Conquest of the Planet of the Bride of the Son of the Return of the Open Bar

[navkat]

So, it's fibromyalgia, after all. Turns out, the back pn, leg cramps and headaches AREN'T ideopathic "getting old" growing pains...Fine, then. I refuse to take opiates and I refuse to be crippled. What this MEANS is that I need to get back in shape, eat right and find a way to take control of my insomnia. I am VERY motivated to get proactive, educated and take responsibility for my own health WITHOUT the use of your crappy, life-stealing pn medications. I'm standing fast on this.

"King Solomon's Mines: Exit 75.
I'm still alive."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3bRVMSi12Q&feature=player_detailpage#t=264s

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well, everyone seems to be busy as hell.

I'm gonna go out to the back 40 and take in the desert for a while, try to get my head together.

[Salty]

Well, everyone seems to be busy as hell.

I'm gonna go out to the back 40 and take in the desert for a while, try to get my head together.

I am building Dissapointment Ranch one groaning meat sack at a time.

There will be a petting zoo at Dissapointment Ranch, and pony rides.

Horrible, horrible pony rides.

FUNFACT:
The state of Alaska has the right to enter your privately owned land, give whatever minerals or oil to whatever company it chooses, and compensate you at its discretion at any time.

Ha ha ha.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My desert is currently full of people, for some fucking reason.

I will go tonight.

In the meantime:

http://redtape.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/03/17575854-bank-website-attacks-reach-new-high-249-hours-offline-in-past-six-weeks?lite

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well, everyone seems to be busy as hell.

I'm gonna go out to the back 40 and take in the desert for a while, try to get my head together.

I am building Dissapointment Ranch one groaning meat sack at a time.

There will be a petting zoo at Dissapointment Ranch, and pony rides.

Horrible, horrible pony rides.

FUNFACT:
The state of Alaska has the right to enter your privately owned land, give whatever minerals or oil to whatever company it chooses, and compensate you at its discretion at any time.

Ha ha ha.

Who founded your state, and wrote all the laws?

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, sign me up for disappointment ranch.  I will sign whatever waivers you feel are necessary.

[Salty]

Well, everyone seems to be busy as hell.

I'm gonna go out to the back 40 and take in the desert for a while, try to get my head together.

I am building Dissapointment Ranch one groaning meat sack at a time.

There will be a petting zoo at Dissapointment Ranch, and pony rides.

Horrible, horrible pony rides.

FUNFACT:
The state of Alaska has the right to enter your privately owned land, give whatever minerals or oil to whatever company it chooses, and compensate you at its discretion at any time.

Ha ha ha.

Who founded your state, and wrote all the laws?

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, sign me up for disappointment ranch.  I will sign whatever waivers you feel are necessary.

No waivers will be required. The reason for this is simple, the only tangible assets I plan to own, aside from moldering transportation and goats, will be the ranch itself. And nobody will want to take over this ranch for reasons that will be unknown save by those who've seen it and can't utter the sights they witnessed.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well, everyone seems to be busy as hell.

I'm gonna go out to the back 40 and take in the desert for a while, try to get my head together.

I am building Dissapointment Ranch one groaning meat sack at a time.

There will be a petting zoo at Dissapointment Ranch, and pony rides.

Horrible, horrible pony rides.

FUNFACT:
The state of Alaska has the right to enter your privately owned land, give whatever minerals or oil to whatever company it chooses, and compensate you at its discretion at any time.

Ha ha ha.

Who founded your state, and wrote all the laws?

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, sign me up for disappointment ranch.  I will sign whatever waivers you feel are necessary.

No waivers will be required. The reason for this is simple, the only tangible assets I plan to own, aside from moldering transportation and goats, will be the ranch itself. And nobody will want to take over this ranch for reasons that will be unknown save by those who've seen it and can't utter the sights they witnessed.

We have some deranged ostriches running loose up by Casa Grande.  Could you use some of them?

Just think...320 pounds of insane carniverous bird, that can run over 40 MPH and can disembowel a moutain lion with one kick.

You NEED these.

[Salty]

Well, everyone seems to be busy as hell.

I'm gonna go out to the back 40 and take in the desert for a while, try to get my head together.

I am building Dissapointment Ranch one groaning meat sack at a time.

There will be a petting zoo at Dissapointment Ranch, and pony rides.

Horrible, horrible pony rides.

FUNFACT:
The state of Alaska has the right to enter your privately owned land, give whatever minerals or oil to whatever company it chooses, and compensate you at its discretion at any time.

Ha ha ha.

Who founded your state, and wrote all the laws?

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, sign me up for disappointment ranch.  I will sign whatever waivers you feel are necessary.

No waivers will be required. The reason for this is simple, the only tangible assets I plan to own, aside from moldering transportation and goats, will be the ranch itself. And nobody will want to take over this ranch for reasons that will be unknown save by those who've seen it and can't utter the sights they witnessed.

We have some deranged ostriches.  Could you use some of them?

Just think...320 pounds of insane carniverous bird, that can run over 40 MPH and can disembowel a moutain lion with one kick.

You NEED these.

Oh my yes. I shall winterize them for great terror.

If they try to take my land they will certainly lose a collective eye or three.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh my yes. I shall winterize them for great terror.

If they try to take my land they will certainly lose a collective eye or three.

Just knit some of those doggie sweaters for them, and you're gold.

Feed them barrel cactus.  It makes them utterly batshit.

[Eater of Clowns]

The image of winterized ostriches is making me almost euphorically happy.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The image of winterized ostriches is making me almost euphorically happy.

They don't last til winter here, so some expermentation may be in order.

And you know what THAT means...

[Salty]

The image of winterized ostriches is making me almost euphorically happy.

They don't last til winter here, so some expermentation may be in order.

And you know what THAT means...

I WILL MAKE THESE DAMNED BEASTS PISS ANTI FREEZE AND SHIT HAIL.

THESE ZERO BIRDS OF DOOM WILL STRIKE IN THE DEAD WINTER NIGHTS.

And don't forget, pony rides.

[Eater of Clowns]

The image of winterized ostriches is making me almost euphorically happy.

They don't last til winter here, so some expermentation may be in order.

And you know what THAT means...

SCIENCE!?

1.  I say fuck camouflage.  If that motherfucker is running at you across the bleak and gray tundra it should be FABULOUS.  Just think of it, this big, FABULOUS glittery pink monstrosity coming your way whacked out of its angry little head and there's god. damn. nothing. you. can. do. about. it.

2.  Every now and then, throw a life-like scarecrow in their habitat stuffed to the brim with yummy treats and addictive psychotropic drugs.  Make them lose their fear of humans, enjoy the sensation of evisceration, and give 'em the experience of a bad trip just because fuck it.

3.  Bullet proof armor.  There's a lot of guns in Alaska.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

What ostrich is scared of humans? DINOSAURS HAVE NO FEAR.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

1.  I say fuck camouflage.  If that motherfucker is running at you across the bleak and gray tundra it should be FABULOUS.  Just think of it, this big, FABULOUS glittery pink monstrosity coming your way whacked out of its angry little head and there's god. damn. nothing. you. can. do. about. it.

This made me dangerously happy.