Time Travellers: Post your notes from the 2014 First-Ever Annual Discordian Kiki

[The Good Reverend Roger]

...Then the fucking sprinkler system went off.  The water shorted out LMNO's "special suit" and he started break dancing around with sparks flying off of him.  Trip tried to help him, and next thing you know, he's doing the kickin' chicken, too.  Thank God the suit is powered by batteries, right?  They'll be fine when the capacitors stop discharging...

...All I was doing was getting another drink, right?  And then Nigel screams something about a bigfoot and Goddamn bottles me right on the dome.  I go crashing through the door into the kitchen, and ECH whacks me right in the beezer with this big fucking iron spatula.  Shoulda put my clothes on first...

...Freeky and Knuckle's GF are beating the mortal shit out of Knuckles, while EOC and Suu place bets, and Richter shouts advice.  SOMEONE TURN THAT FUCKING MUSIC DOWN!  I DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO REBECCA BLACK!  WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PARTY IS THIS?  Aw, fuck, here come those fucking iguanas again...

...Cain and Kai are playing chess again, but something's not right.  Too fucked up to process it.  Cain vomits rum all over the board, nobody cares.  Game goes on.  Every time Kai loses a piece, Phox sticks him with some kind of hypodermic needle, and he convulses for a few minutes.  Something about SCIENCE and the effects of negative reinforcement on intelligence...

...Nigel's hitting people again.  Thank God.  Thought it was just me...

...Vex and Net are fighting for some reason.  Vex is using Nast as a weapon, and Net is using Dr James Semaj.  Someone just walked in.  Looks like Moammar Ghaddafy in a Toronto Maple Leafs shirt.  Oh, Christ, I don't have to put up with this shit.  Going to go be sick for a while...

[Nephew Twiddleton]

ill have to travel to 2014 when i get home

[LMNO]

"--banjos! Why the fuck do they all have banjos?"
"Never mind that, keep swimming."




...At that moment, I became painfully aware that Roger's description of Arizona ("Nothing is true; Everything is on fire") was about to manifest itself in the bidet next to the stairs...




...But what could I do? What would YOU do?  I'm not getting close to that. The thing needs an OSHA warming and a toxic cleanup superfund.  The answer was obvious. "Hey Dimo, could you come over here for a minute?"

[EK WAFFLR]

... what do you mean you have run out of ice?!

... And why the GOOSE is Twid upside down in a vat of bourbon?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Payne decided to give me a swirly in some gross stuff. He forgot that i was also american and wouldnt mind bourbon. I decided to stay put awhile.

[Eater of Clowns]

Day 1 FABULOUS levels dangerously critical. 
It does not disperse. 
It is only soluble in vodka, but such a solution has proven to antagonize the systemic form of FABULOUS. 
Highly contagious. 
Airborne. 
Sexy. 
Perhaps not extinction, but evolution level event. 
Pervasive and self replicating FABULOUS.
Attaches itself to molecules of both Love and Hate, propagating until only FABULOUS REMAINS.
827,577 reported casualties, noticeable by by sheer glory and desire to spread FABULOUS.
Attempts to contain FABULOUS have led to spread of FABULOUS.
No known link to bath salts.

[EK WAFFLR]

WHERE
               
                 did my mini skirt come from, and


WHY

                 am I talking like E.O.T.?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

with a flourish.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Glittersnatch was discovered later in a crawl-space, covered with vaseline, hysterically shaking with barely audible convulsions of laughter, with a monkey-wrenched remote control with entirely too many switches, levers, and dials.

I knew I was no match against Vex as he clearly had the more dangerous implement, even though he was holding it wrong, as Cainad helpfully pointed out. I stapled Dr. Semaj to my back as a protective vest, wrapped myself in the curtains before Suu could fashion them into something dangerous, and made a hasty escape galloping off into the woods on the back of Rod Stewart.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

... Fuck these conventions. Ow.

... Can't find my glass eye. Blaming Net for now.

... UNNNNGH. Oh there it is. Yeah, fuck these conventions.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I blacked out and missed this whole thing.
On the plus side, I woke up in New Orleans. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I say a lot of stupid shit when I've been drinking, and while I have been drinking, I was only about 2/3rds through my first. I was talking to Payne about, of all things, the pros and cons of Philips head and flathead screwdrivers. But something about the conversation seemed to upset him and he glowered at me. I started trailing off, feeling more and more uncomfortable... and the bastard was the one who started on screwdrivers in the first place. Then next thing I know I'm swimming Australian style in a keg of bourbon. Where the shit did that come from anyway?

Well, if he wants a fight, I better drink down some of the fight that I've found myself in....

[Richter]

Why in the name of fuck am I wearing the kilt?  Stylish and all, but realistically this is no time to have my junk even remotely exposed.  ...and Freaky is still out and about with that fucking taser and the manic grin...

Damnit, just like an asthma attack, play it relaxed.  These freaks are all at the "eat it if it smells afraid" stage of the night.  Simple choice.  Pull it off, or die horribly.  Just like that sick professor of yours said, we're still here so there msut NOT have been global thermonuclear war YET, like a magical crystal ball. 

It's time for another drink, but the choices are Perrier (Seriously?), and the "punch".  So I grab a bottle of the sparkling fru fru, but Cram's apparently raided the TEAM VODKA pill stash, and there's a mandatory dose taped under each attempt to level out my headmeat.  AM I about to get an upper, a downer, or a one way trip to a duct-tape thonged and sharpie'd tomorrow (At best)?  Fuck it down the hatch.

...Screaming out the window of a too yellow cab, waving a machete, as the driver fires off a burst of obscene but highly amused spanish, egging me on.  Thank providence for the yoga, or I wouldnt have the abs to lean out that far and hamstring everyone wearing low slung pance.

And I'm on the couch, yelling for garbo to stop talking and gut the fucker.  Who put on skype at this hour?  What in hell is Trip saying?  Yes, of course the mascara is running, whenever that happened, and no I have no idea where WAffle Iron's hat is.  A man in blue, boed look and tin star, mentions almost offhand something about me being too bombed to have done half the shit and leaves with his partner.  I try to object but it all comes out like a bad scatman john imitation.  I will be sore tomorrow.

I wonder who won that chess game?

[Triple Zero]

Breathing some fresh air, grass, I wandered, and then a door.

CRAMULUS?!!! I thought you left months ago?

"Quiet. I'm operating behind the scenes."

That's ... not an operating table. That's not a scalpel. And I don't think that guy is sedated properly.

"What you mean, properly? He's sedated allright ..."

Um, yeah. Hey I'll bring you another beer when I get back later ok?

"Got any more of that Bud-Clamato stuff maybe?"

...

I walked away. That was not Cramulus. Everybody else was whoever they are, even if it wasn't in their own clothes. But I know one thing. No sentient being, no matter how drunk, or inebriated on whatever drugs known in this dimension, nothing would ever ask for MORE of that "Bud-Clamato stuff", maybe.

Fucking hell. And I was just going to do some Weapon-X shots with Richter.

Okay, figuring this out ... I pointed some n00bs the other way, see what happens, and do some shots in the mean time. Because DAMN that Weapon-X shit is good. No sense in letting some extra-dimensional doppelcrammer ruin a chance to taste some more of that extremely rare liquor.

I giggled as I heard the screams starting ... we're going to need more n00bs.