News:

MysticWicks endorsement: "At least Satanists HAVE a worldview. After reading this thread, I'm convinced that discordians not only don't, but will actively mock anyone who does."

Main Menu

A Parable in T Minor

Started by tyrannosaurus vex, October 03, 2012, 06:58:27 AM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2
User actions

tyrannosaurus vex

October 03, 2012, 06:58:27 AM Last Edit: October 03, 2012, 08:30:01 PM by v3x
Jesus spake unto the multitude, saying, "Behold, there were two farmers, whose fields bordered one another. One farmer was exceedingly rich, for there was a river running through the midst of his land, which fed the wheat in his field. He had only to work a little in the cool part of each day, and every harvest season he did reap a plentiful crop.

The other farmer was poor, for his land had no river, and he had to toil through every day; and every harvest season he reaped only enough to feed himself and his children.

Now, the poor farmer was honest and hardworking, but he wished to someday be as rich as his neighbor. He knew the scriptures and how they say "Unto the poor man is given a heavy yoke, so that he may become strong; but unto the rich man is given a light yoke, so that he may lead the way." The poor farmer knew that his troubles would be over if he only worked hard and solved his own problems.

So, it came to pass that the poor farmer asked the rich farmer if he could dig a trench through his land, so that they both could benefit from the overflowing water of the rich man's river. The rich man, being generous, said "Surely I will share my stream with thee, so long as thou payest me for the part of my crops which I shall lose where the trench shall be dug. I shall even dig this ditch for thee, for I know that thou art burdened by a long work day already." The poor man was filled with joy, and gave his agreement to the rich man with much enthusiasm.

Now, the rich farmer, being wise and not wanting to lose any crops, decided to dig the trench around his own property instead of through it. But the trench was a success, and fed a great stream to the poor farmer's field. And both of them grew to be the most wealthy farmers in their valley.

But it came to pass that the King, who owned the land where the rich man had dug the trench, sent out a scout to survey his royal lands. The scout found the trench, and reported it at once to the King, who sent his sheriff to the farmer's house, and arrested him on charges of theft and trespassing; and the farmer was slain for the crimes. To pay reparations, the poor farmer's children and field were sold to the rich farmer; and because the trench had already been dug, the King also sold that part of his land to the rich farmer for a fair price."

The Apostles considered Jesus' words, and at last Matthew spake, asking Jesus, "Lord, what is the meaning of this story?"

Jesus answered unto Matthew, "Verily: Big Government is Bad Government, and Obama's going to take our guns. Matthew, ready the Kool-Aid."
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#1
October 03, 2012, 07:33:42 PM
This is fucking awesome.  Can I use it on some teabagger boards?

The Gospel According to Vexation.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

#2
October 03, 2012, 07:41:36 PM
Yes of course. Attribution not required, necessarily.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
October 03, 2012, 07:43:49 PM
Quote from: v3x on October 03, 2012, 07:41:36 PM
Yes of course. Attribution not required, necessarily.

I was actually planning on using a fake biblical chapter.  Vexations 3:11-3:40.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#4
October 03, 2012, 07:45:06 PM
"Vexations" is an awesome name for a biblical book.

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
October 03, 2012, 07:45:49 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 03, 2012, 07:45:06 PM
"Vexations" is an awesome name for a biblical book.

My money says at least a third of them buy it, right up to the last paragraph.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
October 03, 2012, 07:46:27 PM
I mean, their knowledge of their religious book is about as extensive as their knowledge of their governing document.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

#7
October 03, 2012, 07:48:04 PM
If you want, I could old-english it up a bit to maintain the illusion a little better.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

LMNO

#8
October 03, 2012, 07:50:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 03, 2012, 07:46:27 PM
I mean, their knowledge of their religious book is about as extensive as their knowledge of their governing document.

This suggests the notion of a troll which cites certain passages from Article Eight of the US Constitution...

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
October 03, 2012, 07:51:34 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 03, 2012, 07:50:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 03, 2012, 07:46:27 PM
I mean, their knowledge of their religious book is about as extensive as their knowledge of their governing document.

This suggests the notion of a troll which cites certain passages from Article Eight of the US Constitution...

:lulz:

You don't even have to do that.  Quote article I, sec 10.  Nobody will believe a word of it.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#10
October 03, 2012, 07:53:20 PM
A factual troll? Devious, sir.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
October 03, 2012, 07:54:11 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 03, 2012, 07:53:20 PM
A factual troll? Devious, sir.

I do it all the time.  None of those yahoos know jack shit about the constitution.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#12
October 03, 2012, 08:15:55 PM
Whaddya expect? They're illiterate, look at the signs they carry.  :lol:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

tyrannosaurus vex

#13
October 03, 2012, 08:17:30 PM
^ note rewrite ^
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
October 03, 2012, 08:19:08 PM
Quote from: v3x on October 03, 2012, 08:17:30 PM
^ note rewrite ^

Hmm.  Liked the other ending better.  It had more punch.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
Print
Go Up Pages1 2
User actions