Teevee Rant, part I of V

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Brothers and Sisters¹:

Having taken a quick glance at the TV again for only the 3rd time since 1987, I have to say that it's even DUMBER THAN I REMEMBERED.  It is in fact dumber than I thought it would get, given this much time.  Therefore, I shall not bother with it again until 2039, unless the following things happen:

1.  They never show the Home Alone movies ever again.

2.  They stop with the Law & Order knockoffs.  No shit.  EVERY CHANNEL except the History Channel is showing SOME kind of direct rip off, except that they pull their guns EVERY EPISODE, which even L&O was too smart to portray.

3.  The History Channel and all the "science" channels all stop showing ghost & UFO programs. 

4.  Reality TV is outlawed, and everyone responsible for the ones to date are shipped to Phoenix.

5.  If the above cannot be managed, I will settle for going COMPLETELY over the top, and having a show about a cop who goes from town to town, investigating haunted antiques while being pursued by East coast Guidos in UFOs.  And his partner is a profoundly damaged ex-kiddie pageant winner who is addicted to energy drinks and has an extra thumb on each hand.  TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH.  WHAT'S THAT?  YOU FUCKERS WANT MORE SLACK?

Hallalujah, and pass the Goddamn remote,
The Good Reverend Roger




¹ I realize that "brothers and sisters" reeks of privilege, but it would fuck the header up to include all the groups, sub-groups, and sub-sub-groups.  I'd just say "PUNY HUMANS", but that would be speciesist, and we can't have that shit.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Brothers and Sisters¹:

Having taken a quick glance at the TV again for only the 3rd time since 1987, I have to say that it's even DUMBER THAN I REMEMBERED.  It is in fact dumber than I thought it would get, given this much time.  Therefore, I shall not bother with it again until 2039, unless the following things happen:

1.  They never show the Home Alone movies ever again.

2.  They stop with the Law & Order knockoffs.  No shit.  EVERY CHANNEL except the History Channel is showing SOME kind of direct rip off, except that they pull their guns EVERY EPISODE, which even L&O was too smart to portray.

3.  The History Channel and all the "science" channels all stop showing ghost & UFO programs. 

4.  Reality TV is outlawed, and everyone responsible for the ones to date are shipped to Phoenix.

5.  If the above cannot be managed, I will settle for going COMPLETELY over the top, and having a show about a cop who goes from town to town, investigating haunted antiques while being pursued by East coast Guidos in UFOs.  And his partner is a profoundly damaged ex-kiddie pageant winner who is addicted to energy drinks and has an extra thumb on each hand.  TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH.  WHAT'S THAT?  YOU FUCKERS WANT MORE SLACK?

Hallalujah, and pass the Goddamn remote,
The Good Reverend Roger




¹ I realize that "brothers and sisters" reeks of privilege, but it would fuck the header up to include all the groups, sub-groups, and sub-sub-groups.  I'd just say "PUNY HUMANS", but that would be speciesist, and we can't have that shit.

What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?

Jesus, you try to send a man some entertainment, he gets all pissy.  Just think what you could do with those fuckers, V3X.  You could pave your back yard with their skulls, or maybe sell them to extra-orifice perverts in Mesa.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?

Jesus, you try to send a man some entertainment, he gets all pissy.  Just think what you could do with those fuckers, V3X.  You could pave your back yard with their skulls, or maybe sell them to extra-orifice perverts in Mesa.

Fat chance. The TV-consuming demographic in Phoenix exists on a diet of 99% reality TV as it is. If we had all those producers here, our entire economy would become the world's biggest circlejerk in no time, and then collapse in on itself under the sheer mass of its own self-obsession. Before we knew what hit us, Phoenix would be a bigger entertainment black hole than Hollywood, and there'd be no ocean nearby to go drown myself in.

[Richter]

Reality tv ruins it,people watch tv to forget reality.

We need more fantasy cheese, or another Start Trek.  The old kind, which  was really about social issues and not JUST alien sex.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?

Jesus, you try to send a man some entertainment, he gets all pissy.  Just think what you could do with those fuckers, V3X.  You could pave your back yard with their skulls, or maybe sell them to extra-orifice perverts in Mesa.

Fat chance. The TV-consuming demographic in Phoenix exists on a diet of 99% reality TV as it is. If we had all those producers here, our entire economy would become the world's biggest circlejerk in no time, and then collapse in on itself under the sheer mass of its own self-obsession. Before we knew what hit us, Phoenix would be a bigger entertainment black hole than Hollywood, and there'd be no ocean nearby to go drown myself in.

Yes, but when everyone croaked in front of their TVs from sheer ennui, you get all of their STUFF.  Pawn the ticky-tacky stuff in Tempe, and we'll drink the proceeds in Tucson.

It's GENIUS.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Reality tv ruins it,people watch tv to forget reality.

We need more fantasy cheese, or another Start Trek.  The old kind, which  was really about social issues and not JUST alien sex.

I'd personally try wiring up every TV producer to a car battery by the junk, and when they sound off with an idea, we check to see if it's been done before.  If it has, we throw the switch.  If it hasn't, they get a food pellet.

[Richter]

People would pay to see that, but that violates the reality clause.

Speaking of which, axe the game shows.  Those only teach people that their cindarella koment will in fact ruin their lives

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

HISTORY^(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.


*LAWL

[The Good Reverend Roger]

People would pay to see that, but that violates the reality clause.

Speaking of which, axe the game shows.  Those only teach people that their cindarella koment will in fact ruin their lives

Or make the game shows more interesting.

"YOU BET YOUR SPLEEN"

or

"ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A CHILD SOLDIER?"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

HISTORY^(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.


*LAWL

Saw that.  Shameless attention-whoring, on the level of Mel Gibson.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

HISTORY^(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.


*LAWL

The Vikings thing they're doing is at least entertaining.*

*QG will watch anything where monks get invited to a threesome

[EK WAFFLR]

HISTORY^(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.


*LAWL

The Vikings thing they're doing is at least entertaining.*

*QG will watch anything where monks get invited to a threesome

And about as accurate as Eric the Viking.


Waffles,
Viking'd his teevee in 2001.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I wish I could get rid of my TV, but TVs are just so damned cool these days. I don't pay for content though, and I don't watch commercials, so that's something.

[Lenin McCarthy]

I watch TV very rarely now, after Norwegian State TV started putting up their stuff on the web, free and ad-free.