Quotes of the Moment II

[Phox]

Well, if you find it boring, I can delete it.

What?

Probably just misinterpreting. Nevermind.

Interpretations are tricky things. Like rolling socks. I never could get the hang of that, either. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Well, if you find it boring, I can delete it.

What?

Probably just misinterpreting. Nevermind.

Interpretations are tricky things. Like rolling socks. I never could get the hang of that, either. 

You don't roll socks. You grab two socks and put them on.

I learned this from Dimo.

Twid,

:looks down:

Actually, they're matching today....

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"Something really cool and hilarious that I thought I should share."
- Fidel Castro

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Personally I think this is the best personal info I'll come up with anywhere ever.


Basic Info
Birthday   August 6, 1981
Sex   Male
Interested In   Women
Relationship Status   In a relationship with [Villager]
Languages   English, Latin, Irish, French and Russian
Religious Views   Discordianism
Schroedinger's Catholic.

Don't open the box. I'll either become the Pope or the Antichrist. I'd rather be just me.... Unless Antichrist gets me a record deal.....
Political Views   Independent
Hamish Howl, 2012

[Cain]

Oh dear Lord.

I'm reading The eXile: Sex, Drugs and Libel in the New Russia and it really has me wondering how the hell did Taibbi and Ames not end up getting killed?

I mean, there is stuff like this:

The interacting we were doing with the domestic population wasn't exactly constructive.  While other Western journalists were writing glowing portraits of the new Deputy Prime Minister Boris Nemetov and helping him attract foreign investment, the eXile was calling up Nemetov's press service in the guise of a Japanese businessman called Hashimoto Godzilla and demanding tee times and a recommendation for a good suishi restaurant in Moscow.

And:

One night during the summer I woke up in a cold sweat.  I'd had a terrible dream and for a moment had no idea where I was or what day it was.  I had a cup of tea, went back to sleep and then woke up again half an hour later with an idea.  Why not try to hire Mikhail Gorbachev to be an assistant coach for the New York Jets?

And:

We were hassling everybody.  When dictator Mobutu Sese Soko finally got tossed out of Zaire, we called up practically every hotel in Moscow in the guise of Mobutu aides, in order to see how many would be willing to take in the Butcher of Kinhasa as a guest in exile.  Not surprisingly, all the obsequious wannabe "Westernized" Russians in the swanky new business hotels jumped at the business.

In another case, we convinced the administration at the old communist organ Pravda that they had been bought out by a blind, Jewish dwarf from Florida named Barry Apfelbaum, who planned on using the paper to promote a chain of Sears and Roebuck store in Moscow.

And to be fair, they did come rather close to dying at least once:

In September, Mark ran into a richly dressed girl at an expat party who turned out to be the daughter of a very powerful and scary (read: we are still afraid to mention his name even here, years later) member of the Russian government.  She had read our paper: "I know how you write," she said to Mark.  "If you write about me, I'll have you killed.  And I can do that, you know," she said seriously

Also, the Death Porn installments probably weren't helping any:

In the spring of 1996, I'd interviewed Alexander Bukhanovsky, the criminal psychiatrist whom many Americans know from the HBO movie Citizen X, about the Russian serial killer Andrei Chikatilo.  Bukhanovsky was the country's leading expert on sex crime, and after a sinister lunch of vodka and home movies - tapes of murders that Bukhanovsky's patients had filmed - he let me in on a secret.  "In Russia, at any given time, there are one hundred serial killers operating," he said.  "And those are only the series that are conspiciously series.  I'm not talking about people who have killed twice, three times.  We've got tons of those.

[Cain]

Oh god, it just got even worse.

Once in the spring of 1997, for instance, Mark and I were lounging around in the office when we suddenly started discussing, as a kind of amusing intellectual exercise, suicide plans.  Not actual kill-yourself suicide, but suicide articles - ways to horrify our readers so totally that we'd put ourselves out of business overnight.

The idea we eventually came up with was a cover with a giant close-up of a puzzled black face, accompanied by a banner headline: "NIGGERS: Where Did They Come From And What Are They Doing Here?"

Well, that'd do it, we thought.

Out of consideration for the black community and for everyone else we knew would be permamently turned off by it, we sat on the joke for a full year.  But finally, in the spring of 1998, we gave in and ran it - though not on our own cover, but on the cover of a spoof copy of the locally published Russia Review that we were designing for a parody of the magazine.

[...]

When we finally designed it, it looked exactly like one of their own ads.  By now giving up all hope of maintaining discretion, Mark added a text to the ad that was even more horrifically inappropriate.  It took a vicious dig at the 6'9" ex-Boston Celtics forward Marcus Webb, who was now in Moscow playing for the Red Army (CSKA) basketball team after having been tossed out of the NBA for the forcible sodomy of a girl in Boston.  Using the usual cheerleading tones of the Russia Review ads, he plugged a fictional Review feature on Webb's success as a new black entrepreneur in Russia, lauding a "jelly and lubicrant" factory we claimed he had opened.

When I saw Mark typing that up on the screen, I sighed.  Great, I thought.  It wasnt enough that we were alienating the entire blakc community for no good reason.  No, Mark had to go one step further and single out the very biggest and brawniest black man in Russia for unprovoked attack.  Now we were marked men: you could practically start the t-minus for the inevitable humiliating beating.  I could feel the Reebok sole patterns rising on my neck already.

[Phox]

 

[LMNO]

Whait -- IS THIS BOOK FOR SALE RIGHT NOW?  I MUST READ IT.

[Cain]

It's only been available for the last 12 years 

[LMNO]

<----   

[Nephew Twiddleton]

For some reason Villager and I just now got on to the topic of humanity maybe getting to 10 c with warp drive.

Twid: "Alpha Centauri in 4 months. Pluto in less than an hour."
Villager: "Why would we go to Pluto? It's not even a planet."
Twid: "Because it's something to explore. When I'm an Admiral in Starfleet, I'm going to reject your application on the grounds that you don't have the right values."
Villager: "Ha!"

[Don Coyote]

For some reason Villager and I just now got on to the topic of humanity maybe getting to 10 c with warp drive.

Twid: "Alpha Centauri in 4 months. Pluto in less than an hour."
Villager: "Why would we go to Pluto? It's not even a planet."
Twid: "Because it's something to explore. When I'm an Admiral in Starfleet, I'm going to reject your application on the grounds that you don't have the right values."
Villager: "Ha!"

BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING THERE!!!!

FUCKING SPACE COMMIES!!!!

AND THE MIGO!!!!!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

For some reason Villager and I just now got on to the topic of humanity maybe getting to 10 c with warp drive.

Twid: "Alpha Centauri in 4 months. Pluto in less than an hour."
Villager: "Why would we go to Pluto? It's not even a planet."
Twid: "Because it's something to explore. When I'm an Admiral in Starfleet, I'm going to reject your application on the grounds that you don't have the right values."
Villager: "Ha!"

BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING THERE!!!!

FUCKING SPACE COMMIES!!!!

AND THE MIGO!!!!!

Exactly. Hey, you want me to explore Vesta? Cool man, I'm exploring Vesta. That's just as awesome as meeting smug Vulcans. Maybe even awesomer, if you've ever watched Enterprise.

Just saying. Humans can't stand a mystery. No one's ever gone to Pluto and I can, on a day trip?

Hey, point the ship that way. I got a flag that says TWID dd/mm/yyyy on it. Also, it's Saturday. So yeah...

Hey NDT, see this flag? Yeah dude.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also, what is Migo?

[Don Coyote]

Also, what is Migo?

Half-crustacean half-fungus space aliens that live on Pluto and some times visit Earth to steal human brains.
Something that visited a strange white man in Providence in the 19th century.