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PI With Malice Aforethought: Pixie & Payne

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 28, 2013, 03:36:47 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

October 28, 2013, 03:36:47 PM Last Edit: October 28, 2013, 03:40:02 PM by Dirty Old Uncle Roger
So this awful thing happened, right?  The cops showed up, then the fire department, then the EMTs.  There was paperwork, reporters asking rude questions, detectives walking around with long faces.  Nobody really wanted to talk about it much.  You know the sort of thing I'm talking about.  It doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it's a horrible mess.

But when all the measurements are taken, the CSU guys are done with the scene, and the reporters have enough soundbites for the nightly Ain't It Awful, every gets the fuck away as fast as they can.  Because then The Cleaners arrive.  You didn't think that mess went away by itself, did you?

First, the fog rolls in.  Nobody talks about that, even in places where fog is unheard of (Tucson, perhaps, or Albequerque).  Then there's this creaking noise, like one of those old ox carts of yore.  And if we weren't smart enough to get out of Dodge, we see him.

Payne.  He pushes a hand cart which leaves wheel ruts full of blood, even before he gets there.  He is dressed in a hooded cloak, which appears to be made out of rags.  He stops and surveys the scene, then begins heaping the bodies onto the cart.

"Could use a little help here", he might grumble.

"unnnnnnng", the dead say by way of reply.

"Oh, shut up."

"unnng?"

"No, you're quite dead.  Shut up.  You just think you're still alive because you don't yet know the difference.  Oh, but you will, my son, you will."

Eventually, he gets all the bits up on the cart.  Most times this is pretty fast work, but in some cases (Jonestown, for example), it's an all-nighter.  Then he wheels his cart back into the fog.  The bloody wheel tracks only go on for about ten feet after you lose sight of him.  He's gone, and the dead are gone with him.  Something gets presented to the family at the nursing home, but that is a different story, indeed.

Back in England, far below Southhampton, Payne and his cart creak and wobble into a large room that was, once upon a time, the sub-basement for a hospital, the name of which is remembered only by historians and the very, very old.  It was, a century ago, a place whose name was used to frighten unruly children.  Pixie is waiting for him, with a clipboard and a pen.

Together, they catalogue the dead, making sure everyone on the list is present, and that no extra bodies are there.  They don't get paid for extras, and questions may be asked.  Once the dead are accounted for, they lay the bodies out on the old gurneys that still line the walls.  Then they go to the stairs, and they catch their breath.

Then they hit the button on the wall.  A low buzzing noise goes off...But they aren't there to see it.  They are running up the stairs like their arses were on fire.  They don't stop running until they get back to their flat.  They neither want to see nor hear what's coming.

Once home, Payne takes his horribly-stained smock off, and looks at Pixie.

"Darling, do you ever wonder what He does with them?"

Pixie, fumbling with a cigarette, looks back at him with a cross look on her face.  "No.  And neither do you, do you hear me?  We don't wonder and we don't ask questions and we shut up and we take the money.  Do you understand?"

"Yes, dear.  I was just wondering."

"Well, don't."

Then they go to bed.  Tomorrow night will be along soon enough, and it can be very tiring work.


" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#1
October 28, 2013, 03:41:12 PM
Brrrrrr!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
October 28, 2013, 03:43:07 PM
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on October 28, 2013, 03:41:12 PM
Brrrrrr!

Someone has to get rid of that stuff.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#3
October 28, 2013, 04:41:32 PM
Nice. Creepy.

Pope Pixie Pickle

#4
October 28, 2013, 09:54:46 PM
eep!

Chelagoras The Boulder

#5
October 28, 2013, 11:12:36 PM
Nice Roger! I'm really liking these PI stories so far! :)
"It isn't who you know, it's who you know, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do."

Pope Pixie Pickle

#6
October 29, 2013, 12:04:57 AM
whenever roger writes stories about Southampton and it's ancient underbelly I always think of this part of the city where the old medieval  walls are http://www.heritagegateway.org.uk/Gateway/Results_Single.aspx?uid=MSH2248&resourceID=1016

Payne

#7
October 29, 2013, 05:09:26 AM
Yep. Threads like this are why I never truly leave PD, and never will.

Quote"Could use a little help here", he might grumble.

Is exactly me, too.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
October 29, 2013, 01:48:05 PM
Quote from: Payne on October 29, 2013, 05:09:26 AM
Yep. Threads like this are why I never truly leave PD, and never will.

Quote"Could use a little help here", he might grumble.

Is exactly me, too.

Aw.

Anyway, whose name gets dragged through the mud next?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#9
October 29, 2013, 01:48:29 PM
Bring it, sissy.

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
October 29, 2013, 01:49:00 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
October 29, 2013, 01:49:10 PM
After the morning meeting.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#12
October 29, 2013, 01:52:41 PM
AIN'T SKEERED.













although, I should probably kick myself into gear and return the favor.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#13
October 29, 2013, 05:09:48 PM
Quote from: Pixie on October 29, 2013, 12:04:57 AM
whenever roger writes stories about Southampton and it's ancient underbelly I always think of this part of the city where the old medieval  walls are http://www.heritagegateway.org.uk/Gateway/Results_Single.aspx?uid=MSH2248&resourceID=1016

God's House Gate and God's House Tower are probably doing business in Tucson now.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
October 29, 2013, 05:15:22 PM
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on October 29, 2013, 05:09:48 PM
Quote from: Pixie on October 29, 2013, 12:04:57 AM
whenever roger writes stories about Southampton and it's ancient underbelly I always think of this part of the city where the old medieval  walls are http://www.heritagegateway.org.uk/Gateway/Results_Single.aspx?uid=MSH2248&resourceID=1016

God's House Gate and God's House Tower are probably doing business in Tucson now.

We all live underground and nobody lives anywhere else.  Ever since 1963.  They just lie to you, is all.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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