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The Average Day for an Atheist (taken from Christians Against the Pot)

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, December 10, 2013, 01:42:53 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

December 10, 2013, 01:42:53 AM
Average day of an atheist:
-9:22 a.m. Wake up feeling terrible, hungover from the previous night.
-9:45 a.m. Stumble over empty vodka bottles on the way to the bathroom.
-10:00 a.m. Stare into the mirror thinking about your sad, pointless life and your inevitable date with Satan.
-10:05 a.m. Shave.
-10:16 a.m. Wonder where your life went wrong-- "Oh yeah, that's right--- avoiding church and rebuking Almighty God is how I became a hopeless wretch," you say to yourself.
-11:05 a.m. Porn on computer.
-1:36 p.m. Mailman arrives with Government handout check.
-3:31 p.m. Call your drug dealer for more of the pot drugs to dull your pain.
-4:02 p.m. The Pot Drug dealer arrives with illegal drug delivery and a complementary Obama campaign lapel pin.
-4:22 p.m. Regular porn won't do it for you any more, so it's on to Homogay porn.
-5:06 p.m. Call a guy offering sodomy for sale on Craigslist.
-6:00 p.m. More The pot drugs.
-7:00 p.m. More porn.
-8:33 p.m. Pledge allegiance to Obama and satan
-9:10 p.m. Call another guy on Craigslist.
-9:52 p.m. Drive to liquor store, guzzling liquor all the way home.
-10:22 p.m. More The Pot drugs.
-11:42 p.m. Pass out, drugged up and drunk on the floor of the bathroom. And Repeat till you accept Jesus... Amen.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Ben Shapiro

#1
December 10, 2013, 01:48:14 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 10, 2013, 01:42:53 AM
Average day of an atheist:
-9:22 a.m. Wake up feeling terrible, hungover from the previous night.
-9:45 a.m. Stumble over empty vodka bottles on the way to the bathroom.
-10:00 a.m. Stare into the mirror thinking about your sad, pointless life and your inevitable date with Satan.
-10:05 a.m. Shave.
-10:16 a.m. Wonder where your life went wrong-- "Oh yeah, that's right--- avoiding church and rebuking Almighty God is how I became a hopeless wretch," you say to yourself.
-11:05 a.m. Porn on computer.
-1:36 p.m. Mailman arrives with Government handout check.
-3:31 p.m. Call your drug dealer for more of the pot drugs to dull your pain.
-4:02 p.m. The Pot Drug dealer arrives with illegal drug delivery and a complementary Obama campaign lapel pin.
-4:22 p.m. Regular porn won't do it for you any more, so it's on to Homogay porn.
-5:06 p.m. Call a guy offering sodomy for sale on Craigslist.
-6:00 p.m. More The pot drugs.
-7:00 p.m. More porn.
-8:33 p.m. Pledge allegiance to Obama and satan
-9:10 p.m. Call another guy on Craigslist.
-9:52 p.m. Drive to liquor store, guzzling liquor all the way home.
-10:22 p.m. More The Pot drugs.
-11:42 p.m. Pass out, drugged up and drunk on the floor of the bathroom. And Repeat till you accept Jesus... Amen.

Hahaha!

Nephew Twiddleton

#2
December 10, 2013, 01:56:03 AM
Uncle Roger,
if I smoke the pot will that make me an atheist too? Or is it just that atheists happen to be a particular variety of pot addicts?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
December 10, 2013, 01:58:04 AM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on December 10, 2013, 01:56:03 AM
Uncle Roger,
if I smoke the pot will that make me an atheist too? Or is it just that atheists happen to be a particular variety of pot addicts?

Smoking The Pot might.  Injecting The Pot WILL.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

#4
December 10, 2013, 01:58:44 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 10, 2013, 01:58:04 AM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on December 10, 2013, 01:56:03 AM
Uncle Roger,
if I smoke the pot will that make me an atheist too? Or is it just that atheists happen to be a particular variety of pot addicts?

Smoking The Pot might.  Injecting The Pot WILL.

Oh dear, I don't want to inject the pot then.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Ben Shapiro

#5
December 10, 2013, 02:04:44 AM
I drank 7 pots yesterday am I doomed to hell?

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
December 10, 2013, 02:05:03 AM
Quote from: Officer What's His /b/ear on December 10, 2013, 02:04:44 AM
I drank 7 pots yesterday am I doomed to hell?

You'd be dead.  Looser.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Ben Shapiro

#7
December 10, 2013, 02:06:27 AM
I just need a little more that's all.

Junkenstein

#8
December 10, 2013, 08:24:02 AM
I caught little Billy snorting the pot. How severely should I beat him?
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#9
December 10, 2013, 08:26:41 AM
Quote from: Junkenstein on December 10, 2013, 08:24:02 AM
I caught little Billy snorting the pot. How severely should I beat him?

All the way.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Junkenstein

#10
December 10, 2013, 08:30:09 AM
Yes, but raw or bloody? I need to be sure.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Reginald Ret

#11
December 10, 2013, 09:06:23 AM
Quote from: Junkenstein on December 10, 2013, 08:30:09 AM
Yes, but raw or bloody? I need to be sure.
No, that is not far enough. Sharpen that beltbuckle!
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

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P3nT4gR4m

#12
December 10, 2013, 11:38:18 AM
I accidentally the pot.

And it was God's fucking fault  :argh!:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
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Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
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walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
December 10, 2013, 02:24:37 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on December 10, 2013, 08:24:02 AM
I caught little Billy snorting the pot. How severely should I beat him?

To death.  As a lesson to the others.

And while he might be dead, at least he will no longer be enslaved to the demon The Pot Drug.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
December 10, 2013, 02:24:52 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on December 10, 2013, 11:38:18 AM
I accidentally the pot.

And it was God's fucking fault  :argh!:

You're fucked forever.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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