The Last Whiskey Bar

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My little girl told me I'm not part of her family because I live so far away.



That I don't know if she came to these conclusions on her own or from the suggestion of someone else is kind of excruciating.

Sit down with her and explain to the contrary, in terms little kids can understand, such as, distance doesn't matter, and you know lots of people who live very far away from each other and they are still family.

...Then, confront the mother. If she has something to do with it, just go, "Well, if I'm not family, I guess you don't need that child support." And watch the tone change REALLY FAST.

I am calling bullshit on almost everything in this post.

Net, whatever you do, DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVICE. Any of it.

1. The concept of "family" is much more complex and fluid than most of us realize, and a child that age is going through different stages of grasping the rules and structure of what "family" is. Especially in this era where "family" doesn't just mean "mommy and daddy and children" anymore, caregivers and teachers will often try to explain that it means "the people close to you, who love you". That's really, really abstract for a young mind. They will try to make it more concrete.

A confrontational conversation with her mother is completely counterproductive, whether it's something she said or not (and unless she's batshit enough to try to emotionally damage her OWN CHILD by telling her that her father isn't part of her family, it's incredibly unlikely that she did) because it will make her feel uncomfortable and defensive.

And obviously, threatening to withhold child support is utterly retarded and not something anyone should do, ever.

My advice: next time you talk to her, just say "Do you want to know something neat thing about family? Part of your family can be far away, but still be family!"

That adds to her lexicon of rules about defining "family".

Also, over the years kids will say really fucked up things as they sort through their world and try to make sense of it all. Try not to let it be more than a minor blip.

The above.

Main thing is, if there IS a tug-of-war, don't let the kid turn into the rope.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah.

Also, keep in mind that most little kids will grasp onto the geographical definition of "close" if someone says that "family are the people close to you". Explaining that there is another kind of close, "closeness in your heart" can help a lot with that.

I had almost that exact same conversation with my oldest daughter when she was around 3. She was confused about whether Daddy was still "family" when she was at my house, and whether I was still "family" when she was at Daddy's house. All because of that tricky word, "close".

Surprisingly, small children also respond well to "always with you in your heart".

[AFK]

I think it is perfectly fair for there to be a conversation between Net and the mother, though I would recommend having it after talking to the child.  Children don't tend to have the filters adults have, so if it is something being encoraged by the mother, I think that would come out in that conversation, directly or indirectly.  I think it is fair to ask the mother to be aware of this and to think about any unintentional signals she may be sending that would reinforce that idea.  But certainly I wouldn't launch into her or mess with child support, unless you have some firm legal support behind you.

[Salty]

Net, I think the most important thing to do, after reassuring her as Nigel said, is to remember that no matter what she is going to be an adult some day. And when that time comes, probably somewhat before, you will be able to have a real conversation with her about why things were the way they were.

And she's going to deal with it in her own way, as all people must do.

These things that kid's say...they get to us because they're supposed to get to us. But the reality is kids are ignorant, they just don't know.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So I've discovered that when my wife was dropping my kids off with me, when it is her day to have them, so she could go get some "chores" done, apparently "chores" = hookup with her new piece of ass. 


Mother of the Year material right there. 


And she wonders why she is losing the kids emotionally.  Maybe because they apparently don't rank above the new boy toy.


I don't know this woman anymore.

Wait, how many days does she have them, anyway? And how did you find that out? Did she tell you? That's a weird thing to do.

[Cain]

Harpoons are badass.

All arguments to the contrary are made by liars, those with bad aim and people shot by harpoon guns themselves, who (inexplicably) survived to tell the tale.

[Suu]

Is finals week starting now.

I'm putting the hustle on, and hoping to get my thesis prospectus in on Friday instead of next Monday so I have time to pick up the graded paper before I leave for Tampa. This is the last time I take more than 12 credits per semester. Ever.

[Juana]

I'm taking eighteen right now. that's been an adventure. Speaking of school, I am going to be SO glad when I'm done with this essay. Carlos Fonseca is not my favorite revolutionary and I am deathly tired of Nicaragua right now.

/back to the grindstone

[Don Coyote]

I'm taking 15 next quarter. An intro to studio arts I should not have to take, a course on American Poetry, with my Lit professor from this ending quarter, and the dread beast calculus. I think the poetry class if going to be my hardest class next quarter.

Also, I have one final, on Wednesday, for precalc.

Coyote, fucking Slacking^TM it up by rewriting basic DnD.

[Don Coyote]

AND THE FALSE SLACK OF VIDYA GAMES CALL TO ME!!!!!

[Suu]

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just got in another hospital bill for a total of 3. Apparently, the doctor that looked at my ultrasound, yet didn't take the time to show me he/she existed still wants to get paid.

Now I understand why people with serious medical bills often kill themselves, funerals are cheaper than this shit.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just got in another hospital bill for a total of 3. Apparently, the doctor that looked at my ultrasound, yet didn't take the time to show me he/she existed still wants to get paid.

Now I understand why people with serious medical bills often kill themselves, funerals are cheaper than this shit.

Medical bankruptcy; it's a thing for a reason!

Does your university not have the mandatory insurance thing? Mine totally does. It's about $1700/year.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm taking eighteen right now. that's been an adventure. Speaking of school, I am going to be SO glad when I'm done with this essay. Carlos Fonseca is not my favorite revolutionary and I am deathly tired of Nicaragua right now.

/back to the grindstone

I'm taking 18 next quarter for some insane reason. I really do not know why I'm doing this to myself.

[Suu]

Aaaaaaaaaaand I just got in another hospital bill for a total of 3. Apparently, the doctor that looked at my ultrasound, yet didn't take the time to show me he/she existed still wants to get paid.

Now I understand why people with serious medical bills often kill themselves, funerals are cheaper than this shit.

Medical bankruptcy; it's a thing for a reason!

Does your university not have the mandatory insurance thing? Mine totally does. It's about $1700/year.

Yep.

Covered less than half because I didn't go to the recommended hospital.

Lolhealthcare!

[Juana]

I'm taking eighteen right now. that's been an adventure. Speaking of school, I am going to be SO glad when I'm done with this essay. Carlos Fonseca is not my favorite revolutionary and I am deathly tired of Nicaragua right now.

/back to the grindstone

I'm taking 18 next quarter for some insane reason. I really do not know why I'm doing this to myself.

Good lord. I've done 18 units with a job before, but never a job plus responsibilities like yours.


It would be super nice if details in the books I've been reading matched up. I mean, really basic details, like where the dictator went when he went into exile.