TGRR Quiz. How TGRR Are You?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

[LMNO]

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

The chimp: It gets the fruit, and gets to smash something.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Follow with a bottle of tequila and a camera.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

Let you get out alive.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Throw up in the gutter.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

Nookie.

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

Death at the soonest.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

Kill yourself.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

Cannon fodder.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

Drop trou and grin.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

Invent a rocket-powered lemon gun.

[Junkenstein]

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

I would hope to be the smartest primate in the room. I'm watching them fight for food and am not joining in so I can assume I've been fed by my benevolent captor.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Nothing. This does not sound like my concern.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't ever forget your phone number. They will drunk dial it. They will insist that you are Teddy and they want you back. They will refuse to believe otherwise and say they are coming round. They will come round. God knows where they go but they will call you back to bitch about not answering the damn door.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, You're in Rome.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?
Depends on Success, PR and media links.

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?
Never. Grudges, like cheese, increase in potency with time.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?
Global domination under my glorious peaceful regime of equality and total fairness. Trust me, you want me in charge. It's best for everyone. As this is unlikely to occur, I'll consider the lack of it an overall indirect victory for democracy. 

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?
Ballast.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?
Assume it's bullshit and wait to find out why and how much. Every. Fucking. Time. Kony anyone? Fuck your causes and beliefs, tell me what you're THINKING.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, Fuck that guy. Seriously. Lemons. Natures piss. You see these people who put lemon slices in fucking everything? Scum. These cretins drove COKE LEMON into the world. You know Coke Lemon. It's the only thing left in the vending machine when you're dying for a drink of something NICE and all that's there is a sulky bottle of coke lemon, leering at you, like a turd covered in condensation mocking your lack of choice. "It's me or that public toilet over there. Mind the crackheads, hope you've got a stab vest on eh?". Fucking lemons. Take your lemon and shove it up your arse. Sideways.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

IT BETTER BE ME.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Call my dealer and thank her.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

Know about my tomahawk.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Find the restaurants the locals eat at.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

A lifetime of petty bureaucracy.

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

When I forget that I'm holding it, so roughly 4-6 weeks.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

TAKE IT TO THE WALL.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

Kindling.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

Mock them endlessly.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

put them in your whiskey soda.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

The bonobo is more intelligent but the chimp had more fun.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Make sure I have a video camera.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

get out of the psychward much. Because they're psychotic.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Reenact the assassination of Julius Caesar in a restaurant.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

Immortality.

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

I try not to hold grudges.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

Kill yourself

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

Depends on what brand you're using.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

Tell them all about mine simultaneously, trying to rob them of the attention they want.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

Throw it at his big beardy head.

[Ben Shapiro]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

Spider monkey is the smartest for it shall wait until the others get the fruit, and kill them for it.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

I eat shit, and bark at the moon and join him.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

say "NO" if you know what I mean and I think you do.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Remind everyone Greece is superior.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

To be eaten by the poor

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

It never expires that's why it's a grudge

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

Never be a Anarchist

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

A measuring unit for finding "ROCK BOTTOM".

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

TELL THEM TO SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

Beat God with them til you get a fucking beer!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

By the way, to those who haven't responded, you don't actually have to post your answers.  Nobody has to know.  Except you.  You'll know, and you will never be able to UN-know.  You can only spend the rest of your life trying to forget.

[tarod]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

Bonobo, no glass in his food.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Find tranq darts. Go to walmart. I'm figuring a predator will be attracted by all the easy (fat) prey.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't stop being crazy.



4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, Do what the Romans DID, not as they do.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants? The same as everyone else, except they got to spend their life doing anything they wanted.

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when? The heat death of the universe, or the Grudge being forgotten because you have DEALT WITH IT.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what? Different.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what? Fertilizer, everyone is happy.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...? 

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, Don't eat them Epicurus might have been right.

[EK WAFFLR]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

the chimp. It gets food and a weapon.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

get drunk. Join him. Take pictures.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

psychotic ex-girlfriends don't ever disappear, and will always be there, knife in hand.


4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

when in Rome, DRUGS! ORGIES! BOOZE!

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

sex

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

NEVER

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

Shout a lot, get drunk, celebrate Saturday Night. Kick assholes in the nads.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

car polish

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

agree profusely with everything they say, then laugh maniacally and smash beer glass over my own head.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.


When God gives you lemons, God should beg forgiveness.

[P3nT4gR4m]

posted before reading anyone else answers. For fear of plagiarism and/or performance anxiety 

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

Me.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?



3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

seem like that when you first meet them but there are usually signs that will become obvious some time after she's lobbed all your worldly possessions on a bonfire on the front lawn

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Get drunk and fuck shit up.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

A management position

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

no such thing

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

Get drunk and fuck shit up

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

Nope, can't think of any

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

Mock them until the veins in their neck start ding that funny, sticky-outy thing

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

he's just being a dick, ignore him, he hates that

[Richter]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

Why the hell am I IN the chamber with these damn apes? 

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Follow him to watch the fun and piss on squad cars.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

Sugar coat shit.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Don't order the fish

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

Tracksuits and bad hair

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

Equal to the expiration date of the grudge holder.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

SHUT UP.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

Keeping the Proselytizers off my ass.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

Start singing showtunes or "Queen" at the top of my lungs.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD.

[Trivial]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?
ME

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?
Set angsty teenager traps.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.
eat bacon.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.
do Romans.

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?
Death, just like everyone else.

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?
I've forgotten who the hell that person is.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?
Fuck off and get over yourself.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?
Schadenfreude

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?
Ignore them

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.
start spouting Portal 2 quotes nonstop.

[LMNO]

I'm enjoying how certain answers seem to be lining up.

[Cuddlefish]

Answers and grading scale tomorrow.

1.  You are in a chamber observing a bonobo, a spider monkey, and a chimanzee attempt to get food out of a narrow-necked bottle.  The spider monkey reaches in and grabs the fruit, but cannot get his hand out.  The bonobo turns the bottle upside down, and the fruit falls out.  The chimpanzee smashes the bottle and gets the fruit.  Which primate is the most intelligent?

Trick question. There's no such thing as an intelligent primate.

2.  You are out with a friend on the night of a full moon.  He suddenly sprouts facial hair, grows fangs and claws, and runs off into town on a rampage.  Quick, what do you do?

Ignore him. Probably just a hipster.

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

get into it like they used to back in the day.

4.  Complete the following sentence:  When in Rome, __________________.

Wear clean underwear

5.  What is the fate of tyrants?

Tyranny

6.  The expiration date on a grudge is when?

Depends on the venue.

7.  The greatest thing you personally can do for yourself, your country, and the world is what?

Read a God-damned book every once in a while.

8.  The proper use for a Pagan is what?

Gear grease.

9.  When people insist on telling you all about their new-found cause/beliefs, you...?

...... I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening.

10.  Complete the following sentence:  When God gives you lemons, _______________.

You find a new God

[Cuddlefish]

3.  Complete the following sentence:  Psychotic ex-girlfriends don't _____________.

Know about my tomahawk.