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How to Know if You're in Tucson

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 28, 2013, 07:42:44 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

January 28, 2013, 07:42:44 PM
1.  Your clock doesn't tell you the time, it just says "Doesn't really matter."

2.  Your fortune cookie says "Why bother?"

3.  Shel Silverstein is banned, because the sidewalk never ends.

4.  Muggers issue you a customer satisfaction survey.  Which is pinned to your chest with a knife.

5.  The "cold water" faucet is a FUCKING LIE.

6.  The Baptists are always crying.

7.  Shot glasses and steins at bars have the impressions of fingers embedded in them.

8.  You can actually visit the Hackey Sack Hall of Fame (no shit), which is in a Greco-Roman marble building (also no shit).

9.  The saloons are so sleazy and disgusting that the patrons go home to unwind.

10.  On a clear day, you can see forever fry like bacon in a pan.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#1
January 28, 2013, 07:46:39 PM
1, 5, 9, and 10 could also apply to Seguin.
The fortune cookies say "GET THE FUCK OUT. NOW." though.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
January 28, 2013, 07:47:45 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 07:46:39 PM
1, 5, 9, and 10 could also apply to Seguin.
The fortune cookies say "GET THE FUCK OUT. NOW." though.

Ours would too, but there's nowhere to go.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

East Coast Hustle

#3
January 28, 2013, 07:55:59 PM
Stella has Austin.

Roger, on the other hand....well, let's just say that compared to the rest of Arizona, Tucson IS Austin.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
January 28, 2013, 08:19:47 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 07:55:59 PM
Stella has Austin.

Roger, on the other hand....well, let's just say that compared to the rest of Arizona, Tucson IS Austin.

Yeah, pretty much.  The nearest thing resembling actual civilization is San Diego, which is 8 hours drive on the other side of the planet.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#5
January 28, 2013, 08:44:28 PM
I always have people telling me how great Amsterdam is.

Which is almost literally on the other side of the planet. I could do bong hits here if I felt like it, but it WOULD be nice to TOTALLY LEAVE AMURKA AND SEE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THEIR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
January 28, 2013, 08:45:34 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:44:28 PM
I always have people telling me how great Amsterdam is.

Which is almost literally on the other side of the planet. I could do bong hits here if I felt like it, but it WOULD be nice to TOTALLY LEAVE AMURKA AND SEE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THEIR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS.

Thing is, Amsterdam is ALSO full of the sort of people that would be attracted to a situation in which loads of foreigners get smashed all the damn time.  If you catch my drift.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

East Coast Hustle

#7
January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#9
January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:45:34 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:44:28 PM
I always have people telling me how great Amsterdam is.

Which is almost literally on the other side of the planet. I could do bong hits here if I felt like it, but it WOULD be nice to TOTALLY LEAVE AMURKA AND SEE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THEIR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS.

Thing is, Amsterdam is ALSO full of the sort of people that would be attracted to a situation in which loads of foreigners get smashed all the damn time.  If you catch my drift.

A little slow on the uptake today and I have several situations rattling around in my heat-seared brain. Which one do you mean?

Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Yeah, but I want to go in a coffeeshop and order it.
Maybe you have to be from Texas to want that kind of shit.  :lol:

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

APATHY FUCK YEAH
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
January 28, 2013, 08:55:15 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
A little slow on the uptake today and I have several situations rattling around in my heat-seared brain. Which one do you mean?

The kind of people that knock you over the head, take all your shit, and throw you in the ocean.


Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
APATHY FUCK YEAH

More like OVERWORKED CAN'T EVEN STOP THE GRAFFITI OR RESPOND TO TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS FUCK YEAH
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#11
January 28, 2013, 09:17:26 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:55:15 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
A little slow on the uptake today and I have several situations rattling around in my heat-seared brain. Which one do you mean?

The kind of people that knock you over the head, take all your shit, and throw you in the ocean.

I'd be used to that, but Houston doesn't have an ocean.

Quote
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
APATHY FUCK YEAH

More like OVERWORKED CAN'T EVEN STOP THE GRAFFITI OR RESPOND TO TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS FUCK YEAH

:horrormirth: :horrormirth: :horrormirth:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

East Coast Hustle

#12
January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
January 28, 2013, 11:55:33 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh

Not to mention all the poor kids that OD.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Pæs

#14
January 29, 2013, 12:45:02 AM
The clocks in New Zealand go backwards. We use them to wind springs.
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