How to not say the wrong thing.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

When Susan had breast cancer, we heard a lot of lame remarks, but our favorite came from one of Susan's colleagues. She wanted, she needed, to visit Susan after the surgery, but Susan didn't feel like having visitors, and she said so.

Her colleague's response? "This isn't just about you."

"It's not?" Susan wondered. "My breast cancer is not about me? It's about you?"

Ahahahahaha. Yes, yes. We all know those people.

Susan has since developed a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential. She calls it the Ring Theory.

Easy enough for everyone to figure out. In theory.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

In with the good vibes, out with the bad . . . .

And don't worry. You'll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that.

There's a reassuring note to end on.

[Reginald Ret]

Very good system.
Even easy to use by the socially inept.

[Richter]

So basically "Ignore the bullshit"?  Use this more than just when you have a crisis, it will help.  Trust me.

...and the fucking cult of the cancer.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

So basically "Ignore the bullshit"?  Use this more than just when you have a crisis, it will help.  Trust me.

...and the fucking cult of the cancer.

Basically you can say anything to anyone not in the center of the shit storm. But to anyone more involved in the shit storm than you, only comforting, helpful stuff.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

All good but I'd bend this one:

Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice.

Sometimes they do. If they couldn't afford medication and I knew of some kind of charity that helped with that, I'd be an asshole not to say anything.

Of course not many things like that exist anymore, so my point is probably moot anyway.

[Doktor Howl]

All good but I'd bend this one:

Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice.

That makes Facebook cry.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

All good but I'd bend this one:

Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice.

That makes Facebook cry.

Suddenly I feel a lot better about this whole topic.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

All good but I'd bend this one:

Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice.

That makes Facebook cry.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

When Susan had breast cancer, we heard a lot of lame remarks, but our favorite came from one of Susan's colleagues. She wanted, she needed, to visit Susan after the surgery, but Susan didn't feel like having visitors, and she said so.

Her colleague's response? "This isn't just about you."

"It's not?" Susan wondered. "My breast cancer is not about me? It's about you?"

Ahahahahaha. Yes, yes. We all know those people.

Susan has since developed a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential. She calls it the Ring Theory.

Easy enough for everyone to figure out. In theory.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

In with the good vibes, out with the bad . . . .

And don't worry. You'll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that.

There's a reassuring note to end on.

That was a really good, useful article!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

All good but I'd bend this one:

Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice.

That makes Facebook cry.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

When Susan had breast cancer, we heard a lot of lame remarks, but our favorite came from one of Susan's colleagues. She wanted, she needed, to visit Susan after the surgery, but Susan didn't feel like having visitors, and she said so.

Her colleague's response? "This isn't just about you."

"It's not?" Susan wondered. "My breast cancer is not about me? It's about you?"

Ahahahahaha. Yes, yes. We all know those people.

Susan has since developed a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential. She calls it the Ring Theory.

Easy enough for everyone to figure out. In theory.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

In with the good vibes, out with the bad . . . .

And don't worry. You'll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that.

There's a reassuring note to end on.

That was a really good, useful article!

I would send it to people I know but it would start a war.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

All good but I'd bend this one:

Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice.

Sometimes they do. If they couldn't afford medication and I knew of some kind of charity that helped with that, I'd be an asshole not to say anything.

Of course not many things like that exist anymore, so my point is probably moot anyway.

I hate unsolicited advice. When someone says "I have this problem and I don't know what to do about it" that sounds a lot like soliciting advice, but when someone says "I have this problem and I am taking care of it but it sucks" that is probably not soliciting advice.

I get stuck at "I have this problem and it's hopeless and there is nothing I can do about it". If I can see pretty clearly that there are solutions, I want to give advice, but at the same time they probably don't actually want advice and aren't going to take it anyway, and I should just shut up.

Of course, if someone keeps that shit up for long enough I probably don't really want to keep talking to them anyway.

[Doktor Howl]

Triple Zero end-gamed unsolicited advice years ago.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Triple Zero end-gamed unsolicited advice years ago.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

I love that. It's a good meme.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Triple Zero end-gamed unsolicited advice years ago.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

This is my go to advice when people come to me whining about horrible things they want changed but don't want to change it themselves.