Boy Legos and Girl Legos

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

oh my god he picked up a doll! he must be growing up to be non hetero/cisgendered!

give me a fucking break.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I do have a boy, and he likes all kinds of things that would normally be reserved "for girls." And when the issue of someone giving him shit for it, it is very much "they're jerks, play how you want." The same goes when my daughter plays with Transformers or Thomas. We actively discourage any of that bullshit, because our kids should get to be and like whatever they want.

That's cool. Have they asked why people say some toys are for girls and some are for boys, yet?

They ask but not very seriously. We tell them some people like to be told what they like, and other people like to find out for themselves what they like, and in our house everyone is free to decide for themselves.

I like your approach. It is a shame more parents don't have your handle on things. I think the labeling and presentation of the girl Legos sends a shitty message to girls and boys but as long as you're prepared to answer the questions it and other toys like it might bring up, it's not as bad as it could be. Does your extended family back you up on that, letting your kids pick, or do they stick to the gender themed approach?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

What are the warning signs for girls, if I may ask?

[Pergamos]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

do you realise HOW sexist it seems for you to assume that "boy plays with girls toys, must be queer/trans*"

It might not be true if the kid was raised in a cultural vaccuum,, but I am assuming he's old enough to play with legos, so at least 6 or so, and that I let him watch TV and play with other kids.  He's already been socialized that those are toys for girls.  Maybe he is just curious, and that is fine, maybe he likes girly stuff without being trans, if so I still need to be ready for him to face a shitty time in high school, worse in some ways than the trans kid because he doesn't have the strength that comes with a different identity, he's just a weird kid.

How sexist is it for you to assume that an adult man with shaved face and legs in a dress is queer/trans?  I assume you assign a much higher likelihood to that than a woman in jeans and a wifebeater with no makeup on being trans.

[Pergamos]

oh my god he picked up a doll! he must be growing up to be non hetero/cisgendered!

give me a fucking break.

I assume you didn't read my posts, since I specifically said that barbie dolls and raggedy ann were NOT warning signs.

[Pergamos]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

What are the warning signs for girls, if I may ask?

Refusing to wear skirts or dresses (or makeup when she's a bit older) otherwise vigorously rejecting feminine traits and activities.  Because of societies sexism doing boy stuff isn't much of an indicator, actively spurning girl stuff means she might have gender issues or she might have some internalized misogyny, which is also going to make life hard for her.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

do you realise HOW sexist it seems for you to assume that "boy plays with girls toys, must be queer/trans*"

It might not be true if the kid was raised in a cultural vaccuum,, but I am assuming he's old enough to play with legos, so at least 6 or so, and that I let him watch TV and play with other kids.  He's already been socialized that those are toys for girls.  Maybe he is just curious, and that is fine, maybe he likes girly stuff without being trans, if so I still need to be ready for him to face a shitty time in high school, worse in some ways than the trans kid because he doesn't have the strength that comes with a different identity, he's just a weird kid.

How sexist is it for you to assume that an adult man with shaved face and legs in a dress is queer/trans?  I assume you assign a much higher likelihood to that than a woman in jeans and a wifebeater with no makeup on being trans.

no. I use the pronouns people ask me to. gender variance/ presentation can be a awesome myriad of things and I have very femme genderqueer friends, some that are more androgynous, some more genderfluid friends and some binary trans friends.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

What are the warning signs for girls, if I may ask?

Refusing to wear skirts or dresses (or makeup when she's a bit older) otherwise vigorously rejecting feminine traits and activities.  Because of societies sexism doing boy stuff isn't much of an indicator, actively spurning girl stuff means she might have gender issues or she might have some internalized misogyny, which is also going to make life hard for her.

internalised misogyny, yes.. that one fits, the rest? yea, not so much.

refusing to wear makeup could just be an act of rebellion, a NO, NO SKIRTS is sometimes a matter of comfort.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

And where the fuck did i make the assumption about presentation and gender identity?

I know from my social circle that it's not at all cut and dried, or binary, or even static.

[Pergamos]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

What are the warning signs for girls, if I may ask?

Refusing to wear skirts or dresses (or makeup when she's a bit older) otherwise vigorously rejecting feminine traits and activities.  Because of societies sexism doing boy stuff isn't much of an indicator, actively spurning girl stuff means she might have gender issues or she might have some internalized misogyny, which is also going to make life hard for her.

internalised misogyny, yes.. that one fits, the rest? yea, not so much.

refusing to wear makeup could just be an act of rebellion, a NO, NO SKIRTS is sometimes a matter of comfort.

So aside from your son/daughter coming to you at 12 or 13 and telling you that he/she is trans, how would you figure it out?  This idea that there are no signs whatsoever seems pretty silly to me.  Gender means something, being trans means taking on a gender different from what your genitals would suggest, so if someone is acting like the other gender than their genitals, it is a sign they might be trans.  Someone with a penis who wears women's clothes and makeup and has a cleanshaven face but who still prefers to be referred to as he is, in my opinion, far more trans than someone with a penis,a beard and pants who wants to be called she.  The first person is also going to have a much harder time from other people than the second.

[Pergamos]

And where the fuck did i make the assumption about presentation and gender identity?

I know from my social circle that it's not at all cut and dried, or binary, or even static.

So apparently you already live in a feminist utopia, that's great, the rest of us still have to deal with the patriarchy on a daily basis and part of that is being ready to shield our children from it, even being over prepared in some cases.

[AFK]

not enough people are media savvy enough, and kids channels are CONSTANTLY bombarded with gendered marketing.

Turn off the TV.  My daughter sees very little of this because she sees very little TV.  But when she does see it, she has me to help her process it.  And she also gets constant reinforcement and encouragement to follow the paths she wants, regardless of what the TV tells her, or her friends, or anyone else. 


It's called parenting.  Marketers can only get to your kids if you let them. 

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I do have a boy, and he likes all kinds of things that would normally be reserved "for girls." And when the issue of someone giving him shit for it, it is very much "they're jerks, play how you want." The same goes when my daughter plays with Transformers or Thomas. We actively discourage any of that bullshit, because our kids should get to be and like whatever they want.

That's cool. Have they asked why people say some toys are for girls and some are for boys, yet?

They ask but not very seriously. We tell them some people like to be told what they like, and other people like to find out for themselves what they like, and in our house everyone is free to decide for themselves.

I like your approach. It is a shame more parents don't have your handle on things. I think the labeling and presentation of the girl Legos sends a shitty message to girls and boys but as long as you're prepared to answer the questions it and other toys like it might bring up, it's not as bad as it could be. Does your extended family back you up on that, letting your kids pick, or do they stick to the gender themed approach?

My extended family are all fundamentalist baptists, so they don't back anything up. They are strangely bewildered by the fact that our 5- and 7-year old kids are more well adjusted and better behaved than the hardcore Christian kids in the family. But they never ask for pointers, for some reason.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I can't really provide anecdotes from my own personal experiences because I grew up in such a dysfunctional cluster-fuck. That being said; I'm pretty sure nature, nurture, and random circumstance combine to varying degrees to give everyone a somewhat customized experience of childhood. I'm now curious to explore the whole warning signs of gender non-conformity, though.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Out of curiosity, assuming you had a boy, would you let your little boy play with the set in the second picture? How would you respond if he was bullied by his friends for playing with it? Would it go more like "they're jerks, play how you wanna play" or "well that's what you get for playing with girl toys" ?

I'd say that they were jerks, and I'd also get ready to tell him that over and over as he got older, because I would suspect he had some gender identity issues.  Those girly legos are REALLY girly (and they don't sell them around here)

why the fuck would you assume they had gender identity issues? I played with a lot of "boys" toys and I'm pretty much straight, cisgendered and have none of these issues.

or would you only assume that for a boy playing with "girly" toys?

Barbie dolls or raggedy ann, no.  Those legos yes.  If my daughter was heavily into guns I'd have the same concern, other than that, as you and others have said, being into boy toys is considered normal for girls, it doesn't indicate gender identity issues, being into girl stuff does for a boy.  It may not be right that society is that way, but it is that way and as a parent I need to be prepared to nurture and protect my child.  If I had a son who was playing with those legos, or some of the other excessively feminized toys that are out I'd assume he had gender issues and I'd be ready to deal with that by the time he came to terms with it enough to vocalize it.  And by deal with I mean reassure him that it is ok, that I know that he'll be facing more challenges than may of his peers and that I'll be there to support him through them.

right.

so assuming you have a trans kid if its a boy but not a girl isn't a bullshit assumption at all?

yea, right.

There's warning signs for girls but in our current society playing with boy toys isn't one of them.

What are the warning signs for girls, if I may ask?

Refusing to wear skirts or dresses (or makeup when she's a bit older) otherwise vigorously rejecting feminine traits and activities.  Because of societies sexism doing boy stuff isn't much of an indicator, actively spurning girl stuff means she might have gender issues or she might have some internalized misogyny, which is also going to make life hard for her.

internalised misogyny, yes.. that one fits, the rest? yea, not so much.

refusing to wear makeup could just be an act of rebellion, a NO, NO SKIRTS is sometimes a matter of comfort.

So aside from your son/daughter coming to you at 12 or 13 and telling you that he/she is trans, how would you figure it out?  This idea that there are no signs whatsoever seems pretty silly to me.  Gender means something, being trans means taking on a gender different from what your genitals would suggest, so if someone is acting like the other gender than their genitals, it is a sign they might be trans.  Someone with a penis who wears women's clothes and makeup and has a cleanshaven face but who still prefers to be referred to as he is, in my opinion, far more trans than someone with a penis,a beard and pants who wants to be called she.  The first person is also going to have a much harder time from other people than the second.

you are thinking in binary terms, for a star, and gender is a continuum for some trans* folks. Dude in a dress that wants to be called he? probably a crossdresser, still a dude.

Kids will tell you and there are plenty of cases of kids that will tell their parents before puberty. Making an assumption that this kid is definitely going to be gender non-conforming/ trans because they prefer certain toys is bullshit.

i HATED wearing makeup, dresses, skirts until I was about 14, and honestly, I only wear makeup when I can be arsed to and feel like it.

not enough people are media savvy enough, and kids channels are CONSTANTLY bombarded with gendered marketing.

Turn off the TV.  My daughter sees very little of this because she sees very little TV.  But when she does see it, she has me to help her process it.  And she also gets constant reinforcement and encouragement to follow the paths she wants, regardless of what the TV tells her, or her friends, or anyone else. 


It's called parenting.  Marketers can only get to your kids if you let them. 

Your daughter is one of the lucky ones. Not all kids have that luxury. Marketing doesn't exist outside a societal vacuum though and the fact that 89% of engineers are male would suggest that gendering toys (especially science kits) is a problem.