 6, 2000)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also by them do you mean (presumably) Maiden or Clutch?

If it's Maiden, start up a collection. I'll throw you a tenner.

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, opening for Maiden would be a hard gig for anyone, and Clutch (as awesome as they are) isn't even remotely similar so I could see there not being much of a crossover crowd.

And yeah, I meant Maiden. If it turns out I am going to be home when they play in WA I'll probably just sell some weed or something to scrape up the loot. I've never seen them, and that's gotta be fixed by hook or by crook.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

yeah, opening for Maiden would be a hard gig for anyone, and Clutch (as awesome as they are) isn't even remotely similar so I could see there not being much of a crossover crowd.

And yeah, I meant Maiden. If it turns out I am going to be home when they play in WA I'll probably just sell some weed or something to scrape up the loot. I've never seen them, and that's gotta be fixed by hook or by crook.

Fuckin' hell, you've never seen Maiden live!?

No wonder you hate Fear of the Dark!

Yeah dude, we gotta make sure you catch them. Seriously.

[AFK]

Best concert Ive been to when I saw them back in 2000 with Halford and Queensryche.  They played a fricken 2 hour set and it was two hours of win!

[East Coast Hustle]

Queensryche seems like a perfect opening band for them (at least, back when Queensryche was good).

[Nephew Twiddleton]

That was a pretty good opener for them.

I got a kick out of dio opening for them. That was the same night as motorhead i think.

[AFK]

Queensryche seems like a perfect opening band for them (at least, back when Queensryche was good).

Unfortunately, Geoff Tate was having a rough night that night.  The rest of the band were firing on all cylinders, and wisely stayed away from their crappy Hear in the Now Frontier album and focused mostly on the Mindcrime album.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

The worst opener for maiden though was ozzfest. I also got hit with a cup of vomit during their set. No shit. People just started throwing stuff at each other.

[EK WAFFLR]

when I saw Iron Maiden on the BRUCA AND ADRIAN ARE BACK OMG!!!11 tour, megadeth warmed up. they sucked. 

But I approve of the ritual.

Also: Quest for Fire & Alexander the Great are AWESOME songs! 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

when I saw Iron Maiden on the BRUCA AND ADRIAN ARE BACK OMG!!!11 tour, megadeth warmed up. they sucked. 

But I approve of the ritual.

Also: Quest for Fire & Alexander the Great are AWESOME songs! 

Quest for Fire would have been an ok song if Bruce didn't hit that high note in the first verse.

Alexander the Great would have been awesome if it wasn't a history lecture. And this is coming from a guy who's both an Iron Maiden fan and a History Major.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Maiden ritual- check
Union Jack- check
Tickets- check
weird but of hair that I missed when I buzzed- taken care of.
Iron Maiden- is gonna get you no matter how far/wants you for dead