Meet the Fantastically Bejeweled Skeletons of Catholicism’s Forgotten Martyrs

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I need to look into how much people will pay to have their shit bejazzled post-mortem.

The first person I thought of when I posted this was Nigel. Because I remember her skeleton project from a few years back. And I had this vision of her delicately crafting everything out of beads she made, and just going to town on it. Glass penises included.

You make me want to bling up my skeleton bride.

[Suu]

I need to look into how much people will pay to have their shit bejazzled post-mortem.

The first person I thought of when I posted this was Nigel. Because I remember her skeleton project from a few years back. And I had this vision of her delicately crafting everything out of beads she made, and just going to town on it. Glass penises included.

You make me want to bling up my skeleton bride.

It would be pretty fucking epic.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I need to look into how much people will pay to have their shit bejazzled post-mortem.

The first person I thought of when I posted this was Nigel. Because I remember her skeleton project from a few years back. And I had this vision of her delicately crafting everything out of beads she made, and just going to town on it. Glass penises included.

You make me want to bling up my skeleton bride.

It would be pretty fucking epic.

It's probably gonna happen, now. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Intern me like one of your French girls.

No, no, no, that was just his glam phase. 

I need to look into how much people will pay to have their shit bejazzled post-mortem.

The first person I thought of when I posted this was Nigel. Because I remember her skeleton project from a few years back. And I had this vision of her delicately crafting everything out of beads she made, and just going to town on it. Glass penises included.

You make me want to bling up my skeleton bride.

It would be pretty fucking epic.

It's probably gonna happen, now. 

YES.

The Bowl of Dicks can be a part of something BIGGER.  but serious!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Necklace of dicks. 

I feel like "Fantastically Bejeweled Skeleton of Catholicism's Forgotten Martyrs" should be someone's Holy Name.

[Suu]

Necklace of dicks. 

I feel like "Fantastically Bejeweled Skeleton of Catholicism's Forgotten Martyrs" should be someone's Holy Name.

YES. That is a great Holy Name.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Necklace of dicks. 

I feel like "Fantastically Bejeweled Skeleton of Catholicism's Forgotten Martyrs" should be someone's Holy Name.

YES and YES.

[Faust]

[PopeSlag]

Dear Tranzhuman Cryonic Institute of Weehawken,
I would officially like to make some slight changes to the way my head shall be preserved. Enclosed, you will find a package of assorted beads, a hot glue gun, and a letter from the Bishop of Las Vegas.

These are mythical in how spectacular they are, really shows up the religions who just painted pictures of their saints.

[Faust]

Dear Tranzhuman Cryonic Institute of Weehawken,
I would officially like to make some slight changes to the way my head shall be preserved. Enclosed, you will find a package of assorted beads, a hot glue gun, and a letter from the Bishop of Las Vegas.

One mustn't forget the rhinestones.

[Suu]

Goddamn Faust, you need to have my children for that bling gif. 

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Ah to  be a martyr (perhaps, unless these are just some Roman dudes and not at all Christian bones).

Imagine, sacrificing your wealth, your livelihood, your friends, your family and even your life for a religion that you Truly Believe In.

Then imagine later followers of your religion hauling out your bones and sticking more than the net worth of your entire life on you as decorations. As you lay there for centuries in this splendor, the people around your corpse and penniless and dying of starvation.

Well, God did promise them a fantastic FABULOUS!! afterlife.

[P3nT4gR4m]

kinda related and definitely up there in terms of awesome macabre is this place

Can't remember offhand what the holy relic was (maybe baby jesus's foreskin  or maybe the bejewelled skull of john the baptist aged 4) but basically everyone in a thousand mile radius wanted buried there, so the bodies started piling up until the neighbors started complaining about the smell. Church was in need of redecorating ... two birds/one stone

[Suu]

Ah to  be a martyr (perhaps, unless these are just some Roman dudes and not at all Christian bones).

From what I gather, they are all random skeletons that may or may not have been Christian. M. is the initial for Marcus, not martyr. That made me laugh, hard.

Imagine, sacrificing your wealth, your livelihood, your friends, your family and even your life for a religion that you Truly Believe In.

That's a Franciscan thing that didn't come about until the 13th Century. Even early Christians were pretty well off. It was the city religion, not the country ("pagani") religion. Think of it as Scientology today. The Romans collected religions and this one sounded like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, the promise of afterlife in Heaven was a bit great for some, and there was a movement in which Christians would jump out in front of chariots and carts in attempts to martyr themselves. This pissed off a lot of people, namely Domitian and Diocletian, and led to, "Well, if ya'll want to die, we'll just make it easier on you." And then Constantine essentially told them to knock it the fuck off and decriminalized Christianity.

Then imagine later followers of your religion hauling out your bones and sticking more than the net worth of your entire life on you as decorations. As you lay there for centuries in this splendor, the people around your corpse and penniless and dying of starvation.

Well, God did promise them a fantastic FABULOUS!! afterlife.

Par for the course through most of the Middle Ages and Early Modern Period. But these are SPECTACULARLY FABULOUS.