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Today, for a brief second, I thought of a life without Roger. It was much like my current life, except that this forum was a bit nicer.

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They Are My People, and I am Their King.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 14, 2012, 07:26:00 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

October 14, 2012, 07:26:00 PM
It comes as little surprise to me that I am not universally loved.  I am obnoxious, opinionated, and I am insufficiently committed to Sparkle Motion™.  I have offended people, pooped on their precious isms, and generally thrown about a million tantrums on this here board alone.

What's really strange though, is how many people seem to need to TELL me how awful I am.  I mean, I already KNOW that.  So it strikes me as hilarious when someone like Zara tells me I'm a one-man walking Carcinoma That is Killing Discordianism (to be fair, he mentioned LMNO, too, and I'd hate for LMNO to miss out on the fun). 

In fact, we should add to the intro thread a form that gives people a chance to say who they are, what they're about, come visit my music website, and WHY I HATE THE GOOD REVEREND ROGER.  It would save time, and might even be funnier than what's happening right now.

FACT #1:  If you are obsessed about me that much, then I am your KING.  You may commence bowing and scraping now.  If you merely ignore me or talk around me, then I'd have to say that you're CHEATING YOURSELF of the chance to TELL ME WHAT A JERK I AM, then pile onto the bus with the rest of My subjects.  You know you want to.

FACT #2:  No matter how outraged you are by my horrible behavior, you're not as outraged as my son is.  No, your most horrible butthurt moments are as a lit match to my son's stellar-sized shock and horror about the things I do every day in real life.  At that's not even touching on my inlaws, who break out the bell, book, and candle when I visit.  So I'm not really impressed when you tell me what a Horrible Bastard I am. 

FACT #3:  Regardless of the size of your tantrum, I cannot seem to give a fuck.  All fucks have been given, there's none left.  When I log off, I instantly forget about all the terrible things that have been said about me, and I sleep like a baby...While my fan club chews on their pillows in rage until 3AM. 

The above being said, I now have some edicts to issue to My People:

#1:  Go outside.  Talk to a girl (or boy, whatever).

#2:  SHUT UP.  Not for my sake, but for yours.  I am nothing if not a caring king.

#3:  You're wrong.  About everything.  That's why you're mad.

Now, this isn't an invitation to argue about what a JERK I am, I think everyone understands it.  It's just a few statements of fact, so everybody shut up.  And start kowtowing.  And maybe peel me a grape.

That is all.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled F5.

Love & Kisses,
King Carbuncle the Asshat I
Ruler of the internet freaks and protector of public morals.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

#1
October 14, 2012, 07:40:30 PM
 :lulz: Certainly, you are a wise and loving king.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
October 14, 2012, 07:43:02 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on October 14, 2012, 07:40:30 PM
:lulz: Certainly, you are a wise and loving king.

It's that Noblesse Obligee thing.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#3
October 14, 2012, 08:43:41 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on October 14, 2012, 07:40:30 PM
:lulz: Certainly, you are a wise and loving king.

The beautiful and the proud can afford to be generous.  :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#4
October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Luna

#5
October 15, 2012, 01:44:43 AM
In your honor, I peeled a couple of grapes tonight.

Well, not GRAPES, as such...

Close enough, right?

Besides, he REALLY deserved it.  He was a teabagger.

Not any more.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#6
October 15, 2012, 02:51:50 AM
Quote from: Luna on October 15, 2012, 01:44:43 AM
In your honor, I peeled a couple of grapes tonight.

Well, not GRAPES, as such...

Close enough, right?

Besides, he REALLY deserved it.  He was a teabagger.

Not any more.

:lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Anna Mae Bollocks

#7
October 15, 2012, 02:55:40 AM
Put the coin purses on etsy!  :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Sano

#8
October 15, 2012, 10:25:55 PM
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Everything comes to an end, reader. It is an old truism to which may be added that not everything that lasts, lasts for long. This latter part is not readily admitted; on the contrary the idea that an air castle lasts longer than the very air of which it is made is hard to get out of a person's head, and this is fortunate, otherwise the custom of making those almost eternal constructions might be lost.

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
October 15, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!

Global warming fact:  The radiant heat from the sore red asses of PDers is responsible for 80% of permafrost melt off.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#10
October 15, 2012, 10:30:52 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!

Global warming fact:  The radiant heat from the sore red asses of PDers is responsible for 80% of permafrost melt off.

The remaining 20% is due to dancing in the forests.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
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The Good Reverend Roger

#11
October 15, 2012, 10:31:25 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 15, 2012, 10:30:52 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!

Global warming fact:  The radiant heat from the sore red asses of PDers is responsible for 80% of permafrost melt off.

The remaining 20% is due to dancing in the forests.

SHOOT A HIPPY TODAY.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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