I have a cat

[Sita]

Had a lizard get in. I'm expecting a present from Sofie in a day or two (she's the hunter of the two) if I can't find it.

[P3nT4gR4m]

There is currently a hedgehog, camped out under my shed. P3nTK9 has to be supervised when peeing. "Leave it!"

First fucking terrier I've pwnt. There is a sheer, bloody determination there that was missing from the more instruction friendly Shepherds and Labs I've had before. This little bastard will give you 110% attention up until such a time as a rabbit or squirrel crosses his nose. He chases deer. Never catches them. It's good exercise for him. I'll sic him on them. "Rabbits!" I never bothered breaking it down - "food smelling animal to chase - go!" "Rabbits!" one size fits all.

From that moment on, until he finds himself alone in the woods, quarry gone, and none too sure where I am. Then he'd take a recall command but he doesn't get one. I've hidden behind a big fat old scots pine. If a dog is in the habit of fucking off on its own and refusing to come back, one logical human reaction is to chase after it. Dogs love this. And will run away for hours. I've seen them playing this game down the park with owners who are fucking clueless to what's going on. He gets cocky in the woods - "I can always find them they shout and yell. No worries. I'm off in here."

However, I take him up the woods and off he goes and I shout once and then hide. Every time he disappears - duck down in a ditch or something. Pretty soon he gets the message I want him to get - "I have to keep an eye on this bastard."

[Salty]

If you wrote a Dog How To I would read that shit.

I read a bunch of things about dogs years ago in an effort to understand what the appeal is.
Your posts ITT were more helpful than any of those pulp piles.

[EK WAFFLR]

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What I did with mine was, when he was a pup, he'd pee every time he woke up (most of them do) so I'd pick him up as soon as his eyes opened, dump him outside and, as soon as he started, I'd yell "pee pees!" in a comdey high pitched voice then stuff a treat down his throat. if I fucked up and missed it. I'd just ignore the whole thing then clean it up when he was done.

Pretty much as soon as he gained a bit of bladder control he'd be clawing at the back door, whining, cos he knew he only got the happy noise and the scooby snack if it happened outside. So I'd let him out and sure enough "trickle"... "PEE PEES" ... "Chomp!" but it doesn't end there.

Thanks to the work of Mr Pavlov we know that the act of peeing and the happy noise have become inextricably linked in the dog and it's a two way street. So now when we're out all I have to tell him is "Pee Pees" and liquid comes out. That's kinda dog training in a nutshell.

When compared to Nigel's experience this is why I like to get them young. I wish I had the patience to take on a rescue but I don't and have nothing but admiration and appreciation for folks who do.

Yep

Poor little fucker probably spent most of her first two years in a crate, and has NO frame of reference for pissing outside being a fun-good thing.

Still, she's doing way better.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Amusingly, FBF's "pee pees" for her dog is "make it happen" in a completely solemn tone.

I can't even hear that phrase in any other context without thinking of it as a command to urinate.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What I did with mine was, when he was a pup, he'd pee every time he woke up (most of them do) so I'd pick him up as soon as his eyes opened, dump him outside and, as soon as he started, I'd yell "pee pees!" in a comdey high pitched voice then stuff a treat down his throat. if I fucked up and missed it. I'd just ignore the whole thing then clean it up when he was done.

Pretty much as soon as he gained a bit of bladder control he'd be clawing at the back door, whining, cos he knew he only got the happy noise and the scooby snack if it happened outside. So I'd let him out and sure enough "trickle"... "PEE PEES" ... "Chomp!" but it doesn't end there.

Thanks to the work of Mr Pavlov we know that the act of peeing and the happy noise have become inextricably linked in the dog and it's a two way street. So now when we're out all I have to tell him is "Pee Pees" and liquid comes out. That's kinda dog training in a nutshell.

When compared to Nigel's experience this is why I like to get them young. I wish I had the patience to take on a rescue but I don't and have nothing but admiration and appreciation for folks who do.

I have a rescue, but whomever his prior owners were, he was completely house trained.  He has sicked up in the house once, but never pissed or shat in it, no matter how desperate he is.

Pretty sure they also beat him pretty badly.  It's been 7 months, and he's just now able to pass people in the house without cringing.

Poor pooper.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have nothing of substance to add

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That is a fucking cute motherfucking dog, Waffles.

[EK WAFFLR]

She's adorably derpy, to borrow a term I read recently. 

[Pergamos]

She looks concerned.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I like my cats part dog, and my dogs part cat.

(Why yes, I did own a spaniel and a tabby kitten, why do you ask?)

Yuo needs a fox.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Waffles dog is tha BOMB.

And yeah, P3nt: WRITE A THREAD OR A BOOK OR SOMETHING. THIS IS GREAT STUFF.

[Cain]

Dogs do need plenty of exercise:

[P3nT4gR4m]

Haha. Mine does that!