Time Travellers: Post your notes from the 2014 First-Ever Annual Discordian Kiki

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I blacked out and missed this whole thing.
On the plus side, I woke up in New Orleans. 

Trip actually clobbered you early in the night. One minute we're having a great time punting trolls back into the forest, talking about how sassafras oil is illegal but makes the best potato hash when that wily Dutchman just comes out of nowhere, screeching into his vocoder about "now everybody know, 'black superman,'" and does a vicious flying headbutt at you before anyone knew what was happening.

Thanks, now it makes sense.

Just one thing...how did I get a pocketful of fucking TEETH?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I blacked out and missed this whole thing.
On the plus side, I woke up in New Orleans. 

Trip actually clobbered you early in the night. One minute we're having a great time punting trolls back into the forest, talking about how sassafras oil is illegal but makes the best potato hash when that wily Dutchman just comes out of nowhere, screeching into his vocoder about "now everybody know, 'black superman,'" and does a vicious flying headbutt at you before anyone knew what was happening.

Thanks, now it makes sense.

Just one thing...how did I get a pocketful of fucking TEETH?

I can explain that... sort of...

I have this friend from high school named Salvatore. He once did a science project involving the effects of soda on human teeth. Since he was the only Sicilian in our group, and we were all Irish, we asked him, accusingly, how he got the teeth. He said his dad, who we all know as a legitimate businessman, which is why they have cars, motorcycles and a boat, saved his and his siblings baby teeth.

Plausible. Plausible....

He once had a pool party (none of us had pools in our back yards) where all of his Irish friends showed up and we listened to Number of the Beast while fucking around in chlorinated water. His father asked him when he came in to pee why he hung out with so many potato suckers and not other Italians.

Long story short, you asked for the teeth. I knew a guy.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Thanks...I think.
There's pretty big for baby teeth. But hey, I got a gold one. Can't complain.

[EK WAFFLR]

Where the fuck did Lenin go and why do I have red blotches on my chest? Wait. that's ketchup. Why the heck do I have ketchup on my chest? Where am I. WHY DO I SMELL BURNING RUBBER? AND WHY ARE MY FEET WET?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Thanks...I think.
There's pretty big for baby teeth. But hey, I got a gold one. Can't complain.

Sah-loo-tay.

Also, you should jump in a pool while listening to "Invaders" and "Gangland." It helps you remember just how serious life is. 

ETA: not "Hallowed Be Thy Name" though. That shows you just how serious life is, which, spoils the pool party.

[EK WAFFLR]

I jump into the pool, listening to Gloomy Sunday (Diamanda Galas version) and land on top of the water. Or whatever this semi-solid liquid is. I scream.

[Triple Zero]

And all we could hear was the sound of 808 identical cowbells hit with microsecond precision.

It was quite a buzz. And a moan. And a croaking.

Cowbells always have this weird sound that is not like a bell at all.

We tried to dance but our kneecaps got stuck in time. All is One. All was Reverb. But then I saw Cainad and Squiddy, each on top of a hill, with the obligatory lightning prongs behind them, they had no trouble at all, but they also had WAY too many knees ...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

{Suu asked me when my hair turned white, and I was about to explain about the time Hoopla showed me what he really does for a living but then the screaming started and I couldn't stop}


{my god! I've never seen a man DO that with his penis before!}


{Daruko out of nowhere, rappelling down the side of the... thing... in that rainbow ape suit he's been wearing all the time ever since he got back from Peru}


{all the horses. So. Many. Fucking. Horses}


{we're out of club soda? NOW how am I supposed to get the blood out?}


{tossed a grenade at me and shouted "CATCH!" but I saw it coming and did a duck-and-roll just in time}


{he'll NEVER get all that glitter out of his pelt}