Why you are all on my shit list, 2012

[Don Coyote]

You need to make several blood offerings to the STOVE because you have obviously offended it. I can make grilled cheese on the burners without setting anything on fire.

[Signora Pæsior]

You're just jealous, Roger.

It's fine, though. Find a tree and hook your legs over it. Basically what being a New Zealander entails.

[Freeky]

You can put something like a teaspoon of any kind of oil into a pan and it'll spread out and cover the whole pan when it gets hot.
Shouldn't make a very big fire, either.

If that fails: Make toast. Put cheese on toast. Melt the cheese in the microwave. 

NOT THE POINT I JUST WANT THE UNIVERSE TO TREAT ME LIKE IT TREATS EVERYONE ELSE.

Um, except for how it treats people in Africa.  Because that would SUCK.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You need to make several blood offerings to the STOVE because you have obviously offended it. I can make grilled cheese on the burners without setting anything on fire.

HOW DO I KNOW HOW NOT TO OFFEND IT?

It only came with a warranty card.  There weren't any commandments or anything.

[Freeky]

You need to make several blood offerings to the STOVE because you have obviously offended it. I can make grilled cheese on the burners without setting anything on fire.

HAM?!

[Don Coyote]

You need to make several blood offerings to the STOVE because you have obviously offended it. I can make grilled cheese on the burners without setting anything on fire.

HOW DO I KNOW HOW NOT TO OFFEND IT?

It only came with a warranty card.  There weren't any commandments or anything.

Guess?
Took over a year for the this same stove to let me cook bacon.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

USE THE TOASTER!

Or the oven. Legit, man.

Careful, I just sharpened those.

Also, I am still giggling over jenne's reaction to you stepping into the kitchen looking yo make something to eat. Luckily, you opted for sammiches, otherwise the damage might have been permanent.

THAT WAS UNWARRANTED ESCALATION!

Roger in the kitchen does not call for a kidney punch.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You're just jealous, Roger.

It's fine, though. Find a tree and hook your legs over it. Basically what being a New Zealander entails.

"Arizona".

All of our trees are covered in horrible spiky things which are more often than not covered in something horrible and toxic.

Also, palo verde beetles.  Bastards will strip you right to the bone if they catch you in a tree.  Like piranha with exoskeletons.

[Freeky]

I don't drink enough.

And you're educated too well.

[Don Coyote]

You're just jealous, Roger.

It's fine, though. Find a tree and hook your legs over it. Basically what being a New Zealander entails.

"Arizona".

All of our trees are covered in horrible spiky things which are more often than not covered in something horrible and toxic.

Also, palo verde beetles.  Bastards will strip you right to the bone if they catch you in a tree.  Like piranha with exoskeletons.

If only I had a DnD group still.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You're just jealous, Roger.

It's fine, though. Find a tree and hook your legs over it. Basically what being a New Zealander entails.

"Arizona".

All of our trees are covered in horrible spiky things which are more often than not covered in something horrible and toxic.

Also, palo verde beetles.  Bastards will strip you right to the bone if they catch you in a tree.  Like piranha with exoskeletons.

If only I had a DnD group still.

Arizona is like a great big Goddamn LARP.  Only you play for REAL HIT POINTS.

Oh, and the clerics are all nuts and can't heal you anyway.

[Freeky]

And no one thought to take the desert child trait because nobody is from here originally.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And no one thought to take the desert child trait because nobody is from here originally.

Except for all those pissed off Apaches, of course. 

[Freeky]

And no one thought to take the desert child trait because nobody is from here originally.

Except for all those pissed off Apaches, of course.

Oh yeah. And the Hopi, and that other nation who went extinct(?) here. And tohono oodom.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And no one thought to take the desert child trait because nobody is from here originally.

Except for all those pissed off Apaches, of course.

Oh yeah. And the Hopi, and that other nation who went extinct(?) here.

The Hohokum.  Poor bastards didn't even wait for the White dudes to come along, got wiped out before we even showed up to elevate them and shit.