The Porn Princess Rant, Re-Written

[Placid Dingo]

The Fetish-Facebook Fetlife offers access to user submitted videos, which, tend to be amature produced if you purchase a paid account.

I have a feeling this is a more ethical alternative to free viewings that make companies a shittonne of money in advertising revenue.

I'm actually familiar with people who've done this because they disliked the level of violent mysogyny from free mainstream sites.

The problem with Fetlife is that it is an EXTREMELY female-hostile environment, in my experience.

I don't find that particularly hard to believe.

[Elder Iptuous]

So, although i haven't gone there myself yet, i've heard from a handful of people that fetlife is great and they recommended it.
4 of the 5 people that i'm thinking of are women, and well adjusted in my opinion.
I'll sign up tonight and check it out, but what, in your experience is it that makes it female-hostile?
i mean, it seems that M/f is significantly more prevalent than F/m, so it would stand to reason that there is a flow of dominance in that direction, but is there something other than that which gives the impression that women are disrespected beyond the scene of play?
We're new to the exploration of D/s and i appreciate hearing various views, as it seems a complex and subtle subject.

[Elder Iptuous]

ok. so i made a fetlife acct. to see what the deal was.
i thought i was familiar with the large majority of kinks.
i clicked on the first add i saw and was directed to a page that offered to sell me:
a silicone cum-thru barbell penis plug!

i love being surprised by depravity!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

ok. so i made a fetlife acct. to see what the deal was.
i thought i was familiar with the large majority of kinks.
i clicked on the first add i saw and was directed to a page that offered to sell me:
a silicone cum-thru barbell penis plug!

i love being surprised by depravity!

Oh, they're gonna LOVE this at the meetrack.   

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

ok. so i made a fetlife acct. to see what the deal was.
i thought i was familiar with the large majority of kinks.
i clicked on the first add i saw and was directed to a page that offered to sell me:
a silicone cum-thru barbell penis plug!

i love being surprised by depravity!

The mental image I'm getting is painful...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, although i haven't gone there myself yet, i've heard from a handful of people that fetlife is great and they recommended it.
4 of the 5 people that i'm thinking of are women, and well adjusted in my opinion.
I'll sign up tonight and check it out, but what, in your experience is it that makes it female-hostile?
i mean, it seems that M/f is significantly more prevalent than F/m, so it would stand to reason that there is a flow of dominance in that direction, but is there something other than that which gives the impression that women are disrespected beyond the scene of play?
We're new to the exploration of D/s and i appreciate hearing various views, as it seems a complex and subtle subject.

As a single woman on that site, I received a seemingly unending stream of abusive messages from male members, and the discussion forums tend to be profoundly misogynistic, particularly if anyone brings up a topic like feeling harassed as a woman. I have never participated in the discussion forums, only read them. They scare me.

[Luna]

They scare me.

If they scare NIGEL, that's my cue to not bother.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

They scare me.

If they scare NIGEL, that's my cue to not bother.

if Nigel goes to somewhere and says it is scary, or horribly squicky, I agree with Luna.. NOT GOING THERE!

[Placid Dingo]

So, although i haven't gone there myself yet, i've heard from a handful of people that fetlife is great and they recommended it.
4 of the 5 people that i'm thinking of are women, and well adjusted in my opinion.
I'll sign up tonight and check it out, but what, in your experience is it that makes it female-hostile?
i mean, it seems that M/f is significantly more prevalent than F/m, so it would stand to reason that there is a flow of dominance in that direction, but is there something other than that which gives the impression that women are disrespected beyond the scene of play?
We're new to the exploration of D/s and i appreciate hearing various views, as it seems a complex and subtle subject.

As a single woman on that site, I received a seemingly unending stream of abusive messages from male members, and the discussion forums tend to be profoundly misogynistic, particularly if anyone brings up a topic like feeling harassed as a woman. I have never participated in the discussion forums, only read them. They scare me.

That really sucks. I've heard the female members get a lot of messages, never that theyre abusive.

Theres maybe two discussion groups I interact with. I joined a politics group and it was all like "fuck you assface, George Zimmerman was within his rights". I didn't bother after that.

Bypassing the social aspects, I do still wonder if that user produced content from exhibitionists is a model for ' ethical pornography'. Certainly the emphasis on inforned consent tends to be there.

Considering though that the model is only possible because of the social design, maybe it's not possible to bypass the social aspect at all.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

They scare me.

If they scare NIGEL, that's my cue to not bother.

if Nigel goes to somewhere and says it is scary, or horribly squicky, I agree with Luna.. NOT GOING THERE!

Thanks guys.

It's the kind of place where the squick/creep/stalker factor is WAY WAY HIGHER than average. Regardless of what my profile actually said I was looking for, I got a lot lot lot of messages from men who seemed to think that they could verbally abuse/intimidate me into being sub, and a LOT of messages from men implying that they knew how to find me offsite. CREEP FACTOR RED ALERT. I think that kind of site just attracts the hell out of fucked up and/or abusive men who are looking for women they can intimidate and treat like objects. The women who are "owned" by another man on the site seem to be treated better, from what I gather, than single unattached women... which is a whole other level of squick factor.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, I take back what I said about not participating in the discussion forums... I did post in two discussions, and received a stream of abuse in return.

There might be a lot of good people there, but there are a lot of not-good people, too.

[LMNO]

In my experience, BDSM communities work much better IRL than online, because in order to make a relationship work, there must be respect, even in D/s relationships. But online, it's the "Internet + Anonymity = Asshole" principle, writ large. The creep who would be tossed from the Fetish Club can simply log on to the website.

[Elder Iptuous]

why does one need to bypass the social aspect in order to evaluate the model?
there's certainly more than one community that includes user produced content.
if the BDSM community (online) involves a social aspect that is unpalatable, i know that there is plenty of user content tossed around in the swinger community that is not misogynistic, as it is a frequent refrain that the women run that show and call all the shots.  (at least the majority of the stable couples adhere to this, ime)
furthermore, i would think that the douche contingent is going to be more vocal in the majority of platforms because their nozzles aren't calibrated properly.  does the fact that the discussion forums tend toward distaste invalidate the sharing of content?

I'm wondering how large bandwidth improvements and deployment is going to affect pornography, as i think couples using webcam could likely become significantly more prominent.  there is interaction, and, although it is not quite the same as same-room play, that certainly adds an element that traditional smut can't compete with.

[LMNO]

To quote Ghostbusters, don't cross the streams.

It's very, very difficult to negotiate a path of being a Dom/S male who's interested in Sub/M females and *not* look like a misogynistic douchebag. Simply saying "go to a swinger site instead" wont cut it, because the swinger community, by and large, doesn't buy in to BDSM.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

In my experience, BDSM communities work much better IRL than online, because in order to make a relationship work, there must be respect, even in D/s relationships. But online, it's the "Internet + Anonymity = Asshole" principle, writ large. The creep who would be tossed from the Fetish Club can simply log on to the website.

And apparently, does.