I GOT MY MEMBERS ONLY JACKET AND MY REEBOKS ON...

[EK WAFFLR]

WHY DID I ONLY GET THE CORDUROY BALACLAVA?

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'M NOT SURE I GET THIS FREAD BUT SOMEONE SAID "PARTY"

I GOT THE EMERGENCY SERVICES AND ARMED FORCES WARNED - "STAY CLEAR OR LOSE ASSETS." I HAVE ENOUGH BOOZE TO LEVEL A PLAYING FIELD AND ENOUGH POT TO REPLANT THE BASTARD. I'M BRINGING THE MUMMIFIED REMAINS OF JOE STRUMMER AS MY PLUS ONE. YOU'LL RECOGNISE ME - I'LL BE THE GUY WEARING A LEOTARD MADE FROM GERI HALLIWELL'S SKIN, CHATTING UP YOUR MOM AND SCREAMING "CULLODEN!" AT ANYONE WHO I SUSPECT OF BEING EVEN VAGUELY ENGLISH.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'M GOING TO CONTROL YOU ALL WITH MY INSATIABLE DEMANDS FOR CONFORMITY

OH wow hold on I just realized that by a certain form of "logic", PD has recognized me as the smartest guy in the room and turned to me for leadership.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

NIGEL, TELL ME HOW TO DRESS FOR THE PARTY! I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF BECAUSE IT'D BE A VIOLATION OF MY VAGINA-POSESSING CONTRACT.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I'M GOING TO CONTROL YOU ALL WITH MY INSATIABLE DEMANDS FOR CONFORMITY

OH wow hold on I just realized that by a certain form of "logic", PD has recognized me as the smartest guy in the room and turned to me for leadership.

DR. NIGEL, I NEED 7 NEW OPINIONS ABOUT TOPICAL SUBJECTS, STAT

THEY NEED TO BE PROVOCATIVE AND INFORMED ENOUGH THAT I DON'T GET LAUGHED OUT OF THE COFFEE SHOP, BUT I STILL NEED TO BE ABLE TO SHARE THEM AT CASUAL FAMILY GATHERINGS

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

NIGEL, TELL ME HOW TO DRESS FOR THE PARTY! I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF BECAUSE IT'D BE A VIOLATION OF MY VAGINA-POSESSING CONTRACT.

TECHNICALLY I ALSO HAVE A VAGINA, BUT I HAVE AN EXEMPTION BY VIRTUE OF BEING 100% CONTROLLED BY TGRR'S MIND-LAZORS, SO YOU SHOULD DRESS LIKE THIS:

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'M GOING TO CONTROL YOU ALL WITH MY INSATIABLE DEMANDS FOR CONFORMITY

OH wow hold on I just realized that by a certain form of "logic", PD has recognized me as the smartest guy in the room and turned to me for leadership.

DR. NIGEL, I NEED 7 NEW OPINIONS ABOUT TOPICAL SUBJECTS, STAT

THEY NEED TO BE PROVOCATIVE AND INFORMED ENOUGH THAT I DON'T GET LAUGHED OUT OF THE COFFEE SHOP, BUT I STILL NEED TO BE ABLE TO SHARE THEM AT CASUAL FAMILY GATHERINGS

1. BEN AFFLECK'S PERFORMANCE WAS A BRILLIANT TESTAMENT TO THE HYPOCRISY OF HOLLYWOOD PERFECTION
2. THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO THE FUKUSHIMA DISASTER, IT IS PROOF OF THE HUBRIS OF MAN
3. MILEY CYRUS WILL MAKE A PERFECTLY FINE BATMAN, THERE HASN'T BEEN A DECENT BATMAN MOVIE IN 21 YEARS ANYWAY
4. SYRIA TOTALLY HAS CHEMICAL WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
5. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ISRAEL? NEVER HEARD OF IT
6. THE EARTH COULD COMFORTABLY SUSTAIN 16 BILLION PEOPLE IN CONDITIONS NO ONE WOULD WANT TO LIVE UNDER
7. IF DOLPHINS ARE NONHUMAN PERSONS, WHAT'S NEXT, COCKROACHES?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

6. THE EARTH COULD COMFORTABLY SUSTAIN 16 BILLION PEOPLE IN CONDITIONS NO ONE WOULD WANT TO LIVE UNDER

An emote should exist for this.

Except, I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling.

This is probably the closest:

[Ben Shapiro]

I CAN'T STOP SINGING!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I have to say, I once heard a bloke at the bar going on about how the Earth could support 30 billion people, if we put a lot of them in undersea colonies.

My initial reaction was this:


And then he started talking about how we should hollow out the Earth to make a Dyson Sphere. 1 Dyson Sphere, at a distance of 1 AU. This is a totally feasible plan, making, a Dyson Sphere out of 1 Earth Mass and spreading it out over a sphere 1 AU in radius. Never mind the lack of a planetary core staving off coronal mass ejections, or I dunno, maintaining atmospheric pressure at sea level. So at that point I just went 

[Reginald Ret]

6. THE EARTH COULD COMFORTABLY SUSTAIN 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN CONDITIONS NO ONE WOULD WANT TO LIVE UNDER

An emote should exist for this.

Except, I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling.

This is probably the closest:

fixt.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

6. THE EARTH COULD COMFORTABLY SUSTAIN 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN CONDITIONS NO ONE WOULD WANT TO LIVE UNDER

An emote should exist for this.

Except, I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling.

This is probably the closest:

fixt.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Actually, the more I think about the technical difficulties behind it (not even touching where you would get all of that material to make it in the first place), I think we should rename the idea of a Dyson Sphere as Dumbass Sphere.

I can't think of a bigger an more impractical waste of resources, manpower, and materiel than that.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Everything begins with the Dyson Sphere. It takes just a little over two years to cap the star. Once this phase is completed the energy it generates is used to power the whole construction process. Next we begin harvesting planets. Thermonuclear "mole" charges are sent deep into the core of the planet, each one taking up a specific position, to form a cone shaped array of charges which are then detonated in unison. Our carbon factory collects the debris and converts it into pellets of pure carbon, each one with a mass in excess of two hundred and fifty million metric tons. These pellets are then fired directly into the Dyson's gravity well and collected there by the habisphere construction plant which turns them into hexagonal habisphere segments.

Once the hex segment is completed it's moved out of orbit and fitted into place in the habisphere where terraforming begins. Our original solar sysem was capable of sustaining around ten billion souls, with energy resources stretched to breaking point. Most of our solar energy was just pouring out into space. A Habisphere can sustain more than five hundred million times that number with an energy supply that is never more than fifteen percent utilised, even at full population. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why we like to refer to our Habispheres as "Solar System 2.0"


We'll be arriving at Habisphere 57 in a few hours. Welcome to your new home!

[Ben Shapiro]

Everything begins with the Dyson Sphere. It takes just a little over two years to cap the star. Once this phase is completed the energy it generates is used to power the whole construction process. Next we begin harvesting planets. Thermonuclear "mole" charges are sent deep into the core of the planet, each one taking up a specific position, to form a cone shaped array of charges which are then detonated in unison. Our carbon factory collects the debris and converts it into pellets of pure carbon, each one with a mass in excess of two hundred and fifty million metric tons. These pellets are then fired directly into the Dyson's gravity well and collected there by the habisphere construction plant which turns them into hexagonal habisphere segments.

Once the hex segment is completed it's moved out of orbit and fitted into place in the habisphere where terraforming begins. Our original solar sysem was capable of sustaining around ten billion souls, with energy resources stretched to breaking point. Most of our solar energy was just pouring out into space. A Habisphere can sustain more than five hundred million times that number with an energy supply that is never more than fifteen percent utilised, even at full population. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why we like to refer to our Habispheres as "Solar System 2.0"


We'll be arriving at Habisphere 57 in a few hours. Welcome to your new home!

SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!